Why Shifting Your Identity is the Key to Becoming Unstoppable w/ Mike Milner

00:00Real quick, the only ask I could ever have of you guys is to help spread the word so we can help more women lose body fat, build muscle, reach their goals, and feel insanely confident. And the only way we can do that is if you rate, review, and share this podcast. So the single thing I ask for you to do is if you could leave a review. It will take you 10 seconds, and it will mean the absolute world to me and may change the world of someone else. If I feel jealousy, if I feel anger, if I feel sadness, usually there's a belief behind it that is causing the emotion.

00:33So if like I look at somebody in the gym and I'm like, damn, I'm really jealous. I wish I looked that way. That tells me that there's an underlying belief that I don't feel like I'm good enough for that. What's going on, everybody? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show. And today, guys, I am super stoked because we have Mike Milliner back with us today. If you guys didn't listen to the episode that we recorded back in like the early 100s, it was episode 101.

01:11If you didn't listen to that one, I would highly recommend to go back and listen to it because today we're going to kind of pick off on where we last talked about. We dove into like the psychology of lasting change. And we're going to pick up kind of continue on with that conversation and explore new topics for you guys to like take away and be able to apply and integrate it into your day-to-day fitness journey. So I'm just super stoked. If you guys don't know who Mike is, he's a seasoned nutritional coach and he's had over a decade of experience in this space.

01:43And it's just like I was just telling him basically like his ability to articulate the concepts that we talked about episode 101 and bringing it back here and address the psychological aspect of this journey with it. Not just being like, oh, cool. I want to get like toned and I want to be fit. Like let's get down to the mindset of it. Like I'm really excited for him to come back on here and to talk about all those things. So, Mike, it's great to have you back here. Yeah, I'm excited to be back. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, of course. All right. Well, let's just like kind of get right into it.

02:15I'm talking about like the habit formation of things because I think that's really big when it comes to people starting their fitness journeys and finding it very difficult to shake bad habits. And even when they know they're not good for them, right, but they're like so stuck in that energetic habit, that way of being, that way of showing up day to day. So from your perspective, why are those habits so difficult to break?

02:47Yeah, so pretty straightforward that any change is really difficult, especially when we have things that have been kind of reinforced and solidified over a long period of time. It's kind of like when somebody recognizes a bad movement pattern. And it's like when you put somebody in the right posture and then they're like, oh, that feels different because they've been hunched over their desk for like 30 years. That's that's not, you know, inconsequential. That is a significant amount of time of reinforcing a bad pattern.

03:18And it's same. Any habit is not just like one day you woke up and you, you know, started stress eating or emotional eating or whatever. There was a reason why it formed. And most of the time it's a survival based mechanism. But over time throughout, you know, childhood and then into adulthood and then, you know, maybe you're in your 40s and you're like, I really don't want to use food as a coping mechanism anymore. So I'm going to change this habit. But it's something that has been solidified into your DNA, like into you, like literally from the way that your brain responds.

03:50There are certain neurons that connect that basically tell you, like, this is what we do when we're angry or sad or stressed or whatever. And it's just the analogy that I always use is like riding a bike on a dirt path. Like the first time you did it, it doesn't really make much of a mark. But if you ride the same bike over the same dirt path thousands and thousands and thousands of times, there's going to be a pretty significant divot that's created that just is the default. This is where your bike goes. And that's kind of why it's so difficult to change because now we're saying, all right, now that I have this awareness and I'm 40 something years old or whatever your age is, I want to change this habit.

04:29That's really difficult. Change is uncomfortable in general, especially when it's something that we've been doing for our entire lives. Yeah, it's kind of like what Joe Dispenza says. He's like, by midlife, 95% of our actions are habitual actions because they're subconsciously programmed in our brain. So, like, basically we're acting from our subconscious for the majority of the time, majority of the day. So, like, all of these habits, we don't even know sometimes we're doing it, but we're doing it.

05:00And, like, how do we create like that? Like, all right, we got to change. I know change is hard, but, like, how can we, like, actually basically, like, intentionally change? And, like, how do we approach that type of routine? Like, building lasting habits often requires we go through that uncomfortable period. But how can we build that into our routine? Like, what are some actionable strategies to help people create lasting habits that actually stick? Yeah. I think that the whole habit creation process, whether it's breaking a habit or whether it's instilling a new habit,

05:34I think that we oftentimes look at it from the behavioral side of things, which there is certainly an element of behavior change that's necessary. And all habits are formed the same way. We've got the trigger, we've got the action, and then we've got the reward. But ultimately, I believe that it starts with the psychological and the identity first. And I think sometimes we get that confused. It's like if I just start doing it, like, I can use an example to make it more tangible.

06:06If I were to say, you know, we often use behaviors like somebody going to the gym. So I want to start the habit of working out. And I haven't worked out in a long time. And change is scary. But I know that working out is good for me. So I want to do it. Okay. I know why it's important to me. I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. I want to be strong. So I'm going to start going to the gym. So a lot of times what people will do is they'll look at, like, the traditional habit creation advice, which is like, all right, well, put out your gym clothes before, you know, put them out the night before.

