How to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Build Self-Worth

Melissa: So back in 2010, I hit rock bottom and I ended up in hospital. I was dealing with anxiety and depression and an eating disorder and all sorts of things. Up until then, I was a professional dancer. I danced at the Moulin Rouge in Paris and I absolutely loved it. And then I hit rock bottom in 2010 and burnt myself out, completely burnt myself out. And it was there in the hospital bed that I realized something quite powerful, and that was that I got myself in that position and I was the only person that could get myself out.

Nikkiey: All right, you guys, what's up, everybody? This episode is going to be a little different and so very necessary, because today we're talking about inner work. That's the stuff that doesn't really show up in progress photos, but it changes everything. And I've got the one and only Melissa Ambrosini with me. She's a bestselling author, a top-rated podcast host and a speaker. And honestly, from what I've seen of her work, she's one of the most heart-centered, fierce women that I've had the honor of being able to deep dive into on social media and learn from. She's all about helping women go from burnout and self-doubt to deep inner peace, self-love and full-body alignment. Her work has helped many people slow down, including myself.

I've dove into so many of your Instagram reels and so much of the content that you're putting out there, and learned how to create more inner freedom. And I know that this is going to hit home for so many of you listening to this episode. So Melissa, welcome to The WarriorBabe Show. I'm beyond excited to have this conversation with you.

Melissa: Thank you so much, beautiful. I'm so excited to be here as well.

Nikkiey: Awesome. And she's all the way over in Australia, you guys. So cool. You can hear her accent all throughout this episode. Melissa, the women in our WarriorBabe community are badass. They're high achievers. They're moms. They're business owners. They're leaders. They have their own responsibilities on a day-to-day basis, and they're finally putting themselves first through fitness. But what's rising to the surface for many of them isn't just their macros or their workouts. It's their mindset. A lot of them have these negative self-narratives and self-talk going on. They're all about perfectionism. They have guilt for taking up space. They even fear becoming their most powerful self.

And they're craving more emotional freedom. They're craving clarity. They're craving that self-confidence. I'd love for you to help guide us there, and that's what I hope to do with many of the questions I have. I have buckets for you. I want to dive into the inner voice. I want to dive into hustle culture and emotional well-being in the go-go world. Then I want to dive into personal power, and then how to integrate it all together.

Melissa: Yeah. So everybody has that voice inside their head that I call your inner mean girl. People call it the ego or whatever you want to call it. Everybody has that voice. That's the voice of doubt. That is the voice of fear. That is that egoic voice: You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. Who do you think you are? You'll never lose the weight. You'll never meet the guy, et cetera. So we all have that voice. And the thing is, why we are here on earth is to remember the truth of who we are, which is unconditional love.

And all of these stories, all of these negative narratives, everything else, is just layers that have been piled on from experiences, from past lives, from our childhood, that we need to peel back to bring to the surface the light of who we are, the truth of who we are. So that is the journey that we're all on: to evolve and to grow and to remember the truth of who we are.

Is it always rainbows and butterflies? No, it's not always rainbows and butterflies. Some of us have come here to learn stronger lessons than others. But the reason we are here is to evolve our consciousness, to evolve our soul. And if we don't, I believe we will come back in another lifetime and we'll have to learn all the same lessons again. So we may as well learn them in this lifetime.

Nikkiey: Yes, I resonate with that so much. I love that you call it the inner mean girl, and mastering that, which is so relatable. What would you say would be the first step for women who constantly feel like their own worst critic?

Melissa: Yeah, so I've got a four-step process. It's called the CAST process, and this is to cast aside your inner critic so your true light can shine out. The first step is you need to create a little character for that inner voice. So if you close your eyes and you think about that negative voice inside your head that says all of those things to you, what does she look like? What's her name? What is she wearing? Create a character for her. That helps you disassociate it from the truth of who you are, which, like I said before, is love. So that's the first step in the CAST process: create a character.

The next one is awareness. The A stands for awareness. You have to become aware of when she is talking and when it's your intuition, when it's your truth. They feel very different. And people will say, well, Melissa, how do I know when it's my inner mean girl and how do I know when it's my truth? One will make you feel expansive and one will make you contract. So you can get into the senses in your body. One feels good and one doesn't necessarily feel good. And so you have to become aware of what your inner mean girl says to you, or your inner bad boy, whatever you want to call it. And write it down. Write down all the things that she or he says to you.

