How to Build Self-Confidence After 40: 8 Traits to Develop

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You are you, and these specific traits that I'm going to talk about are what make up you. And that's what's so freaking cool.

What is going on, my people? Hey, you guys. Welcome to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies and tactics that help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong and feel insanely confident. I am your host, Nikkiey Stott, and welcome to episode number 68, where we're going to deep dive into traits that people cannot take away from you.

The only people that can rob you of these traits are literally you. So we're going to dive into the mindset and self-confidence pillar today. These traits, specifically eight traits, are near and dear to my heart because they are things I have personally worked on for myself in the last 10 to 15 years of my life. The more that you personally develop these traits, whether it's all eight, or five, or three, or if you just want to take away one today and work on that one over the next days, weeks and months, these can be an absolute game changer to knowing yourself a little bit more, knowing who you are a little bit more, without allowing external circumstances, external reactions and the people around you to flood that perspective of who you are. Because at the end of the day, you are you. You are you, and these specific traits that I'm going to talk about are what make up you. And that's what's so freaking cool.

All right, so there are eight specifically. Like I said, maybe you have to work on all of them. Maybe you just take away one. Some of these are going to have stories attached to them that I can share and relate back to you. But let's just dive right into it. This is going to be a good pod, guys. So make sure you stay all the way till the end, because there are eight of these. If you're driving, take a mental note of these. If you're somewhere where you can take notes, take notes of each of these things, the eight of them, and then within the eight, write down whatever resonates with you the most.

Number one: your character. This is a trait that people cannot take from you, but you need to develop your character through time. And the only person that can take this trait from you is you. Your character is shaped by your values, by your beliefs and by your actions. Your character is a reflection of who you are as a person, and it cannot be taken away from you unless you allow it. You're the only person that can allow this to slip. What I mean by that is others may try to influence or challenge your character, and it's literally up to you to stay true to your values and your beliefs, and then take action on those values and beliefs.

For example, let's use honesty as your value. I think every human should have honesty as a value. But if you're in a situation or a circumstance where you're not being honest with yourself, or with a person that you're with, or with whatever the situation calls for, then ultimately you are allowing your character to be robbed from you. Does this make sense? You are the only one this can be taken away by.

When you're in those external spaces, environments and situations, those things will challenge you to act in alignment with your character. You should know what your values are. You should know what your beliefs are. And you should always consistently be acting in alignment with those values. This is how you develop and build more of your character, of who you are.

In every situation where a value is challenged or influenced, your value should be your North Star. If your value as a person is honesty, then you should act upon that value through your actions in these external, real-life situations. That top value of yours, or whatever values you hold as an individual, should be the North Star for all the decisions that you make, in all of the situations you're in, with your friends, with your family, with anybody you come in contact with. That's how you stay true and in alignment with your character. So that's number one.

Number two, the second trait that people cannot take away from you, and this honestly may be one of my favorite ones, is your uniqueness. Every single one of you, me included, possesses a unique combination of traits, experiences and perspectives that makes you, and makes me, one of a kind. Your uniqueness is an inherent part of who you are, you guys. And like I said at the beginning, it cannot be taken away from you by others unless you allow it to. You cannot allow somebody to take an experience away from you. You cannot allow someone to take your perspective away from you. That is your uniqueness.

I have two stories here. The second story I'm going to share with you is why my name is spelled the way it is, because it was an expression of my uniqueness in middle school. But the first thing I want to share is that I personally have recently been shying away from asking about or trying to understand other people's experiences. Because this is the thing: they have their own experience and perspective around whatever situation they endured themselves. And I don't want to base my experience and my perspective off of the situation they were in when they did that thing. I want to base my perspective and my experience off of whatever I'm going to experience and whatever perspective I'm going to have on that situation.

