How to Build a Fit Identity and Stop Self-Sabotaging

Nikkiey: We always act in alignment with the type of person that we believe we are. If you're trying to build new habits, if you're trying to get into better behaviors with lifting, with tracking macros, with drinking more water, getting your sleep, but your identity is still tied to that old version of you, guess what? You're going to self-sabotage every single time.

What's going on, you guys? Hey, everyone. Welcome to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong and feel insanely confident. I am your host, Nikkiey Stott, and welcome to today's episode, episode number 246.

Today, you guys, I want to dig into something that is way deeper than macros, workouts or even motivation. I really enjoy talking about this topic. I've talked about it a couple of times here and there throughout episodes of the podcast. But today, I want to talk about your identity.

Before you shift to the next episode or find another podcast to listen to, hear me out. I think this is really important to dive into, to talk about and to bring some awareness to, because if you can get this down, if you can specifically learn how to build a fit identity, a healthy identity, it's truly the mindset shift that separates the women who try to get in shape from those who actually become strong, become confident, become consistent and become unstoppable.

If you can really bring the awareness to this topic here with me today, I promise, if you hear me and you follow through on some of the things I'm going to share with you, you should have some light bulbs going off and a powerful new perspective that you'll leave this podcast with. You'll be able to look at things a little bit differently as you go into your next workout, or your next healthier meal, or the choices that you make in the next couple of days, weeks, months.

This is really here to help you step into the person that you want to become. That's how I've talked about it in previous episodes. But what is truly beneath that is being able to shift your identity.

There's something that I really need you guys to hear and understand. You don't need more motivation. You don't need to be waiting for the motivation to kick in so that you can feel motivated to wake up in the morning, or motivated to eat a healthier meal, or motivated to get your next workout in. You don't need more of that. It's not what the internet perceives it to be, that you just need more motivation or you need X, Y and Z. What you need is a new identity.

I know that can be hard to hear or to even grasp. But once you build that, fat loss becomes so much easier. Showing up to your workouts becomes so much more natural. Hitting your nutrition goals or your macros becomes second nature.

I can say this is 100% true and honest about shifting your identity, because that's who I am today after 10 years of being in this space and being on a fitness journey. I started in 2015. It's 2025 now. It wasn't until I accepted that this is just who I'm going to become, and actually stepped into that becoming, that all of it became so much easier. It's just who I am. People know that I'm going to go to the gym today because it's just part of my natural day-to-day routine.

People know that I choose healthy meals over going and getting pizza or burgers. It's like, "What do you want to eat, Nikkiey?" "Oh, let's just opt for something healthy right now." It's just a part of who I am. It's natural. It's easy. It's second nature.

I want this more than anything for you because I see it with our WarriorBabes. If you want to go check out some of their success stories on our website, I've been doing 25 or 30 of them now over the last couple of months, interviewing WarriorBabes on a weekly basis. And I'm hearing that it's so much more than just macros and workouts. It's truly what's beneath the iceberg. It's who they are now. They can accept that this is what they're going to be doing month in and month out and year over year. And now it's bleeding into other people.

Once you can really grasp that it is a part of you becoming, of shifting the identity from where you are right now, something has to change right now. And yes, it is your behaviors and your habits, but it's not just those things. To become that woman, you need to embody the habits and the behaviors of the person that you are working to become, of the identity that you are looking to shift into. That's what I want to talk about today.

This is going to be a really powerful episode, you guys. So please stay with me. Don't skip out. Don't go to the next one. Don't find another episode to listen to. Because if you can really, truly grasp this, it could be game changing.

All right. So let's start here. Your identity, what you believe to be true about yourself, is literally the root of all of your habits. To break that down: if deep down you identify as someone who struggles with consistency, or who always falls off after a few weeks, or who tracks their macros or eats healthy Monday through Friday but then falls off on the weekends, or who just has excuse after excuse. If you identify as someone who is those things, guess what your actions are going to reflect?

The truth is, we always act in alignment with the type of person that we believe we are. So if you're trying to get into better behaviors with lifting, tracking macros, drinking more water or getting your sleep, but your identity is still tied to that old version of you, guess what? You're going to self-sabotage every single time.

You'll go a few weeks. You'll go strong. First week out of the gate: "I'm so excited. I'm going to do this. I'm going to show up for my macros and for my workouts and show up for my coach. I'm going to check in." You're going to do it the following week. You're going to follow through the week after that.

Why do you think so many people have New Year's resolutions, and then come April of the new year, the stats of people that show up to the gym go back to normal? You go a few weeks, and then you fall off. It is because your identity is still tied to that old version of you, the one that identifies as someone who struggles with consistency, who always falls off after a couple of weeks, who only tracks their macros or their nutrition Monday through Friday, or who has every excuse in the book.

