How to Stop Fearing Judgment at the Gym After 40

Nikkiey: I've talked to so many women who know that lifting heavier would change their body composition. They've heard it, they believe it, but they don't do it. And when you dig into why, it almost always comes back to some version of "I don't want to look stupid," or "I don't want people to stare at me," or "I don't want to be in the way." Sometimes people are afraid to just walk up in front of somebody that's sitting on a bench doing their workout, looking in the mirror, to put dumbbells back. Guys, don't be afraid to take up space. This is what I want to say about that: nobody is watching as much as you think they are.

What's going on, my friends? Hey, you guys. Welcome back to another episode of The WarriorBabe Show with your host, Nikkiey Stott. On these episodes, we talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident. I'm your host, Nikkiey Stott. And welcome, guys, to what I think is going to be such a good episode today.

This one is on my heart right now for y'all. I just hope that I'm able to breathe some life into you guys so that you can get out of your own way with it and go pursue the goals that you want to accomplish. All right. So in today's episode, episode number 348, we're going to talk about the fear of judgment. And it's not going to be a therapy session, guys. It's not going to be a "let's process our feelings" kind of talk here. I just want to have a real, direct, call-it-what-it-is kind of conversation with you guys.

Because fear of what other people think is, I feel like, one of the single biggest reasons why a lot of women stay stuck. Honestly, it's the biggest reason mindset-wise that women stay stuck, in the gym and in their health journey. And most of the time, they don't even realize that it is a fear. It can look like hesitation, or it can look like waiting until they're ready, or just not quite being able to go all in on something. So today, we're going to pull it out of the shadows and look at it directly.

Just head on. This is what it is kind of situation. All right. So I want to start with what I feel like most of you guys need to hear. When you hear "the fear of judgment," a lot of people picture somebody who may be visibly insecure, or someone that is constantly seeking approval from people. And you may think that way and then you're probably like, "Oh, well, that's not me."

But fear of judgment is very sneaky. It doesn't always show up as obvious insecurity or looking for that constant approval. It shows up as some really reasonable-sounding excuses that you may be saying on a daily basis. It could look like you don't go to the gym because you want to lose weight first. You'll start when you look more like somebody who actually belongs in the gym. You'll go when you know what you're doing so nobody watches you fumble through a new exercise.

You'll maybe try that class when you're a little bit fitter, a little further along in your journey, a little more confident with your form, a little more ready. Right? For me at the beginning of my journey, it looked like me staying in the cardio section. Not because cardio is what I wanted to do. Trust me, it is not what I wanted to do. But it was because the weight room felt like men's territory. It was somebody else's territory and I didn't want to be seen not knowing what I was doing in it.

Right? Or it could look like not posting your progress, not sharing your journey, not telling people why you're working on yourself. Because what if you fail? What if you post about your goals and then you fall off and everybody sees it? This is the kind of stuff that it looks like. It maybe looks like playing small when you're in conversations about fitness and nutrition. Nodding along even though you know something different.

Right? Maybe you're on this journey but you're too afraid to speak up and talk about your progress. You're too afraid to talk about what you're learning because you don't want to cause conflict or go against what somebody's saying. Because having an opinion means someone might push back on you. It looks like maybe quitting before you've really even started. Because if you never fully commit, then you never fully lose. Right? Does any of this sound familiar? Because this is what the fear of judgment actually looks like on your fitness journey.

Not some type of insecurity, and not "I'm looking for constant approval from people." No, no, no. This is the deeper stuff. It is so much more common with these underlying things. And we need to be able to talk about these things. I don't want to make it into a therapy session, but I do think it's worth understanding why this fear is so strong, especially when it comes to women. If you think about how we're wired, we're wired for belonging.

We're wired for deeply belonging with people and seeking that type of connection. And being rejected from a group is not just uncomfortable. It's also dangerous for us at a deeper level. So our brains developed a very sophisticated alarm system for anything that might make us look bad, or make us stand out in a negative way, or risk social rejection from a peer group that you're in.

And that alarm system is still running. It's always running, even when the stakes are just that someone might judge my squat form. Just by somebody walking in while you're in the weight room picking up dumbbells, and there's somebody else watching. Guys, this used to be me. And that's why I'm so deeply... you can probably feel I'm so passionate about this, by the way. Calm down, Nikkiey. Because when I started my journey, I would wear a hat. For some of you guys that have been around since day one, love you guys.

