When Family Doesn't Support Your Weight Loss Goals

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Your surroundings shape your energy, and your surroundings influence your performance dramatically, you guys. Everything outside you affects the way that you think, feel, and execute. Literally everything. So your personal surroundings include the people that you have conversations with. It includes the people that you follow on social media. It includes the news that you consume, the books that you read, the food that you eat, the place that you live, and so much more. It all works together to either move you forward or hold you back.

Who's ready for this topic tonight? Me too. I'm stoked. Because I feel like this is a good part of the challenge in general. The ending is always a good time to reassess. Reassess how you showed up. Reassess what may have been external or internal triggers that maybe threw you off track or set you up to make excuses to not show up for yourself. And I know the ones that showed up for themselves, they pushed the pedal on that gas, and they've seen it through to the end. But I also want to help you guys who didn't show up, who maybe have fallen off track or can't seem to pick it back up, whatever it may be that threw you off track.

This is a really good time to take inventory of what may have done that. And it happens across everything you're trying to do, whether you're trying to change your body composition, get a hold of your macros, get more workouts in, or eat better. This happens across the board, and when you're trying to do bigger and better things for yourself, you've got the haters around you, right? You've got the people that just don't get what you're doing.

And honestly, guys, I remember dealing with that when I first started my journey. Like I told you guys before, if maybe you've heard me say this, those friends are no longer my friends. Those people at the beginning of my journey are no longer in my life. And I found more people in my life that support the habits that I want to have for myself and that understand the lifestyle that I lead.

So what I want to talk about tonight is: don't take anything personally. Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally. Maybe it was an external trigger: your friends, family, close loved ones, aunts, uncles, your neighbor, I don't know. Maybe somebody said something along your journey. Maybe it didn't throw you completely off track, but it threw you off track for one or two days. Or maybe it got under your skin and you were like, get out of my bubble, I'm going to show up still. And I commend those of you who did that.

But it's really hard sometimes to say get out of my bubble, especially if they're living in the same household as you. Especially if it's the kiddos. Especially if it's your best friend who you talk with every single day, and sometimes you fall into the same trap of getting in the conversation with her and agreeing with her. Whoever it may be, don't take anything personally.

If someone says to you along your journey, and I've heard this so many times, "You won't" or "You can't accomplish that goal," I want you all to remember that it's not about you. It's about them. If you take it personally, then it's safe to say that you believe that you can't accomplish the goal. And if that's the case, then you need to check in with yourself and understand that you are easily influenced by someone else's opinion.

Right? Because if you take it personally and you believe what this person is saying, that you can't or won't accomplish that goal, then you believe that you can't. And then you've got to check in and say, I know I can. What matters most is believing in yourself that you can accomplish it. Nothing other people do or say is because of you. It's because of themselves. So I want you guys to remember that.

I personally will never accept advice from... don't you love the personal trainers out there? Send some love to them. The personal trainers that try to tell you to eat this way and work out that way, but they don't look the part at all. I have a hard time trusting or believing what that person is saying when they don't look it at all and they're not living the lifestyle. So that's so true. Don't take advice from anyone who hasn't been on that journey. You want to take advice from the people that have the results that you want.

Remember, all people live in their own head. They're in a completely different world from the one that you live in. So when we take things personally or let other opinions influence us, we make the assumption that they know what is going on in our own minds. We make the assumption that they know what our goals are. But you've got to understand they have absolutely no idea what is going on in your mind around the goals that you have for yourself.

It's sometimes really hard to articulate the way you want to look without showing somebody a Pinterest photo or something like that. Or the way you want to feel. Because that person may not accept it or may not understand it. So when we take things personally or let others' opinions influence us, we make the assumption that they know what's going on in our own mind. We make the assumption that they know what our goals are, but they don't. There's no way they can possibly know what our goals are other than you explaining them.

But they don't see what you want. What you envision in your mind, they don't see that. They don't see the kind of body that you're working towards. Again, you can show them a picture, but a picture's not you. You're the one imagining and envisioning the goals that you want to accomplish. They don't feel what you want to accomplish. They don't see what you want.

