How to Build Confidence as a Woman Over 40

Nikkiey: Real quick, the only ask I could ever have of you guys is to help spread the word so we can help more women lose body fat, build muscle, reach their goals, and feel insanely confident. And the only way we can do that is if you rate, review, and share this podcast. So the single thing I ask you to do is leave a review. It will take you 10 seconds, and it will mean the absolute world to me and may change the world of someone else.

So embrace that mindset of constant improvement and seek out opportunities that challenge you. You guys, by doing hard things, you unlock your full potential and discover your inner strength and realign and regain your personal power.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up, you guys? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show. Or if you are new, welcome to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident. I am your host, Nikkiey Stott. And guys, welcome to episode number 58, where today I'm going to talk to you about all of the things about how to be confident as fuck.

So that latter half of my opening statement, where on this podcast we talk about how to feel insanely confident, that is what I'm going to bring to the table today. It's Monday, right? So what better way to kick off this week than talking about how to be confident and the strategies I've learned throughout the years that you can take today and start implementing. Then by the end of the week, you can look back and be like, damn, I started working on this a little bit more, or I became more aware of this, or I showed up a little bit better this week. And by the end of the week, you can be like, I'm feeling good.

If there's anything I hope you do, it's take these strategies and tactics and continue to implement them. Because having confidence within yourself, you guys, is such a powerful characteristic. It's such a powerful skill set. And it just emphasizes you more as a human being. When you walk into the room and you have confidence swag, people see that. When you're in conversations and you're uniquely sharing your opinions, or you have a bold stance in a conversation, or you make people feel confident, that is your confidence pouring into other people, and they see that.

And if there's anything I want you to learn, it's that you're not born with confidence. You have to build the confidence within yourself. It is a skill set. Just like I say macros is a skill set that will serve you for the rest of your life, if you can work on bettering your self-confidence, that is a skill set that will serve you for the rest of your life, in every type of situation you're in, whether it be your friends, your husband, your partner, your coworkers, your work environment, your kids, your family, everything. It's such a cool thing to have. It's sometimes hard to explain the feeling that confidence gives, but I hope I just portrayed it that way.

Today I want to give you some tactics so you can learn how to build more confidence within yourself. Because through all of the years of my existence, and putting myself out on social media back in 2017, really 2018 is when I started putting myself out there a little bit more, and holy shit, that was scary as fuck.

But now, for example, I was just at Restore Hyper Wellness. This is a little off-topic story. It's all on topic, but a little bit veering off before I get into the tactics. But really quick, just to help paint the picture for the rest of the conversation: I'm in Restore Hyper Wellness. We're doing a Q&A for this recent thing I was doing, which I'm going to share more about in later podcasts. I'm filming in front of people on my story. And the woman I was filming with is like, man, how do you do that? I was like, yo, this is years of fucking up, showing up, fucking up, showing up, and being okay with myself when I mess up and not beating myself up. And she was like, you just wing through that. I'm like, trust me, there are times I get on my story and I have to delete it because I don't like it, or I'm showing up differently and it's not my authentic self.

So through the years of me showing up on social media and being in front of a camera, it has gradually gotten better since 2017. I remember my first video. Maybe that'd be so cool to share with you guys sometime in the future. But my first video, I was so nervous. I was drinking coffee, repeating myself. You could feel the shakes in my voice. It's actually pretty funny, but it's so cool to look back on. Because I have naturally gotten better because I worked on this skill set for myself.

And these things I'm going to share with you today are some of the major things I've taken away when I look back and ask, how did I gain confidence in myself? It's literally these seven things that I've been able to pull out, work on, and nail down in the last five, six years of really showing up more. This is how I've personally built up the self-confidence in myself. So I hope you can take away some of these tactics and either become more aware of them if you're already doing them, or work on them a little bit harder so you can really build that confidence muscle stronger.

Okay? So let's dive right into it. Number one is avoid people who make you feel like crap about yourself. I'm going to say probably all of them are very important, but avoiding people who make you feel like crap about yourself is a huge one. It's funny, I'm pausing because there's this awesome statement I heard watching the new season of Selling Sunset, you guys. G, Chrishell's girlfriend, was like, yo, just stay in your peace bubble and don't let anybody pop it. And I was like, oh my God, I fucking love that statement.

