The Dangerous Lie Hiding Behind ‘You Deserve It’ Culture

00:00Self-care isn't always being soft. Sometimes it's gritty. Sometimes it's sweat. Sometimes it's tears, right? Sometimes it's the version of you dragging yourself into the gym or saying no to pizza or going to bed at 9 p.m., drinking water instead of wine. Like, that's what builds confidence. That's what builds trust within yourself. Hey, you guys. What's up? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkie Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. And on this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident.

00:39I'm your host, Nikkie Stott, and welcome to today's episode, episode number 293. Holy cow, we're getting really close to 300. Today, I want to dive into something that I think that a lot of women need to hear, especially those of you that are in your 30s, that are in your 40s, or even those of you that are in your 50s, who have been taught to like, and I mean, this, I'm going to give you guys some tough love today. So I just want to preface this with that. I'm going to lean in a bit.

01:10And I want to talk about like, those who've been taught that taking care of yourself, quote unquote, means like, bubble baths and wine on the couch. And let me while like you skip doing the hard work. I'm going to get into the uncomfortable truth. Well, at least my opinion behind this, how I think about it, because like, behind why a lot of what we label as quote unquote, self care is actually

01:41delaying like, it's a delay tactic. It's an excuse or like a sneaky way to like, stay stuck where you are. And I'm going to I'm going to like really get stick with me because I'm going to get to like, the psychological processes of that, like the mental aspect of that, like deep, the deeper why. So I want to get deep on this one. Like, I want to get to the mindset. I want to get to the behavior patterns. I want to get to like the emotional regulation and how to actually take care of yourself in a way that builds confidence, not chaos.

02:14And when I what I mean by that is like, actually, you know what, I'm going to dive into it. I want to start first, like, what is even self care? Like most people will tell you that self care is like treating yourself to your favorite dessert or letting yourself rest after a hard week or you don't need to go to the gym. Like you can just like Netflix and chill, you know, is that really care? Or is that more of like an escape? Like self care is being marketed to women in a way that plays into our emotions, into convenience,

02:49into what I think, like, honestly, into like our insecurities. Like I told you I'm going to get really deep on this one. Like we've been told if you're stressed, ah, go, let's go pour a glass of wine. Or if like, if you're tired, I skip that workout, you don't need to go to the gym. Or if you're if you've had a hard week, you know, go and just go chill on the couch and like watch eight hours of TV and call that like mental health. But like if you're doing that every weekend, every time that you you you hit resistance,

03:22or every time that you feel like overwhelmed, that's not self care. That's how I want y'all to think about it is like, if you agree with me on this, first of all, you may not agree with me. That's okay. But I think I think feel like it's self sabotage diagnosed is like, as like being soft, being soft. Like, true self care is doing the thing that your future self will thank you for. It's showing up for the goals that you set.

03:52It's getting uncomfortable so that you can grow. It's it's being honest with yourself about when you're using quote unquote grace as a way to like avoid growth. And I'm going to dive into like what I mean with that, because I think that's really important. And I feel like that's like the big differentiator between what I'm my points I'm trying to get across is being on it. It's that back to the awareness, my friends back to the awareness and what I've been like bringing home and nailing in in every episode I feel like recently.

04:23But it's bringing that awareness to yourself. Like, are you giving yourself grace or are you avoiding something that's going to help you to grow? And I'm going to dive into that in a little bit. But first, I want to talk about like the stories that we tell ourselves to justify self sabotage. And and dude, I just want to let you guys know, I just called you guys dude, my friends. I just wanted you guys to know that I've been I've I've used these types of internal justifications to as well. I've had them. I'm not immune.

04:53Like there are there are seasons where in my life, I would overwork myself and call it discipline. But that's also sabotage. And then there are other times where I like under commit. And I call it balance. But that's also sabotage. So like some of these mental stories, like some things I would say, maybe you said this, I've definitely heard women say this is like, I just need to rest today. But it's like, did I earn this rest? Or am I using this as like an excuse? Or like, it's been a really long week.

05:24Like, I deserve this. Deserve what exactly? Like to undo the discipline that you showed all week. Like, for those of you guys, like I'm speaking to like the ones that make it Monday through Friday, they're really good with their nutrition. They're really good with their workouts. And I'm like, I deserve like I've had a long week. I've done all the things. But like, I deserve this, this Saturday and Sunday to like, chill and to not and to like give myself, you know, like calling it the balance. But it's like, is that balance? Or is it more so you're undoing the hard the work that you put in like the discipline that

05:57you showed all week? And I'm going to get like, I want you to latch on to that word discipline, because that's going to circle. I'm going to circle back to that. Or like, oh, this is just like how I cope. Are your coping mechanisms like actually healing you? Or are they just keeping you numb? Like you have to be able and again, like I've had these internal justifications. Like I feel like I, I understand these justifications. But I also know how they can be hurtful. And they can be sabotaged because they're not necessarily moving you forward. If look, it's one thing to say, like I've had a long week.