The excuses will go away while you're trying to build something new for a few weeks, until your old identity kicks back in. Just let that sink in. It's not because you don't know what to do. It's because your actions don't match the new identity that you're trying to build yet.

Even those of you that buy into a program, those of you that bought into WarriorBabe, you go ham, you're excited, you're motivated out of the gate, and then you fall off. Clearly it's not because you don't know what to do. You have the plan in front of you. It's because your actions are still aligned to your old identity, and that's what's going to be reflected in your day to day. It doesn't match the new identity that you're trying so hard to build and to become. And that's the work. That's the work, my friends, right there. You're not just here to change your body. You're here to evolve the way that you see yourself.

If I was to break this down into a practical explanation: when I first started my journey, I was skinny fat and I was trying every diet under the sun. I was frustrated and confused, and I was going to the gym thinking that I knew what I was doing, but I wasn't necessarily following through because I wasn't seeing the results that I wanted to see. And I wanted to see the results fast, as many of you do too. But that was knowledge and understanding that I lacked, and my identity was just what I was used to.

I didn't know the things that I needed to put into my tool belt to be able to change. And I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of not getting the results that I wanted, even though I was trying all the things that I thought I was doing right. I wasn't doing it right, because I wasn't eating enough, because I didn't have the knowledge of nutrition or the knowledge of working out. I needed to create an identity that knew those things, that had the knowledge and the information. In taking on bodybuilding and hiring a coach who had all the knowledge, I could just absorb all of that.

That's where I started to feel like I was unlocking the doors to having the results that I wanted. And as I was getting more of the results, I was able to evolve the way that I was seeing myself, and I was able to step more into the becoming of who I wanted to become.

So let's talk about how to actually start building this fit identity. I painted that picture there for you, but how do you actually start building it? Because becoming that girl, that woman, the strong one, the consistent one, the confident one, is not a magic switch. As I was just saying, I wanted it fast. I wanted it yesterday, as so many of you do. It's not a magic switch. It doesn't happen overnight.

And I feel like I'm reliving this in a new and different way along my journey that isn't fitness, and hearing these words is even helping me in my own way right now in a different chapter, which is crazy. But I just had to share that with you guys.

This is dropping on Monday, so if you go to my Instagram, side note, I'm actually embarking on a trip tomorrow. I haven't shared this anywhere other than this podcast episode. This doesn't really relate to this, so just stay with me here for a minute. I'm going into a darkness retreat where I literally go into the dark for four nights, three days, or whatever it is. There's no cell phone, no nothing. I'm in a 300-square-foot room and I just get to be with myself.

And I get to learn how to make the daily decisions to shift the identity of the person I'm becoming. That's my next chapter. I get to hang out with that person, envision these things, be alone with myself and learn about myself. It's going to be a pretty cool experience. I'm hella nervous, but I'm also very excited. I have to travel all the way to Oregon to do this. I'm going to be gone for the whole week, because you go into the darkness for that amount of time I said, then you have an integration day coming out of it, and then you fly home the next day. You can look it up. It's called Sky Cave Retreats. It's pretty cool.

But anyway, back to this discussion. I just had to have a moment there. Thanks for sticking with me. Essentially, I'm seeing this for my next chapter. But for those of you who are in this just trying to be healthy and trying to be fit, this doesn't happen overnight. It's you making a decision that you're going to step into being that strong woman, that consistent woman, that confident woman.

There are actually three steps that I've learned through my own fitness journey for how you can do this in fitness and health for yourself.

Number one, you need to start acting as if. I've said this before on the podcast: act as if you already are who you're becoming. Ask yourself, what would the strongest, most confident version of you do today? Think about her six months from now or a year from now. She's following the plan consistently. She's showing up for herself consistently. What would she do today, right now? Because your old identity is going to throw any type of excuses, limiting beliefs or narratives at you that are going to hold you back from making the type of decision that she would make today.

So ask yourself, start acting as if: what would the strongest, most confident version of me do today? Would she skip her workout because she's tired? Would she mindlessly snack throughout the day or snack after dinner? Would she let the scale decide her mood? Speaking of that topic from the last podcast that I just recorded, I hope you all listened to it. If you didn't, go back to it after this one.

Or would she show up? Would she get her workout in? Would she eat with intention? Would she track her macros? Would she learn how to track her macros? Because some of you have no idea what those are or how to track them. Would she seek the understanding of them, the knowledge of them? Would she move her body? Would she trust the process?