06:36That way, when you wake up in the morning, you've got your clothes ready to go. Make sure you set your alarm. Make sure you put it in your phone and it's in your calendar. So you treat it like an appointment. All those things are all well and good. But if we don't actually start with the identity of, like, who you are, a lot of that is really easy to just say, I don't feel like it. Because it's not, there's no immediate consequence, right? Like, if I wake up and I skip the gym, I'll probably be like, damn, I really wish I went to the gym. But there's no immediate, like, actual consequence.

07:08So if I tell somebody, like, well, why don't you just skip work? They're like, well, if I skip work, I get fired. That is an immediate consequence to not doing something. But skipping the gym, there's no immediate consequence. There might be a long-term consequence. But our brain is really bad at predicting or feeling the long-term and making it immediate. So it's the same thing as, like, doing healthy habits. Like, I can be like, yes, I want to eat well. And I want to, you know, eat mostly whole nutritious foods. I want to take care of myself. And that's really important. I want to move my body. Because when I'm 80, I want to be functional and capable and, you know, strong and still healthy.

07:44But that doesn't make it immediately relevant today. This meal that I'm about to eat, I can be like, well, you know what? It's just one meal. I can have whatever I want because it's not immediately impactful. So the problem is we often start with the behaviors instead of the identity. So when you take somebody like yourself, if I were to ask you, like, why do you go to the gym? You'd be like, because that's just what I do. Like, this is who I am. I go to the gym. It's part of my identity. It's just part of me. Like, if you ask somebody who is a fit individual, they almost have a hard time answering the question

08:19because it's like, what do you mean? Why do I go to the gym? Of course, I don't know. It's just this is just what I do. And so we have to actually start with the identity piece of you need to be that person so that all of that behavioral stuff that we that we learn about first actually connects. And you're not just going to wake up and be like, yeah, screw this. I don't know. Because when you embody that person, you're not going to miss the gym. And same thing like accountability, having somebody like a workout partner. The reason why somebody is like 90% more likely to show up when they have an accountability

08:52partner is because now there's an immediate consequence of like, I'm not breaking this commitment to myself. Now I have somebody who's counting on me and they're getting up at 6 a.m. and they're going to the gym and I don't want to be that guy that that stands them up. Now there's an immediate consequence. That's still behavioral. We actually it's all helpful. All that stuff is great. And I'm not discounting it. What I'm saying is it needs to come after and during the identity piece of this is who I am and who I want to become. So I need to embody this person who is healthy and fit.

09:24And now those behaviors actually connect and last because it's part of me. That just gave me the chills because I love that concept of like, well, it's not about who I am now. It's about who am I becoming? And so that would bring me my next question is like, OK, so I totally hear you. Like all the behavioral things are so freaking important, like laying out the clothes. Like I sound like it sounded like you were like you were saying like a meme on on Instagram, right? Like those are the things that are really freaking important. But we have to address the identity aspect first.

09:56So let's say like this person has a really hard time, like, you know, trying to envision that I want to become this person. I need to start acting like this person right now. What would be some key takeaways that you would try and help that person to start incorporating some identity shifts in their day rather than behavior shifts? What are some identity shifts that they could start doing day to day? Yeah, the tricky part about this is there's no there's no secret formula other than you have to find a way of being present with yourself and reflective with yourself.

10:28And I think that that's one of the things that so many people avoid because the nature of our day to day lives is just it's stressful. It's busy. We're distracted. We're constantly thinking about work and family and all these things. We have so much on our plate. And it takes away from like the quiet time that you have from yourself. But that's really where all of that growth happens is you have to identify and reflect on like, who am I today? Who do I want to become and like, what are the things that the version of me that I aspire

11:01to be? Like, what are those characteristics? What are those qualities? What are those values that that person has? And where am I coming up short? Like, what are the things that I'm currently doing that don't embody that person? What are the things that I'm currently doing that do embody that person? You kind of have to take inventory of where we're at. And a lot of people don't ever get to the place of awareness because they don't spend that quiet time with themselves. It can be journaling. It can be leaving voice notes to yourself. It can be walking alone without any distractions.

11:35Like you're not walking and listening to a podcast or an audio book. You're literally just walking with yourself and being present and kind of like almost like a walking meditation. Whatever works for you is just finding that time for yourself. It doesn't have to be that long. Like you can get a lot done in 10 minutes, 10 minutes of journaling, 10 minutes. I've gone through different iterations where certain points in my life, journaling was great. Now it's just not something that I lean on very much because I have other ways of like the quiet walking.

12:06You know, even just sometimes I'll like go outside and sit in my back like patio area and just sit, have some coffee and reflect. And like, it doesn't have to be that long. It can be 10 minutes. It can be five minutes. Something is better than nothing. But all we're doing is taking inventory of like that identity piece of who we are, the things that that future version of us embodies and the values and the morals that they have and how we are currently aligning with that or disconnected from that.

