What Happens When You Finally Reach Your Goal?

00:00This is what research has specifically spoken to on happiness and goal achievement. The emotional payoff of reaching a goal is almost always shorter and smaller than we predicted. And what that sounds like for us women inside of the fitness industry and those of us that are on these types of goals that we're working to achieve, it sounds like when I lose weight, I will be happy. I know that for many of you listening to this episode right now, you have either said that or felt that along your journey.

00:32Inside of like the fitness industry, I believe that people are selling people destinations instead of like the practices that are going to get them to the destination, reminding them the journey that they have to go on and making sure that they are being realistic with it. What's going on, everybody? Hey, my friends. Welcome back to another episode of The WarriorBabe Show. And in today's episode, I think this one's going to hit a little bit differently than most do.

01:03I'm not going to talk about macros. I'm not going to talk about training. I'm not going to talk about really like trends inside the fitness space or anything that I kind of recently talked about. Today, I want to talk about something that happens after all of that, after you track your macros and are consistent with it and you're showing up like the after, the effect of it. What I mean specifically to that is like you hitting a goal. And I think that this is really important for the women that are have hit a goal may resonate with what I'm going to talk about today.

01:36Or if you are on the pursuit of hitting a goal, I think this is really important for you to hear because I feel like it is a mindset topic I'm talking about today. And I feel like the industry doesn't really prepare women for this. Like I have coached over 100,000 women inside of Worry Babe. I have seen women coming through our doors. I heard coaching conversations around this specific topic that the women come in and they hope that they're going to feel a certain way when they achieve their goal.

02:07And I'm going to elaborate on that in a second. But I think that that type of framework coming into a journey is one of the most like quietly painful experiences that a woman can have on their health journey. Right? Like the moment that you get there, the moment that you hit the goal, the moment that you hit the hit the number that you want to see or the size that you want to see in your pant, your pant sizes. You know, the body that you work so hard for, the muscles, the leanness, the definition. Instead of you feeling like the joy and the fulfillment and the transformation that you expected.

02:40Right? I hear so many women say like, I'm starting out on this goal because I want to feel more confident and I want to feel X, Y, and Z. And that's great. But like once you actually hit the goal, you feel nothing. Or worse, you feel empty. And you know, if this has ever happened to you, this episode is for you because we're going to talk through what is actually happening psychologically. And if you, like I said, if you were on your goal and you're still working to achieve the things that you want to achieve, then this episode might be the most important thing that you hear before you get to that end goal.

03:12Okay? So first and foremost, I want to talk about like the psychological concept of the arrival fallacy. Like and what it is and why this happens. And what it is, it is, it's described as like this false belief that reaching a significant goal is going to produce lasting happiness and fulfillment. And what that sounds like for us women inside of the fitness industry and those of us that are on these types of goals that we're working to achieve. It sounds like when I lose weight, I will be happy.

03:43I know that for many of you listening to this episode right now, you have either said that or felt that along your journey. Right? Or like when I hit a number on the scale, I'm going to feel so confident. When I'm able to put on that two-piece bikini, I'm going to feel so confident. When I look the way that I want to look, everything is just going to feel different. When I am lean and defined, like I'm going to feel, I'm going to feel something.

04:18My relationship with my body will finally be okay. I will finally feel like I'm enough. Whatever it is that you have said, the narrative that has been in your mind when you are pursuing your goals. And the reason that this belief is so persistent in so many of us women, it's like so deeply embedded in us, is that it feels completely logical. Like you have been working towards something. You have been showing up consistently. You have sacrificed time.

04:50You have been disciplined. You have stayed consistent. Of course, getting there should feel significant. It should feel like amazing. Like of course, me getting to this destination of this goal I have should deliver. But this is what research has specifically spoken to on happiness and goal achievement. The emotional payoff of reaching a goal is almost always shorter and smaller than we predicted.

05:22I have felt this in and through my bones personally. For those of you guys that know my story, I competed in 2015 and 2018. I left undefeated of the natural industry. And when I pursued my goal, it was because I was coming off of an engagement that had just broken. So my relationship just ended. And I was looking to pursue confidence within myself. I was looking also to pursue something that would be like proving to myself that I would be able to do hard things.