Start making choices in alignment with the woman that you're becoming. Think about her already accomplishing some things and what she's done to make those accomplishments happen. That's who you need to start acting as. You need to make choices in alignment with her, not the one that you're trying to outgrow. Let that one sink in for a second.

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All right, let's get back to the show. I'm going to say it to you again. Start making choices that are in alignment with the woman that you're becoming, not the one that you're trying to outgrow. Because the one that you're trying to outgrow is going to continue to try to hold you back, because she's operating from an old identity. You need to think from the new identity and how that woman is showing up. So start acting as if you are her.

Hey, while you're listening, if you're getting value from this episode, take a moment to tap that review button or share this podcast with a friend. It's a small gesture that goes a long way in helping more women find their way to feeling stronger and more confident in their skin. I appreciate you so much for taking the time to support this show.

The next thing, and this one's a big one, and I feel this to my core right now, is you need to start talking to yourself differently. Your language matters more than you know, and that is easier said than done.

Some of you are saying, "I'm trying to eat better." Instead, say, "I'm someone who prioritizes nutrition." Or, "I need to go to the gym today." Instead, say, "I don't skip workouts. That's just who I am." You see how differently that hits? Your language matters.

"I'm trying to eat better." No, no, no. "I'm someone who is prioritizing eating better, because it matters to me. It matters to me because it helps me sleep better. It gives me more energy. It stabilizes my mood." Not "I'm trying to eat better." There's a lack behind those words.

The same with "I need to go to the gym. I need to go to the gym." That's lack. It's, "No, I get to go to the gym. I don't skip workouts. It's just a part of my identity. It's part of who I am."

Or, "I hope to stay on track this time." You see where there's lack behind those words? Instead, say, "I'm a disciplined individual. I show up no matter what."

Do you see that your words aren't just descriptions? They're instructions to your brain. Let that sink in. The first things I was saying had lack tied to them. In the ones where I was rewriting the narrative, you're someone who prioritizes it. You don't skip workouts. That's who you are. You're disciplined. You show up no matter what. Those are instructions to your brain to start rewiring neural pathways so you think like the person you're becoming. That's huge. So watch the way you talk to yourself.

The third one that I realized is you need to stack small wins daily. Your identity is built through evidence. Every time you track your food, every time you finish your workout, every time you hit your protein, every time you go to bed a little bit earlier, every time you finish a certain amount of water throughout the day, you're casting a vote for your new identity.

It's in that book, Atomic Habits. Every vote, every thing you do that's different from what you're doing right now, is a vote for your future self. I'm totally butchering that, but you get my point. You're casting a vote for your new identity every single time that you do something different from what you're doing right now. That's going to help you build a new identity because you're proving that you can do those things, and that's evidence to trust yourself a little bit more.

So don't underestimate the power of showing up for yourself in small ways every single day. You're literally proving to yourself that this is who you are. And the more consistent you are, the stronger that belief becomes.

So, those three things. One, act as if you already are the person that you want to become. That person has already accomplished things. So how can you close the gap between where she is and where you are right now? That's thinking about the choices you make that are in alignment with her.

Two, speak to yourself in a way that instructs your brain to operate the way she's already operating. Give your brain instructions: "This is who I am. I show up for myself. I don't skip my workouts. I prioritize nutrition. Alcohol is not really a thing for me anymore. I choose to go to bed earlier." Start thinking about it in a different way. Watch how you talk to yourself. Watch how you talk to yourself.

Three, stack these small wins. The power of showing up every single day is that you're showing yourself that you can. You're proving to yourself, through evidence, that you're becoming this person. And the more you do it and the more consistent you are, the stronger those beliefs get embedded into you.

Because let's be real, many of you are stuck in a cycle of starting strong and then falling off. Let that sink in. Many of you are stuck in the cycle of starting strong, being all in, being super excited, super motivated. "I can't wait to learn macros. I can't wait to get my workouts in. I'm going to go five days a week. I'm going to stay strong through the weekend." The first two weeks. And then you fall off.

Here's why. You're trying to build new results while living from an old story. That story probably sounds like: "I always give up after a month. I'm just not the kind of person who can be fit. I have to be perfect or it's not worth it. I'm just not motivated to get to the gym. I don't think that I can. Maybe fit isn't in the cards for me."

You're operating from an old identity, from an old story. The moment that you fall off, your old identity is literally engulfing you again. Those stories aren't facts. They are outdated identities. And as long as you keep holding on to them, you will stay stuck.

So here's a shift that I want you to make today as you leave this episode and think about this from a different perspective. Start rewriting your story right now. What if you became the woman who finishes what she starts, who trains like an athlete, who respects herself? She doesn't need to be perfect to be a powerful, unstoppable woman. Because when you change your identity, your actions are going to follow.

So, tactical takeaways. You know I love to help you take something away from each episode and put it into practice. Here are some daily practices I would recommend to reinforce this fit and healthy identity.

Number one, start waking up in the morning and having a morning identity statement. Before y'all say this is woo-woo shit, look, I hear you. I thought the same thing until I applied it. That thought was an old, outdated identity or story or belief that doesn't serve the person that I want to become. Once I started doing this over and over and over again, I was actually seeing things through a different lens, because my brain was being rewired and the neural pathways were firing from different outlooks on life.

So wake up in the morning and write, or just say out loud, something along the lines of: "I am a strong, disciplined woman. I honor and love my body. I fuel it with intention, giving it the right macronutrients, the right nutrients that it needs. And I show up even when I don't feel like it. This is who I am."

The most important thing you can do is say it with your chest every single morning until it just becomes you. You'll wake up and you're going to start moving differently. You're going to start acting differently. You're going to start saying things differently. So start with that statement.

The next one, and I've talked about this before, is an absolute game changer: you need to visualize her. You need to see her. Spend three to five minutes visualizing that future version of yourself. How does she move? How does she eat? How does she work out? How does she speak to herself? Feel what it's like to be her right now. And then take one action today that aligns with her, whether that's getting your workout in and completing it, or one of those other small wins. It's that evidence. And the more you do it consistently, the more you're proving to yourself that you can become who you see her as.

And then on a daily basis, like I said a couple of minutes ago, you have to celebrate the small wins. End your day writing down one thing that you did that reflected your new identity. I was recently doing this, and I need to get back to it. I was meditating at the end of the day in a group, and I'm now realizing I need to get back to it. I was reflecting on how I showed up that day and whether I was showing up as the woman that I wanted to become.

So write down one or two things that you did that day that reflected this new identity. This is how you build belief: one vote at a time. One vote at a time. It could be as simple as, "I spoke to myself differently," or "I woke up and said my statement today," or "I spent five minutes visualizing the future self that I want to become. I saw how fit she was. I saw how she was speaking to herself. I saw how she gathered herself in the morning to set herself up for success." All of these things. Write them down. One thing, two things.

Those three practices, trust me now, believe me later, will reinforce your identity. 100%. I say that with the utmost confidence because I've done them and I've seen other women do them, and I've seen them come out the other end six months, eight months, a year later. The more you do these, the faster things will happen.

I told you we were going somewhere deeper than macros or nutrition or workouts. This stuff matters. You can't ignore this stuff. And the faster you do this, the faster you're going to see results.

Here are some things I want you to remember from this episode. If you need to go back and re-listen, I highly recommend it, because maybe some things didn't resonate today but will resonate next week or a month from now.

Your identity is not fixed. It is a choice to change. It's your choice, and you have the choice in your hands to change. It's built in the moments when no one is watching. It's literally built when no one's watching. It's built in the small wins. It's built in the tough decisions. It's built in the mindset shifts. And the more you act in alignment with the woman you want to become, the faster she becomes you. I say that with the utmost confidence.

So stop trying. Stop waiting to feel ready. Just start thinking about the person that you want to become, because she is different from where you are right now.

One of the most important things, even for me speaking this out loud and sharing this episode with you, is recognizing that you're going to be really excited to make some change. But three weeks later, if you feel like you're falling off, have the self-awareness to remember this episode and think, "Damn, Nikkiey said it's my old identity trying to engulf me again." And it will. It will try to come back with a vengeance, because it wants you to stay the same. It wants you to stay small. It doesn't want you to evolve.

Guys, if this episode hit home for you, and even me speaking my own words out to you, it hit home for me, please share it with a friend who needs to hear it.

And if you're ready to go all in, this is what we do at WarriorBabe. We take things to the next level, outside of just macros and workouts. The true value comes in the accountability. And when you break down accountability, it's: where are you at in your journey, and what mindset shifts and narratives do we need to recreate and make new? So if you're ready to go all in on building that next level of yourself inside and out, check out WarriorBabe. Go to warriorbabe.com. We're going to give you all the tools. We're going to give you all the support. We're going to give you the structure. But most importantly, we're going to help you embody the identity that creates real, lasting change.

All right, my friends. I love you all, and I will see you in the next episode. Peace out.

Real quick: if this episode resonated with you or gave you the push that you needed, I'd love for you to pay it forward. Drop a quick rating and review, share the podcast with someone who might need it, and help me keep spreading the word. Your feedback not only helps the show grow, but it might just be the nudge someone else needs to kickstart their transformation. Thank you so, so much for your support.