And what they say, what they do, and the opinions that they give are according to beliefs that they have in their own mind. So if you show them a picture of a goal that you want to accomplish, what they say about that, what they do about that, and the opinions that they give are according to the way they're thinking and the beliefs they have around your goal.

So when someone says, "You won't" or "You can't accomplish that goal," what they are really saying is, "I won't or I can't accept or accomplish that type of goal that she is going for." But they project it onto you. By saying, "You won't" or "You can't," what they're really saying is, "I can't, I won't." They're saying that in their own mind, but they're projecting it outward onto you.

Their point of view comes from all of the programming and all of the beliefs they've received throughout their entire lifetime. Right? So in relation to what Debbie said, her mom is jealous of her. She's not supportive. My family was the same way at the beginning of my journey. When I said that I wanted to compete, my stepmom was like, "Ew, you want to look like that?" At the beginning, it was challenging to go through losing some friends and people not accepting my journey. One of my friends said she was worried about me because of the way I was eating and the way I was working out.

But now I understand that it was truly just coming from their own belief system. And my stepmom, God love her, she has a lot of weight to lose. So she was just projecting. It was just too much for her. What I was stepping on stage with is an extreme type of look. So I can understand where she's coming from now. But at that point, those opinions got to me. Sometimes if you're not strong within yourself or don't believe that you can accomplish something, those opinions can really get to you, and they can be the external trigger that holds you back from doing what you want to do.

So if someone gives you the opinion that you aren't going to succeed at yet another fitness program, don't take it personally. I've heard that so many times. I've heard husbands say, "Do you really think you can do this one?"

And I love my dad, you guys know me, and I'll say this to his face too. My stepmom got the Peloton for Christmas, and my dad felt some type of way about her getting on the bike and doing the exercises five days a week. He was like, "She's not going to do it." And I even said this: "You guys, stop. You've got to support her. You've got to show that you believe she can do it, because right now she doesn't believe that she can. She's 50 pounds overweight. She needs the support system of you. She needs the support system of my brother. She needs the support system of my sister." I said exactly that to her. Granted, now she needs freaking surgery on her foot, but that's not going to stop her.

You know what I mean? If someone gives you the opinion that you aren't going to succeed at another fitness program, don't take it personally. Because the truth is that this person is dealing with their own feelings, their own beliefs, their own opinions of failure or previous attempts at following a fitness program. My dad's overweight too. So he's just saying that because he's projecting his own beliefs. Secretly he wants to be fit. But she's going after it. She's making the change. She's doing what she needs to do.

And we know that when my stepmom shows the results, my dad will then, probably months later... this always happens. Then they start taking the action. They start eating better. He's going to get his own pair of shoes for the Peloton and get on the bike. Right? So don't take it personally. It's coming from them. It's coming from their own failures or belief systems or previous attempts at following something. Someone says you're not going to succeed at this because they didn't succeed at a fitness program. Is this making sense so far?

"Yeah. Oh my God, that sounds like my mom and dad." Yeah. Seriously. God, the bickering that goes on in that house around trying to get back in shape and supporting one another is sometimes ridiculous. I just want to bump their two heads together. But that's what it is.

Sarah says, "Sometimes it bothers me that my family says don't overdo it or just be careful. But when I was lazy and not taking care of myself and eating like crap, no one expressed concern." Exactly. Isn't that wild? "I know they are coming from a good place." But yeah, seriously. When you're lazy and you're not taking care of yourself, you're not eating healthy, nobody expresses concern. Nobody says, "Yo, get off your ass. Go work out. Go move your body. Stop eating like shit." That's what people really need to freaking hear, because that's going to make them change. But when you do make the change, it's "Just be careful. Don't overdo it. Make sure you're resting." Yada, yada, yada.

"Coming from their insecurities." Exactly. A hundred percent. That's all it is. It's coming from their own belief systems. It's coming from their own insecurities. It's coming from the fact that they actually want to be doing that too, potentially. They just haven't found their own courage or their own drive to go and accomplish it or go and try it.