So that's the second step. Then the third one, S, stands for shut. You have to shut the door on those thoughts. So instead of opening the door to them and allowing them to come in and infiltrate every area of your life, you shut the door and you say, no, thank you. I'm not interested in that story or that narrative anymore. And then the T in the CAST process stands for truth. You have to come back to the truth of who you are, which is love and light. You are a magical, incredible being here on this earth at this time. You have wisdom to share. You have gold within you to share. And you have to remember that. And remember that our role here on earth is to evolve and grow. So you come back to your truth.

So that's the CAST process. And you literally take yourself through that any time throughout the day when your inner mean girl is telling you that you're not good enough, or whatever it is that she says to you.

Nikkiey: So would that be the same way that you would recommend someone start building a relationship with their true voice? Not one that's rooted in fear, but one that empowers us?

Melissa: Yes, definitely. Knowing that you have two separate voices is really powerful, because the more you can determine which is which, the stronger that intuition and that truth will become. And you'll be able to hear it so much more clearly, because your intuition whispers to you, whereas your inner mean girl screams at you. Your intuition and your truth are really soft, and they whisper. So you've got to listen even more intently.

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I love the way that you're breaking that down. I know that you share this a lot on your social media as well, but I haven't heard it broken down into the two voices, the one that yells and the one that whispers, the way that you're explaining it. So I think that's really powerful and really helpful. Our community is women 45 through 65 years old, and they're being hard on themselves about food. They're being hard on themselves about their body. They're being hard on themselves about their progress not happening fast enough. They're defining themselves by the number on the scale. What would you say to someone to help them shift that narrative?

Melissa: I've been in that place and it's not fun. It's not fun. And I think the first thing we need to do is remember that this beautiful temple that we have been gifted for this lifetime is something that we truly need to be grateful for. Berating it and comparing it and saying it's not good enough is quite an insult to God, the creator, whatever you believe in. We are here for a reason and we've been gifted this earth suit. So we need to start to shift our mindset around that and be grateful for this earth suit we've been given.

Does that mean you stop working out? No, but it's the place that you work out from. Are you working out from love or fear? Are you working out because you love your body so much, and it's so good for your mental health, and you love the feeling, and it's fun, and you put on good music and you're doing it? Do you do your squats and feel the burn and you're like, yes? Or are you working out because you hate something about yourself? So you have two choices. Are you eating and working out from a place of fear, or are you eating and working out from a place of love?

Nikkiey: I love that. That's so powerful. I would just rewind that, you guys, because if you are using the narrative of, oh, I hate something about myself, then, as Melissa's sharing, rewrite that narrative. Bring awareness to it and show up from the space of: I get to work out. I don't have to work out. I get to work out for my body, to make it healthier and stronger and better.

Before I go into this next bucket with you, Melissa, I want to dive into sharing with the listeners a bit about you. Your career spans books, top-rated podcasts, coaching, entrepreneurship, all of the things. We want to know a little bit about you. How did this journey begin for you? What led you to doing the work that you're doing today?

Melissa: So back in 2010, I hit rock bottom and I ended up in hospital with a whole host of health issues. Physical health issues, but also, I was dealing with anxiety and depression and an eating disorder and all sorts of things. So physical health issues and mental health issues. Up until then, I was a professional dancer. I danced at the Moulin Rouge in Paris. I lived in London for two years and worked there. I did dancing and acting and TV presenting, and I absolutely loved it.

And then I hit rock bottom in 2010. I completely burnt myself out. I was not looking after myself nutritionally. I was just eating junk food, partying, not sleeping, all the things, and I completely burnt myself out. And it was there in the hospital bed, I was in hospital for a week on morphine, on all sorts of drugs, that I realized something quite powerful. And that was that I got myself in that position and I was the only person that could get myself out.

Nikkiey: Wow.

Melissa: And I had this voice, which was my intuition, say to me: if you get happy and healthy again, you'll live an amazing life. I was in such a dark place, and I thought, surely God didn't put us here to suffer. Surely that's not the reason for human evolution, for humans being here. And it was like, no, that is not the reason. We're here to grow and evolve.