06:30And like, I deserve to just chill. Don't get me wrong on that. But what I've said earlier is like, it's when you do this every, like single weekend, or, you know, you do this every time that this is like something like you're labeling it as this, like you're labeling it as like you're doing it every time you hit resistance, you're doing it every weekend, you're doing it every, maybe you have baba glass of wine like every other day, or you're doing every time you feel overwhelmed. That's what I mean by that. It's one thing to be like, yo, I need rest day because like, dude, I'm tired.

07:01But like, that's why I, I, I'm going to challenge you guys to ask some types of questions later on. There's a difference. I want to make sure that that point is well known because some people be like, oh my God, Nikki, you're being so hard. You're being shameful, yada, yada, yada. No, no, no, no, no. It's when this is like done repeatedly on weeks on end and you're wondering why you're still stuck, but these could be the things why you're still stuck. So like I get, and like I said, I've been there and you, and this is like where you have to get really honest with yourself. You have to look yourself in the mirror and ask like, is this helping me or is this hurting

07:36me in the long run? I think those are really good questions to ask because if you're somebody that's like, it's been a long week and I deserve this and you're doing that every single week. It's like, ooh, is this narrative, excuse, thought process, pattern, is this helping me or is it hurting me? Because that's what real self-care is. Long-term support, not a short-term escape. That's the way I want you guys to think about it. It's like, oh, this is just how I cope. But like, is this just a coping mechanism?

08:08Like, but are you doing it every single week and are you actually healing from it or is it just keeping you in this type of energy that's making you disassociate from other things that you know you should be doing, right? Ladies, are you feeling frustrated with body changes you're experiencing during menopause? It's time to take control. If you're between 45 and 65 years old and tired of struggling with body fat and muscle loss, Warrior Babe is here for you. At Warrior Babe, we've helped over 18,000 women just like you lose body fat, build toned muscle,

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09:18Discipline. Here's that word again. And I know that the industry is really pounding this one here. It's like just you need to be disciplined. You need to work harder, blah, blah, blah, blah. Again, I'm not sure. I don't want you guys to feel shame when I when it's when that word is used. Discipline is also like, I'm going to touch into my faith here. Like it's it's. You can really lean in. It's written in scripture that discipline is a form of. You like a form of showing up for yourself.

09:50Like discipline is self-care. It's not punishment. It's not restriction. It's not burnout. Like the kind of discipline that think about like this, like it's the kind of discipline that like you keep the promises to yourself. Like it's the kind of discipline that gets you out of bed when you want to hit snooze. Like it's those little actions, but they serve for long term support. Should I go back to say that? Like it's saying no to that like short term comfort for the long term vision. That self-respect.

10:21That self-worth. That's the type of care that builds confidence. And you know what doesn't build confidence is like constantly starting over. Like it's like those I'm going to lean back into. Oh, I just had a long week. I deserve this. And then it's like Monday or Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you fall off course. It's that constantly starting over on the Monday. I just saw a post on Instagram and I was like, holy cow, that's crazy. Like someone's to that 2000s time of starting over on a Monday.

10:55I know that's valid. I know some of you guys can really resonate with that, but that doesn't build your self-confidence. What else doesn't build your self-confidence is rationalizing your sabotage or ghosting your workouts and blaming life. Like this is just like life is just so busy. Life is happening right now. Life is busy for everyone. Yet there's women out there that are treating themselves with self-respect and putting themselves first. Like they're disciplined enough to keep carrying through and showing up for themselves and they're getting the results that they want.

11:28We don't grow. We don't rise by avoiding the friction. We rise. We grow by leaning into the things that require us to be uncomfortable and to grow. Like when I think about the women in Warrior Babe who have been who've had like the biggest transformations, it's not the ones who did the most cardio or the ones that ate less and like moved more. It's the ones who stayed committed even when it got boring. Because I hear it time and time again from the babes in the community.

12:00I'm bored. I'm eating the same thing. I'm doing the same workout for six weeks. Like yeah, but the ones that do that, the ones that are disciplined enough to follow through, they stay committed even when they don't feel like it. Because not everybody feels like it every single day. But that's love. Like that's care. That's showing up for yourself. Okay. And like I want to dive into this balance thing. Like this balance word. The word that's getting thrown around like it's freaking confetti right now. Let me be real with you guys. Because most women who say they want quote unquote balance actually want to not feel guilty about their lack of following through.