05:58And that over like the decade has been proven to be amazing. But in that short time, it was a feeling that I was going after. A feeling of confidence. A feeling of like, oh, he's going to miss out on what he, you know, what he had. I know a lot of you women have felt that way. And I remember like, gosh, bodybuilding, if I can put it into context for you guys, it's you do all this work for eight months. And then you step on stage for 20 minutes, a max of maybe 20 minutes.

06:28And it is over after that. And like, cool. Yeah, the emotions are there and the feelings are there. But they don't. It's not like this lasting happiness and this lasting fulfillment, right? It is. And I believe in this research because I've personally experienced it. It is shorter and smaller than I predicted. It was shorter and smaller than I predicted. Because if you all know my story after that, I gained 25 pounds back immediately following my first show.

06:59So, and just hold that for context. Because I'm sure many of you guys have your own stories. But like the, getting back to like more of the research, the anticipation of achievement, the image of how it will feel. Like along those eight months, it produced for me more emotional intensity than the achievement actually did itself. And so once the goal was reached, like the psychological and the neurological systems that were activated by me pursuing this goal, they just stopped.

07:31And so many, maybe those of you guys that have done marathons or yeah, done like triathlons. Maybe it was your first one. For those of you guys that continue doing it, like there is discipline, there is merit to the discipline consistency. And like I said, for the decade of me showing up, I've proved myself I can do hard things. Maybe it was your first marathon. Like you were hoping to, you were all hoping to feel a certain type of way at the end. But there's no sustained like fulfillment. And it's, there's no sustained like arrival.

08:02There's, there's a brief moment, right? Sometimes it's just like hours of satisfaction. And then the baseline returns, right? Like kind of how I, like I said, my baseline return. Anybody that's ran marathon, like their first marathon, the baseline returns. You're not actively pursuing it anymore. And this isn't, this is just how the human brain works. We are adaptation machines. We acclimate to new circumstances, good and bad. And we do it with remarkable speed. Like the body you work so hard for becomes your new normal almost immediately.

08:37And normal does not feel like anything. It just feels like life. So for women and us, for, for us in fitness, for, you know, there's pursuing these types of lofty goals. The arrival fallacy looks like you hit your goal, your body composition, weight, a pant size. And then like, I've heard this so many times and you feel nothing or you feel briefly. Like you have this like relief, you have pride. You have some moment of like genuine joy. Like I did it. I'm so excited. And like, you know, you coaches like, and the babes and warrior, but they're sharing these

09:10achievements or sharing these wins and, and that there's merit to it, right? There's so much merit to it. But then days later, you feel like you're looking in the mirror, feeling exactly the same as you did before. The pant size changed. The number changed. The reflection changed. But some, something in inside did not. And nobody warned you that this is going to happen. So you assume something is wrong with you.

09:41Nothing is wrong with you. You just arrived somewhere that was never designed to hold what you are looking for. And I think that like, man, if we really wanted to expand upon this, like the, this is a type of fallacy, it, it, it affects every area of your life. It affects career goals. It affects relationship milestones. It affects if you are a new believer and you are on a Christian, like you're following Jesus. It, it, uh, happens in financial achievements.

10:14Now, specifically like honing in to like fitness goals. We're especially susceptible to it because I think there are factors unique to this, to this space of fitness that make the landing harder than almost any other type of category does. Right? Like I always like me, you guys know, I'm, I'm new to my faith. I'm a new believer. It's almost been a year that I've been baptized. Um, and I have just been on fire for God, but like I have, I've been able, I'm so thankful

10:46for my fitness journey because I've been able to tie back the time that it takes to internally change me. That's going to produce the results that I'm looking for on the external because I remind myself, well, muscle wasn't built overnight. So like my spiritual, my heart changing, like the things I'm praying on, my relationship with God isn't going to happen overnight. Right? So I'm just saying that for encouragement, but like going back to fitness, it makes the landing harder. Right? Because one of the reasons why is like the goal was the goal that we're searching for

