How to Stop Dieting for Good Without Losing Control

Nikkiey: What I've heard so many times, one of the biggest fears that comes up when women stop dieting, is: if I'm not actively trying to lose weight, won't I just gain a bunch of weight and lose all control? That fear is so real, but it's also rooted in the belief that restriction equals control. But restriction isn't control. Restriction is you being in survival mode. Restriction is fear-based.

Hey, what's going on, everybody? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong and feel insanely confident. I'm your host, Nikkiey Stott. Welcome to today's episode, my friends, episode number 283. This one's going to hit deep, because we're not just going to talk about macros.

We're not going to talk about workouts. We're not going to talk about hormones. We're not going to talk about what split you should be doing with your macros or your training, or how much rest you should be taking, or the things these episodes sometimes dive into. I love talking about all that kind of stuff. But you guys know I also love talking about mindset. I love sharing insights that will hopefully set off light bulbs in your mind as we go through the episode, and that will make you focus in on the identity of becoming who you want to become through fitness and through health.

So today I want to talk about identity. Specifically, I want to talk about what happens when you stop dieting. Like, really stop dieting. Not just take a break. Maybe you had a New Year's resolution or these goals, you started this new diet, then summer hit and you're taking a break for a couple of months, and then you're going to jump right back onto another diet. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about really stopping dieting, where you truly shift away from constantly chasing weight loss, from obsessing over the scale, or from tying your self-worth to your body size.

Because what I've seen after working with thousands of women is that when you stop dieting, you don't just change how you eat. You change who you are, down to your core. And I'll be the first one to tell you, because I've seen it in so many women, that shift can feel scary as hell. It can feel like you're losing a part of yourself. It can leave you wondering: if I'm not trying to lose weight, then who am I? If I'm not waking up every day thinking about how I need to lose weight this week or this month or this hour, then who am I?

So I want to unpack that with you guys in today's episode. I want to talk about why the identity of the woman who's always trying to lose weight is so hard to let go of, and what emotional and psychological shifts happen when you just stop dieting. Then I want to unpack why it's normal to feel lost, disconnected or even afraid when you are going through this phase of truly stepping away from the person who's constantly chasing these things.

And then, how to rebuild a new identity that's rooted in freedom, strength and self-trust, not in constantly living in restriction. This one is about going from always chasing fat loss to becoming the woman who knows she's in control no matter what season she's in. That's what I'm hoping you gain from this episode today.

So let's start off by just being honest. For a lot of women, dieting isn't just something you do. It becomes who you are. Like I said, you wake up thinking about how you're going to focus on eating less today, or that you need to get to the gym because you need to train more. Or you're the one who's always trying to be good, right? You skip dessert. You eat the salad with the dressing on the side. Maybe you say, "I can't, I'm on a plan," when someone offers you a drink or an appetizer. Or you bond with other women by talking about how bloated you feel or how bad you feel when you're out at lunch, chatting with coworkers, or on vacation with friends.

Maybe you're known as the one constantly trying to be healthy, the disciplined one, the one who's always trying to lose 10 pounds. And you've probably been this woman for years. Years. Dieting isn't just something you do. It's who you are. Maybe you've even been this type of woman for decades.

Now think about that. If you spent 10, 20, maybe even 30 years of your life playing the role of the woman who's always trying to lose weight, and then suddenly you decide not to diet, dude, that's not just a lifestyle change. I want you to know that I see you in this moment, the ones who want to stop the constant yo-yoing, this hamster wheel of diet after diet, constantly trying to lose weight.

I know you want to stop. And I see that this isn't just a lifestyle change. Beneath it all, this is some type of identity crisis. And who talks about this in the industry? Who prepares you for this? Who says, "I see you in all the years you've been a constant dieter, I hear you when you say you want to stop dieting, and I'm going to walk hand in hand with you as we change this identity to be more supportive for you"?