And I just went on this complete health, spirituality, internal journey from there. I went and studied holistic nutrition and health coaching and life coaching and energy healing. I did my yoga teacher training and my meditation teacher training. I just became obsessed with personal development. I did not grow up in a home where we were listening to Tony Robbins. That wasn't my journey. I found it here and became obsessed with it, and with entrepreneurship at the same time.

So I started a blog and I started health coaching people once I got my qualification. Then that turned into life coaching after I did that certification. I've written four bestselling books and I started my podcast, The Melissa Ambrosini Show. And then naturally it turned into business and mindset coaching, because people were asking, how have you been able to build this business that you've created for yourself? So it's just snowballed from there. It's been 15 years since I hit rock bottom and 14 years since I started my business.

And I've just kept on putting one foot in front of the other. What I know for sure is the more internal work I do on myself, the better every area of my life becomes: my business, my relationships, my parenting, everything. So I am a student for life. I am deeply committed to my own internal work. And whenever I have stopped working on myself, that's when I struggle. That's when the inner mean girl gets really loud. So I know the importance of this inner healing, this continuous inward journey that never ends. And that's not something to go, oh, poor me, it never ends. That's why we're here. Evolution. That's why we're here.

Nikkiey: You turned pain into purpose is what I'm hearing from that story, which is so beautiful. And now you get to share it with so many people, which is even more incredible. It's God's work right there.

So I want to dive into the next bucket with you, which is hustle culture. It is the thing nowadays. It's like, get up, grind, do the work. Some of the characteristics people develop from that are good. But so many people are just in go mode. In our community, a lot of women are in go mode. I just spent three days and four nights in total darkness on a retreat.

Melissa: Yeah?

Nikkiey: It was really epic, with the point of just wanting to evolve and getting to hear that voice a little bit better and truer, and just stillness, like nothing. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face.

Melissa: How many days did you do this?

Nikkiey: Three days and four nights.

Melissa: I've heard of these darkness retreats. And you get to eat?

Nikkiey: Yeah. They give you food at the end of the night for the next day through a double-sided door, and they just hand it to you. It was pretty epic.

Melissa: Tell me about that.

Nikkiey: Yeah. I mean, I don't want to turn the podcast on me, but to the points that you are sharing and your message getting out there, it is getting to be with yourself and getting to hear when everything is quiet. The silence is so deafening. It's just you, your thoughts and whatever comes up. And if you're willing and honest, you're able to meet yourself where you're at, take it as it comes, and shift it with love and not judgment.

So there was a lot that happened in the three days and four nights, but it was pretty epic. For me, it was go, go, go mode, and I just wanted to slow down. I wanted to be able to do something that I've never done before and be able to evolve. Just like what you're saying, we're here to get to know ourselves way more, do the inner work and all the things. And I think that's totally relatable to a lot of people.

I want to bring this back to the question that I have for you. People are always doing, always achieving, always hustling, always trying to check off the box. But slowing down, for me in that moment, there were a lot of emotions that came up, and I felt unsafe trying to slow down. I'm curious, from your perspective, why is that? Why do people have a hard time? When I was in there, I was telling them I was bored. I felt like I had to do something. And they were like, well, what if boredom had a voice? And I was like, well, it would just tell me that it's okay to be bored. Why, in so many of those instances, do women want to slow down but feel unsafe? Why do we experience those emotions or feelings?

Melissa: Well, firstly, we glorify busy. We glorify achievement. Social media is the highlight reel, where we glorify how much money you're making and how successful you are. It's very unhealthy. It's really unhealthy.

So we have to remember, and I talk about this in my third book, Comparisonitis: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Be Genuinely Happy, that we compare ourselves on social media to the highlight reel. And it's not a fair comparison. It's ridiculous, but we do it. So we have to become aware that we are doing that, and when we're doing that, because it's not healthy to compare ourselves to other people and how much they're making and how successful they are. It's just incredibly unhealthy for us.

So if you know what your triggers are, if you know that social media is a trigger for you, then you've got to limit your time on there. You've got to do whatever you can do to really help yourself. And then also look at the story that you're telling yourself, because there's a story in there that says, I'm not successful if I don't hustle. I'm not successful if I don't earn X amount. So where is that story coming from? You go within. Okay, when I was six, I heard my mother say this to my father about money. So you go back and you can heal that within yourself. Maybe you need to do a little bit of inner child healing work, or reparenting and reprogramming. But you have to go back to where that story was first planted within you and heal it and transform it. Otherwise, it will just keep playing out in your life.

