How Strength Training Builds Confidence After a Breakup

Nikkiey: Feeling good about myself, feeling confident about myself, and holy shit, you guys, I cannot express how that saved my life.

What's going on, you guys? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show, or if you are a new listener, welcome to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you burn body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident. I am your host, Nikkiey Stott. Guys, welcome to episode number 48.

I was like, man, what am I going to talk about? I had no idea what I was going to talk about in this podcast. And then all of a sudden, no joke, I got up, I walked away from the computer, and I came back. I'm a little nervous, but I feel like I have a really good podcast to bring to you guys right now. It's how fitness saved my life. I don't know who needs to hear this, but maybe one of you guys needs to hear this, and maybe you resonate with this too. I don't think I've ever shared this story before. Maybe I did a little bit in episode number one, when I shared how I got into fitness. But I want to share how it saved my life back in 2015, and the real reason why I got into it.

I was reading this quote from a team member of mine. Hold on a second, I have to find it. It said, when I die, I don't want people talking about what I critiqued. I want them talking about what I created. And then there's another one: a world of opportunities, resources, and adventure right there in front of me, yet I choose to fight over the easy bite, even if it's trash. So with those two quotes, I want to talk about what I did in my life that saved me and why life matters. And at the same time, I want you to dare yourself, like I dared me, to get outside of your comfort zone. Don't be scared to change.

So basically, back in 2015, I was in a three-year relationship. I was engaged. I don't know how many people know that. I know I've shared that periodically throughout Instagram and my story. I was in a relationship for three years, engaged for a little over a year. And there were mishaps and things that broke up that relationship, but it broke up for a good reason.

So, start of 2015, like I shared in episode number one, I was a New Year's resolutioner, because we had literally just ended the engagement right around Christmas time, right around New Year's, 2014. Again, I don't know who needs to hear this, but looking back now, I am who I am. I am who I am so deep to my core, and I couldn't be more proud of that. And it's because of fitness.

But inside that relationship, I had no idea who I was. I was so quiet. I was so submissive. I was still trying to figure myself out at the time, but I was nowhere near as bold, confident, and strong as I am now. I was kind of on the back burner. There were little glimpses of Nikkiey in that relationship where I can see I was trying to break through. But I remember when I tried to incorporate the gym and strength training and eating better into my life, that person at the time, and God bless him now, I don't know what he's doing now. I hope to God things have changed and he's learned, and he's a different person for whoever he may be with today. But in that relationship, it was very much, you cannot go to the gym, or I need to be at the gym with you, or who did you talk to at the gym. Very controlling. Which is very opposite of who I am. I am very independent.

The way I can say it, you guys, is that obviously in those years I was very insecure and I was still trying to figure myself out. But I knew deep down in my core there was so much more of a vibrant human being in me. I felt shelled. I felt like I wasn't being who I authentically was. I was just appeasing and showing up and smiling and doing all the things that I thought were normal when you were in a relationship.

So when I started to want to work out and go to the gym, all those questions arose and it always was a problem. It always was something, which led to me not wanting to go work out, because I always felt like I would have to come back and literally map out step by step what happened in my hour-long workout session. If I talked to this person: oh, what did you talk about? Oh, was he hitting on you? That's what I dealt with at that time. And looking back, I was insecure. I was attracting insecurity. That person was insecure. It was just a very insecure relationship. And now I look at the type of person I truly am, and I've obviously grown through that, because I'm very independent. I do my own thing and I'm very secure within myself. I know who I am to my core.

I'm probably all over the place right now, because I'm trying to remember all of the things but also make sure I'm pinpointing how you could feel connected to this if you are. So when that relationship ended, guys, I can't express or explain how in the first four months of 2015 I felt more alive than I ever have before in my life.

Back when the breakup was happening, it sucked. It sucked because you're attached to that person for so long and you have an identity with that person for so long, and you don't really know what's to come afterwards. You have no idea, because that's the future and you don't know what the future holds. But I knew things were screaming at me. Red flags, we can call them now. That's a term of 2023 or 2022. The red flags were popping up left, right and center. And at that point, you just have to call it.

And that's what happened. As soon as it did, no matter how hard it was, I remember laying in my bed for fucking five days straight, you guys. No joke. Five days straight, laying in my bed. I didn't eat. I was so upset, so sad, because I was like, I'm never going to find anybody else. I'm never going to be with anybody else. Yada, yada, the whole dramatics of being 25 years old and your world crumbling down because you lost the love of your life. It's wild to look back at now.