You guys know the story of my Nike hat. I don't think I have it anymore, but I had it for years. My Nike hat with the swoosh symbol. It had so much wear and tear; I wore it for years. But I used it like blinders, so that I couldn't see other people, because I had this constant alarm system running: "Oh, there's probably people judging me for my form," or "People are looking at me while I'm lifting this weight."

And guys, especially for women specifically, we are socialized from a very young age to manage other people's perceptions of us. To be likable. To not take up too much space. To not be too much. To shrink ourselves into something more palatable and comfortable for everybody around us. So when you walk into a gym and you feel that prickle of self-consciousness, when you hesitate before sharing your progress with somebody, when you downplay your goals so nobody thinks you're too ambitious,

that is not weakness. That is years and years of conditioning doing exactly what it's designed to do. But what was designed to protect you is also now limiting you. At some point you have to decide that what you want for your life is more important than managing everyone else's opinion of you and what you're doing. That decision is where everything starts to change. When I first started my journey, there were so many people in my ear. Friends, family.

They'd be like, "You can't do that." Everybody had an opinion about what I wanted to do. Because there was one thing that I didn't downplay when I started my journey. Some of the other examples I gave, yes, that was me. But one thing I didn't downplay was what I wanted to do and the goals I wanted to go after. And maybe this will help some of you guys: sometimes people say you shouldn't share your goals with everybody because of that. If you know that you're not strong enough to keep the weight of other people's opinions in that specific bucket from getting to you,

then don't share your goals with people. Do it silently first and then speak up. So of all the buckets I named, which one resonated with you the most, and which one can you work on a little bit more? Step in boldly. Not out of fear, but step in boldly for what you're doing. Be able to just show up, and I'm going to get to this in a little bit too, but just don't let these things limit you anymore.

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I do want to zoom back in on the gym for a minute, because I think it's one of the most concentrated spaces where fear of judgment plays out, and it's one of the places where it costs women the most. The weight room in particular, like what I just shared with you guys about when I first started my journey,

it's still there in 2026. There's still a version of the gym that feels like it belongs to men. It's the heavy section. It's the squat racks. It's the platforms. I am seeing more younger women go in there and take up space. But so many women orbit around the edges of the space, doing what feels safe and what's approved, rather than what would actually move the needle for their own specific goals. And I've talked to so many women who know that lifting heavier would change their body composition.

They've heard it. They believe it. But they don't do it. And when you dig into why, it almost always comes back to some version of "I don't want to look stupid," or "I don't want people to stare at me," or "I don't want to be in the way." Sometimes people are afraid to just walk up in front of somebody that's sitting on a bench doing their workout, looking in the mirror, to put dumbbells back. Guys, don't be afraid to take up space. All right. This is what I want to say about that: nobody is watching you as much as you think they are.

And if you need to do something like I did early in my journey, where I put a hat on so I couldn't see people around me, then do it. Do something that's going to support you and what you want to get after. But also know nobody's really watching you that much. I promise you that everyone in the gym is far more focused on their own workout, their own body, their own insecurities than they are on you. The judgment that you're so afraid of, most of it is not happening outside of your own head. It's all happening in your own mind. And then there's the small amount that is happening, like the occasional person who might clock what you're doing.

I remember, it was probably two months into my journey, this man came up to me in the gym and said, "Oh, you could do this exercise better." It's also about the way that you respond. Because for an insecure person, that could totally shut them down. But you could also just say, "Thank you, I appreciate that," and go about your own business. Because there are probably people in there clocking you on form who have their own opinion. But their opinion could be irrelevant to your goals.

Their opinion has zero bearing on what your body is capable of. Zero bearing on what you can build and do. Zero bearing on your life. So if people want to come up to you and clock you for weird form or say something about what you're doing, especially if it's negative... Now, people in the gym will also come up and say, "Oh, you look great," or "Your form looks spot on, looks like you've been doing it for years." I've heard that. There's positive light in the compliments in the gym. But there are also those people where you're like, "Why did you even speak up right now?"

Right? But remember that their opinion has zero bearing on you and your goals. I also get your fear of their opinion, though, because it can feel like the thing standing between you and the version of yourself that you're working toward. I get it. It can have a big bearing on you, or it could feel enormous. And it could become the thing. If you allow yourself to absorb their opinion of what they're saying to you, you could allow that to get in the way of what you're working towards.

I've seen it before in conversations with women. Someone said something very deflating in the gym to a woman, and because it was deflating, that woman stopped going to the gym. Because she doesn't want to have that emotional encounter again. I don't blame her. But remember, these opinions aren't based on you. These opinions are based on what this individual has going on in their own life. So don't allow it to stand between you and the version of yourself that you're working towards.