You have to surround yourself with positive, uplifting individuals. That is so crucial for your well-being. I want you to not hesitate to distance yourself from people who constantly bring you down or belittle you. You deserve to be around individuals who appreciate and value you as you and as the human that you are, even with all of the flaws you have and the things you're working on. You deserve to be appreciated. You deserve to be valued for who you are. So you need to surround yourself with those who inspire you, who support your growth, and uplift everything that you are about.

Your self-esteem, you guys, and your mental health are so fucking precious. If you have somebody tearing you down or making you feel like crap, that's only going to continue to add more toxicity to your life. It's not going to help you in a positive manner to support your growth or to inspire you. So if you have toxic people who hinder your personal development and your own personal happiness, you need to remove them from your life. You need to create distance from them, because you need to prioritize your well-being by removing any and all negative influences that do not support you.

I know I've shared this in previous podcasts: when I was first starting my journey, I had friends and family members who didn't get what I was doing, who didn't like what I was doing, who didn't accept what I was doing. Family members are a little bit hard to completely remove yourself from because they're your family. For those ones, what I recommend is creating distance and also communicating with them. That can sometimes be hard to do because a lot of humans don't want to be involved in confrontation. But communicate with them how you're feeling and why X is so important for you to accomplish.

And anybody that's a friend that doesn't support you, I honestly would say get them out of your life as soon as possible. It's probably easier said than done. But you can start by creating distance, and you'll realize that by creating distance, they'll naturally phase out of your life. You guys aren't in alignment, and that is okay, because guess what? You're going to meet friends who are in alignment with your journey and are doing the things you are doing too. You're going to form a mutual connection that way, and they're going to be a part of your life. It's okay to have different friends in different phases of your life. But make sure those friends inspire you, support your growth, and uplift you as a human being. Okay, so number one is avoid people who make you feel like crap about yourself.

Number two is don't fall into the comparison trap. I know I've talked about this before, because comparing yourself to others is a never-ending cycle that leads to your own self-doubt and your own dissatisfaction with yourself. I want you to remember and have this understanding that everybody's journey is so unique, and your own path is worthy of what you are going to experience, and your experiences alone.

This actually comes up in an upcoming podcast on Wednesday that you guys are going to listen to with Hannah Eden. I absolutely loved when she spoke to this a little bit in the latter half of the podcast, where sometimes connecting with somebody who has had the same experience and finding out what their experience is can be a fault, because you end up comparing yourself to that experience. For example, you go to Sally, who is losing weight, and you ask what her experience is, and she fucking hates it because maybe she's doing it the wrong way. So you attach that narrative and that story to your own experience. Now it's a mixture of her experience and your experience, instead of it being entirely your experience. That's why comparing yourself can lead to something that isn't even your true experience, not even your true story, but self-doubt.

So I want you to remember that everybody's journey is completely different and everybody has their own experience. I want you to focus on your own progress and your personal growth instead of measuring yourself against others. Remember that comparing yourself to others is completely unfair and a completely inaccurate way to assess your accomplishments in your own journey. Your value is not determined by how you measure up to somebody else, but by your qualities, the unique experience you make for yourself, and who you are.

It's the same thing with social media, popping on and looking at somebody's body and being like, man, I wish I had that body. But that person could be doing it all wrong. That's why social media can be a trap sometimes. It's okay to look up to people and be inspired by people, but make sure you do not compare yourself to their journey, because they have their own personal struggles or they may not be going about it the right way. You have your own experience. You have your own self-worth. You have the unique qualities and experience that make up who you are.

Hey, hey, I just want to drop a huge appreciation to you guys listening to the show. It means a lot. I hope you're enjoying it, and there's so much more to come. If you are enjoying it, hit the subscribe button. I'd appreciate that tons, and it would help this podcast reach others who need to hear these messages too. Thanks so much, guys. Let's get back to the show.