What I've heard so many times, one of the biggest fears that comes up when women stop dieting, is: if I'm not actively trying to lose weight, won't I just gain a bunch of weight and lose all control? Think about it. If you're somebody who's like, "If I'm not actively dieting, then first of all, who am I? And if I'm not actively focusing on trying to eat less, I'm just going to spiral, eat whatever, gain a bunch of weight back and lose all control."

And it's going to go on week after week after week. That fear is so real. But it's also rooted in the belief that restriction equals control. Restriction isn't control. Restriction is you being in survival mode. Restriction is fear-based. Restriction is rooted in punishment and shame, and in the belief that your worth depends on what the scale tells you, your body size, or what you look like in the mirror.

What you actually want, the opposite of restriction, is self-trust. It's the ability to listen to your body, to feel it properly, to take care of it, and to know that your habits will support the outcome you want without micromanaging every single bite you put into your mouth, or thinking every single day about how you're going to lose weight by what you choose to eat.

But when you've spent years tying your success to how little you eat, how hard you work out and how small the number on the scale needs to get, it makes sense that letting go of that structure feels absolutely freaking terrifying. Because when you lived in it for years, it felt safe to you.

It felt productive. It gave you a sense of identity, even though it was rooted in lack, in restriction, in punishment and shame, and in the belief that this number equals my worth. It gave you some type of protection, and I get that. So when you walk away from it, you don't just lose the focus on a calorie target or how many days you have to work out.

You lose what felt like part of your identity. And that can feel like jumping off the side of a cliff, just free-falling. So I want to talk about the emotional side of this shift, because it is so real. Like I said earlier, I see you. We see you, including the coaches behind the scenes at WarriorBabe. The topics I come up with for these podcasts come from the conversations I see happening behind the scenes.

They come from how coaches have worked with their babes on the inside to get to this realization, and from letting women know they're seen when they're trying to shift out of this. We know you spent years doing this, and we hear that you want to change. The coaches are literally walking hand in hand with you, trying to find a solution together so that you can make this shift. So let's dive into the emotional side of the shift, because it's so real.

When you stop dieting, there's this weird phase that happens. You know how there are detoxes out there, a seven-day detox, a sugar detox, the 21 Day Fix? When you stop dieting and move into this weird in-between phase, it's almost like an emotional detox. It's the space where you no longer micromanage your food, but you haven't quite built the new habits yet.

You feel like you're in a limbo period, and this limbo period can bring up so many emotions and feelings. Guilt after eating something that's off your plan. Anxiety when you're not in control of the food, maybe when you go out to eat with friends and you're trying not to be a dieter. You're in this weird limbo where you haven't yet built the new habit of trusting yourself in that situation to make the right choices.

You have the fear of gaining weight, because you're letting go of micromanaging all the things that made you feel in control. Now you're in this limbo of trying to trust yourself, but you're afraid of gaining weight. These feelings, these emotions, are so freaking valid. You might even lose confidence, because what you thought was the healthy you, the disciplined you, the one who's always trying to be good, was your identity.

Your old discipline was that identity, and now you're in this limbo, trying to figure out what this new confidence looks like through self-trust. Or maybe a feeling comes up when you're out with friends, at a work event or with family, and other women in your circle are talking about dieting and you're not anymore.

So there's this comparison. It's almost like a pull. You get pulled into the emotions and feelings of the old you, while you're in this limbo of building self-trust, thinking, "I want to get out of this world of dieting and into this world of freedom." It's really freaking weird. It can be uncomfortable AF. And this, my friends, is where most people quit.

They run back to the diet, not because it was working, but because it was familiar. But if you stay in it, if you feel the feelings and validate them, and give some self-compassion to the old you who lived this way for so long and had that self-protection, if you honor it, feel it, validate it and then keep going, and keep leaning into the new you that you're becoming, with the self-trust to know you have this freedom and you don't have to live in restriction, that is where the magic happens.

Because on the other side of that discomfort is the freedom you are seeking.