For example, and this is very recent and new, I haven't shared this on the podcast yet, I am in the process of freezing my eggs. It is very similar to the process of IVF. And I really didn't want to seek out others' perspectives and experiences of what they endured during IVF, or even from people who have frozen their eggs. Because they have their own uniqueness around that experience. They endured it in their own way. It may not have been good, and it may have been amazing. I don't want that to shed light on my personal experience with it. Because I could have a totally different experience than them. Or I could adopt their experience, their story, their narrative, their perspective into my experience, when mine could be totally different. You see what I mean? So that's story number one.

Story number two is how I expressed my uniqueness in middle school. You all possess a unique combination of everything about you. When I was in middle school, I wanted to be different. I knew I was different. Not that I didn't want to be like the other girls with my name; there's nothing wrong with them. I just wanted to spell my name differently than they did. And I still want to blame my parents for this, because my full name is spelled differently too. My full name is Nicole, and it's not N-I-C-O-L-E. It's N-I-C-H-O-L-L-E. My immediate family used to joke about that when I was growing up. So I kind of blame my uniqueness on my parents and the way they spelled my name, when I wanted to change mine.

What's so funny is it first started off with just wanting to be able to write a Y in my name. And then it developed into, oh, I am different. I don't want to spell my name N-I-K-K-I. I don't want to spell my name like the other ones. So I started off in seventh grade with N-I-K-K-I-E. And I was like, but I want the Y. So I added the Y, and it just stuck. It's not legally changed, but it has literally stuck all the way up until now. I'm 33 years old and I still spell my name N-I-K-K-I-E-Y.

It's so funny because people ask, how do you spell it? And I'm like, this is how I spell it. And they're like, wow, I've never seen that before. And I'm like, yeah, I did this in middle school and it just kind of stuck. This is my expression of my uniqueness. I wanted my name to be spelled differently, like nobody else in the world. You guys can correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't know anybody else that spells the name the way I spell it. That was just an expression of my uniqueness. And you each possess a uniqueness about yourself. So what is that? I challenge you to find that out for yourself and just—

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Nikkiey: —go full mode in it. Fully embrace it, because that's what makes you so unique.

Number three is— hey, I just want to drop a huge appreciation to you guys listening to the show. It means a lot. I hope you're enjoying it, and there's so much more to come. If you are enjoying it, hit the subscribe button. I'd appreciate that tons, and it would help this podcast reach others who need to hear these messages too. Thanks so much, guys. Let's get back to the show.

Your personality. Your personality encompasses your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviors and your patterns throughout your life and in relating to others. It is literally the fundamental aspect of your identity. And it does remain the same until you choose to change it. What I mean by that is, as we go through life, your behavior, your mood and your patterns can be easily influenced by external factors, but only temporarily. It's up to you to choose the way you react or respond to those external factors, which ultimately means you are choosing the way you change your behaviors, your patterns, your emotions and your thoughts. And that's all part of your personality.

I think this one is super important to understand, especially in the light that I just explained it, because I don't think many people think of their personality the way I'm explaining it. Because here's the thing: your personality does change. It changes through your life experiences, and it changes as you grow older, wiser and more mature.

So from this perspective, I want you to nurture and see the aspects of yourself within your personality. Obviously, the traits you see may be very stable over time, but be open to recognizing that, throughout time, your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviors and your patterns have changed due to the influence of the external factors around you. And maybe you tend to respond and react better than you have previously in specific external situations. Ultimately, it's not the external situations. It's the way you are handling yourself in that moment.

So shedding light on your personality from this perspective, nurture and develop your personality in a way that benefits you, to continue to grow, continue to evolve and continue to expand yourself into new areas of learning about your personality. With this, accept and love yourself for who you are, no matter what. But if there are areas of your personality that could be nurtured, worked on and developed to become more mature and wiser, this is a great way to shed light on them. So that was number three.

Number four. And again, you guys, these are things a lot of people may tend to look for externally, but there's no way that people can take these away from you. You're the only person that can take these things away from you. Number four is your determination. Your determination is solely on you. It is your inner drive and your inner resilience that keeps you motivated to achieve your goals. Your determination is solely your responsibility. It is not someone else's responsibility to have the inner drive to be motivated to achieve your goals. You're the one that ultimately has that determination. It stems from your mindset. It stems from your attitude. And nobody can take that away from you. Nobody can act on your determination for you.