12:37And then we start to just chip away like one by one. What are some of the things like, you know, now the behaviors actually become relevant. So the future version of myself would never miss a commitment that we made to ourselves because that's something that we hold dear to our heart. Like that is a high value for that future version. Okay. Well, when we make the commitment to meal prep, when we make the commitment to go to the gym, when we make the commitment to X, Y, and Z thing, now we're going to follow through because now I know that this is immediately relevant to becoming the person that I want to become.

13:09And it's not just some thing that's more abstract. I've, I've made it tangible and relevant to me today to start becoming that person. So good. And I was about to say like, cause you totally like crossed the T and dotted the I on the objection that normally people would come when they hear like, oh, I have to spend time doing these things and sit and sit with self and, and question, you know, who I am now and where I want to go and the values where they do align when they don't align.

13:41What are the habits or the behaviors that this person is doing now that the future person isn't doing or is doing sitting and taking the time out of someone's day to do that. It's so easily they're like, they don't see the importance in that. Right. But it is so freaking important to find five minutes, 10 minutes to just sit with yourself and ask yourself these questions. But this is where I have a question for you, because I think this is what's sometimes hard for people to do because it can be uncomfortable. It can be uncomfortable questioning your current identity and where you are right now and how

14:11you look, feel, act, and how it's not in alignment with the future self and the things that have to change. And that self-awareness is really important, but it can confront uncomfortable truths about yourselves, your habits, your goals, your limitations. So why is it important to have uncomfortable conversations with yourself so that you can create this real change that you want within someone's fitness journey? Well, you just mentioned it right there. You want change.

14:41You know that you're capable of more. You have dreams or visions. You have something more that you want for yourself. And if not, then there's no reason to do the work. If you're like, I'm cool, I'm just going to ride this out where I am right now. And you're happy with that, then, you know, more power to you than none of this is really relevant. But the reason that it's relevant is because we all like we as humans are meant to grow and evolve and, and learn and adapt. And, you know, that we're not meant to be stagnant.

15:11And oftentimes that's really what kills us, like literally kills us. If we're, if we're not growing, if we're not learning, if we're not changing and evolving, that can be pretty demoralized mentally, emotionally, spiritually, whatever your thing is. And even physically, obviously, if we're not moving physically and we're not growing physically, that, that can destroy us as well. So it's not like the immediate threat. It's more of the death by a thousand paper cuts. But like, this is what we were, how we're designed. We are adaptation machines.

15:41And that is like the, the thing that we love. We love, you know, autonomy, we love to learn and grow and, and connect and all that stuff is, is there for a reason. And again, it all is like the, the root of this is all survival based, but that's, you know, when you just look at like the hierarchy of needs, if you're, if you're a psychology fan and you look at like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, once we have our base needs met, like security, shelter, all that at the top of the pyramid is self-actualization. Like this is a core human desire that we all have.

16:14And that's why it's important. Because we know that we are meant for more. We're capable of more. And, you know, if you talk, there's, there's been a lot of research done with like people who are interviewed on their deathbeds. And the number one question is like, what do you regret? And they all say the same thing. It's never, I regret doing this thing. It's always, I regret not doing this thing. And it's the most common answer. I regret not trying. I regret not taking this risk. I regret not, you know, doing this thing that I had this opportunity to do. Even, even for me, when like somebody asks me, what's something that you regret at this

16:47point in your life? I had an opportunity to do a semester abroad in college and I turned it down because I couldn't get major like credits for my major. So I would have had to stay an extra year in school, but I missed out on an opportunity to go learn in Australia and experience another country and see another culture. And like, I was like, what the hell was I thinking? Like, why did that matter? So it's like regretting something that I didn't do. Everybody says the same thing. So it's this core human desire that we have for growth.

17:17Even when you look at successful business owners, a lot of times they'll say the fear of not doing it was so much greater than the fear of failure. So it was like, what I thought about was taking the risk and starting the business. Yeah, it was scary, but not doing it was dangerous. And I love that word differential. Doing it was scary, but you can get over scary things. We can get over scary things, but not doing it was like actually dangerous. And that differentiator is huge because when we stay, remain stagnant, when we stay, when

17:51we choose to not grow like that, that can be very dangerous. So that's why it's important. And that's why we need to do it and take the time and have the uncomfortable conversations and face the uncomfortable truths about ourselves. And, you know, I think any opportunity to learn about yourself is going to end up in a net positive, even if it's uncomfortable to get there. Ladies, are you feeling frustrated with body changes you're experiencing during menopause? It's time to take control.

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18:57Visit warriorbabe.com forward slash apply today to start your transformation. That's warriorbabe.com forward slash apply. All right, let's get back to the show. Oh my God, that was beautifully said, Mike. So beautifully said. Thank you. Spot on. We all inherently want to grow and we all seek growth. I think that's one common thing that I hear all the time. I just want to be able to grow. I want to grow my position. I want to grow myself. I want to learn about myself. I want to understand myself.