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If your goal isn't to lose weight anymore, and I don't think that's what a goal should be for women in this new era of understanding, it's more about building muscle and building composition in your body, being healthy and being strong for the longevity of your life. That should be your goal. But so many of you have had the goal of "I want to lose weight." If that isn't your goal anymore, then what is? That's a big question, right? And this is where you get to reclaim your power by asking yourself: what kind of woman do I want to be?

How do I want to feel in my body? Do I want to be strong? Energized? Powerful? Do I want longevity? Do I want to be confident? And this is going to be a different level of confidence. The confidence that helped you survive for so long is going to become a different type of confidence, one that helps you thrive for a really long time. What do you want to do with your body? Do you want to be able to lift heavy? Do you want to be able to chase your grandkids?

What do you want your relationship with food to look like? Do you want food freedom? Do you want to have the foods you enjoy and not feel guilt after eating them?

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That's warriorbabe.com/apply. All right, let's get back to the show.

What do you want to pass down to the next generation of women in your family, or even the men in your family? It all starts with you. You are the role model who can change the whole generational health of your family. Just let that sink in for a second. This is going from body obsession to body ownership.

It's about saying, "I'm not here to shrink. I'm here to expand. I'm here to take up big spaces." I really want you to imagine yourself walking into the gym, not to burn off what you ate, not to focus on how many calories you burned and think, "Okay, this covered my breakfast or what I ate for lunch." I want you to walk into the gym to focus on getting strong, on challenging yourself, on building yourself.

That's the shift. You're no longer the woman who punishes herself, guilts herself or shames herself. You're the woman who shows up with purpose. You show up trusting yourself in this moment, and even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you are creating new habits that will serve you, so that you trust yourself with a different type of confidence. You have body ownership, where you take a different type of control, one that is freedom, not restriction.

You guys know I love to give tactical takeaways in these episodes, right? So how do you start building this new version of you? I've probably done at least a handful of episodes about the person you are becoming, and whatever I've talked about in those episodes can totally layer into any new episodes on this topic. I don't think there's a limit to how many times I can talk about it.

You know what I mean? This conversation, this topic, will come out in so many different ways. So take whatever I've talked about in the past, anchor it to the things I'm going to share with you here, and build on it as you continue to create this new identity for yourself. So here are a few things I want you to anchor into about how you can start becoming that new version of you. One: create a new label for yourself.

Start by saying, "I'm a woman who..." It's the affirmations, the things you say over and over and over again. You're a woman who prioritizes strength. You're a woman who prioritizes nourishment. You prioritize longevity. The more you say it, the more you believe it. You have to say it every single day: every time you wake up, every time you make your breakfast, every time you go to the gym and work out, and before you go to bed at night. The more you say it, the more this new label takes up space in your mind, and it doesn't allow the old labels to creep in.

I want you to track different wins. It's not about a scale number anymore. How consistent were you this week with your workouts and with tracking your food? Did you hit your protein target? How many days did you hit your protein target? Did you sleep seven hours? Did you lift heavier than last time, or last week, in the gym? Track different wins.

Another thing: you have to surround yourself with women who get it. If everyone around you is still chasing quick fixes, it's going to be so easy for you to get pulled back into that mindset and environment.

So easy, especially when you're in that fragile limbo period of trying to navigate away from the diet culture you were chasing. It can be so uncomfortable when you're in that limbo, when you haven't quite built those new habits and you're no longer thinking about every single food particle you put into your mouth. And with all the feelings I mentioned earlier, the guilt, the anxiety, the fear, the loss of confidence, the comparison, it can be so easy to run back to the familiar.

Because that's what you're familiar with. A lot of people are afraid to be uncomfortable, and that's where most people quit. But if you surround yourself with a community like WarriorBabe, where women are strong and empowered, where women still have these types of feelings but are able to open up to a small group they're with on a biweekly basis, they can lean on those women for the empowering reminder of why they joined WarriorBabe.