11:19is always about a feeling, not about a number. So I mean, you guys want to reach a certain number on the scale. Yes. But it's like what you have a feeling attached to that. When we would say you want to lose 20 pounds or fit into like a certain size or look a certain way, what they are actually after is, is a feeling there. You're actually after confidence. You're after freedom. You're after peace. You're after whatever that feeling is associated for you and your body. Self-acceptance and the real goals, but the number is just like the proxy of you getting

11:51to that goal. And when the number arrives, but the feeling doesn't, which I'll tell you this, it rarely does because feelings don't live in those numbers. The, that, and then that disappointment that you experience is so loud. It's huge. And it's not because like you did anything wrong. It's because the goal was never actually the thing that was going to produce what you needed. The feeling that you were chasing does not come from the outside in. It has to be built from the inside out.

12:22You guys know that I say this all of the time when I'm talking more like tactical terms with you starting to eat just the basics of getting more protein in and, and eating more nutritionally dense foods and maybe focusing on your macros, but like not even getting that far, just changing your eating habits. You guys expect that to happen on the outside. So quickly when it's still changing internally, your hormonal processes, everything, right? Like cellular responses, like those types of things have to change.

12:55It just doesn't happen overnight. And this is how I'm saying it in kind of a different context. I'm talking about it mentally, but mindset wise, like the feeling that you're chasing does not come from the outside in. It has to be changed from the inside out. And that can be in every, that can be what I just said about a faith journey and, and no number, no, no pant size, no body fat percentage is going to deliver that. So like, that's why it lands harder than almost, I feel like any other goal category does.

13:26Cause the goal is always about, it's not just about the number that you're seeking. It's about what you're looking to, to feel internally. And that's why we say like, you have to quick break. If you're finding this episode helpful so far, it would mean a lot. If you could hit pause for just a second, leave a quick rating or a review or share it with someone who could benefit from it. Your support helps more women discover these tools to build muscle, lose fat and feel confident. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me.

13:57You have to find fulfillment and joy and love and like contentness and confidence and like in like the small things that you do every single day in you meal prepping, you have, you just prove to yourself, give yourself belief that like you're doing a small thing to follow through. You should have confidence in that. Now you should have confidence in you just putting on your gym clothes and going to the gym. You should find strength in you completing a workout. You should find love in the body that you have now, what has been able to be given to

14:30you, right? Like the conversation I had around stewarding your body. You should find fulfillment and love and joy in the process now, not as an afterthought. And then, and then that kind of goes into like your pursuit that you're on right now. It has a purpose that like, if you're just looking for the arrival, that arrival is going to remove that purpose for you. And I think this is one of the most like underappreciated dynamics of goal achievement. And it's really true in the fitness space.

15:02The journey toward a body composition goal gives your life more structure, gives it more direction. It gives it more meaning. Like you have a reason to train. You have a reason to track your food. You have a reason to, to make a harder choice when you're out at restaurants or when you're with friends. You should find joy in that and love in the, in the journey. Like you have the re you have new reasons to live. The pursuit itself is purposeful. When you arrive, if you're just focusing on the end goal, then that purpose disappears.

15:35You miss out on all of the incredible things that are happening along the way. The structure dissolves. The thing that was organizing your days and your decisions is completely gone. If you're just seeking, like you're just waiting to get to the outcome. Ladies, are you feeling frustrated with body changes you're experiencing during menopause? It's time to take control. If you're between 45 and 65 years old and tired of struggling with body fat and muscle

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16:42That's warrior babe.com forward slash apply. All right, let's get back to the show. And I can say this, right? I have found so much when I'm just doing the simple basic things like meal prepping and sitting down having a protein packed meal and going to get my workout in the day. I have so much structure and direction and joy and love for the body I have and the ability

17:16that I get to go out and get to work out. Some people don't have that. And also, you know, the ability that when I'm out with friends, like I just had for me in the last week, I had to like kind of like check myself. I wasn't 100% not even like I kind of slipped on getting enough protein in, in the last like two months. And I had to be reminded of, or even longer than that, but I had to be reminded of like, this, this life gives me these things.