12:39Balance isn't 50-50. Balance is seasonal. Balance is intentional. Balance is rooted. Here's that word again. Balance is rooted in awareness. Balance means, and you should tie this with the word awareness because it goes hand in hand. Balance means that you know when you're recovering and you know when you're avoiding. You have that awareness of you know that you're when you're recovering and you know when you're avoiding something.

13:13Or you know when you're indulging. You have that awareness of you know that you're going in having some ice cream. Like I'll be blunt honest. Yeah, last night I had like a quarter of a hog and dog's mint chocolate chip. And I know I'm indulging. And that's the awareness that I have. Like you know when you're indulging. And then you know when you're justifying. Like I wasn't like last night. I'm going to have such a hard day. I'm just going to cope with some ice cream. That's me justifying.

13:45Like I know. Like hey, yeah, I'm indulging right now. Yeah, yeah, call it what it is. That's what's happening. Don't skirt around the reality of the situation that you are in. Don't try to avoid. Don't try to justify. And it's another thing. The balance is like when you know that you're honoring your body. And you know when you're ghosting the goals that you have. This is all awareness. And it's all seasonal. It's all intentional. You have like you can have the wine.

14:15And like I'm saying you can have the rest. You can skip a workout. But when it becomes a pattern. Over and over and over and over again. Dude at that point you are not caring for yourself. And this is the biggest point that I wanted to get across. You're sabotaging your potential at this point. So you have to be really, really, really careful. In what you think is self-care. Is it self-care? Or is it actually you self-sabotaging your own potential?

14:49I just want to encourage you guys to stop using quote-unquote balance as like a bypass. And start using it as a tool for a long-term alignment. Like really like it's bringing the reality of the situation to the reality and awareness of the situation. It's like man I just need to relax and like rest and like pour this glass of wine. But like are you avoiding actually going to the gym at that point?

15:22Maybe that could help you. Right? So like again I just want to hammer it home. You can have the wine. You can have the rest. You can skip the workout. But when it becomes a pattern over and over and over again that's not you having self-care. Okay? So before like I wrap this up I want you to do something real for yourself. I want you to ask like am I using self-care as a shield to not face what I really need to do?

15:52Like am I using do I really deserve to like really like like go into this weekend Saturday and Sunday and like like give myself like it is this a pattern is what I would encourage you guys. Did you do that last weekend? Did you do the weekend before? Even did you do it two weekends ago? Like it could have happened in the last like three weeks. It could have been three times in the last five weeks that if you think about it the pattern is stronger on the side of like you're using these things to justify the situation that you're in.

16:32Or am I calling it giving myself grace when it's actually am I avoiding something? Am I confusing being comfortable with like caring for myself? These are things I want you guys to like ask yourself. And then I want you to take inventory. I want you to check your habits. It's like could I be journaling how I'm feeling right now or should I be scrolling? Am I nourishing my body or am I numbing it? Are you training your mind or are you running from your emotions? Like these are things that once you can bring awareness of the situation and you can bring the reality of the situation to them that level of honesty is what will set you free.

17:06And then you will be able to catch these patterns. This is more so I told you I was going to get a little uncomfortable with you guys because some people don't want to hear this. But they needed to hear this because this will bring an awareness to you and how you've been showing up over the last couple of weeks. And are you stuck in this type of pattern? And hopefully this podcast will be able to shake you from that to bring you into the reality of the situation. Let you get honest with yourself. Bring awareness to it. Check in with yourself.

17:36Ask yourself some things. And then you'll be able to show up a little bit differently moving forward. Am I right? Yeah. So and some of you guys probably won't agree with me. That's okay. But let me leave you guys with this. Okay. Self-care isn't always like being soft. Sometimes it's gritty. Sometimes it's sweat. Sometimes it's tears. Right. Sometimes it's the version of you dragging yourself into the gym or saying no to pizza or going to bed at 9 p.m.

18:07drinking water instead of wine. Like that's what builds confidence. That's what builds trust within yourself. So stop calling it care when it's more so just like you being comfortable. And I want you guys to just challenge yourself to choose like the real growth. Choose like radical honesty. And most of all like choose you in it. Because at the end of the day you're the only one in your own way when it comes to these types of topics I'm talking about. Like you can easily get yourself on the right track. If you bring awareness and honesty to the situation and you take extreme ownership for it.

18:42Okay. I love you guys. Thank you for tuning in to this episode. If it hit home please share it. Tag me on social media. At Nikki Stott. At The WarriorBabe Show. Share it with a friend. Right. Maybe somebody else needs to hear this. Let's just keep the conversation going. Okay. Appreciate you guys. And I will see you in the next episode. Hey really quick before you go. I have one small favor to ask. If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you.

19:12Take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all of the difference. Helping more women discover the tools they need to transform the fitness and their confidence. It takes less than a minute. But it can change the path of someone else's journey. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much.

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