19:27Why I can personally relate to that right now. The journey that I'm personally on right now is understanding myself a little bit more. So I really appreciate that insight. I think that's really important for everybody. I understand. In order to change, we have to be uncomfortable with where we are in order to want to create the change. And that I love that the dangerous. So you can be scared. You can be scared to go to the gym. You can be scared to start to create different choices with your eating habits. But you know, you can get over that. It's dangerous if you don't.

19:59Dangerous and detrimental to your health and your longevity and the diseases that could come of those things if you don't address the situation now. So that's awesome. And some of the things that you mentioned, like ways that people can approach these conversations or spend that time like journaling, walking, the walking meditations or spending time just like being with self is really important so that they can see what are they doing right now that is limiting them to feeling from feeling better, from getting enough sleep, from

20:30showing up in the gym, from eating right. Like what are those things that are limiting themselves right now and how can they change it? And how is that future self showing up? I love that. Just overall, that entire concept. It's a belief. So like when we ask those questions about ourselves, what we're trying to extract also is what do I believe? Like what do I believe to be true? What do I believe about myself? You mentioned trying to learn about yourself. And that's really where it starts. That's like the base of the pyramid of self-knowledge is what do I believe at this current point in time. And the way that we explore that is it's usually not an easy answer.

21:04If I ask somebody randomly like, hey, what do you believe? Like, I don't know. What do you mean? But a lot of times like... Sparking up a random conversation. They'd be like, get this guy away from me. But like a lot of times it's our emotions are what reveal our beliefs. Because the emotion is just how the belief is being displayed or manifested. It's like, if I feel jealousy, if I feel anger, if I feel sadness, usually there's a belief behind it that is causing the emotion.

21:36So if like I look at somebody in the gym and I'm like, damn, I'm really jealous. I wish I looked that way. That tells me that there's an underlying belief that I don't feel like I'm good enough for that. Like, otherwise I wouldn't be jealous. Just like, yeah, you know, good stuff. Like, I see you're putting in hard work, like props to you. But if once there's that emotion that tells me like, oh, I'm jealous. Well, what does that say? What do I believe? So a lot of times it's our emotions. When we're sitting in that quiet time with ourself, it's investigating the emotional reactions

22:08that we have. And a lot of times things like anger, for example, is just like a blanket emotion. It's hiding something underneath. So it's like exploring that. What do I believe to be true that's causing this emotional reaction? And a lot of times that's connected directly with like emotional eating. A lot of our clients that we work with struggle with emotional eating. And it's getting to the core of that belief that says like, what do I believe to be true that is creating this coping mechanism for uncomfortable emotions?

22:39And a lot of times it's self-worth or it's safety. It's like I was in a unstable environment. So I believe that chaos is around the corner at any time. And food is stable. And I know it's always going to be there and it's dependable. So now we start to get to those beliefs. And like, that's where real change can happen because we know the base level of the pyramid. Okay, I understand what my beliefs are. But now, are they actually serving me? Are these the beliefs that I actually want to carry forward for the rest of my life? Or do I want to rewrite those narratives? Most of the time, we want to rewrite the narrative because a lot of the beliefs are,

23:13I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not worthy. I'm not safe, whatever the belief may be. And it's not super productive to the person we want to become. So it starts with rewriting that narrative. And then that's how we get to actually changing the behaviors and the outlets that we have to cope with those emotions, if that makes sense. Absolutely. 110%. It totally makes sense. It's about getting to the deeper layers of what the emotions are telling you so that you can understand yourself at a deeper level. And then you can be able to recreate, rechange the narrative, rechange the stories, rechange

23:45your beliefs. So, okay, let's say we get to that point with your clients, you've done this with them. You get to the point of understanding, oh, I'm jealous of this person in the gym because they look good. Inherently, deeper in myself, I believe I can't get that way or look that way. And I believe a lot of people felt like that. So in order to start rewriting the narrative and to start rewiring the tracks in our brain, what are some activities that you would have those people do? Yeah. So the next step from there is to be extra curious with yourself.

24:17Be like a fifth grader. As the fifth grader never takes it at face value. You know, I have three stepkids. And my 11-year-old will like can constantly ask, like, why is that? Why is that? Tell me more. What does that mean? Why do they do that that way? It's like, I don't know. That's just what we do. Why? They always want to know. So that's how you want to be. And she's actually in sixth grade. But whatever. You want to have that just curiosity that you had when you were young of where is that coming from?

24:48Is that true? Well, why? Who said that? Where did I first hear that? When did I first feel that way? Was that my voice? Was that somebody else? So we're really just being extra curious about the root. And is there any truth to it? Is that valid? You know, where did this come from? Why am I feeling this way? And a lot of times people will start to trace those things back and they'll be like, oh, that was actually my dad that said this thing to me that one time. And I internalized it. Like, it wasn't even my voice.

