The Grief No One Talks About When You Change Your Body

00:00When we talk about body transformation, the focus is usually on like the before and the after. The weight loss, the muscle, the confidence, like that's usually where the focus lies. And all of that is incredible. All that is amazing and beautiful and it matters. But what no one prepares you for is like the emotional weight of letting go of who you used to be. Hey, you guys, what's up?

00:30Happy Monday. Happy post-Easter weekend. I hope that you guys all had a beautiful holiday with your friends and your family and you ate some good food, had some good desserts, and now you're getting back to the grind. Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkie Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. And on this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident. You guys, today on episode number 252, what I want to get into with y'all is something a little bit deeper again.

01:07I know we talked about like my personal journey in the season I'm going through right now in the last episode. And today I really don't want to talk about like training splits or macros or like what to eat or how to lift. I want to get to the emotional side of the transformation. Something I feel like most people don't talk about. Something that I have personally experienced. I know that many of you have too as well. I've heard this in one way or another through the thousands of Warrior Babes that have been through our program.

01:39Even through our coaching team of our coaches talking about their babes experiencing this too as well. And today what that is is like I want to talk about the grief that can come with changing your body. And yeah, I said the word grief and I don't want you all to think like this is going to be like a depressing or sad episode. It's not going to be that way. I just want to talk real raw and honest with you guys about this side of the journey that I don't feel like a lot of people showcase.

02:09Like I talked about in one of the recent episodes like we live in a highlight real culture and everyone sees the success of the accomplishments that people have with their transformations. Or they see like, you know, three years later the aftermath of what their body looks like. But nobody really talks about, you know, the people that you lose along the way or even your old identity and the old habits that you carried with you. And that's there's a period in between there that you experience grief. Like it's it's empowering as as anything to become stronger, to become leaner, to become healthier.

02:45But there's a very real emotional shift that happens when you let go of that old version of you. So what I hope to do in this episode, you guys, is bring more like self-awareness. If you are in this season or whatever, like however you want to call you, if you're going through this period of time where you're shedding the layers of your old self and you're building up that new you. But there's like a period like there's a there's a point where it feels heavy or it feels like you're grieving or you feel some type of guilt or whatever may be coming up for you.

03:17So and maybe you aren't realizing maybe this episode will bring a little bit more self-awareness of like, oh, wait, yeah, I'm experiencing that. I'm going through this right now. I'm like, I just want you all to feel heard, seen, like validated in this episode to know that like it's OK that you're going through that and that there's going to be an amazing like change on the other side as you continue to like think about like a butterfly. Like they go through the cocoon, you know, phase and then they emerge into a butterfly. But anyway, I think I'm about to get off topic. Like if you're in this, it can feel heavy, right?

03:48It's real. And even though you wanted the change. So let's get into this episode. First, I want to talk about like when we talk about body transformation, the focus is usually on like what I said earlier, like the before and the after, like the weight loss, the muscle, the confidence. Like that's usually where the focus lies and all of that is incredible. All that is amazing and beautiful and it matters. But what no one prepares you for is like the emotional weight of letting go of who you used to be.

04:19I remember like being in coaching calls. I've heard our coaches say this and babes come to these one-on-one calls that we hold with them. And this doesn't get like showcased. You know, we're not like standing, sitting here with like our phone and recording like the emotional baggage that comes with the journey of changing your body composition, changing your habits, changing your old ways. Right? Like you might feel pride on one side of you getting this confidence and gaining this muscle and experiencing the fat loss.

04:50And you may experience sadness at the same time. You're going to experience like having excitement around seeing the results. And like you may notice that you have like a weird sense of like loss. And that's because you're stepping into this new version of you. You're stepping into this new version that's stronger, that's more confident, but you're also leaving behind people and old patterns and maybe this like sensitive identity that you clung onto for so many years.

05:22And that grief, that's not something to fix. It's more so something to recognize and honor and bring like this gratitude for. Okay? Because let's be real. Like transformation doesn't just change your body. It changes your routines. It changes your habits. It changes your behaviors. It changes your priorities. It changes your values. If there's anything that I noticed, the heaviest of my entire transformation and my entire journey that I've been on for the last 10 plus years is my values and my priorities.