This is another thing I've heard a lot of people say: "My family or my friends don't really support me in what I want to accomplish." Again, don't take that personally. Everything along those lines, "You're not going to succeed," "You can't," "You won't," "My family or my friends don't really support me," don't take it personally. Whatever they think and feel is their own problem. It's nothing personal to you, because they're dealing with themselves and not you.

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Sarah, I totally commend you for being honest and open about that. I know because I've done the same thing to other people before. It takes a lot of balls to say that right now, so I appreciate that. "And the only friends who think I'm losing too much weight are the ones who are overweight and unhealthy. I love them, but I dismiss them." Yeah. So send love.

Because this is a thing too. The one friend in particular at the beginning of my journey was the one who said, "I'm worried about you. I'm worried about what you're eating," whatever she said. She came back six months later after I had achieved all the results. I stepped on stage. I did everything. I accomplished the goal. She came back and asked me to write her a diet and workout program. So that's going to happen, right?

That's why, if there's anything you can do, first of all, stand your ground in the moment if this is happening to you. Or if you see your parents bickering, get in the middle and call it for what it is. Address the elephant in the room, or whatever that saying is, and just call it point blank and be honest.

But whatever it is, if there's any way that you can inspire that person, even though they're coming at you with "you can't," do it. First of all, it breaks pattern. It breaks their mental pattern, because they're saying, "Oh, you're not going to be able to do it," and you can say, "Watch me." Or, "I'm going to do this for me, and I hope maybe I inspire you to do the same for yourself," or something along those lines. Because then they'll come back months later and say, "Okay, I see what you did. How did you do it? What can I do? How can you help me?"

"Hold my beer and watch." Yes. I love that, Jessica. That's hilarious. Hold my beer and watch. Take pictures, right? Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, you guys. So nothing they think in relation to you is really about you. It's totally about them. You guys are cracking me up. Jess says, "Let me get the popcorn."

All right. You create the entire picture of your body, like I said, in your own mind. And in that picture, you are the main character. Everyone else is secondary. I need you guys to know that. I need you to let that sink in. I need you to write it down. I need you to do whatever you need to do to remember that in your mind is your goal. You see it. And in that picture, you are the main character. Everybody else around you is secondary.

Moms, I get what you're thinking: "I put my kids first," yada, yada, yada. You're the role model for that. So when you're the main person in that picture, you've got to show up for yourself, because the people around you, the secondary ones, are watching everything you're doing. And they're going to model everything you're doing. And I think that counts for grown-ass adults as well. So remember, you are the main person in that picture. You're the main character. Everyone else is secondary. It is your own vision of what you want to accomplish.

And the way you see that picture is according to the beliefs that you have made in your own life. If you think you can, you will. If you don't think you can, you won't. And if you're in that low vibration and low energy of not thinking you can, you will be easily influenced by the flock of opinions that come your way along your journey. So you have to stay in that "I believe that I can." You see the picture according to the beliefs you've made in your own life. You know that you can and you will. If you sink down to low energy, you're going to accept any opinion that comes your way.

But trust me, like I said, at the beginning of my journey, and maybe you guys have experienced it too, it is so easy to accept that kind of comment. So easy. I don't remember it verbatim because it was so long ago, but I'm sure it got me thinking about things for a couple of days. But thank God I was in my own energy after I left their house, and I still pursued the goals I wanted to pursue for myself.

So when there's that space, that's where you're reminded of what you want to accomplish. If you're constantly around that person who's beating you down or doesn't support you, and you're easily influenced, it's going to make you question things, or it's going to be an external trigger. But once you create space, you can remember why you're doing this. You can remember what you want to do for yourself. That's where you're going to remember to believe in yourself and take the right steps to do the things you need to do.

Your point of view, you guys, is something personal to you. It's no one's truth but yours. So you have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you. As you practice not taking anything personally, you won't need to place your trust in what others say or do. You will only need to trust yourself to make the responsible choices, the right choices that support what you want to accomplish with the vision that you hold for yourself. So the actions you take daily should always be in alignment with what you want to accomplish.