25:19Like, ask that question. Like, when you hear that, like, you're not good enough or you could never be that way. Then it's like, that wasn't even my own voice. It was somebody else's voice. That's not even my own story. Like, I internalized somebody else's story. I tell, when I was in high school, I had an English teacher that told me I wasn't a good writer. And I internalized that story. And I was like, that wasn't even my story. And I've been believing. I had my third grade teacher tell me I wasn't good at math. Yeah. And then you probably, like, confirmed it by, like, staying away from math because it was

25:52just something that you weren't good at. And then, like, the story took on a life of its own. And then when you trace it back, you're like, that wasn't even me. That was somebody else that I internalized their story. It's like, do I want to believe that? Is that helping me? Is that serving me? So we get extra curious about everything that kind of surrounds that narrative. And then what do I want the story to be? And you can literally start to rewrite it whenever you feel like you're ready. Once you identify that, like, okay, this wasn't even my story.

26:22There's a lot of evidence to the contrary. That's the other thing. It's like, do I have any proof of something? Like, are you, you know, proficient at your job? Well, okay, great. Well, you are really good. You can achieve a high level of success. You can do these things that you're saying you can't do. So now we have evidence to the contrary. We know it's not even your own story. It's not something that's serving you. All right, well, like, what is the narrative that you want to believe? And we literally start to rewrite it. That's so powerful. I love that. So, okay, let's keep going down this, like, trip.

26:53Quick break. If you're finding this episode helpful so far, it would mean a lot if you could hit pause for just a second, leave a quick rating or a review, or share it with someone who could benefit from it. Your support helps more women discover these tools to build muscle, lose fat, and feel confident. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me. This is such good stuff, by the way. It's, I believe, what a lot of people need to understand to get to the root part of being

27:25able to create the last, like, the ultimate change that they want. It's not just about, yeah, I can lay out the clothes. I can put my water bottle out on the island and make sure that my water is full in the morning to drink it. I can make sure that the work gets on my calendar. But, like, they have to embody, at an identity level, the person that is healthy, fit, working out, following through, keeping to the commitments, keeping to the promises, developing discipline to get the results that they want. So, let's say, like, I start, I recognize that, okay, I'm jealous by this person because

27:56this person looks this way. And I want to look that way, but I don't believe that I can because I don't believe I'm good enough or because I saw my mom, you know, do all these dieting things when I was growing up. And so, I think that things have to be really hard in order to achieve the ultimate body that I want to have. Like, you know, think about all the stories that us as coaches have heard from our clients. So, I start to understand this. I start to get curious. I start to ask questions. I start to get to the, like, you know, just getting to the understanding of why these things are, you know, they're not even my stories.

28:26Like, you were just saying, like, my teacher told me this. My dad told me this. My mom is the one that was living this experience. And I took on the experience. So, I'm starting to change these things because I'm curious because I know it's not my story. It's not my belief. It's not where I want to go. Okay, cool. I'm starting to rewrite these things. Three months into my journey, maybe even four, six weeks. And I'm stuck because now I'm here in these emotions, these feelings, these, like, I don't even know it yet, right?

28:56Like, but I'm here again and I'm feeling the jealousy. I'm feeling like I'm embodying my mom's experience again. Like, what would be some tips and tricks that you could tell somebody that's six weeks in and they start falling back into the old habits or falling back into the old ways and not getting, they're like, this is frustrating, right? Like, what would you tell somebody to help them move through that? Yeah, completely. So, the first thing is before you even start or before you even embark on the journey is to let them know ahead of time that that's going to happen.

29:29So, that's one of the things. Like, if you're expecting this to be smooth sailing, you're in the wrong place. If you don't think there's going to be setbacks or failures. But here's the reframe is when those failures and those setbacks happen, it's going to be the best thing for you. And the reason why it's the best thing for you is because you're not, like, when you want something, you rarely ever get it without being tested. And typically, there's going to be multiple tests along the way. That's kind of like whatever your faith is.

30:02You can call it the universe. You can call it God, whatever you believe in. But it's going to test that you actually want what you say you want. So, it's like you're not just going to coast to the finish line. And here's the really messed up part. There actually is no finish line because there's no point where you're just like, I made it. I'm done. It's all good now. What happens, like, there's the whole, like, saying where you climb to the peak of a mountain and then you realize when you look up that it's actually the base of the next mountain. You're like, oh, because I'm up here. Now, I can see further and I can see that I'm capable of so much more.

30:36But the reality is that those failures and those setbacks are going to reveal the shell that you're getting rid of, that it's still there. Like, it's still part of you. And that's, again, the test of how do we handle it? Because you can't, it's like people say, I want fitness to be a lifestyle. People say it all the time. But then their actions would say something totally different. You're like, I want this to be a lifestyle. But they're like, well, I don't want to start when I have a vacation.

31:06You're like, well, it's not a lifestyle if you can't go on vacation. And it's like, I want this to be a lifestyle. But maybe I should wait until January. Maybe I should wait until my schedule is less crazy. Maybe I should wait until X, Y, Z things. Until the kids are back in school. If the kids are back in school, whatever it may be. Oh, the summer is crazy. Oh, there's so many sports and fall activities, whatever. There's always something. So it's like you're saying you want it to be a lifestyle, but you're waiting for the perfect moment. You either want it to be a lifestyle or you don't. So it's again, you have to fully embody, which means going through the setbacks, going through

31:40falling back into old patterns to recognize this no longer serves me. When I am stuck, when you're feeling stuck, it's because you have an expectation of how the results are supposed to play out. And you're feeling like I'm doing this conditionally. I'm doing this because I want to see the scale go down. I'm doing this conditionally to seeing body composition changes instead of doing it for the person that you want to become. Because now this is the solidification of, are you really saying, we're getting rid of

32:13all cognitive dissonance where you're saying one thing, but you're acting a different way. And we're literally bringing those two things together where you're saying and doing the same thing. And that is difficult for a lot of people to do. So the friction of being stuck is literally your actions and your words no longer aligning and we have to realign them. So that's how we get through the feeling of stuckness. It's like, I feel stuck because I'm not seeing progress on the scale. It was like, are you only doing this conditionally? Because if you are, then number one, you don't actually want this to be a lifestyle.

32:45You don't actually want to be the fit, you know, a healthy individual that you say. It's no longer about the identity. It's no longer about the lifestyle. It's literally about the scale. And that's why you're feeling stuck because the scale is not moving. You're doing this conditionally. So it's like, this is the universe test or whatever test you want to call it. Like this is the test and the benchmark along the way to see if you pass. It's like, okay, now we have to realign. Let's get our words and our actions in the same place again. And there's choices, by the way. I always tell people like you have two choices.

33:15You can change your words to match your actions or you can change your actions to match your words. And changing your words to match your actions would be, I actually don't want this to be a lifestyle. I'm only going to do this if I lose weight and nothing else matters. Okay, fine. Just be honest. And we can align those things. Or you're going to change your actions to match your words and actually make it a lifestyle. Become the person that you want to become. Those moments are those friction points. That's where all the magic happens.

33:46Because if we can recognize that and then still move forward on that path that they want, then they're unstoppable. It's like that's creating so much resilience and awareness. Like, yes, it's hard to change. So you will default back into old patterns. You will default back into old thoughts and old beliefs. It's having the tools to recognize it. And then, again, going through the process, realigning, getting curious. Where is this coming from? Right. This is the old narrative. I don't like this narrative. I want the new narrative. And then moving forward from there.

34:17Dude, if I had a mic right now, I mean, like I could totally push this down, but you probably won't be able to hear my excitement. If I had a mic, I would drop it. Because, like, that was fucking purifier. So, like, everybody should rewind that for probably, like, what was that, like, the last three to five minutes and just listen to that over and over and over again until you can repeat those things back. Because that means you fully understand what Mike just said. Because that is literally spot on and so much value and just that delivery.

34:50So, yeah, I freaking love that, Mike. That's huge. Man. That was so good. Fire. Okay. So, yeah, like, I love my favorite part with that was, like, the universe is going to retest your commitments over and over again. Like, are you being honest with what you're saying? Or are you just saying things because, you know, circumstantial, like, the scale isn't moving, so I'm frustrated. Oh, cool. Then, yeah, it must not be a lifestyle. Let's just be honest with yourself.

35:21Like, what are we actually trying to accomplish here? And if it's that, cool. Then, like, we'll stay there. But if it's actually the lifestyle that you want, then these are actually the greater things that you're being tested on to really create the ultimate change that you want to create and need to create in order to be the future you that you want to be. Solid. Yeah. Solid. Solid.

36:07So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. Back to what you said earlier, it's like, why do I go to the gym? It's literally just what I do. It's part of me. So, for somebody that is so focused on the circumstantial aspect of it, of just losing, like, going on the scale and, you know, they say they want this, but they're just focused on this. They're focused on the wrong things.

36:57They're just focused on the aspect of their journey, which is just not ultimate. It's not, like, the true end point that they want to get to. Does that make sense? It does. Yeah. So, I think a lot of times we make the mistake that thinking, like, doing more is going to equal more results. And that's where a lot of people get into the perfectionist trap. It's like, again, it all comes back to those preexisting beliefs. It's like, I believe that if I just put out more effort and more output that I'm going to get more in return, which is not always true.

37:27So, again, it's, like, challenging. That thought process is, like, why do you believe that to be true? And how has that served you in the past? And that's, like, what good coaches do is they don't tell people. They just ask questions and get them to find their own answers. So, it's like, why do you believe this? Why do you want this? Why do you think that this is the case? And do you think it would be easier if we just focused on this one thing instead of the 17 things that you're trying to hold yourself to? A lot of times it's getting people to do less when they're in that place of, like, perfectionist mindset, focusing on the wrong things.

38:02It's like, I'm pushing because I want the scale to go down. So, I'm doing extra cardio on top of my 15,000 steps, on top of my, like, perfect macros and all this stuff. And it's just challenging that, like, you know, okay, well, if that's not working, like, why do you think that's not working? Why do you think you have to do all of these things perfectly in order for the scale to go down? It's getting, again, to the root cause of where is this belief coming from? At some point, this individual developed the thought process of if I just work harder and push more and always push the gas pedal, then I'll get to where I want to be.

38:38So, we can find, like, a lot of times it's, again, a lot of times it comes from, like, parenting or maybe a teacher or coach that pushed them really hard. I was like, well, that's just what I always learned. Okay, well, how does that help? Like, if you, you know, were to translate that into, let's say, like, another area of life where, let's say you were driving, do you ever push the brake pedal when you're driving? Are you always on the gas as hard as you can? Do you go the speed limit or do you go 30 miles above the speed limit? Like, it's like, where else can we draw this analogy that pushing for more is usually the thing that breaks the system?

39:13Like, when we just keep trying to put too much stress on the system, that's what breaks it. So, then it's bringing them back to, like, what can we do to more zone pace where you want to get to? And, again, then realigning them with, like, what does this actually mean to you? How does this fit within your lifestyle? What's the ultimate, you know, end game for you? Is it really just 20 pounds? Is that all that matters? And, again, if somebody is there, that's fine. But what I would say to them is if that's your mindset and it's just about losing 20 pounds and nothing else, forewarning, you're not going to keep it off.

39:47Like, let's just be upfront about that. We can do this and you can push as hard as you want. You can push the gas pedal. You can ignore your body. You can ignore the hunger. You can ignore the fatigue and all of that and you'll get there, but you won't maintain it. As long as you're cool with that, I'm cool with that. Let's do it. Right? Like, just, again, it's honesty. But that's really the process for somebody who is focusing on the wrong things. It's just we always try to just ask those targeted questions to get them to come to their own conclusion. Like, if this was going to work, it would have worked by now.

40:17And since it's not working, maybe there's a different approach that is a little bit – maybe it feels a little softer than what they're used to, but that might be exactly what they – I think, yeah, that's spot on. I actually want to, like, kind of hold space for any of the fitness coaches because I know there's fitness coaches listening to this podcast too as well. And especially I'm thinking about, like, our team. And I'm sure your team and even the new fitness coaches that you're coaching as well, asking the right questions instead of, like, what I see is coaches take on frustration.

40:50They take on the energy. They take on the experience. And then they start to experience the same thing. And there's no – we're all going down here at that point, right? Instead of, like, okay, cool. You're having this experience. Okay, I hear you. I understand it. This is your perspective. This is your belief. I'm here in my own energy field. I'm not going to take on your experience because I'm not going to be able to solve it or help to solve it. So what are some questions that you would ask a client that is in the situation, that is open-ended, that will lead – help lead the client to their own solution rather than the coach being like, this is what you have to do?

41:29Yeah. Yeah. So I love just kind of, like, the why questions or how has that served you in the past or where – like – So typically, if we're using the example of, like, I'm really frustrated because I'm doing everything perfectly and the scale is not moving. Like, okay, great. Well, like, tell me more about that. Like, what does that look like for you? What is doing everything perfectly? Okay, now we can get, like, some more detail. I was like, well, why do you think nothing's working? Okay, great. Well, why do you feel like you're – why do you feel like you have to be so perfect with everything?

42:03It's always, like, the why questions. How has that served you in the past? Do you remember another time that's another – like, I'll go to that pretty frequently. Do you remember another time in, like, a similar situation where this happened? It's like, oh, it seems like there might be a pattern. Are you noticing any, like, trends where the times that you push really hard are the times that you feel the most stuck? Oh, well, now that you say it, yes, actually. Right? So you just try to, like, lead them to the conclusion. Another one would be, like, pulling from other areas. Like, where else has this shown up for you in your life?

42:34So, like, a lot of times we get so focused on fitness and we forget the fact that, like, almost every – like, fitness, relationships, business, self-growth, like, all of it, it's all the same stuff. Like, the same rules apply. It's just a different implementation, different context, but the same rules. Like, where else, you know, maybe in your professional life, maybe in your family life, like, where else can you recall something like this happening? And a lot of times that's where they'll come to the conclusion of, like, oh, you know what?

43:06You know, there was this one time where this happened, but when I did this, I was able to feel a lot better. Like, people are intuitive if you just lead them there. Like, you kind of have to keep opening up more doors for them to explore. So it's really – again, there's no, like – there's some good books on, like, motivational interviewing that are helpful for coaches. But at the end of the day, if you just lead with why and, like, tell me more about that and why, you'll be really good. You'll be in a good spot. Just be curious. Like, genuine curiosity goes a long way for a coach.

43:38Why do you believe that? Why do you feel that way? Tell me more about that. That will ultimately – the individual will pull out all the information you need to direct them. Amen. And it's definitely, like, a parallel to, like, if we're trying to figure out and learn about ourselves a little bit more, it's, like, we'll ask the questions why, why, why in our own self-reflection moments to figure out how to change. And the same thing goes with coaches. Ask the why, why this, why that. Like, I like the – well, let's unpack that. Like, what does that mean to you?

44:08Or, like, you know, those open-ended questions. And I really love what you just said there. It's, like, you ask these questions and it just opens up doors for them to understand themselves a little bit more and to get to the – ultimately the solution on themselves rather than the coach telling them what to do or somebody else telling them what to do. And, like you said, the parallels of all these things all come together in life, fitness, business, code. Like, it's all connected. But if you're able to help that person get to the solution themselves, then they're the one that's going to be able to create. That's where you can create the ultimate transformation.

44:38Because then they're, like, ah. Like, they're experiencing and they understand it. So they're going to be able to go create the change. This is such good stuff. I'm so happy to have had you back on the podcast, Mike. Like, last episode, like I said, when we recorded it, there was so much love around the episode and the topics that you were talking about and the insight that you were sharing. Like, it's spread throughout the whole community at Warrior Babe and the coaches and even with the downloads.

45:09Like, you had tons of downloads from the episode. So I'm really excited for this one to pop off. And I think this is really important from so much beyond. And I really resonate with your message on that. Like, it's not just about here are your macros. Here are your workouts. Here's a workout plan. Oh, here's a new fitness app. Like, cool. Let me go download it. And it's like the 50th one that I've tried. Like, it's about creating not just behavioral change, but also identity change. And really getting to that person that you want to become and how that person is acting right now.

45:41Would you say, like, the connection point of how, where you are right now and then who you want to become, the quickest way you can, like, almost integrate yourself to that person and start acting like that person right now? Oh, completely. Yeah. It's like the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. Just, you know, be it until you see it. So a lot of people say fake it till you make it. But it's a little misguided because you don't have to fake it. If that's the version of you that you want, there's no fake. This is you. You're just not there yet.

46:11It's the future version of you, but it's still a version of you. And so it's be it. Be it until you see it. So start acting as if. And then a lot of the things that you want, you'll realize, happen a lot quicker than you imagine. And it's one of those things that we lack patience and we're really bad at predicting the future. It's like some of our flaws as humans. We all have this thing. We all think that we're really good at, oh, like, I'm not going to like that thing in a year from now. Like, you have no idea. We're really bad at predicting future emotional states and how we'll feel about things in the future.

46:46So don't don't try to think about the timeline. Don't worry about the timeline. But if you things will feel in the moment like they're moving slowly until you look back a year from now. And it'll be like, I can't believe how much has changed since then. And the way to do that is exactly what you said is the way to bridge the gap is you start acting as if be it until you see it. And things will happen, you know, quicker than you can imagine. Yep. And you'll have a little testing periods along the way, the universe being like, do you really sure you really want this?

47:18Yeah. Good stuff, Mike. Well, thank you so much for being on the on the episode and again on podcast again and sharing your insights and your wisdom behind this type of topic. I think it's really important, like I said, for people to fully grasp and understand, like, what is going like. It's not just this and the physical attributes of what people want to see. It's like they have to understand the internal world that they're dealing with in order to create the ultimate transformation that they want to have. Anything that you want to share? What are you working on? What are you doing? Like, you know, how you've been since last time we talked? I appreciate it.

47:49I always enjoy our conversations. They're a lot of fun. Yeah. I mean, I'm just I'm doing I think that's one of the things that I'm helping now that I've done. I feel like we've helped a lot of people in the nutrition coaching space with that identity shift, have had a lot of amazing transformations. And I've got an amazing team in place, fortunately, that is really aligned with my message and kind of implements everything. And now I'm focused on helping other coaches. I'm trying to empower other nutrition coaches, fitness professionals with the tools that they need to get their message across.

48:28Because I think with just me or even, you know, I know you have a ton of clients, you have a huge community and have done amazing things. But like we're two people, we're two businesses. I think that if we can have imagine if we could replicate and have, you know, 100,000 of us who can then serve all of the people and just like the amount of reach. So that's more how I view it. And a lot of this comes from my relationship with my grandfather, who was like a huge influence on my life and just seeing what I call the ripple effect that he had, like impacting people's lives and then what they went on to do.

49:04And it was like the reach when you're like two layers deep, it kind of goes to this astronomical place of how many people you can help. So a lot of my focus has been on helping other coaches with the skills that they need to articulate their message to attract the right people and just helping them do that. And really, it's just to serve more people because I feel like it's, you know, I don't view it as competition. I view it as we're all we have the same mission. We're all on the same page on the same team.

49:34And there's a lot of amazing coaches out there that nobody knows that they exist and like they can help so many people if they just knew how to get their message out there. And that's really what I've been focusing on lately. Dude, that's awesome, man. Celebrating you and congratulating you on that new adventure. It's really important. I think, you know, what you just said there, one person can't do it all. We need like the team and we need to be able to spread the word and positivity and make it a positive impact to those that need the help. So that's awesome. Well, thank you so much for being on this episode and being on the show again.

50:05I appreciate you. Appreciate your insight. Appreciate your time. And go Philly. Thanks so much for your time. Hey, really quick before you go. I have one small favor to ask. If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you, take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all of the difference. Helping more women discover the tools they need to transform the fitness and their confidence. It takes less than a minute, but it can change the path of someone else's journey.

50:37Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much.

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