Why You Keep Starting Over: 5 Questions to Ask First

Nikkiey: What are you actually willing to do? Not what you're capable of, not what you think you should be willing to do. What are you actually, genuinely, honestly willing to do? Consistently, for months, not just in a motivated week. Because capability and willingness are not the same thing. And sustained results that are there for the long term require willingness, not just capability. Are you willing to track your food every day, including the weekends, including social events, including the days when it's inconvenient?

What's going on, everyone? Hey, you guys. Welcome back to another episode of The WarriorBabe Show. In today's episode, I'm just going to bypass the intro. I'm sure some of you could recite that intro. I'm going to bypass it because I just want to get right into it. I'm not going to talk about another strategy with you guys. I'm not going to talk about a macro split or GLP-1s or an optimization to your training program or protein or any of those things.

Because this is a conversation that has to happen before any of that even matters. And I don't really think anybody has brought light to this type of conversation. This is what I've noticed working with thousands of women and seeing thousands of women inside our WarriorBabe programs: the programs are not the problem. Most programs, if they are done consistently and correctly and with effort, work.

The thing that breaks is the person starting them without being honest about what they're actually walking in with. The unexamined expectations, the unaddressed patterns that keep happening from program to program to program. The things that stopped them last time that they never really looked at directly. The real version of their life that the program has to actually fit into. So today I want to do this internal audit with you.

I want to have the conversation that you need to be having with yourself, an honest, probably uncomfortable, but complete conversation that you need to have with yourself before you start anything new. Whether that is a coaching program, a nutrition plan, a new workout program, or just a reset after a difficult season. It might not even be anything related to fitness. But I want this episode to really sink in with you guys. I want you to understand that this is probably the step that most women skip.

And it's a step that truly determines whether this time, walking into a new program, is actually going to be different. Okay? So we're going to talk about five specific questions I want you to ask yourself. And I think the fifth is one of the most important ones. I want to start first, though, with a truth that I feel like the fitness industry doesn't really want to say out loud. Most programs that fail don't fail because the program was wrong. They fail because the person starting the program was not honest with themselves about where they actually are and what they were actually signing up for.

What their life actually looks like, what has to stop for them to start this new program, and what has actually stopped them before, so they don't repeat the same things going into a new program. You get what I'm saying? They don't fail because the program was wrong. They fail in the gap between the version of you that you imagine when you're signing up, the motivated, consistent, fully committed you,

and the version of you that shows up on a Tuesday night when you're exhausted, when you're stressed out, and the last thing you want to do is open up an app and log your food or think about tomorrow's workout. Am I right? That gap is not a character flaw. That gap is not something wrong with you. That is literally just reality. And the programs that survive contact with reality are the ones that were built with reality in mind from the very beginning.

Most women who start a new program start by asking: What do I need to do? What should I eat? How should I train? In my opinion, those are the wrong first questions to be asking. The right first questions are: Who am I actually walking into this as? What has stopped me before, and why has that stopped me before? What does my real life, not my ideal life, actually look like right now?

What can I actually take on right now? What needs to become a priority, and what needs to stop being a priority? And what am I genuinely willing to do versus what sounds good in a motivated moment? Now, those questions are harder, right? They require a level of honesty that can be uncomfortable. And they make the entire difference between a program that works and a program that becomes just another thing that you tried.

Does that resonate with you guys? That's why most programs fail from the very start. Because there's this gap between the reality of what people are actually showing up in and the future self they're imagining. And they're not being honest about the reality of where they actually are right now. So the very first question that I want you to sit with, really sit with, and not just skim past...

And I wouldn't skim past any one of these questions. I'm going to lean in here and challenge you guys a little bit. The question is: What has stopped you before? And not the surface-level answer, my friends. I'm leaning in because I love you. I've had many of these conversations before, so I can anticipate what you're probably going to say, which is "I got busy" or "life got in the way." Yes, those are real. That is a part of your reality that is real.

But they're not the whole story. I want to get underneath that answer. Because here's what I know: the thing that stopped you last time is almost certainly still present in your life right now. It did not disappear between then and now. And if you start something new without acknowledging it directly, it's going to stop you again. It will stop you again. And it will do that every single time until it's addressed head on. So, from what I've seen throughout the years, I want to name some of the real ones.

The beneath-the-surface answers. I want you to notice which one of these, or maybe two of these, or maybe all of them, hits for you. The first thing that I see is perfectionism. You start strong. Then you have one bad day. And instead of course correcting, you decide the whole thing is ruined. It's that all-or-nothing mindset, that all-or-nothing pattern. And then Monday resets. And there's the inability to accept a 70% week as a win.

You look at it as, "Oh, well, that's not enough. It's not perfect." And you can't accept it, even though the week before you may have only been at 30%. 70% is actually a big win. But it's hard for you to accept that. If perfectionism has stopped you before, it will stop you again, unless you build a deliberate plan for imperfection before you need it.

So you can't walk into another program with this all-or-nothing mindset, because it's just going to eat you up again. But if you walk into a new program saying, "I'm good with a 70% week. I understand not every single week is going to be perfect. But if I allow compounding over time and consistency the majority of the time, then that's a W," that's a different mindset. Another thing I've seen is an unsustainable starting pace.

People come in way too hard. Seven days a week, completely overhauling their diet overnight. I think about the New Year's resolutioners with this one. They change a hundred things at once. You try to do everything at once. It works for two weeks, three weeks. And then, bam, life happened. And there was no middle gear in between. Again, kind of all or nothing. If that's your pattern, you come in hot and change a hundred things at once, then your next program needs to start slower.

Not because you can't handle the intensity, but because long-term sustainability beats being impressive every single time. So if that is you, you come in hot, change a hundred things at once, and burn out, then you need to start by focusing on just one thing going into your next plan. Another one that I see is external validation and having a dependency on it. You were doing great until nobody noticed. Until the compliments stopped, or they never even came.

Until the scale didn't move the way you expected it to. Nobody could see what you were doing. And without that external feedback, the internal motivation stopped. It just kind of withered up. If this is you, and it is for the majority of women who will honestly admit it, you need to build internal metrics before you start. Meaning you are giving yourself self-validation, internal validation. You see the hard work that you are putting in on a daily basis, and that is enough.

And that doesn't depend on what anybody else is seeing or saying. Another one I would name is that life genuinely got in the way and overwhelmed the plan. Work blew up. A relationship got hard. Someone in your family got sick and they needed you. And the program was the thing that had the least immediate consequence if you just gave it up. So you dropped it. If that is your pattern, and again, this is most people if they're being honest,

then your program needs a minimum viable version built in from day one. Because life will always get hard, but the program needs to be able to survive regardless of work getting in the way or a relationship getting hard. It kind of goes back to all or nothing. If work blows up one week, it doesn't mean that the next week you don't try to do anything. You're still able to get back to it.

So if that is you, you go into it knowing, "Okay, life is overwhelming already to begin with. I'm in a constant season of busy. So I'm just going to give it what I can as a minimum viable version that is my best self right now." And that may just look like getting 10k steps in and not even working out yet. That may just be focusing on nutrition. It's kind of a mix of the first two. It may just be looking at one thing and changing that one thing and that one thing only. That's a minimum viable version. And look, that could be the entire podcast right there, you guys.

Some of you are like, "Dang, I'm one, two, or all of those." And you can walk away knowing how you need to go into a new thing, or restart something that you may have pushed aside because of one of those things. So I hope that helped you. That was only question number one. Quick break: if you're finding this episode helpful so far, it would mean a lot if you could hit pause for just a second and leave a quick rating or review, or share it with someone who could benefit from it.