Nikkiey: Yes. I love that you just said that. I did a whole episode on the darkness retreat on the podcast.

Melissa: Oh, I'm going to listen to it.

Nikkiey: Please do. It's a 45-minute episode. I just let it all out. It was really vulnerable. But I love that you said that, because in my experience, I kept being met by my little seven-year-old. I had to keep going back and healing her in the moment while I was there. So that's so true, because the stories that we carry through our lives start at a very young age, and we have to be able to go back and do the inner work to recognize where it's coming from, and not meet it with, I'm going to judge this right now, but meet it with more curiosity and be able to listen to it.

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I'm curious from your perspective: when we're in seasons of growth, we're evolving. We're basically shedding these old layers of ourselves, these old narratives, and we're trying to create new ones that support where we're going, the expansiveness of ourselves. How do you teach or do this for yourself personally, to create emotional space and protect your energy as you continue to grow? Does that make sense?

Melissa: Not a hundred percent clear, but I did want to just say we're always in seasons of growth. We're always growing. It's like a plant. If it's not growing, it's dying.

Nikkiey: Love that. So maybe I can bring in an example. Say a woman is in a friend group that is really used to her drinking alcohol and going out, and then all of a sudden she joins a program and she's like, well, I'm not going to drink on this girls' trip. And you're trying to protect your emotional space while you're on this new journey. It could be different in each area we're talking about, fitness, inner work, all the things. In that moment, you're going to get people asking, why are you doing this? How do you protect that energy?

Melissa: Okay, good question. I love this scenario, because so many people have been in this sort of situation, whether it's alcohol or gossip or whatever it is. So this is what you do. For example, if I was going to go on that trip and I knew they were all going to be drinking and I didn't want to do that, I would share that before I went. I would jump on the phone individually with every single one of those people and I would practice what I call CCC, crystal clear communication. That is communicating from your heart. I talk about this in Open Wide, which is my second book.

I would get on the phone and I would say, hey, I want to share something really important to me with you. Do you have time? Yes, I have time. I've been dealing with X, Y and Z, and something that I'd really like to work on is not drinking as much alcohol, because it makes me feel X, Y and Z. I'm doing this program to better myself, and there's fitness and nutrition, and one of the things that we have to do for a certain amount of time is not drink alcohol, because I know for me, it really makes me depressed. It makes me feel anxious. So I'm going to be doing this for three months, and that means that when we go on this trip, I'm not going to be drinking, and I would love your support so much.

And that person will either say absolutely and cheer you on, or they will get triggered with their own stuff. And then you get to decide if you want to continue that relationship with that person. Do you want to continue the relationship with the person who is not supportive of you, or with your biggest cheerleader? And this isn't about dumping friends. This isn't about being rude. This is simply about redirecting your energy. So I would redirect the energy that I usually spend on that person to someone else, someone who is supportive of me, who is cheering me on. And that is how I would handle that situation.

But it comes back to crystal clear communication. And I know that when you go to evolve yourself, relationships will fall away. That is life. And our humanness wants to hold on with a white-knuckle grip and try to control it. Why isn't this working? Why don't you like me? Why don't you want to still be my friend? But remind yourself that people come and go. There are seasons, there are reasons, there are lifetime friendships. And sometimes people are just one of the seasons or the reasons. But you bless them. You love them. You thank them. And you just go and redirect your energy somewhere else, somewhere that is supportive, that does feel aligned.

And then if it comes to things like gossiping or judging or blaming, which are highly toxic things that you do not want to engage in, there are two things you can do. You can remove yourself from the situation. So if someone's gossiping, you're just like, I'm just going to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a minute, and you just go to the bathroom. Or you say, hey, that person's not here and this doesn't actually feel good. Do you mind if we stop talking about this? So you just do that really politely, or you can change the subject. I talk about this in the book. One of the most powerful things to do is to say, hey, this conversation doesn't feel good. That person's not here. Do you mind if we stop? Or, I'm going to go and have a little walk, so you remove yourself. That is the most courageous and brave thing to do.

Nikkiey: Heck yeah.