Number three is accept compliments without deflecting. I feel like this one is so freaking hard for people to do. I was once there too. Somebody says, wow, your hair looks nice, or that outfit is amazing, and you go, oh, this took forever to do, it took like an hour. That is not the way you should respond. And that's what we all do. It's a natural human instinct. I don't know why, but it is, and I've been there. Someone says your body looks amazing, and you're like, oh God, I'm just so fucking tired today. Someone says the outfit looks good, and I'm like, yeah, but it's tight here on my love handles, my love handles are popping out. I know you've been there, you guys, and me too.

But when someone compliments you, embrace it. Fully absorb it. Allow yourself to acknowledge and internalize the positive feedback you are receiving. I cannot tell you, as somebody who gives compliments and has become more aware of this, when that person deflects, it hurts. Because I'm like, girl, you look fucking awesome, and then they go into a negative state. I'm here and they're here, and they're deflecting my energy. It's an energy sucker, to be honest. But I know they're experiencing their own thing in their own world, so I don't push it. I'm just like, okay.

But for you, remember this and become more aware of it. This could be the one that, like I said at the beginning of the podcast, you become more aware of in the coming days of your week, and weeks and months. Avoid undermining compliments or deflecting them with self-deprecating remarks. Instead, respond with a simple thank you. Like I said, sometimes that's so hard to do. But when somebody says, girl, you look good, be like, oh, thank you. Or what I do is say, man, I so appreciate that. Find what feels good for you to give a sincere, uplifting response back, and genuinely appreciate the kind words coming your way.

When you recognize and accept these compliments, it's not a sign of arrogance, but a reflection of your own self-respect and your own self-assurance. So embrace positive feedback that builds your confidence and reinforces your own self-worth, you guys. Every single time somebody says something nice about you, a beautiful thing about your hair, your spirit, your clothes, the way your body is looking, or the results you're getting, say thank you and genuinely appreciate those words. That is the quickest feedback loop to build self-respect, to have self-assurance, and to build your confidence. Hands down. So I challenge you, in the coming days, weeks and months, whenever anybody says anything nice to you, say thank you. Okay, so that's number three.

Number four is get competent. Get competent, you guys. Invest. This one's sometimes hard to do too, because not everybody is aware yet of what they are excited about doing or has passions to pursue. But if there's anything that sparks your interest, I would say always follow your interests and get competent. Invest in your personal and professional growth by acquiring new skills and knowledge. Strive to become competent in areas that align with your interests and your goals. Follow your interests.

This is exactly what I did with fitness. I was in the health care industry before this. I was in nursing. I worked in a long-term facility for five years and then the ER for four years. So I was in health care for almost 10 years of my life before I followed my interest in fitness and pursued a career in fitness, which a lot of people thought was not possible. It is so truly possible, especially if you get competent and invest in yourself and acquire new skills. I invested so much. I wiped out my bank account to put towards gaining knowledge and new skills in fitness. This one is literally to my core, and I just want to preach it to everybody.

Because when you do that, you're embracing a growth mindset. I think everybody is always wanting to grow within themselves. Your spirit is always seeking a fuller expression of yourself. So embrace a growth mindset and see challenges as an opportunity for learning and improvement. Remember that confidence and competence are built through practice and through a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone. For me, jumping from health care and a very stable career as a nurse to fitness was a very uncomfortable thing to do. I got outside of my comfort zone in a huge way back in 2017. Like I said, I wiped out my bank account, but I trusted in myself to follow through on these things, and I gained so much confidence by doing it that way.

And so much confidence in something that is so natural for me to speak to and embody, which is fitness, health, nutrition, all of the things. Sometimes I don't even know where the words come from in my brain when I'm asked a question about health and fitness, but they just come, because I am so aligned with this passion of mine. And it's because I got competent, I acquired all of these new tactics and skill sets and understanding and knowledge, and I put it to work. So as you become more competent, you'll gain confidence from the self-accomplishment too. It empowers you to tackle challenges head on and achieve success in areas that matter to you. And again, you have to align the things you want to get competent in with your interests and your goals.