There's a concept that I love. It's simple, but it hits every single time: what other people think of you is none of your business. Period. What other people think of you is none of your business. Not because their feelings don't matter, but because their opinion of your journey is not information you need to operate from. It doesn't help you. It only holds you back. The only person I'm ever going to take an opinion from

is someone who is far more successful than me in the area that I am trying to get to. So if a woman comes up to me who is jacked, she's ripped, she's toned, she's been doing this for years and she can maintain it for years, I'm going to listen to what she has to say. But if somebody is coming up to me and, for lack of better judgment, you don't look like you go to the gym consistently and you have a hard time with your nutrition, I'm not going to take advice from you.

I'm not going to take an opinion from you. Okay? That's a general rule of thumb. And opinion and advice are different. If people are just dishing out their opinions to you, again, what people think of you is none of your business. Okay? Especially if they're throwing opinions at you. If it's advice, that's different. The advice would go to what I just said: I'm only going to take advice from people that are far more successful than I am in the one area that I'm looking for advice in.

Opinions? Okay, cool. Give me your opinions. That's great. But you need to have a filter for what you will agree to and what you won't. Information that you don't need to operate from versus will operate from. But the majority of the time, don't take opinions from people, unless you can dive a little bit deeper into it with them. If it's just some Joe Schmo passing by in the gym... Anyway, I'm going on a rant now. You guys get what I'm talking about. All right? Now, I want to zoom out of this for a second, because

it doesn't just stay in the gym. It never does. The fear that keeps you out of the weight room is the same exact fear that keeps you from fully committing to your nutrition. Because if you tell people that you're tracking your macros, they're going to have... not they might, they will have opinions. They might call you obsessed. They might make comments at dinner. Y'all, I used to bring my meals to Easter, to Thanksgiving, to holidays, packed up in Tupperware.

I had this... and again, this is where I was a little bit stronger. I had a protective bubble around me, is what I used to say. And I wouldn't allow these opinions to penetrate my bubble. Okay? So if this is what you struggle with, don't be afraid to speak about your goals, because you are the only person who knows what those goals look and feel like. They only make sense to you, and only you. Sometimes your husband, your partner, people in your circle aren't going to get them.

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I could go on a whole other rant about "What do I do? How do I handle those people?" But I'm not going to, because that's probably a topic for another day. But again, they're going to have things to say. And if you allow them to penetrate the bubble, it will quietly make you hide what you're doing so you don't have to have those types of conversations with people. It will make you half-ass tracking your macros and be half committed, because you don't want to be called obsessed. You don't want to hear, "Why are you tracking your food? Why are you bringing your meals to dinner?"

It's the same fear that keeps you from showing up and talking about your journey, even though you know your story could help somebody else. But what if you gain all the weight back? What if you fail? What if your progress is slower than other people's? What if someone in your life sees it and has something to say about it? Your journey is your journey. It's allowed to take however long it takes for it to click for you. So if you want to share your journey and encourage other people, I highly encourage you to do that.

Because there are people around you at work that are struggling and they don't even say it out loud. You sharing your journey may give somebody else the ability, the vulnerability, to speak up. And this same fear is also what stops you from letting yourself want what you want, and from saying it out loud: "I want to be strong. I want to feel confident in my body. I want to build something that I'm proud of." Being able to say that. Because wanting that means being seen wanting those things.

And being seen wanting them means someone might watch you not get there. That is an exhausting way to live, my friends. But so many people are living it every single day without even realizing what's happening. This is what's happening. Let me be real about this, because I think sometimes we minimize this. We treat it like it's just a personality quirk, or a little shyness, or not a big deal. But it is a big deal. Fear of judgment costs you time. Every month you wait to start because you're not ready enough,

or you feel small, or you're not confident enough, that's time you won't get back. Your body is changing whether you're working with it or not. Time is not neutral. It costs you results. The modifications you make to your training to stay comfortable and not be seen in the weight room, like lighter weights, easier exercises, skipping the things that feel vulnerable, those modifications directly impact what your body is able to build and is capable of.

Playing it safe in the gym means you're moving slower, you're smaller, and you're getting less satisfying results. And I'll tell you guys this, because I had to lean into my own journey and deal with people's opinions, and deal with social media and its opinions. Talk about having people say something in your ear in your circle; wait till you put yourself on social media, guys. With this episode, I hope that you just develop thick skin for yourself.