Your support helps more women discover these tools to build muscle, lose fat and feel confident. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me. So, question number two. This one sounds simple, but almost nobody answers it honestly. What does your real life actually look like right now? Not your ideal life. Not what you're going to look like in a bikini, 10 pounds lighter, abs toned. Not the life you're planning to have once things stop being busy and settle down.

The actual one. The actual one that's happening right now, this week, this month, this day, this minute. How many hours do you realistically have for training? Not the hours you wish you had. Not signing up for a program that's five days a week and thinking, "Dang, I'm going to have to figure something out to get five days a week." Dude, you don't need five days a week. Right? Where are the hours that actually exist in your schedule without completely dismantling everything else? What does your weekday eating environment actually look like?

Are you cooking at home every night? Are you eating on the go three days a week? Are you traveling for work? Are you feeding a family with different needs than yours? There are so many questions. This is what we do inside VIP during your onboarding. The coach gets to know you, meets you where you're at, and develops a plan for you. We get to know what your stress load is right now. Honestly, is this a season of high demand, or are you relatively stable right now?

Because those two seasons require completely different approaches to a nutrition and training program. What's your sleep like? What's your recovery like? What's your energy baseline? I want you to be able to answer those questions about the life that you actually have right now, not the life you're going to have once you get organized, or once the kids' schedules change, or once life calms down. And this is why it matters so much. A program designed for someone with two hours a day, a fully stocked kitchen, low stress, and eight hours of sleep will not work for someone with 45 minutes, a chaotic week, high stress, and six hours of broken sleep.

Even if both women want the same results, even if both women are equally committed, the program has got to fit your life. Not somebody else's, not the imaginary one you have, the real one. And the thing is, a well-designed approach can absolutely work with a real, messy, imperfect life, but only if it was built for that life from the beginning. So you've got to be brutally honest with yourself from the start about your real life and then ask, "Is this program actually designed for the life I have?"

The majority, 95% of programs out there, are made for the masses. Dive into an app. I could tell you about 100 different people following that app who are probably not doing it consistently, because it's unrealistic for their life. You need a program that is actually designed for you specifically. That's what we do at WarriorBabe VIP. So check it out at warriorbabe.com. Click to apply and chat with the team. So that's question number two.

Question number three, and I feel like this one might be the most uncomfortable, but it also matters pretty highly compared to the other two: What are you actually willing to do? Not what you're capable of. Not what you think you should be willing to do, like, "Oh, if I have to do that to get to my goal, then I should do that." What are you actually, genuinely, honestly willing to do? Consistently. For months. Not just in a motivated week.

Because capability and willingness are not the same thing. And sustained results that are there for the long term require willingness, not just capability. Are you willing to track your food every day? Including the weekends. Including social events. Including the days when it's inconvenient. Or are you willing to track most days and give yourself flexibility on the edges? Are you willing to hit your protein target even when it requires planning and preparation? Or are you willing to prioritize protein at meals but not stress over exact gram targets?

What are you actually willing to do? Be honest. Are you willing to strength train three days a week regardless of motivation? Or are you willing to commit to two days as non-negotiable and let the third be flexible? Be honest. Don't just sign up for a program that says it's five days a week and try to jam it into your schedule. If it doesn't work for you, it's not going to be something you stick to.

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Don't wait anymore. Take charge of your health and join our community of strong, empowered women. Visit warriorbabe.com/apply today to start your transformation. That's warriorbabe.com/apply. All right, let's get back to the show. The gap between what you say you're willing to do in a motivated moment and what you're actually willing to do consistently in a real-life week,

that gap is where the program goes to die. I want you to think about it honestly. Because a program built around what you're actually willing to do, even if it's less than what you think you should do, will always outperform a program built around what sounds right but that you'll abandon in week three. Done consistently beats perfect every single time. And the way you build consistency is by committing to something you can actually keep up with.