I will say this too, because at the beginning of the journey, people want to get competent and think all this stuff is going to turn around and be implemented into their life immediately. It's not. You have to apply patience along the way, which will help you gain even more confidence within yourself. This is not an instant gratification type of thing where you start acquiring a new skill and it gives you immediate results and immediate feedback, feeding that loop. This is going to take you some time. Learning new skills and acquiring new knowledge is going to take time. But if there's anything that aligns with your interests and your goals that you absolutely love doing, whether it be sales, business, being an entrepreneur, getting into fitness, getting into nutrition and learning all the things about that, get competent. Learn that skill better than anybody else possibly could, and you're going to have so much confidence in yourself just by doing that. So that's number four.

Number five is do hard shit. Prove to yourself that you can, especially with getting competent. Pushing yourself to take on challenging tasks and overcome obstacles is essential for personal growth. If you are just decent, if you are just getting by, if you are just comfortable in your day to day, you're not going to fill up the confidence meter as much as you possibly can.

Ladies, are you feeling frustrated with body changes you're experiencing during menopause? It's time to take control. If you're between 45 and 65 years old and tired of struggling with body fat and muscle loss, WarriorBabe is here for you. At WarriorBabe, we've helped over 18,000 women just like you lose body fat, build toned muscle, and understand their bodies better with personalized plans based on hormone and thyroid testing and more. Imagine knowing exactly what your body needs to see real results, and results that last. Don't wait anymore. Take charge of your health and join our community of strong, empowered women. Visit warriorbabe.com/apply today to start your transformation. That's warriorbabe.com/apply. All right, let's get back to the show.

Staying that way, staying stagnant, won't get you there. You have to push yourself to prove to yourself that you can do hard shit. I love the hashtag do hard things. Because when you face difficult situations, when you demonstrate resilience, determination and the ability to conquer your fears, each time you tackle something difficult and come out on the other side, you prove to yourself that you are capable of more than you thought possible.

For me, when I left that career to jump into fitness and started doing things I never knew existed at the time, I got into the online space and was like, holy shit, this is mind-blowing, that I can make a career out of this, and a more sustainable career than the one I was in, and be able to live in a way that I imagined but honestly didn't think was possible. We all have that too. But when you tackle hard shit, try new things and get uncomfortable, and then come out on the other side, you prove to yourself that you are capable of more than you thought possible. And that is so fucking true. I can speak to that from that experience, and also in fitness, completely changing my body composition. I proved to myself that I could do it and I was capable, and it was more than I thought possible for what my body could ever look like.

This builds so much confidence within yourself, you guys, and expands your comfort zone. Once you do something hard, the next thing that seems equally as hard is not as hard. And then it gradually gets easier and easier with the things you want to try and do. I promise you. So the first thing that feels really fucking hard, just do it. Because the next thing that seems equally as hard is not going to feel as hard. I promise you, the things that look hard get easier and easier as you continue to conquer hard things and prove to yourself that you can do hard things. It's so cliche, but it's so true. The growth you want happens outside of your comfort zone.

So embrace that mindset of constant improvement and seek out opportunities that challenge you. You guys, by doing hard things, you unlock your full potential and discover your inner strength and realign and regain your personal power. It's so true. So let's pull it back. You think macros is hard? Do hard things. Prove to yourself that you can fucking track the macros. If you feel like squatting X amount of weight is hard, do the hard shit. Prove to yourself that you can.

Perfect example: you get X amount of weight under the bar for a squat. Let's just use that as an example. The next time you try to go 10 pounds heavier, you've already squashed something you didn't think you could do. So when you come up against 10 pounds heavier, it's going to be a little bit easier. You know what I mean? It's equally as hard, but you feel confidence within yourself because you already squashed that first hard thing. So coming in 5 or 10 pounds heavier, you're like, all right, I got this, I can do it. And it just continues. So number five is do hard shit and prove to yourself that you can.

Number six is prioritize yourself. Prioritize yourself, because you fucking matter. There are so many moms, so many of you out there, who put your family and your kids first, and then 18 years later, you did everything for them and you forgot to prioritize yourself. So now you're catching up on 18 years. Your well-being, your dreams, your goals are so fucking important. I want you to recognize that prioritizing yourself is not selfish, but necessary for a fulfilling life.