The long-term focus, focusing on making this the new norm. When you're surrounded by that type of women, it's going to be so much easier to feel those feelings and have them validated by other women. And then, literally within a minute of a call or a check-in with your coach or the community, those feelings are gone, and you're left feeling empowered and reminded of the journey you're on. It's so important to surround yourself with the right type of women.

Along the journey of creating this new identity, you're also going to find yourself celebrating the boring shit. Long-term success is built in the mundane, doing the same things over and over on a daily basis. It's tracking your food even when you don't feel like it. It's lifting when you're not motivated. It's doing the thing when no one's watching. These things are boring. I remember back in my coaching days, and I still hear this from our coaches today, women saying, "I'm just bored with this workout plan." Yeah, celebrate that, because that's normal. "I'm just bored with these meals."

Yeah, celebrate that, because that's normal. Long-term success is built by doing the same thing over and over and over again.

And a huge part of this new identity is letting go of the scale as your compass. The scale is not your identity. It's not your worth. It's not even a great indicator of fat loss, and you guys know that. You can use it as data, but you can't use it as direction in your journey moving forward.

So let me remind you of those things. You're putting a new label on this new identity. You're going to track different wins. You're going to surround yourself with women who get it, who can lift you up and validate the feelings you're feeling, because they are totally valid, and who will also remind you of where you're going. You're going to celebrate the boring shit. And you're going to let go of the scale as your compass.

And I want to leave you with this. If you feel like you are lost right now, that is okay. It means you are evolving. You're not meant to be the same woman forever.

I'll be the first one to tell you that. You're meant to grow. You're meant to change. You're meant to shift. And the woman you are becoming doesn't obsess over her weight. She doesn't shrink to fit in. She doesn't punish herself with food or with workouts. She fuels herself. She moves with intention. She leads herself with love and with discipline, a different type of discipline than the one you used to live in. She knows her worth goes far beyond the number on the scale, or even what she sees in the mirror.

So if you're in that in-between right now, that limbo of "I really want to stop what I've been doing for the last 10, 20, 30 years of dieting," where you're stopping the micromanaging, allowing new habits to take root, and no longer playing the dieting game, but you're not yet fully living in your power, just keep going.

What's happening right now is that this new identity is being built. It's taking root. You're laying the foundations for yourself, for the future you, and you're doing it one choice at a time, one day at a time. So know that I'm cheering you on behind this podcast right now. I'm so damn proud of you for walking this path. And if you're inside the WarriorBabe community, you have thousands of women celebrating you behind the scenes. Some of them are praying for you behind the scenes.

Know that you have tons of support. If you feel like you're going at this alone right now, you're not. Keep walking this path. Keep choosing you, the future you, every single day, and know that I'm just fucking proud of you. I'm so proud of you.

So, my friends, if this episode resonated with you, take a screenshot of it, share it on your story, tag me at Nikkiey Stott, tag The WarriorBabe Show, and tell me something that really stood out to you in this episode.

What's one part of your old dieter identity that you're so ready to leave behind? And what's something in this new identity that you're focused on building? I love hearing from you guys and hearing how these episodes resonate with you. If this episode hit home, share it with a friend. And maybe this is your first episode, your fifth or your tenth, or you've been listening for a while and haven't left a review yet.

Please, please, please leave a review, because that helps this episode get to more and more women who need to hear these things. And if you're fully ready to step in, or even if you're not fully ready but you know you need an ecosystem of women who will support you as you become this next version of yourself, come join us inside WarriorBabe at warriorbabe.com. We've helped thousands of women make this shift, and we're here to hold your hand and walk with you along the way as well.

All right, you guys, I love you all so much. I'm cheering you on behind the scenes. I'm keeping so many of you in my prayers. Let's just keep being great. Just keep going. I love you guys, and I'll see you in the next episode. Peace out.

Hey, really quick before you go, I have one small favor to ask. If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you, take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all the difference in helping more women discover the tools they need to transform their fitness and their confidence.

It takes less than a minute, but it can change the path of someone else's journey. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much. Thank you.