17:46And I'm just not I'm not here just to make my butt look good or my body look good. I'm here for a purpose and a reason. So like, when I say this, it's because I've lived this, I'm on the other side of it. And I want those of you that are on this journey right now, to find this now and fall in love with it now rather than like six months down the road when you're letting the outcome take away the joy and the purpose of the journey that you're on. Because like, when you are structured and disciplined, and you have organization to your

18:17days, if you're just focused on the outcome, those those things disappear. Oh, wait, I was way I'm sidetracked. When I had to make a hard I had to make hard decisions in the last week for me personally, but it's not hard decisions when it becomes hard. It's harder at the beginning for anybody when you're out to eat with friends, and you have to say no to something because I don't know, maybe it's just for dessert, you don't need to have like a whole wad of whatever they're going to give you, right? I like for last week, I'll just say this in context.

18:49So I've been just trying to get myself back to like the basics and reminding myself of the of my journey, right? And we're out to dinner. And, you know, they ordered two just my friends ordered two desserts. And I just had a spoonful of one. I didn't have to explain it though, because my friends know this is part of my lifestyle. But that's, you know, I had to trust me, I wanted to go in for more. So that was a harder choice for me to be like, okay, I'm just gonna be okay with one spoonful. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. And that's where you can find that you can find confidence in you making that decision.

19:20Because when you're getting when you're focusing on just the outcome, like the the emptiness that follows is not just the joy of, of the absence of the, it's like the joy of, of you losing out on what you were able to experience along the way. But it's also the absence of like the pursuit itself of the thing that was making you feel alive and directed. Like I felt I feel alive and directed when I'm able to focus on like, what got me my results

19:51in the first place. And I hope that you guys can change that mindset, right? It's not that's what I'm trying to get my point across. It's not about the outcome. It's about the pursuit along the way. It's about here, more importantly, plainly put, it's about the identity built around the goal. You are building a new you around this. And along the way, you can see small little changes that you are changing internally, decisions you are making internally for you that are outwardly showing in your actions.

20:22So that's the way that I want you like women who hit their fitness goals and feel nothing are often grieving the journey as much as they are confused by the destination. Like those of you guys getting to the end and like wanting to feel a certain way and obsessed with just a number, you're feeling nothing because you didn't get to experience the joy along the way. Let me just say that. And then like just a tie together from bringing it back to me, right?

20:52Because like I hope to encourage you guys through the story that I've been that I have been able to go on for myself. I'm deep in the journey. And it's just become a part of who I am. I'm continually knowing that I'm a work in progress. And I'm continuing understanding that like these things that have gotten me to where I am today had purposeful and meaningful in them. So it's like I know that I get back to just the basics of doing things and it sounds so silly, stupid, simple, but it is. It doesn't need to be overcomplicated.

21:23And you can find like I just meal prepped my food this morning and I felt so accomplished afterwards. And you guys can feel that same way now. You don't have to wait to the end goal is what I'm saying. Okay, let's talk about what to do instead now, right? I want to help you guys build a relationship with your journey of all the things that I kind of just talked about that doesn't depend on you getting to the outcome. It doesn't depend on you getting to the arrival point. So I want you to first and foremost to shift from outcome goals to process goals.

21:56I've talked about this before. But in a different context, think about like an outcome goal is I want to lose 20 pounds. I want to get to size 14, right? A process goal is I want to I want to get to strength training consistently to four to five days a week. I want to hit my protein target consistently in the weekly basis. I want to sleep seven hours a night. That difference is huge. Because outcome goals have an end point.

22:26When you reach it, right? They the motivation that they provided usually kind of evaporates. It's kind of what we talked about. Process goals don't have an end point. They're the ongoing practice of the behaviors that produce the results. And the satisfaction of the process goals comes from the doing. It comes from you taking action. It comes from you showing up like I was talking about daily and making the small things the big things, right?

22:58It comes from you actively doing what you need to do to get to be on the trajectory of you getting to the goal. It's not the arriving. So every week that you go to work out consistently is a week that you just won. Every day that you hit your protein targets is a day that you succeeded. Every those those are wins that you should gain these feelings through. Those wins are continuous rather than you getting to an end point and then be it being singular.