06:00All of those things I said, but more so the priorities and the values have changed so much along with changing my body. And that old version of you, like the one that maybe emotionally ate at the end of the day or felt numbed with food or was afraid to socially eat because of maybe some triggers that you were experiencing or you skipped workouts because you had excuse after excuse after excuse and you're putting priorities, different priorities before you or before your health.

06:31Or maybe you stayed small. Maybe you stay quiet. Maybe you stayed overwhelmed, right? Like maybe when you were out at social gatherings, people made you feel like you were small because they didn't understand your goals. And you kind of succumb to the pressure of, oh, whatever, F it. I'm just going to eat, you know, this meal or I'm going to have this drink and I'm just going to get back to my game on Monday. I want you guys to know that old version of you, she was part of you for a very, very, very, very long time.

07:06Even if you're ready to let her go, it's okay to miss that aspect of you. When I look back at my journey, I lost a lot of friends along the way. I lost friends that were supportive until they weren't supportive. And it became like more blaringly alert and aware. And I became more of like, dang, like, you know, like there's grief in losing the people that don't understand the journey, don't support you or question you so many times. Why you're eating like this or I'm concerned about you. Why are you working out so much? And there's a point where you recognize that that negativity, it's only going to continue to burst the bubble around you.

07:43And I've said so many times, like in my earlier years of getting into fitness, it's like I had to keep a positive bubble around me and almost have all these positive thoughts that were about what I wanted to do and what I wanted to accomplish only to me. And what I couldn't let anybody kind of pop that bubble, but there was so many people close to me, even some family members that kind of had to be distanced. So I felt grounded in this in the change myself. And what I'm saying here is like, if even if you're ready to let go of that person, it's okay to miss those aspects of you, like to to feel the emotion, like emotional about releasing the parts of you that were comfortable, even if they weren't healthy.

08:21It's okay to miss those things. I remember feeling that myself, like looking in the mirror, not totally recognizing the person staring back at me. That was one of the most painful aspects of it at the beginning of my journey, where I was looking at in the mirror and I'm like, who is this person? And not just physically, but also just emotionally. Like, who am I now that I don't hide behind these excuses? Like, who am I that I'm no longer the chronic dieter or the girl that who always starts and stops?

08:52Like, there was like a point where I was looking at the mirror at the beginning of my journey. I didn't recognize that person because there was a part of me that knew my like it's almost hard to explain. Like, my soul knew what I wanted to accomplish. And I wasn't seeing that in the mirror. And then once I started to make these changes and adopt these habits and change my behaviors and put priorities a little bit differently for myself and my day to day, I remember looking in the mirror and being like, oh, I don't recognize that person. Now, like, it's completely different from the person I was looking at maybe months ago or a year ago, right?

09:29Like, I'm not that person that's hiding behind. I can't go work out or I worked a seven to seven shift. If you guys remember, like if you've been here for a long time, me being in nursing school and I worked seven to seven or seven to three or sometimes I did doubles. I was working in the ER at that time while I was going to nursing school. I don't I remember looking in the mirror and be like this. You're not making excuses anymore or dang. You're starting to see all the changes that you've always wanted to see, but you're not eating the way you used to. You're eating twice the amount and having multiple cheat meals a week.

10:03And like I remember because at the beginning of my journey, it was always start, stop, start, stop, start, stop, start, stop. And it was also just massive confusion on what am I supposed to do? And that's the reason why I started and stopped. And I remember looking at it and I'm like, dang, I'm not training as hard as I used to. I used to run all the time and I'm not doing that anymore. And I'm looking in the mirror. I'm like, this is so much different. And that shift, you guys, maybe you're experiencing that too as well. It's so powerful, but it's also so scary.

10:34This is the thing like you are shedding your skin and that's supposed to feel uncomfortable. Hey, while you're listening, if you're getting value from this episode, take a moment to tap that review button or share this podcast with a friend. It's a small gesture that goes a long way in helping more women find their way to feeling stronger and more confident in their skin. I appreciate you so much for taking the time to support this show. And then another layer that nobody warns you about and you will inevitably experience it within the first like, if not three to six months, is when your relationships change because you are changing.

11:15Nobody warns you about that. And I've heard this. I've done so many speeches and talks to our community on blocking the haters or stop like accepting the opinions of other people. Like at this stage, you're evolving. You're prioritizing your health. You're saying no to the things that you used to say yes to. And some people won't know how to handle that. And as I just shared with you personally, like you might feel distant from old friends who bonded over your old habits.