Even if you're faced with challenges, setbacks and criticism, you have the power to maintain your determination by staying focused and staying true to your goals, adapting strategies that are in alignment with your goals and pushing through. With working out, fat loss and ultimately changing your body composition and building more muscle, nobody is going to have the type of determination to achieve those goals besides you, because they're ultimately your goals. You have the inner drive. You have the resilience to go after that.

And it's up to you to deal with the challenges that may come your way. I don't have enough time. My schedule got wacky this week. You have to stay focused by persevering and pushing through to make sure you are in alignment with your goals. Your determination is the personal attribute that fuels your success and your growth. Nobody can take that away from you. It's solely on you to persevere and push through. So that's number four.

Number five is your skills. Man, I am so big on getting competent. Your skills are developed through learning, through practicing and through experience. Anybody that is a doctor has gone through learning, practice and experience to become a doctor. They have applied themselves and put work into developing that skill set.

Me, with content: if you had asked me 15 years ago about being in front of a camera all of the time, all over social media, I would have laughed in your face. I would not have expected myself to be this way. But I had to learn, because my goal required me to get here and do these things. So I had to learn. I had to practice. Oh, baby. Pulling up my first YouTube live or my first Facebook live would be absolutely hilarious. Pulling up the first video I ever made would be absolutely hilarious. But it was part of developing the skill set that I now have. And through the experience of the last eight years of doing this, maybe even a little longer, I've developed that skill set.

Once you acquire a skill, whatever it may be, whatever your profession is— macros is a skill. You learn, practice and experience macronutrients. I hate saying that macros is another diet. Macros is a skill set that will serve you for the rest of your life. You just have to learn how to work macros. You have to practice working macros. And you have to experience doing all the things with macronutrients. But once you acquire that skill, it becomes a part of your normal existence.

Just like working out. Working out is a skill set. Going to the gym, learning how to work out, practicing it every week, five days a week, month on end, years on end, and that being your experience: that is a skill set. When you acquire these skill sets, they become a part of your normal existence. And nobody can take that away from you. Nobody can take working out away from me. Nobody can take my experience with macros away from me. Nobody can take my experience creating content away from me. I have mastered that craft. I have mastered macros. And I have mastered working out. I'm always learning and improving. My experience is always expanding. But nobody can take that away from me.

So I highly encourage you on this one: get competent. It boosts your confidence so freaking much when you have skill set after skill set after skill set, because those things can never be taken away from you. So that's number five.

Number six is your transparency. This is something I firmly believe takes a while to work on. Throughout the last 10 years of my life, I have become more and more transparent. This refers to you being open, being honest and being authentic with yourself and in your interactions with other people. It goes back to what I said about your character. If honesty is one of your values, in every situation you're in, is that your guiding North Star? Are you being honest with yourself and with those around you in whatever circumstance you're in? Then, are you being open with the people around you in your interactions, with those you feel comfortable with, obviously? And are you just being yourself?

This is why I said this one could take a while to work on. If there's one of the eight I'm sharing with you today that I would challenge you to work on a little bit more, it's this one. Work on being open about your goals with your friends and your family. Hey, I am counting my macros because I really want to feel better in my skin. I hate the way that I look. I hate the way that I feel. I have no freaking energy. So I'm going to adopt this new skill. I'm going to learn it. I'm going to practice it. I'm going to experience it so that I can feel better about myself. That is being open. That is being honest. And hell, that is being authentic with your true self.

When you cultivate this sense of being true to yourself, you foster and build amazing, meaningful relationships with those around you. But people are not mind readers. That's why you need to be transparent about all of the things, how you feel, being open, being honest, especially with your close circle and your loved ones. Now, like I said, you don't have to be open and honest with everybody. That's where protecting your transparency by setting boundaries comes in. With the people you don't want in that world, you can choose which thoughts and feelings you share. You can create a boundary with them. But with the majority of the people close to you, in your inner circle, your family, friends, loved ones, kids, your transparency is huge to them. You need to be open, honest and authentic about what you want and what you're trying to accomplish for yourself. Obviously I'm sharing this in the light of fitness, workouts and nutrition, because that's what this podcast is all about. But it could be any area of your life. So that's number six, your transparency.