Melissa: Because those traits of gossiping and judging and blaming are highly toxic, and we do not want to engage in those.

Nikkiey: Yeah. It's almost like even just saying, hey, I feel uncomfortable talking about this right now. Can we change the subject?

Melissa: Yeah. My husband and I will say to each other, even if it's a little backhanded comment, he'll say, that didn't add value to the world, darling. And I'm like, you're right. That negative comment that I just made did not add any value to the world. It actually took from the universe. It took light. It didn't add light. So that's how I like to think of it. Are my words and my thoughts adding light to the world, or are they taking? We want to be adding light. We want to be adding, not taking.

Nikkiey: Yeah. I feel that deep. I love that. That's a great perspective to look at. Am I adding value in the situation that I'm in right now, or am I taking away from the value of the world? That's beautiful.

So you mentioned working on your inner work. It's a constant thing, always evolving. It's never-ending and it won't stop till the day we die. What are some simple but powerful daily practices that you do or that you teach that can help regulate the nervous system? You mentioned the inner child. Sometimes you have to go back. Maybe you're in a situation that heightens an emotion: anger, being uncomfortable, sadness, feeling rejected, abandonment. What are some simple daily practices you can do on a regular basis that will help regulate your nervous system?

Melissa: There are so many that you can do. I want everyone to write these down. One of the most powerful things you can do is use your breath. Come back to your breath. Breathe in for five, hold for five and breathe out for five. A simple box breath will bring you back into parasympathetic very quickly. You can do this anywhere, anytime. So that's one.

Meditation is super powerful. Again, it can calm your nervous system, regulate your nervous system and bring you back into your body. That's another one.

Having a conversation with your inner child. Before you even open your eyes in the morning, place your hands on your heart. What do you need, darling? Go and see your little girl or your little boy. What do you need today? I need a little bit of time for me. I want to journal. I want to do a workout. I'd love a dive in the ocean. I'd love five minutes of just breathing in the sun. Ask your inner child what she needs. It might be random. It might be, I need to dance. It might be, I need to write a letter to so-and-so and not send it, but I need to do that. So ask that.

Gratitude. Again, what are you grateful for? Make a list of what you're grateful for. That's another thing you can do. Those are probably my favorites, and none of them take long. All of them are free, anytime, anywhere, one minute or one hour. It's up to you. So again, it's finding your breath, meditation, then in the morning asking what your little girl or little boy needs that day, and then gratitude, writing down what you're grateful for. That will instantly shift your mood and the biochemistry in your body.

Nikkiey: Yeah. So you have so many books. You have Mastering Your Mean Girl. You have Open Wide. You have Purposeful. And then you have Comparisonitis.

Melissa: Yes, you've got it. So my first book was Mastering Your Mean Girl: How to Be Wildly Wealthy, Fabulously Healthy and Bursting with Love. Then the second was Open Wide: A Radically Real Guide to Deep Love, Rocking Relationships and Soulful Sex. So Mastering Your Mean Girl is all about yourself, mastering your inner voice. Open Wide is all about your relationships and how to have beautiful relationships. Then there's Purposeful, which is an Audible Original. That's all about how to find your purpose. Then we've got Comparisonitis: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Be Genuinely Happy. And then I co-wrote my latest book with my husband, Time Magic: Reclaim Your Time, Reclaim Your Life. I'm just looking over here because I've got all of my books there. That book is about reclaiming your time and reclaiming your life. It's about doing work that you love and living a purposeful and beautiful life.

Nikkiey: Powerhouse with all those books. Love that. I'm definitely going to have the links. Are there specific ways people can find all of your books?

Melissa: You can get them anywhere online or at any bookshop, but we can pop the links in the show notes.

Nikkiey: Yeah, for sure. So I want to talk about personal power and self-worth. You're such a huge advocate for women standing in their power. What does that actually look like on a day-to-day basis, in real life?

Melissa: That's a really good question. For me, it's putting myself first. It's very easy as a mother to not put yourself first. It's very easy to put your business first. It's very easy to put your children first. It's very easy to put your partner first. But being a self-led woman means putting yourself at the top of your to-do list, knowing that when you do, everything else is better. Your relationships with everyone in your life are better.