Not something that just impresses you, that you see online and other people are doing. No. So just ask yourself honestly, "What am I willing to do?" And then build from that truth. Now, don't say, "I'm not willing to track my macros, and I'm not willing to do this or that." Then you don't have the willingness to change. Something has to change from where you are right now. And it has to be in alignment with what's going to get you to your goal.

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And if you get a post-purchase survey, let them know that you heard about it here on The WarriorBabe Show. Go check out these products. I promise you, game changer. All right, let's get back to the episode. This next one, and all of them are very important to take a real honest look at, might be the most overlooked of them all. I think it's because we assume that we already know the answer to it. What does success actually look like for you?

When I ask women what success looks like, specifically, measurably, in their own words, the answer is almost never as clear as they thought it was. I hear it all the time: "I want to look toned." Okay, cool. But what does that specifically mean to you? What will be different about how you feel in your body when you are toned? How you move, how you dress, how you see yourself?

Another one that I get: "I just want to lose weight." How much? What will be different about your life when you get there? Really different, not just aesthetically different. What do you think will be different? Who do you think will be positively impacted? Do you see your husband playing a role in this? Your partner? Your kids? What does success actually look like for you? Another one I get: "I want to feel better." That's the most common one, but it's also the vaguest.

Better how? What does that mean? Less pain, more energy, more confidence, less anxiety around food, less anxiety around your body image? Better how? Now, all of what I said, "I want to look toned, I want to lose weight, I want to feel better," are real, valid goals. But they require different strategies and different measures of progress. Getting clear on this matters because if you don't know what success looks like,

you will never feel successful. Even when you're making real, life-changing progress, because your brain has no clear target to measure against, and it will naturally default to, "Oh, well, I'm just not there yet." And that will be what your brain sees indefinitely: "I'm just not there yet." You look 30 pounds different. But you didn't define clearly how much, and what your life is going to look like,

not by when, but how much, and what your life is going to look like when you get to 30 pounds. You just lose the 30 pounds, but you didn't get clear on what your life looks like, what's really different about it. And then it just becomes, "Well, I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I've got more to do." That's what a lot of women say. Can I go a little bit deeper with you guys? There's another piece that goes just a tad bit deeper. It's beyond the physical goal. Why do you want this?

Every single WarriorBabe in our VIP gets asked, "Why do you want this?" Not the surface answer either. I want the real one. What will be different about how you show up in your life when you feel strong and fueled and confident in your body? What doors does that open for you? What conversation becomes easier for you to have, because now you're walking with a bit more confidence in yourself?

Or you now know what it feels like to consistently show up to something. So what opportunities are now at hand? Fear starts to quiet down. You're eating 2,000 calories now. You were only eating 1,200 calories before, but you didn't gain any weight. You actually lost weight. So do you still have fear around food? Get to that answer, the real why underneath the goal. "I want to feel better. I want to get toned. I want to lose weight." Again, those are surface-level goals. Great goals, valid goals.

But what is beneath that? Why? Because surface-level motivation is always going to run out. The deeper why is what's going to keep you moving after that motivation dies. I think I jumped ahead. I've only done four questions, and I said the last one was five. So this one is actually question number five. This is the one that ties everything together. And it's also one that I feel like nobody really asks themselves before they start.

Not "What do I need to do?" but "Who do I need to become to get to that goal?" Because the results you're after belong to a version of you that lives and moves and makes decisions differently than the version you are living and existing in right now. That future version of you has different habits, a different relationship with food, a different default on a hard day.

You're not just going to give up. You're going to persevere, or look at things a little bit differently. A different tolerance for discomfort. That you is completely different. Very different. And I'll remind you, I'm sitting on that side right now. I want every woman to be on that side. But I am drastically different than where I was 11 years ago when I first started my fitness journey. I eat twice as much. I have different habits. My body looks different. I have a different relationship with food. I don't look at food as scary anymore, or think I'm going to get fat if I eat it.