If you put yourself first and you do all of these hard things, I'm telling you, you gain confidence within yourself. You say thank you and you're trying all of these things now for yourself, and you're going to be a role model for all of the people around you sooner rather than later. When you prioritize getting a workout in, when you prioritize eating well, you're taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. It's really important, because people say they don't have enough time to work out because they've got to take their kids somewhere or cook dinner. Set boundaries and allocate the time for self-care, working out and eating right, the things that recharge and rejuvenate you.

That is so fucking important, you guys, when you allow the time for yourself in a day to get the things done that are in alignment with your well-being, your dreams, and your goals. You cannot pour from an empty cup. By prioritizing yourself, you become better equipped to contribute positively to the people around you who matter to you, to your kids, to everybody. You'll be an inspiration if you can put yourself first. It's just like when you're on an airplane and they say, put your mask on first before you help others.

Seriously, prioritize yourself because you matter. Honor yourself. Set boundaries. Prioritize. Do all of those things that are in alignment with your well-being, your dreams, and your goals, you guys. It's so fucking important. Don't wait. And don't put other people first. Don't. Literally, if you need to hear it from me: I don't care about your kids. I care about you. Because if you care about you as much as I care about you, then your kids are going to show up better. Your kids are going to become better humans as long as you prioritize yourself first. Same with your family, same with your friends, same with your coworkers, same with everything else. You are going to bring confidence to the people around you.

And the last one is stop tearing yourself down. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would extend to a friend. Seriously, if you were talking to a friend who was tearing herself down, that's just a reflection of what's going on inside of her. So I want you to challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations. It's the same thing as when somebody gives you a nice compliment and you tear it down: you're tearing yourself down. Replace that with a thank you and a positive affirmation about yourself. Someone says, wow, your hair looks really good. Thank you. Yeah, I love it too. It looks great. I feel great. It's just as easy as that. I know it's easier said than done, but with more practice and more trying of all these things, it will come more easily to you. Even just accepting a nice gesture is a hard thing for people to do. Do the hard shit.

Okay. So those are the seven things. Stop tearing yourself down. Prioritize yourself because you matter. Do hard shit and prove to yourself that you fucking can. Get competent. Accept compliments without deflecting. Do not fall into the comparison trap. And avoid people who make you feel like crap about yourself.

Start by becoming more aware of one of those things. I don't say go do all seven. Focus on one you really want to work on, become more aware of it, and start taking the opposite actions of what you're doing now so you can gain more confidence within yourself. All of these things matter. In the last five, six years of showing up for myself a little bit better, being on social media, being around and meeting new people, my clients and our team, I feel like these seven things have been really, really important to my self-confidence and why I've been able to build, and continue to build, more confidence within myself.

Because I stopped tearing myself down. I prioritized myself. I do hard shit. I got competent, and I get competent on a daily basis. There are things I've done in the last year with building a business that I would never have fathomed doing in the health care field, and I've had to get competent in them. Do I suck at it at the beginning? Yes. Can I get better? Absolutely. That's what getting competent is all about. As long as you don't give up on yourself. The only way you fail is if you quit, you guys. So get competent.

And I've accepted compliments without deflecting. I've gotten way better at that. I don't fall into the comparison trap. I know this is my own experience of life, and I'm going to experience it differently than somebody else. And I put up my peace bubble and I ain't letting anybody pop it. All right, you guys. So work on these weekly, work on these daily, work on these in the months and years to come. I promise you, if you start working on them today, tomorrow, next week, next month, these things will all compound over the next year of your life, five years of your life, 10 years of your life. You will be fucking unstoppable.

So I want you to remember, as I sign off today: you aren't born with confidence. It's a skill you develop by working on it regularly. You can work on one of those seven things to start, then work on another one, and then another one. Bettering yourself, you guys, that's all that matters in life. Prioritize yourself, better yourself, make sure you're following your interests and the things you love, and take pride in the confidence you're building. All right, you guys, I hope that helped and I hope you enjoyed. I'll see you in the next podcast. Peace out.

Hey guys, real quick. If you're interested in taking your body to the next level, losing body fat, building more muscle and feeling more confident, do it alongside one of our 30-plus professional coaches. Work one-on-one with her to eliminate all of the guesswork you may have. All you need to do is the work she tells you to do to get to those goals of yours. To learn more, click the link below this podcast and apply to our VIP program right now.