So this is where you do that check-in in the morning and you say, what do I need today? What do I need today to feel full, so that I can put myself first, so that I can show up to my children and my work as the best version of myself? So you've got to ask that question and then take action and reorganize your priority list. For a lot of working mothers that I see, their children are at the top of their priority list, which is beautiful. But you need to put yourself there.

Nikkiey: Yeah, a lot of women are going to resonate with that. A lot of people coming into our community are saying, this is a time that I need to put myself first. For so long, I've been putting my kids and my husband and my family first. They're finally stepping into reclaiming their power. But then the mindset gets in the way. Actually, this is a good next question I have for you. They fear being too much or too loud. I'm too much if I go take my workout, or if I meal prep. Those words: too much, too loud, not enough. How do we unlearn that narrative in our brain?

Melissa: Well, I would go back to where that story of too-muchness came from. When you were six, did someone tell you you were too loud or you were too much? I would go back there and do some healing work around that, because it's really important that you do that inner work. But we are here to take up space. We are here to be the best, brightest, shiniest versions of ourselves and to do what feels true for us. So remember that, and go back to when that story of you're too much came in, and do some healing around that.

Nikkiey: Yeah. Love that. Have you ever read the book Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima?

Melissa: Not yet, but I definitely want to read it.

Nikkiey: It's so good. I want to pick your brain on this one, because in the book she shares the difference between self-confidence and self-worth, and there's a drastic difference. Self-confidence is the characteristics that you build in life, the skills that you have: entrepreneurship, leadership, working out, leading in your work. Those are skills that you acquire that build your self-confidence. But self-worth goes deeper, into your value and being enough, and stepping into who you truly are. I may be butchering it a little, but the book is so good. She explains it and breaks it down.

How would you answer this? How do you stay connected to your personal self-worth when you're going through hard or messy seasons? Because everyone experiences those things. Someone could be changing a career. Someone could be changing their identity through fitness. Someone could be learning their triggers and wanting to show up differently. And it could be hard or messy for them to change the identity they once held, the behaviors and habits, and act differently. So how do you stay connected to yourself when you're going through messy seasons, maybe even in a relationship, and stay true to who you are?

Melissa: I think it's those practices that I mentioned before: the breath, the meditation, the checking in and the gratitude. That is how we stay connected. We've got to create silence and stillness to be able to hear the whispers of our truth. So that is how we stay true. We've got to go within, we've got to get quiet and have a conversation. What do you need? What do you need right now? Just asking yourself that question each day before you get out of bed: what do I need today to make me feel full?

Nikkiey: I love that. That's everything. It's really important to check back in with yourself so that you can hear your voice and hear what's needed to help you connect. You mentioned CAST, you mentioned CCC. What are some other things like that you have for yourself, maybe in the books, that you could share with the listeners here today?

Melissa: I think the very simple concept of choosing love over fear. I talk about this in Mastering Your Mean Girl. In every moment, we have a choice of love or fear. So we can go to the fridge and choose something from a place of love: I love my body so much. I love nourishing my body. I'm going to make the most beautiful, healthy meal. Or we go to the fridge from a place of fear: I want to eat this because of that reason, whatever it is.

So how we eat, the relationships we surround ourselves with, the conversations we have with ourselves, the work that we do in the world, the way that we move our body, we're doing it from a place of love or a place of fear. So get honest with yourself. Am I doing work that I love, or am I doing work just because I need the money? Am I moving my body from a place of love, or am I moving it because I need to flog it because I overate last night? Am I choosing this meal from a place of love and nourishment for this beautiful temple that I've been gifted, or am I choosing this meal because I want to punish myself? Am I in this abusive relationship because I don't think I'm worthy, or am I in this relationship because I love myself and this is what I deserve? We can literally apply the love or fear filter over everything. Everything.

Nikkiey: Powerful. I love that. I'm going to take that away. That was a powerful point there.

All right, the next and last bucket that I want to dive into is integration. That was one of the hardest things for me, coming out of three days and four nights of darkness, going back into society, trying to integrate everything that I had just experienced and then live in alignment. So how do we know if we're actually living in alignment? What are the signs that we're off course?

Melissa: Feeling. It's the feeling. Like I said at the very start, this comes full circle: one makes you feel expansive and one makes you contract. So if you are living your life and you're like, this doesn't feel good, I feel contracted, I feel like I'm choking, I've got anxiety, I've got depression, that is the sign that we're not living in alignment. If life is like, okay, this work feels really purposeful, this relationship feels really great, then that is a sign that you're in alignment. So it comes back to the feeling. How does it feel in your body? Does it make you feel expansive or does it make you contract?

Nikkiey: I love that. This next question might go back to the breathwork and the meditation, but I'm curious if you have a different alternative to share. What would you say to the woman who's done the work physically? She's physically transformed her body. She's got the results she wants, but she knows deep down that she's not at peace emotionally.

Melissa: Well, that's where the inner work begins. That's where we've got to start. That inner work, you can't get away from it. We can't sidestep it. It just does not happen. We have to do the inner work, and it's a lifelong thing. So whatever that looks like for you. But one of the most powerful things is inner child healing work. There's also internal family systems, which is parts work, where they talk about the different little parts within yourself. There's the controlling part. There's the needy part. There are all these different little parts, and certain situations activate those parts.

And when you have the awareness and you do that work, you go, oh, that little part of me, the controller, is being activated right now. What can I do to support that little part within me? What can I say? Can I reassure that little part that it's okay? It's okay. I don't need to control this situation. I'm going to be okay. Have a little conversation. But the inner work, you cannot escape it. You just can't.

Nikkiey: Yeah. Good stuff. One last question. How can someone start tuning into that intuition, hearing that little whisper, that little voice, when the other one can be so powerful sometimes, especially if they've been disconnected from it for so long?

Melissa: Yeah. The ego, the inner mean girl, is so loud. She is really loud. She tries to drown out that inner voice, your intuition, your truth. She'll want to speak over the top of it. So the only way to allow the voice of intuition to get louder is to quieten down all the noise. That's where sitting, stillness, meditation, closing your eyes, getting quiet, going within and hearing what comes up comes in. That is the only way. Because if you just go about your day-to-day life, the inner mean girl is so much louder that you cannot even hear your intuition. So you need to stop. You need to take a breath. You need to go within. What are you trying to say? What do you want to say? That's what we have to do each and every day.

Nikkiey: I love that. This has been a great episode sharing all this goodness. Melissa, is there anything I didn't touch on today that you would want the listeners to hear from you?

Melissa: Just remember that you are worthy of all the love in the world, all the health, all the abundance. You are worthy of living a beautiful life. It doesn't have to be hard. It doesn't have to be dark. We can live in flow and light. We just have to remind ourselves of that and remember that we are worthy of that.

Nikkiey: That's beautiful. This has been so good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for pouring so much wisdom and heart into this conversation. I know that the woman listening to this maybe just took a deep breath for the first time in a very, very long time because of something you said that resonated with her, something she needed to hear when she wasn't sure what to do or which path to take next. So thank you for your time being here. Where can the listeners connect with you? Where can they dive into your podcast and follow you on social media? I'll link your books below as well, but go ahead and plug yourself.

Melissa: Thank you so much. My website is melissaambrosini.com, and you can find all of my meditations, my books, everything there. My podcast is called The Melissa Ambrosini Show, wherever you listen to your podcasts. My Instagram is @melissaambrosini. Come and tell me what you got from this conversation. I would love to meet you, to connect with you, to hear from you. My program, SheLaunch, helps women build their dream business. It's the best business training and mindset training there is, I think. So we do business and mindset training there. If you want to build your business, launch your business or take your business to the next level, come and check out shelaunch.com. And just come and say hello on Instagram. I'm on all the other socials as well, but you can find those on my website.

Nikkiey: Love that. Thank you. And to everyone tuning in, I hope this reminded you that strength isn't just physical. What Melissa shared here is that emotional strength, inner work, inner calm and trusting yourself are the foundation of literally everything. So if this resonated with you, tag me, tag Melissa, and tell us your biggest takeaway. We would love to see that on social media. And thank you, Melissa, for being here and sharing all of your wisdom. I appreciate you.

Melissa: Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

Nikkiey: Real quick, if this episode resonated with you or gave you the push that you needed, I'd love for you to pay it forward. Drop a quick rating and review, share the podcast with someone who might need it, and help me keep spreading the word. Your feedback not only helps the show grow, but it might just be the nudge someone else needs to kickstart their transformation. Thank you so, so, so much for your support. Thank you.