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If someone slips in and gets in your ear, recognize that it's a non-supporting trigger, and you still need to take the right action that's in alignment with what you want to accomplish. When you truly accept this whole thing, you won't be hurt by the comments people make or the things they do inside or outside of your fitness journey. Once you fully grasp this, you will be extremely unstoppable in anything you want to do in life. You just have to believe in yourself and know that you can, and know that you are the main character of the picture in your mind and everybody else around you is secondary. Or if people have already achieved these results, believe them, trust them. They're going to help you get the result for yourself.

And really quick too: your surroundings shape your energy, and your surroundings influence your performance dramatically, you guys. Everything outside you affects the way that you think, feel, and execute. Literally everything. Your personal surroundings include the people you have conversations with, the people you follow on social media, the news you consume, the books you read, the food you eat, the place you live, and so much more. It all works together to either move you forward or hold you back.

You can't surround yourself with people who make you feel bad or spend your time in toxic environments. Make sure that you stand your ground. You increase your inspiration by doing the things that increase inspiration. It sounds easy, but it's harder. It's easier said than done, with the environments some of us find ourselves in or have found ourselves in before. Make sure that you actively protect your energy. Actively protect your goals. Actively protect the vision you have for the goals you want to accomplish. Or if you struggle with visualizing, which a lot of people do, just make sure you protect your positivity around what you want to accomplish and the results you want to generate for yourself.

Have we all been in that situation before? Have we all experienced those naysayers? Yeah, we've all been there. So remember, that's why we have this group of women. Because we all get it. We all get the goals we want to accomplish. We all get the reason we eat the way we eat. We all get the reason we work out the way we work out. We all get the reason we meal prep. We all get the reason we open up MyFitnessPal every single day.

So we all get it. And if anybody ever needs any type of support, come to this group. Come to the Facebook group. Express it. Because I guarantee you, you're going to have five or 10 or 15 of these women comment on that post supporting you, lifting you up, and helping you stand in your own power. Annette, you've got a statement, babe?

Annette: Yeah. I just want to say, one of the things I learned a long time ago, and I think this is what scares a lot of my friends when they see me get passionate about something new like this, is that they know if I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. I'm going to take it to the max and I'm going to complete whatever I said I was going to do.

And so a lot of the criticism I've gotten, believe it or not, I've heard this from a few people around me, is, "Annette, women your age, when they lose weight like that, you look older." Crazy stuff like that. And again, this is coming from people who are unhealthy or overweight, not fit, not taking care of themselves. And the only reason they're saying it to me is because they know I'm not going to stop until I get where I want to go.

And I think we need to become those types of women, women who, no matter what anybody says, are just going to get done what we said we were going to get done. It gets to the point where the reason people make the comments is that they're kind of scared. They're kind of intimidated by the actions you're taking to get yourself where you want to go.

So that's why I say I don't take advice about what I'm doing from anyone who hasn't gone on the journey, who hasn't gone before me. Because basically they're intimidated by what you're doing. I have a very strong mindset. I've got a very thick skin, which a lot of people don't like. But that's what gets me through doing what I need to do. I love my friends, but I'm not taking advice from people who aren't going on the journey. I'm just not going to do it. But that's it.

Nikkiey: Amen. And look at your arms, Annette, you're looking awesome. Put a flex up for us. There you go. Let's go. You look awesome, babe. Keep it up.

But that's so true. You want to be a doer, not a sayer, right? You're going to do what you say you're going to do. You can say, say, say, but you've got to do. You've got to follow through. So I love that. I love that you've got the thick skin. I love that you can push it off. And I love that you're like the pit bull. You're intimidating to your friends because you're going to accomplish what you want. You're going to go after it, which is the way we all have to be.

And it's hard, because then we could dive into talking about masculine and feminine energy. But some of us have to get that masculine energy to show the F up for ourselves and stand our ground for what we want, no matter what.

So I hope this empowers you guys in some way or another. Maybe you're locked and loaded, you've already been through the situation, and this is just a nice reminder. Or maybe you need to be the one who stands up, stands your ground, and handles these external triggers, and makes sure you're showing up the way you want to be showing up for yourself. Because again, you are the main character of the picture in your mind. Nobody is going to do the work for you. You have to do the work. So make sure you believe in yourself that you can, and know that if you can, you will. You will accomplish it.

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