23:28And it doesn't mean like I don't want this episode to mean that you can't have an outcome goal. It means that you just don't make the outcome goal the entire basis of your relationship with your journey. Like they are they're mile markers. They're useful for direction. And we're on point and we're off point. But not the destination that you're you're staking all your happiness on. And then I would say redefine what the goal actually is for you.

23:59Like if you really want to feel confident in your body make confidence the goal. Not the weight. Not the size. Not the pant size. Not like make make the feeling itself actually your goal. And then ask yourself what builds confidence independent of what the scale says. Is that by me going and getting my workout done? Is that by me gaining strength? Is that by me showing up consistently and meal prepping and giving me confidence that I can do that? Is that doing the hard things? Is that walking into the weight room?

24:31Right? Like you see what I mean? Like proving to yourself that you can be trusted with your own commitments. That's confidence. Those things too you guys like I said they're available to you right now. They're available today. They're available at any weight. They're available at any stage of your journey. And when you build that confidence through those behaviors rather than waiting for a number to deliver it. Then you arrive at the destination you actually wanted before you even hit that number on the scale. And then another one that I would say is plan for after before you get there.

25:10Like if you are still working toward a goal this I would say this would be your homework right now. Like if you're still working to and you're in the process of everything that you're you're you're taking steps with the behaviors and you're taking action. And decide now what you are working toward next. I would say not like a harder or leaner or more aggressive version of the same goal. I would say something like a performance goal like a lift that you want to hit a race that you want to run a physical skill that you want to build right or a phase goal.

25:45Like we do this inside of warrior babe a building phase a maintenance phase a season of training just like you know being in maintenance and learning how to have joy in it. Like I would say just something that your health enables something that you will do with this with the body that you're working towards right. They always say have a goal before you complete having have your next goal before you complete the goal. Having that next chapter it doesn't diminish the current one that you're working towards. It just means that when you arrive then you're going to do you already have your transition into the next one.

26:19So that you don't have this period of like like how you know me I didn't have a goal after my goal and I gained 25 pounds back in one month. So I would say focus on those things instead of focusing on like the outcome instead of you having an outcome goal focus on a process goal. Focus on more most importantly focus on the behaviors that are producing that are you are gaining and being and learning a part of your journey. Okay so here's what I want you to take away from today. Okay the arrival fallacy is so real but it's just a part of how our brain works.

26:54And inside of like the fitness industry I believe that people are selling people destinations instead of like the practices that are going to get them to the destination right. The process that they're going to get them to the destination reminding them the journey that they have to go on and making sure that they are being realistic with it. And I don't want this episode to make you stop having goals. You should have goals. It is to stop outsourcing your well-being to them. And to build a relationship with your journey that is rooted in the process right.

27:25The identity and the ongoing like practice and behaviors and actions of you showing up for yourself. Not in the number. You're never going to find a feeling inside of the number. Because that number you may never even get to the number as you're changing your body composition. And you're allowed to feel proud of where you're going. You're allowed to experience all those feelings that I said now. Joy, love, happiness, fulfillment, excitement. Like you're allowed to experience that right now. You're allowed to feel good right now. Those two things are not in conflict with each other at all.

27:56And the sooner that you build a life that does not require arrival to feel worthwhile. The freer and the more sustainable everything is going to become. And there's going to be so much joy in your journey. So I hope this episode resonated with you guys. I hope that it inspires you guys and encourages you guys to find love and joy in the process that you are on right now. And if it did resonate with you, then come find us inside the Free Warrior Reef community.

28:26Because it's a space full of women building exactly this type of relationship with their health. And they're not there. They know like I we are so blunt about the journey that they are on right now. It's not about them chasing these destinations. It's about showing up in the process. And most importantly, showing up in the process together. So that link to the Free Community is in the show notes below this episode right now. And then share this episode with anybody that you feel like a little resonate with someone. Someone else in your space that doesn't know about this episode to even exist.

29:00All right. I love y'all. And I'll see you in the next episode. Hey, really quick before you go. I have one small favor to ask. If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you, take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all of the difference. Helping more women discover the tools they need to transform the fitness and their confidence. It takes less than a minute, but it can change the path of someone else's journey. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much.

29:31Thank you.

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