Number seven is your perspective. I know I touched on this a little with your uniqueness, how everybody has their own perspective, experiences and unique traits. But your perspective is shaped by all of your experiences, all of your values and all of your beliefs. It influences how you perceive the world and interpret the events going on around you. That's also why I used the example I shared earlier, about the experiences of others and people maybe trying to influence your perspective. Ultimately, it will always remain your perspective when you experience things on your own, when you hold your own beliefs and your own values about things, and how you perceive the world in those experiences and events. Others will try to influence you based on their narrative and their story, like I mentioned earlier. But ultimately, it's up to you to have your own perspective on things. And that is dope.

Embrace the power of having viewpoints and perspectives, being open to what people are talking about, but still having your own perspective and speaking it. That's huge. What comes along with this, though, is being open-minded and being able to navigate situations while staying true to your core values. That's the ultimate evolution of perspective, in my opinion. You hold your own perspective, your own experiences, your own beliefs and your own values, but you always, always remain open-minded. Be willing to hear other people's perspectives, while making sure you're still staying true to yourself and that your perspective remains your own. So that's number seven.

Number eight is your self-respect. I think this one is huge, because self-respect is the esteem you have for yourself. It is rooted in recognizing your worth, setting healthy boundaries and honoring your values. Some people may try to disrespect you or undermine you, especially with what you're trying to do with your goals. Why are you doing that? Why are you counting your macros? Why are you going to the gym? Why are you spending so much time doing this? It's so essential to prioritize and protect your own self-respect in those situations, and to be open, honest and transparent about why you're doing these things and why you want to accomplish them, especially with your immediate, small circle.

Then there are the people around you who aren't that close to you, friends you're maybe one-off friends with, who you only talk with for a couple of months, then it gets wishy-washy, and then you talk again. Man, put a bubble around yourself with those people and set those healthy boundaries. That is a form of self-respect. And in any situation, when it comes to your goals or things you want to accomplish, you need to stand up for yourself. That is a huge self-respect activity. It's flexing your self-respect muscle and getting the reps in, by standing up for yourself and saying, no, this is why I'm doing this, or no, this is why I'm going to the gym today.

I've shared with you guys in previous podcasts that when I was first starting my journey, my friends didn't understand what I was doing or why I was doing it. I had to stand up for myself. And most importantly, I had to put a bubble around myself with those people and not allow them to break into that bubble, pop that bubble or say negative things that would get to me. So if you have those people around you, make sure you stand up for yourself, put a bubble around you, and somewhat distance yourself from those people if they're not in your immediate close circle. If they are in your immediate close circle, work on the transparency one. And make sure you surround yourself with supportive people who understand the journey you are on. These are all actions you can take that are a form of self-respect for yourself. And I think that's just so important.

I think all of these are so important when it comes to the traits people cannot take away from you. People cannot take away your character. People cannot take away your uniqueness. People cannot take away your personality. People cannot take away your determination. People cannot take away your skills. People cannot take away your transparency. People cannot take away your perspective on life. And people cannot take away your self-respect. That concludes all eight traits that people cannot take away from you.

The only person that can take them away from you is yourself, if you are not acting in alignment with making these specific traits stronger and better for yourself. Like I said at the beginning of the podcast, maybe it's all eight that you need to work on. But I highly recommend that you don't get off this podcast thinking, I've got to go work on all eight of these things. I would honestly take one or two that you can start paying more attention to and bringing self-awareness to over the next couple of days, couple of weeks, maybe even the next month. You will feel when change is happening in one of these specific traits, in a positive light, if you're working on it. Then you can start adding in the other ones and figuring out which one you want to focus on next. But leaving today, definitely take away one and go work on it.

All right, you guys. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I hope you learned something and it was valuable to you. Go work on one of these. That's all I ask. I'll see you next time. Bye.

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