Because it can cost you sharing your story. The women who share their journey, the imperfect side of it, the vulnerability, doing it in real time... So many people that are just now getting to know who I am didn't see the last 10 years, or even when I was competing. The grueling pain and ups and downs I was going through in order to build the composition that I have now, and to be able to sustain it. Right? The women who share their journey are the ones who build community and find accountability.

This is all how WarriorBabe came about. Because I was able to show the vulnerable side of it. I was able to be real time with it. I was able to show that there is no perfect side of building a healthy body. You're going to mess up. I was vulnerable on social media about messing up and not being perfect. The women who hide their journey to avoid judgment have nothing to look back on and nobody walking alongside them. I'll tell you, having women in the community who believe that they can do it because of my journey,

or because of somebody else's journey within the community, that's huge. Just by sharing your story. And it also costs you the version of yourself that you're actually capable of becoming. That one's the hardest to quantify, but it's the most real. Because if you're half-assing it, half showing up, being half committed, not fully diving in because of this fear of judgment,

you're only getting halfway to where you want to be. You're not fully leaning in to be the 100% person that you want to become, the person that's different than who you are right now. Think about the woman on the other side of this. Imagine a line in the sand. Okay? We're on this side, with all the things we're talking about in this episode. The fear of judgment. The fear of not showing up. The fear of what I look like inside the gym.

The fear of committing. Draw a line. The woman on the other side of that fear, she works out. She trains. She trains differently. She trains with commitment and passion. She pushes herself inside the gym. She doesn't care what people think she looks like. She commits differently. She shows up for herself differently. Not because she became fearless, but because she decided her goals matter more than her fear did. And if there's anything I encourage you guys to do, it's to believe in yourself,

even when it feels hard. Or get inside of WarriorBabe with other women and borrow the belief from a coach. Borrow the belief from our team if you don't have the belief for yourself yet. All right? And you guys know that I like to give you some practical stuff when we're on this podcast together, so let's talk about some things that are easy to implement. First of all, name the moment. Whenever you feel like you're hesitating, like before you go to the gym,

before you post something on social media, before you commit to something, before you dive into nutrition and tracking, get in the habit of asking, "Is this a fear of judgment?" Just naming it will disrupt you being on autopilot for the next action. It puts you back in the driver's seat. So if you're hesitating to go to the gym, name it. "Is this because I'm afraid of being judged and I don't want to be seen?" Name it. Call it out. Next, do it afraid. This is what actually works. You don't have to feel confident before you act.

Confidence is only built through action, not the other way around. Walk into the weight room anyway. Post the update anyway. Commit out loud anyway. Say things about your goals out loud anyway. You're building evidence that you can actually handle it. And the more that you do that, the more you just do it afraid, the more you act even when you don't feel confident, that fear is going to get smaller and smaller every single time.

And then I would say get around women that are doing it. Environment. Your environment is everything. When you're surrounded by women who are lifting heavy, who are sharing their journey, who are committing out loud, who are not shrinking themselves, that becomes your new normal. What feels scary in isolation actually feels possible when you're part of a community. I believe it's one of the most underrated tools for overcoming this kind of fear. And I will say this:

we have a free WarriorBabe community. It's free. You have nothing to lose. Get yourself inside our free Facebook group to be around women like this. If you go to the links in the description, the free Facebook group should be there. Or go to Facebook and search "WarriorBabe Community." Ask to join the WarriorBabe Community. It's a black banner. Okay. So do it. And even if you're afraid of being in the community, you don't even have to post anything.

You can just see what the community is about. You can attend our free calls that we do on a weekly basis to help you absorb this information and this mindset, and to have this type of support on your journey. So I'm going to leave you guys with this one. The version of you that you're working towards, the one who's strong, confident, consistent, proud of how she's showing up, she's not fearless. She's not someone who never worries about what people think. I still do that. But she is someone who decided.

She decided that her goals matter more than her fear does. And she acts like it even when it's uncomfortable. That decision, my friends, is available to you right now. Not when you've lost the weight. Not when you feel ready. Not when you're more confident, but right now. So what would you do today if you weren't afraid of being judged? Go do that. Go do that. And if you want to be in a community of women who are showing up exactly like that, imperfectly, consistently, without shrinking, WarriorBabe is it for you.

And then WarriorBabe VIP if you want a coach. Real coaching, real accountability. All those links are below this podcast. And share this episode with somebody who needs to hear these words of encouragement today. You probably already know who that person is, so go share it with them. All right? I love you guys, and I'll see you in the next episode. Peace out.

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