11:49I remember sharing with you guys in episode one of this whole podcast that the first week where I decided to like make the shift and I was going to start changing, you know, how I was eating. I had to start working out all the things going in with my coach. I remember going out with a group of friends and I ended up being a DD. But this one friend was constantly nagging me for the next like three months. I'm concerned about you. You're working out so much. You're not eating enough. And you may have old friends that say or you may have friends now that they're in your you think that they're in your corner.

12:23They're saying this stuff, but it's not it's no longer like it's you have your truth. And then the person next to you is kind of living from there like you noticing like jealousy and judgment and insecurities or just like straight up disconnection. Because this person is living from their own lens and they don't understand what you're doing because really only truly you understand that. And you might feel tension with family who don't understand maybe new boundaries that you're setting for yourself. And this shit can hurt. This can hurt.

12:55And there's grief and realizing that not everyone will come with you on this journey. But you know what's worse is you shrinking yourself to stay relatable to these people. You're allowed to outgrow people, my friends. You're allowed to change the rules. You're allowed to protect your peace and your progress. And just remember that your evolution, it's going to challenge other people that are around you, but that's not your responsibility to carry. And even if it's like, you know, I've heard significant others not supporting people or supporting, you know, women along the way.

13:27And if that's that's a harder thing to, you know, learn to navigate. But if you at the end of the day are showing up for yourself and you're doing the things that are making you proud, it's not your responsibility to make everybody else around you happy. And that may be hard to hear, but it's the truth. And I'm entering this chat through this podcast with you guys as a friend. Like if I was your friend sitting next to you, I would want I'd be saying this to you if you were experiencing those things too as well.

13:59So the friends, you're going to outgrow them. And that's OK, because guess what? You're going to meet people along the way on the journey that you're on, whether it's at the gym or you run into people at the grocery store or you meet people that are just like minded. You may not meet it at first. You may not meet it in the first few months. But the more that you consistently keep showing up for yourself, those people are going you're going to start attracting those people into your life. And I can say that full 110 percent. And some of the best friends that I have to this day are met from me being in the fit on my fitness journey.

14:35What do you guys like do with all of this? Right. How do you keep moving forward when pride and grief are like sitting side by side? Like you are so excited. You have so much excitement about the results you're seeing. You're feeling so much better in your skin. You're feeling confident. But also you're experiencing this tension or this misunderstanding or this disconnection or this jealousy or this judgment, these insecurities from people that are close to you that are around you. This is what I've learned. And what I remind our warrior babes all of the time, our coaches all the time.

15:08You can be proud of who you're becoming and still feel sad about who you're letting go. You can still love every ounce of your progress and still feel a little lost in the process. That is okay. You can outgrow that old version of you. And at the same time, you can grieve her with compassion. You can grieve her with love. You can grieve her with empathy. You can grieve her with whatever is going to make this okay.

15:41But also you're able to honor it and accept it and like surrender to it. So that doesn't weigh on you as heavily as I know that it can because I've seen it really tear people apart. So what I want you guys to like go in, you know, from these episodes of the podcast is that I like to give you guys some tactical takeaways that you guys can implement into your day to day. This is something that actually recently done. You guys have heard Candice on my podcast and she's my energy coach.

16:11We're working together since the end of also like energy healer, therapist, like all the things you want to think of. Whatever name resonates the most, but I call her an energy coach. But we've gone to like the depths of traumas. We've gone to like some really just like hard conversations, but then the tools and the resources that are given breathwork, tapping, a lot of cool strategies. But this is something that we did together in linking to one of my old traumas as a kid.

16:42But this can also resonate in this way too as well because essentially like I had to do something with my old self and I had to do something with my new self, right? You guys can do it the same way in the same practice as you're entering into this fitness journey or you're a couple months in or maybe even a year and you're still feeling these things. I want you to write a goodbye letter to your old self. I want you in that letter to thank her, to honor her, to acknowledge her and what she did to survive up until this point and to let her go with love. And then I want you on a flip to celebrate what's new without needing to forget what was old, right?