I persevere. I have resilience. I have discipline. I'm drastically different. And getting from where you are to what's required of you requires a genuine shift in how you show up and a genuine shift in your identity, in how you see yourself and how you expect yourself to show up. So before you start something, ask yourself: What does the version of me who achieves this actually look like in her daily life? How does she handle a stressful week?

What does she do when she doesn't feel like showing up? How does she talk to herself about her body? What does she believe about what she's actually capable of? Because those answers are going to be drastically different coming from that you than from where you are right now. But the most important thing is, when you have those answers and you can see that vision of you, then you have to start acting like her. Not after you get the results. Now. Before the results give you any type of permission.

Because typically, identity shifts don't follow results. They precede them, right? You take the actions. You don't have an identity shift and then take the action. Usually you have to take the actions, and then you're on the other side of it and you're like, "Oh wow, I'm doing things differently than I used to." The women who get the results they're after are the ones who decided that they would become something different.

They decided first that they would become something different, and then they let the results show up as confirmation of who they already chose to be, right? Does that make sense? So you're not saying today, on day two, "I am making an identity shift." No, it's a byproduct of the choices you make on an everyday basis. That could have been a little bit confusing. I can also see it as: if you make the decision right now that you're going to show up as that individual,

then you're also deciding to become her right now. And that could be challenging on a day-to-day basis, because you're still in the reality you're in right now. But if you can spend maybe five to ten minutes a day, and what I usually suggest is visualization, or just sitting down and daydreaming while you're watching TV or something like that, envisioning the person that you want to become, then start showing up as her today. And as you continue to do that, the results are going to start to show.

And then it's confirmation of you choosing to become that future you now. Hopefully I tied that back together for you. At the end of the day, it's available to you right now. Before the first workout, before the first tracked meal, before any external change is happening, you can make the decision to be the person you want to be. Okay? So with those five questions, I want you to answer them honestly before you start something new.

What has actually stopped you before? Not the surface-level answer, the real answer. What does your life actually look like right now? Not the ideal version, the actual one, which can sustain you right now and help you take the next action daily to get you to that ideal version. But you've got to be realistic about it right now. Then, what are you genuinely willing to do, and do consistently? Not what sounds good, but what you're actually going to keep up with and show up to.

The fourth one, where I got the two mixed up, is: What does success actually look like for you, specifically and measurably? And then why does that matter? Getting to your why, understanding what your unique why is. And the last one is: Who do you need to become in order to get there? And are you willing to start becoming her now? I know these questions are not easy. They're not designed to be easy. They're designed to give you something that most programs never do: an honest starting point.

A clear-eyed, real version of yourself walking into something new, rather than the motivated, aspirational version who disappears when real life shows up. That's probably been you in other programs. And it's not the program. It's taking a real look at you and your life right now, and whether the program is actually feasible for you. You've started things before. You know what it feels like when it works. And you know what it feels like when it falls apart. The difference is almost never the program, though. It's the foundation underneath it.

It's you. Build that foundation first. Have that conversation with yourself first. And then go find the program that fits that honest answer. For some of you, and I've heard this from thousands of WarriorBabes, it is WarriorBabe. So if you haven't checked us out in full detail yet or had a call with one of our team members and you're curious about it, I would encourage you to have that conversation. That could be the very first step to becoming the person you need to become.

And that could be the very first time you develop these honest answers, in your conversation with a team member. Then you'll find out if this is the right fit for you. So I encourage you to go to warriorbabe.com, check out VIP, and apply. If this episode helped you, I also ask that you share it with someone who may be looking to start something new, but who you know has started something new over and over and over again. Maybe she needs to hear this, and it might be the most useful thing she does before she starts something new,

so she can actually sustain it. I hope this episode served you and helped you guys. I love you guys, and I'll see you in the next one. Hey, really quick before you go, I have one small favor to ask. If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you, take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all the difference, helping more women discover the tools they need to transform their fitness and their confidence. It takes less than a minute, but it can change the path of someone else's journey.

Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much.