But within that interim, the next four months, I finally stuck to the resolution I had for myself, which was getting in shape, feeling good about myself, feeling confident about myself. And holy shit, you guys, I cannot express how that saved my life. Like I said, in the first four months of 2015 I felt more alive than ever.

So basically what happened when I was laying in bed was my grandfather was like, Nikkiey, what are you doing? I lived at home with my grandmother because I was taking care of her, because she was sick. And my grandfather was still very vibrant, doing all of the things. He came up to the room and he was like, what are you doing? Almost like a pattern interrupt. You're so much better than this. You're going to find other people. You're so young. Blah, blah, blah. All the things a wise grandfather would tell you. And obviously one day it just set in. I call him Gramps. I was like, you know what? You're right. You're right.

And that's where I made the switch to going to the gym. I had no idea what I was doing. Like I shared a little bit in episode one, I had no fucking idea what I was doing for the first four months of the new year. I was just doing random shit, going into the gym, doing random exercises, trying to eat better. I got obsessed with exercising and wanted to start running, because I thought running was the way. So I signed up for two or three half marathons in the first half of that year. I did all of the things.

But that is literally what saved my life. Because I look at it now, and I definitely would have been divorced. Hands down. Because it would have gotten louder and louder and louder, and my true self would have broken through at some point. So I'm grateful that it did end. And I am so blessed that I went on to do things I knew, because I did sports my whole life. I played field hockey, basketball, and track in high school. That always made me feel really good, so getting back into that made me feel really good. It made me feel like who I truly am.

A big reason why I wanted to have a strong body was to have it match my inner personality, the true core of who Nikkiey Stott is, which is so bold and so confident to this day. So I'm sharing two things here: why fitness saved my life, but more importantly, how it helped me see my true, authentic, core self.

Hey, I just want to drop a huge appreciation to you guys listening to the show. It means a lot. I hope you guys are enjoying it, and there's so much more to come. If you are enjoying it, hit the subscribe button. I'd appreciate that tons, and it would help this podcast reach others who need to hear these messages too. Thanks so much, guys. Let's get back to the show.

And being able to get uncomfortable, and being okay with being scared to change and experiencing new things moving forward. And why life matters. Why knowing and learning who you truly are matters. And the only way you're going to be able to do that is by trying things you've never done before, and looking at things and saying, this looks super scary, I have no idea what to do, but I'm going to try to do it because of the outcome I know it can give me.

I knew at the beginning of 2015 that what I wanted to embark on was a pretty hefty thing: changing your body composition. I say it all the time. That is such a big phrase to unpack, because the truth is that it takes time. It takes patience. It takes discipline. It takes willpower. It takes sacrifice. It takes all of the mental fortitude to push through to change the way your body looks.

So embarking on something like that, knowing what the outcome could be, was scary at first. But I was okay, because I feel like I was at rock bottom with not knowing who I was, and having this identity break of being in this relationship and almost being married and going down that avenue of life, to stopping all of that. And thank God. I really do thank God for having that break in my life, because it allowed me to be okay with change, and to be scared of change, and to know how powerful change can really be for you.

So I started doing all of the things I shared in episode one of my story: getting into bodybuilding, winning and taking first place, being undefeated, beating all the pros, and then becoming world champ in 2018 by winning the best women's physique title, and all of those things. And it was along that journey, you guys, that I embraced discomfort. I embraced change. I embraced loving that this is me, this is who I am, I am bold, I am confident, and I am going to do things that are hard.

Do the suck. Do the hard. Embrace the hard. Embrace the suck. Because it was in those moments that I went from being almost muted, just living life on somebody else's terms, to living life on my terms and being loud and embracing that, and knowing who Nikkiey Stott truly was and is.

I had this identity in high school. I was friends with everybody. I spoke to everyone. I played sports. I had a lot of friends. And then, being in this relationship for four or five years together, or whatever it was, I lost myself. I truly lost who I was. I didn't know who that high school person was. Like I said, I muted myself. And then, God bless, this break happened and I had the opportunity to truly figure out who I was.

From 25, from 2015 on, I can authentically say I am my true self. I will always show up authentically as who I am. I will never try to be anything that I am not. I will never present myself online as anything that I am not, because I have been in that situation of being who I was not, and I will never be that person again. And I don't care how it may be perceived, me saying the F word sometimes, or me just being confident, you know what I mean.

I am proud of what I have done in the last eight years. And that is because fitness saved my life. Fitness helped me identify with who I truly am and have the characteristics I have today that I almost lost.

So if there's anything I can say to you guys, I want you to dare yourself to get outside of your comfort zone. You may not be resonating with this. Some of you are not in relationships, or happily in relationships, or whatever. But maybe there's something in your life that you feel is holding you back from doing the things you want to do. So I encourage you to get outside of your comfort zone and challenge yourself to be okay with being scared to change.

And if you feel like there's a part of you that is bold and confident, I can tell you that by getting underneath a barbell, or pushing some weight in the gym, or challenging yourself to do whatever it is you want to do, whether that's running or calisthenics or CrossFit or any of those things, if you just do that, you will learn more about your true self. Because it's you versus you in those moments. It's you versus you under the barbell. It's you in your own mind going, you can do this, or you cannot do this. And when you believe that you cannot, but you still push through, guys, I promise you, you unlock a whole new level of understanding who you are in that moment. You realize you could have easily given up, but instead you pushed through, and you're like, damn, I am stronger than I think.

I attribute all of that to fitness helping me get through this area of my life back in 2015, because I pushed myself through very uncomfortable moments when I was competing and getting ready for stage and learning. Even just walking into the gym for the first time, guys, you experience a shit ton of emotions. You experience, oh, I'm too scared to walk into the weight room. That was me.

I still walked up to the cardio machines and did cardio for a decent amount of time, until there was a moment where I was like, no, you are not this person who is scared to do shit. You are this person who is strong and bold and will walk into the weight room, not give a fuck what anybody around you thinks, and do what you need to do that is in alignment with the things you want to accomplish. It's weights. Weights were the thing I knew were going to change my body composition, and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I couldn't do tons of cardio. I had to get uncomfortable by going into the weight room and pushing some weight.

So out of all of that, you have to challenge yourself to get uncomfortable. You have to challenge yourself to be in uncomfortable moments, because that's how you will gain more confidence within yourself: through action. Confidence is a skill set. It's not something you're born with. You develop it over time. And if you are somebody who wants to develop more confidence within yourself, the only way you're going to be able to do that is by doing the things I'm sharing with you from after my 2015 breakup. That's how I unleashed my power within. I revealed my true self. I did it by doing things that were uncomfortable, and that gave me more confidence. It's by going through the actions you have to take that you get more confidence within yourself.

So that was a fucking long-ass rant. I don't even know if it all made sense. But I walked away from my computer and I was like, damn, I don't know what the freak to talk about right now. And as soon as I got up, this came to my mind. There's something in getting up and just walking away that truly means something. The thing that came to my mind was that fitness saved my life. And then, okay, how did fitness save my life? It just goes back to 2015, and thinking about that time in my life that sucked, when I had to create a new identity for myself. I'm so blessed that I was put up to that challenge, because it is who I am today. And that's how I got to where I am today: doing the uncomfortable things and taking action.

Not even thinking. You can't think about things for too long, you guys, because fear ruminates. The more you think about the things you have to do, and the more you think about how scary it is, you're wasting your time and your energy on those thoughts rather than just taking action on the things you know you need to do. When you just move forward, there's no room for thought. There's no room for fear. You're already in the action, and the action is in motion. That's how you're going to gain confidence. That's how you're going to become that bold, strong, confident self: by just doing the thing.

So I hope this podcast helped you. I hope it helped you understand a little bit more about being okay with change. Life matters. Your life matters. You are strong. You are bold. It's inside of you somewhere. You just have to release it. And the number one way I can say you're going to release it is by being okay with being uncomfortable and taking action, no matter what it is, toward what you want to accomplish.

All right, you guys, I appreciate you listening. I hope it really did help you in some way or another, and I will see you on the next podcast. Peace out.

Real quick, the only ask I could ever have of you guys is to help spread the word so we can help more women lose body fat, build muscle, reach their goals, and feel insanely confident. The only way we can do that is if you rate, review, and share this podcast. So the single thing I ask you to do is leave a review. It will take you 10 seconds, and it will mean the absolute world to me and may change the world of someone else.