17:17You're not like erasing her. You're just simply choosing to evolve. And I want you to write a letter to your future self, the one that maybe in like a year or two of who you're evolving into, what her habits look like, what her priorities look like, what her behaviors look like, how she's showing up, the people that are around her. So one is write a goodbye letter. Two is celebrate what's new, like in almost like in transition can be the same letter. Transition into like you're not erasing her, simply choosing that you want to, you're going to continue to evolve.

17:47And then write one to your future self of what it looks like to be, what your behaviors are, who you are in like a year or two from now. Then I want you to burn that old, that goodbye letter from your old self. Burn it. Let it go. Let it go with love. And then the last thing that I want you guys to do is surround yourself with people who get it. And you may not, again, like I said, have that happen at first. But as you keep showing up or you keep seeking out communities, like this is why that matters so much.

18:17Communities matter. So many of you guys love to go to fitness classes because of the community or a lot of women love being a part of Warrior Babe. Actually, I hear this all of the time, more than just the fact that they get, you know, a fitness program for them is like the community aspect of them matters so much because they know they're not alone in the journey. And they have others that are getting after and are like-minded along their journey. You need people who are growing so that you feel seen and you don't feel small. Because a part of feeling small on your journey is because people around you aren't growing.

18:50They're not challenging themselves. So when they see you growing, it's going to scare them too. And you're feeling scared because you want to continue to grow, but you don't want to lose those people. So you need to get around people who are growing so that you don't feel small. So that you feel seen by them, you feel challenged by them, and you feel like you can win with them. If you felt heavy during your transformation, if you had moments of sadness, if you had moments of confusion, if you have moments of loneliness as you continue to evolve and change and grow, please know this. You are not broken.

19:20You are not weird. You are not alone. You are just becoming. And every phase of becoming involved, shedding old layers or old skin or letting go and grieving and growing. So give your permission to feel this. Because maybe some of you guys, if you're anything like me, what I've learned is I love to suppress my emotions. And if you're anything like me and you've been on this journey and maybe you're somebody that isn't giving yourself permission to feel these things, to feel the sadness, to feel the weight, feel the grief, to feel the shame, to feel the guilt.

19:55Honor it. Let it in. Feel it. Be with it. Acknowledge it. Because it just wants to be seen. Hold space for it all. Hold space for you to cry if you need to, to celebrate, to release. Like I'm learning this more so for myself too as well. And I'm thinking about all of the aspects of my fitness journey of where I may have suppressed emotions that I can bring to you guys right now to help you not do that and to help you acknowledge it. Because in order to cry, to celebrate, to release, man, it feels so good.

20:25It's like release is really the word. Once you see these patterns or acknowledge these things that are going on, if they are in your space, maybe they're not. And that's awesome. Maybe next week they will and then you can come back to this and be like, ah, I remember healing like a way to get through this. The releasing aspect, I can't explain to you guys how good that feels and how much of a weight off of your shoulders and your mind you're going to notice. And then you're going to keep rising. You're going to keep growing. You're going to feel so much more grounded in yourself.

20:56Because this is the thing. Transformation isn't just about changing your body. It is so much more. Transformation is such a loaded word. It is truly about reclaiming your power. And that's why, Warrior Babe, our mission is to help 100,000 women reclaim their personal power and feel confident in their skin. And this is one aspect of it. And sometimes that means honoring this grief. And alongside, you continue to grow and you continue to, that new term that's out there, glow up.

21:26Do the glow up for yourself. All right, you guys, if this episode hits home, I hope it did. It's definitely a different layer of a conversation that I've had with you guys. But share it with someone who's in the middle of their own shift too as well. Maybe you're in the middle of the shift and you know a really good friend that is too as well. And you want to share it with her. Let them know that they're not crazy for feeling both really extremely happy and then tender at the same exact time. All right. And if you're walking through this right now and I'm talking to you, I see you.

21:57I hear you. Keep going. You are becoming the person that you are. You're becoming her. And she's worth it every single step of the way. All right, you guys. I love you all. Until next time. Keep evolving. And I'll see you guys in the next episode. Real quick, if this episode resonated with you or gave you the push that you needed, I'd love for you to pay it forward. Drop a quick rating and review. Share the podcast with someone who might need it. And help me keep spreading the word. Your feedback not only helps to show grow, but it might just be the nudge someone else needs to kickstart their transformation.

22:34Thank you so, so, so much for your support.

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors.