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Episode 37735 min

Why You're Afraid to Eat More

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In this episode of The WarriorBabe Show, Nikkiey Stott revisits the four key phases of a successful fitness journey—fat loss, reverse dieting,...

Full transcript

00:00I have taken the strategies and methods and mindset that I've learned from my bodybuilding phase. I've woven them into a lifestyle that has helped over 100,000 women be able to take those strategies and implement them for as a lifestyle, right? Often I hear like, okay, what are signs that you're ready to cut? Signs that you're ready to cut, you guys, is like your metabolism is healthy. Some of you guys that go into programs that want to go immediately into fat loss or to a cut, that may not be the first step for you. I mean, again, 90% of people that I see coming through WarriorBabe have to go through a retrain because they've been in a cut for too long or they've been in a deficit for too long or they're not eating enough.

00:43What's going on, everyone? Hey, you guys. Welcome back to another episode of The WarriorBabe Show. And you know what we do on these episodes. We talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident. In today's episode, it was requested by another one of you guys in – this is so helpful to do this sometimes – that I put the question box on my Instagram story asking you guys what topics you would want to hear on the podcast.

01:15And so this is from one of you guys. You wanted a refresher on the phases, on cut, reverse, maintenance, build. But more importantly, you wanted a deeper dive into what a lean bulk actually is. And then also there was a similar question in all of the responses that I got, which was like seeing posts inside of the WarriorBabe community from women who are in the maintenance phase and they are panicking about the scale going up.

01:48And you guys asked me to address that. So I'm going to do that here on the episode. I've done this on community – if you're inside of our community in Facebook, I've done this. And we're in a current series right now that's actually wrapping up where we're talking about the metabolism repair series. And inside of that has been like the strategy of repairing your metabolism, using our steps, retraining your metabolism, and getting up to maintenance and what you can expect when you are inside of maintenance. With that being said, both of these two things that you guys are asking are connected.

02:21And I'm going to address both of them in one episode just clearly, directly, and just giving it to you guys straight. So if you guys have ever been confused on like what phase you should be in, what a lean bulk actually means for women specifically, or why your weight may be moving up in maintenance or in a phase when you're supposed to like maintain it, then this episode is for you. So let's first just jump into like running through the four phases quickly because I want to – I've done episodes.

02:56I've done like at least three or four episodes already diving into either them alone and solo or all of them together. So I would recommend going back in episodes and looking for them if you want deeper dives into them each specifically. But I want to make sure that we're all working from the same foundation in this episode before we go even deeper. So a cut, the fat or a fat loss phase. It is a structured period of eating in a calorie deficit with a specific goal of losing body fat while at the same time preserving lean muscle and as much muscle as possible.

03:33Now that may be – that may sound different already. Like I didn't say anything about weight loss. I said fat loss. When you lose weight, you lose muscle. That is not the primary goal of fat loss here, okay? Primary goal of fat loss is to preserve as much muscle as possible. So this deficit is more moderate. It's not aggressive like you would be in like a 500 calorie deficit or a 600 calorie deficit when you're trying to lose weight, right? And in this, where you won't find this in like a weight loss strategy, protein is the highest priority macro because it is what protects your muscle while your body is burning fat for fuel.

04:17So carbs and fat, they fill in those like the remaining calories outside of it. But priority is protein. Which, you know, in weight loss strategies, you're focusing on calories, okay? But you're focusing on the overall amount of calories that you're eating in a day, not really down to the macronutrients. Macronutrients are what's going to truly help you have a successful cut. And again, a successful cut is you preserving as much muscle as possible. Now, a cut is not forever. It is a season.

04:47It is typically done – I would say people could experience results in like eight weeks upwards to like maybe – six months max. And it's different for everybody, okay? So that is a wide range. People will experience things fast. People may have a longer season to go through with a fat loss. But I will tell you, you have to come out of a fat loss. Staying in a deficit indefinitely is going to destroy your metabolism. So like some of you guys may not – and I say this now –

05:18some of you guys may not get to your goal in your first cut. And that is okay. Which is so counterproductive or – I'm sorry, counterintuitive to what you heard, right? Like some people go until they've lost all the weight. Kudos to you if you've done that. That's amazing. But if you want to do it the right way in some way that you can also sustain the weight loss or the fat loss that you've experienced, then you must exit the deficit because it will – it will repair your metabolism

05:49or it will help just to give your metabolism a break and also your hormonal health. Like women who live in a permanent cut, they are – don't think of them as like, oh, they have this willpower. They have this discipline. They're stuck. And their bodies are paying for it. So often I hear like, okay, what are signs that you're ready to cut? Signs that you're ready to cut, you guys, is like your metabolism is healthy. Some of you guys that go into programs that want to go immediately into a fat loss or to a cut, that may not be the first step for you.

06:20I mean, again, 90% of people that I see coming through Warrior Babe have to go through a retrain because they've been in a cut for too long or they've been in a deficit for too long or they're not eating enough. Like if you try and go into a fat loss phase and your body isn't healed, it's going to be like you're clashing heads. Like you're throwing spaghetti at a wall and you're hoping it's going to stick. Your body is basically going to be telling you, hey, we're not ready to be in this. And your body may fight back against you. So when your metabolism is healthy, when you have a solid muscle base,

06:51when your energy, your hormones, they're functioning well, and fat loss is like your genuine primary goal, then that would be for you to focus. And that means you are ready to be in a cut, okay? Try not to go into these. I could talk about these all day long. And I could spend a half an hour on each one of these phases. But going through it really quickly, so that's a fat loss phase. The reverse or retrain or metabolic repair, whatever you want to call it, it is intentional. It is a gradual increase of your calories back towards your maintenance level

07:24after a period of being in a fat loss. So like for majority of you guys who have been in a fat loss phase or a calorie deficit or you've been dieting for majority of your life, you need to enter here. The goal is to bring your metabolism back up. The goal is to make it a strong foundation for you to go into a cut later in the right way. It's meant to heal properties inside of your body that have been slowly getting whacked at over the years of dieting and decades of dieting, said nicely. And it's done like you're bringing metabolism back up to speed week by week,

07:58slowly without, and this is the key to it, without storing because people come out of a diet and then they start eating like their normal habits before they went into a diet and they start gaining all this fat back. When you do a retrain or reverse the right way, you're doing it slowly, you're bringing up your calories week over week, you are allowing your body to not store significant fat in the process. This is a phase a lot of women skip. They finish a cut, they feel good about their results, and they immediately want to enter either, either they immediately want to stay into a calorie, into a deficit,

08:29or they want to go straight back into a fat loss phase again. Like they finished this 16 weeks or they finished eight weeks, they're like, no, no, no, I want to keep going, I want to keep going. And that is exactly what keeps them in this restrict, plateau, restrict, gain weight back, like spiral. The reverse, you guys, or this like, this thing about this, like this bridge in between your cut and everything else. Like again, like you won't, if you have 50 pounds to lose, if you want to do it the right way, you'll lose maybe 20 pounds,

09:00you'll give your body a break, you'll work back up a little bit, build a foundation, then you'll go back into a cut to lose the next 20 pounds. Maybe you got to do it again, go back up, reverse back up before you lose the next 10. Or even along the way, when you are giving your body more food, which has been like over 50% of women inside of Warrior Babe experience this, that they get more food and they actually start losing more weight. Okay, so, and everybody's body is different. But it's a non-negotiable for you to do a reverse if you want your results to actually stick and your metabolism to remain functional.

09:38Now, maintenance is eating at approximately the number of calories your body burns in a day. Not above it, not below it. And people's like maintenance range can be very wide and it can be very little. It's so different for everybody. But mainly the goal is to sustain your current body composition while giving your metabolism that time to stabilize, which I've been talking about. Also giving your hormones time to regulate. And giving, like being able to look back and reflect on the cut and like recognize the things that got you there along the way,

10:10your mindset, your habits, like allowing those things to solidify, which is a huge long-term game for you having this as a sustainable lifestyle. Maintenance is also the phase where like body recomposition happens. Like losing fat, building muscle simultaneously. It's like it, this is most likely to occur for women who are strength training consistently for hitting, who are hitting their protein. And I'm going to talk about more of this in a little bit,

10:42especially to when it comes to your weight. Because like I said earlier, I want to answer the question of or addressing why people are experiencing weight gain when they're in maintenance. Now for lean bulk, right? The building phase. A lean bulk is, it's intentional. It's like you're still focusing on a control calorie surplus like designed to fuel the muscle growth process. So it's small. It's typically like 200, maybe 300 calories above your true maintenance.

11:12This isn't an excuse to eat everything. I want to talk about this in a second. Like it is a precise strategic increase in the food that you're eating combined with you doing the strength training, progressive strength training at that. Focusing on high protein intake, right? And like creating the conditions for maintaining muscle development. This is a phase that most women are afraid of, but I truly and confidently believe that it is a phase that can change everything. It can be a phase where a lot of women,

11:43which this was also a question in the responses that I got was, for people that have a tinier frame that need to build muscle and how to do it appropriately, this is, I would insert you into this category here. So let me go a little bit deeper with this. Because, you know, this is what you guys specifically, one of you guys specifically asked for it. And I always say, if one person's asking about it, a lot of people have questions about it. So a lean bulk is not what I just said. It is not eating everything in sight. It is not a free for all.

12:13It is not an excuse to abandon your habits. Like you will probably maybe hear this in like the bodybuilding world. And like a lot of you guys may say like, oh, well, Nikki's a bodybuilder. And she has taken these concepts from her bodybuilding. Well, first of all, it's been almost 10 years since I've been in the bodybuilding space. Like I have taken the strategies and methods and mindset that I've learned from my bodybuilding phase. I've woven them into a lifestyle that has helped over 100,000 women be able to take those strategies

12:44and implement them for as a lifestyle, right? So anyway, side note, rant. Male bodybuilders like call it like a dirty bulk. Like eating in a massive surplus and accepting a significant fat gain alongside you building muscle gain. Like this is not that. And especially like a dirty bulk is not the approach for women ever. The hormonal environment, like the rate of muscle protein synthesis and the metabolic differences between men and women mean that a large surplus in women will produce mostly fat gain.

13:19If you were to do a dirty bulk like men in the bodybuilding space do and like or if your husband is into that and they're into building muscle and yada yada and you follow their lead when you're out to dinner and you're eating as much as food as them, you are going to produce fat gain. And not like the proportional muscle gain to fat gain like that men will experience in a dirty bulk. They will put on fat and they will put on muscle. But like a dirty bulk for women is just fat gain face dressed up

13:50and with like this gym verbiage and this gym language. Quick break. If you're finding this episode helpful so far, it would mean a lot if you could hit pause for just a second, leave a quick rating or a review or share it with someone who could benefit from it. Your support helps more women discover these tools to build muscle, lose fat and feel confident. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me. What a lean bulk is, is it is a controlled calorie surplus.

14:21Like I said, typically you're looking at around 200 to 300 calories above your true maintenance and you are maintaining that consistently over an extended period of time and you are combining that with progressive strength training and high protein intake. I have many episodes on progressive strength training and you guys have heard me say how important protein intake is. This is all for the specific purpose of building muscle as efficiently as possible while minimizing the fat gain.

14:53And that's it. It's a small surplus. It's a consistent training. It's high protein. And it's you doing it in an extended timeline because you guys know, you know the, you know the gist here. It takes time to build muscle. You're not going, I would say give yourself three years for that to happen. Three years. If you're doing it right. The most important thing that I would say that you need to understand about a lean bulk is, is that, is muscle is built slowly, especially in women.

15:25Like the three year realistic muscle gain. Again, doing everything right. Training hard, eating in a controlled surplus, hitting your protein. You are looking at that type of timeline. And so that means this isn't like a four week phase, guys. This is like a commitment. It's a, it's an often longer commitment because changes happen slowly. And the only way to see them is to stay in the phase long enough for them to be, be seen, to be accumulated.

15:55Now, a lot of women are afraid of this because of the scale. And I just want to touch on that. Like what the scale does during this type of phase. This, this is one of the reasons why a lot of women will abandon it before it has the time to actually do the work that is so rewarding in the end. They abandon because the scale goes up. And for a lot of women who have spent any time in this, in the diet culture or decades of dieting, who have been conditioned to believe the scale going up is always bad. I get it.

16:26It's terrifying. It's defeating. It's deflating. It makes you want to give up. But what is actually happening when the scale moves up during a lean bulk, you are eating more food. So food weighs something. Keep that in mind. More food in your body on any given day means more weight on the scale, especially if you're weighing yourself at the end of the day. Please stop doing that. This is not fat. It is the physical mass of what you ate. Again, the scale is only showing you one number,

16:56and it's not telling you what that number is made up of. At the same time, with you eating more, your glycogen stores are increasing. So meaning carbohydrates are being stored in your muscles and your liver, liver is glycogen, meaning more carbs, which comes with more calories, which means more glycogen is being stored. And that glycogen holds onto water and is holding like roughly three to four grams of water per gram of glycogen. That means that that is going to show up on the scale as weight.

17:27Again, it is not fat. It is people you hear will be like, oh, it's just water weight. Okay, this is what I'm what coaches what I what people in the fitness space say, what water weight is everything I just said. It's the carbs being turned into glycogen being stored and glycogen holds onto water. And so that water is showing up on the scale in the form of a number. Again, it's not fat. You are building muscle and muscle is denser than fat.

18:02So a pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat does. You can gain weight on the scale from muscle and simultaneously look leaner and look more defined. I've shared this story with you multiple times that I weigh the same now as I did when I started my journey. I weighed 145 pounds 140 pounds between there when I started my journey 10 years ago, and I weigh exactly the same if not sometimes a little bit more up into the 150 range.

18:37So that right there would give make any woman give up because nothing has changed on the scale. Yet my body looks drastically different. Okay. So these two things can happen at the same time and the scale cannot tell them apart. Just keep that in mind. And yeah, over like over an extended lean bulk, some small amount of fat gain will occur alongside you building muscle.

19:09That is completely normal. That is completely to be expected. And it is the trade that produces the body composition change. Most women are actually after them what they want. You cannot build significant muscle without being willing to accept the small amount of fat gain that's going to come along with that, especially with the feeling, with fueling that process. So the women who get lean bulking right are the ones who pay attention and track their performance.

19:45They can see that their numbers and their strength are going up. They can see the measurements are changing. They can take, they're taking the photos, and they see that over the extended period of time that there's a drastic difference in their photos, but maybe not so much more in their weight. They can see definition is increasing, right? And this is not just the scale. Guys, the scale is one data point during a lean bulk. It's not the whole story.

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20:51Look, don't wait anymore. Take charge of your health and join our community of strong, empowered women. Visit warriorbabe.com forward slash apply today to start your transformation. That's warriorbabe.com forward slash apply. All right, let's get back to the show. So anticipating further questions that come from this is typically, okay, well, what do my macros look like when I'm in a lean bulk?

21:22Your protein will stay either the same or it's going to be slightly higher than where you were in your maintenance. So like one gram per pound of body weight. Now, those of you that are older, I will push 1.2 grams per pound of body weight. Like you are building new muscle tissue and protein is the material that's going to help you do that. You do not want to reduce your protein intake. Carbs are going to go up intentionally. This is where most of the additional calories come from.

21:53And immediately I go into people thinking, I can't, I'm insulin resistant. Like I, I have this, this, this, this, I have this thing with carbs and like it doesn't help me and like my blood levels tell me that I can't eat carbs. I will get my labs tested out further because there could be some type of metabolic health addressing, which I will go back to the episode that I just recorded on the conversations to have with your doctor.

22:25Because metabolic health would be probably an indicator of being looked at as to why your body isn't processing fruit carbs the right way. And I could, I could totally go off on a tangent about all of the other things. I know people like I'm diabetic and type one and, and, and, and, and, and yes, that is a world that does exist. Yes, truly. I'm talking to more of the broadly speaking individuals here. Um, cause if I was going to go in deeper with that, I would say, check out worry babe VIP and work with one of our coaches one-on-one because I'll be able to take lab work and look

23:00at things and be able to go in deeper and say, okay, this is what we need to do. Right. I'm on a podcast talking to one to many. So going back to talking about like carbs are your primary thing. They are so important when it comes to fueling a primary fuel source for muscle. They power your training, they support your recovery, they drive the performance, uh, improvements that progressive overload requires of you. So more carbs that you have in like a lean bulk means better training sessions, better

23:33recovery, and just a stronger muscle building signal overall. Fats in this category will stay at a healthy baseline mainly to support your hormone production. It does not need to increase significantly. Or if you guys know, and this will dive a little bit deeper into the smaller category of people, if you like fats and you know fats, uh, help to, you, you run off of fats better than you do carbs. Like the way I look at carbs and fats is there are two energy sources. If you, if you know you feel better with having a little bit higher fats, not going full

24:05keto mode, your carbs are just slightly lower, then do that. Like, if you know that that works better for you, then I'm not opposed to saying you should have higher carbs and lower fats. This is, this is where it gets very individualized. Now I'm not saying cut out carbs completely because they do have a primary role in you building muscle. So the surplus is going, it can come, it will come from either or. Like I just say focus on your protein intake primarily and let the carbs and the fats fall into place where they are, but make sure you were eating in a, you have protein and you're

24:37eating in a little bit of a, uh, above surplus being two to 300 calorie, 200 to 300 calories above your true maintenance levels. That's a lean bulk. That's what a lean bulk is. A lean bulk is not. How I would address it, what it would look like with macros and what to expect from it. Now addressing what I've seen inside the community. I think there's been real confusion happening there and I want to clear it up. And I've also talked about this. If you're inside, maybe you guys can't attend the community calls or you haven't been able to watch the recordings, but you love coming to the podcast.

25:09So this is just another way of me getting to you guys that are inside of our, our product. Women in maintenance are posting that the scale is going up and they are panicking and I feel them like, and they feel like they're doing something wrong. They feel like maintenance is not working and some of them are considering dropping their calories back down. And that would be, I would understand that, especially from the diet culture that a lot of women have come from, um, that if it's not working, then I need to eat less. And I want to say this clearly. Do not do that. And I'm going to tell you why.

25:39Please don't cut your calories down. One, allow it to work. First and foremost, allow, allow time to make it work. Two, or really first, let's talk about what maintenance actually is because I think the confusion starts there. Maintenance is not a guarantee that the scale will stay perfectly still. Any given day, your body is changing. Your maintenance is eating in a level of calories your body burns on average and your body's calorie burn fluctuates daily.

26:10You, I can't look at one individual and say, yes, that person burns 2,200 calories consistently every single day. You guys will see this on your trackers. You will see that you burn 1,700 calories one day, 2,300 calories one day, 2,000 calories one day, 1,600 calories one day, right? It's based on your activity level. It's based on your stress, your sleep, your hormone cycle, and a dozen other variables. This means that your weight will fluctuate in maintenance, my friends. It will go up some days. It will go down other days.

26:41A snapshot of the scale on any given morning is not your maintenance weight. Your average weight over, say, two to four weeks is your maintenance weight. So my friends, when the scale is going like this, you're going on an up, down, up, down. It's going to fluctuate on a daily basis. But if you can look at the average over the course of a week to seven days to 14 days, and if the average is going down, or I'm sorry, I'm thinking about a cut.

27:14If the average is staying around the same, then you're good. You're good. And even if it's going to fluctuate a little bit, which I'll talk about in a second, that's okay. That's going to happen. But if you, so the second thing is, if you are genuinely gaining over a sustained period of maintenance, then write down these questions to ask yourself. And look at them honestly, you guys. Because I have seen, and so many women come when I ask these questions, a lot of honesty

27:48comes from them, and they're not actually doing the maintenance the right way. Now, my first question would be, are you actually at maintenance calories? Or did you overshoot during the reverse and end up in a slight surplus? Because this happens more than people realize, especially if a retraining was done too quickly, or it was done without careful tracking. So I would say, go back to your numbers and just look at it. Am I actually in my true maintenance numbers? Did I take my reverse seriously?

28:19I just had a conversation with the Warrior Babe community on one of our community calls, saying women try and go through reverse or retraining in a matter of three weeks. Or if they don't see that they're, they follow the calorie recommendations for one week, then they bump up. And for the second week, they only follow them for three days out of the week. And then they bump up to the next step in the third week. And I'm like, yo, pause. You're about to bump up to a calorie number that your body hasn't fully adapted to yet. Then you're going to experience weight gain.

28:51So it's like, did you do it? Did you do it too quickly? Or did you do it without carefully tracking? And did you do it honestly? And guys, this is where I would say, like, give yourself grace. A lot of the things that happen in a retrain are typically done with a coach by your side. But I love to give. I love to give. And I love to tell you guys all the things that we do with our Warrior Babe VIPs. And these are the strategies that we do with. But they're doing, why they've done it so successfully is because they have a coach by their side calling them out when they're not doing it correctly.

29:22Or if things are, they are doing it correctly and we need to maybe just, like, pull it back, right? My second question would be, are you tracking accurately? Are you tracking everything? Oils, sauces, condiments, restaurant meals, weekend eating. Like, these are where maintenance calories most commonly get exceeded without the tracker reflecting it. So, like, a week of honest, tight tracking will tell you whether you are actually at the calories you think you are. Because people will go, again, three, second week into a reverse. Three days are on the calories.

29:53And the rest of the week, they will be completely off. And they'll be like, well, why am I gaining weight? Oh, well, you went off tracking honestly. You let a weekend of eating habits deter you from the goal that we're working towards, right? Then there's tons of other variables. Are you in the early weeks of a new training program? Because increasing training volume causes muscle inflammation. It causes water retention. And that's going to show up on the scale.

30:25Where are you in your cycle? If you're somebody that's still getting your period, like the week before your period, we all know this. We will experience, it could be anywhere from two to five pounds on the scale. Again, that's not fat. It's fluid. So just pay attention to when your period starts. It's not a representative of you gaining weight. Are you sleeping well? Are you under stress, right? All of those things will show up as a higher number without actually representing actual fat game.

30:57Okay? The number is almost every like, the answer is almost like every I'm gaining in maintenance post in our community is one of those things that I just walked through. It's not that maintenance is broken and it's not that you need to cut your calories, but that one of these types of variables may be driving temporary fat, non-fat related scale increases. So my ask to the women in the community is like, who are experienced in this, give it a full month.

31:29Track honestly for those weeks. Look at the actual average before you make any changes. Like, are you stepping on the scale and you're posting inside the community that you're gaining? Like, one day you step on the scale, you post in the community, you're gaining weight. Uh, and then like, you're freaking out because you stopped on scale one day or even two days, but like, play it out. Let it see what the average looks like before you consider making any types of changes. The data will tell you what you need to know.

32:01Remove your emotions, which is hard to do, but I'm telling you right now, remove your emotions from this and let data guide you. So overall, guys, in this episode, I think that that's, we covered a lot today, but in the summary of covering what, a summary of what we covered today, cut being, going through the phases, cut is a moderate deficit with high protein to lose fat while preserving muscle. It's extremely important. It's not as a difference, there's a massive difference between weight loss and fat loss.

32:33It's reversing or retraining is a gradual, intentional increase, getting you back to maintenance. It's a non-negotiable bridge that most people, most women skip. Maintenance is you eating at your burn rate, not like a flat line on the scale, but a sustainable, hormonally healthy baseline that allows recomposition to happen. Lean bulk is, it's small, it's controlled, it's adding a surplus of 200, 300 calories.

33:03It's combined with you doing progressive strength training, you focus on eating higher protein. It is literally designed to build muscle slowly and intentionally over a certain amount of time. The scale will go up, but that is the process, that means the process is working. You're going to gain a little bit of fat while you build muscle. And lastly, to the women inside the Warby community, like listening to this and you're seeing the scale move in maintenance, look at the data honestly before you panic.

33:34Right? Like pay attention to your cycle, pay attention to new training intervals, pay attention to water retention, like you tracking accurately, you being honest about your tracking habits and if you're doing maintenance the right way. Like pay attention to the averages of numbers and give it a month and trust the process. Don't just like step on the scale and freak out. Don't let the scale dictate your emotions, whether you're going to have a good day or a bad day. Allow it to play out. And you guys, to those of you guys that requested this, this episode or wrote in the question box, thank you.

34:10I appreciate like these types of topic ideas because it gives me insight to where, to meeting you guys where you're at and just get like just helping me with ideas because sometimes like I have no idea what to talk about in these episodes. So thank you. Keep sending me them. Keep DMing me topic requests or topic ideas because this podcast truly exists because of you guys. All right. I love you all and I will see you in the next episode. Peace out. Hey, really quick before you go, I have one small favor to ask.

34:41If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you, take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all of the difference. Helping more women discover the tools they need to transform the fitness and their confidence. It takes less than a minute, but it can change the path of someone else's journey. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much.

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