How to Find Support on Your Fitness Journey After 40

Nikkiey: You communicating that to them, whether you fall off or whether you hit a bump in the road and you don't actually accomplish it, it doesn't matter. You sitting down and having that conversation with that person will put up a boundary to them knowing that you want this, and then say, hey, can I have your support in this?

Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong and feel insanely confident.

I am your host, Nikkiey Stott, and welcome to episode 43, all about finding support in and along your fitness journey, which I feel like is something a lot of women struggle with. Maybe you're struggling with it. I know I struggled with this at the beginning of my journey, because think about it. Maybe right now you are wanting to do these things or you're trying to kickstart this journey for yourself.

But the immediate circle around you, your friends, your family, your loved ones, aren't doing those types of things for themselves, right? So your immediate close circle doesn't work out. Or maybe they do, but it's half-ass. They don't really eat right. They don't have an understanding about it. And they're not doing these things that maybe you are, like, I want to take it to the next level. I want to get really serious about this stuff. I want to eat right. I want to take my health seriously. I want to start working out. You want that a little bit more than the people around you do.

And when that's the case, it's actually really, really hard to find that support to give you motivation and words of affirmation to go crush it for yourself. I have totally been there, and I want to talk about that. But the number one thing that comes from that, when I say it out loud, is that you have to be your number one support system.

And it's so much easier said than done at the start of your own journey, because you're the one that wants this so much. You're the one that wants to embark on this journey and have these types of results for you. And nobody else around you really gets that vision other than you yourself. So when you start doing those things and taking those things seriously, the people in your immediate circle, remember, they're filtering their life through their own perspective.

So they're going to see you doing all these things and they're going to wish that they were doing those things. And so they're going to have their own opinions: oh, why are you doing this? Why are you eating this way? Why are you going to work out? And those opinions could drag you down from staying on the path to accomplishing your goals. Because remember, it's their perspective. They're bouncing off what they wish they could be doing. They wish they could be doing what you're doing, right?

And there's a few that will totally be inspired and they'll be like, oh my God, what are you doing? I want to do it with you. A lot of women I've seen, their husbands are like, honey, I've seen amazing results. Let me jump in. I want to do this with you. And I see the flip side. I see husbands just not supporting women's journeys. So I know not everyone is going to support you. That's why I want to say, if you're experiencing these things in your immediate circle, where your friends and your peers don't understand what you're doing and they don't support what you're doing, you have to be your number one support system.

For me, for example, sharing a story from the beginning of my journey, because I experienced these things too: I look back and not everybody in my immediate circle or my close friends were gung ho about fitness and gung ho about health. I lived with my grandparents at the time because I was taking care of my sick grandmother. I mean, they're 80 years old. They're not working out and crushing it every single day. And then I had some immediate family members that just didn't get what I was doing and wished, deep down, I think, that they could do that.

I'm looking back at that, seeing it in that light and perspective now. But at the time, it kind of sucked not having family members support you. So not everybody is going to support you or be there for you in the ways that you thought, especially when you're like, I want to go do this, and then you've got some people that are just like, why do you want to go do that? They're coming from their own perspective, and I want you to remember that. And I'm saying this from my own perspective: I did have some awesome support systems at the beginning, and you will too.

As long as you keep the root of you being the number one supporter for yourself, you will keep showing all of the people around you that don't get what you're doing that you actually do take it seriously. If you keep showing up for yourself, those people are going to be like, okay, she's just doing her thing, and they're going to get along with it. They're going to get down with it. They're going to let you do your thing, right? And let me speak from experience about the people that didn't support me at the beginning of my journey.

One of my girlfriends at the time, and I should also say, a lot of these people that didn't support me in the beginning of my journey, I am no longer friends with. And I'll share this one person, because I did have some awesome support systems at the beginning of my journey that I'm also not friends with now. But I also think that as we go through life and the phases of our life, we will have different friends in those different phases.

Some people are blessed to have friends they grew up with that they're still friends with later in life, people they went to high school with that they're still friends with later in life. But I firmly believe that as you go through different phases, experiences, jobs, just life in general, you will have different friends, different peer groups. And that is totally okay. I had an amazing group of friends that I did nursing with, and there was a handful of them that really supported me and showed up to my shows and cheered me on.

And let me tell you, man, keep those people close to you when you're going through the transformation that you're on, because there are positive words of affirmation. Your friends are like, go, girl, go crush it. You have a support system there. But for the ones that don't support you, one in particular, I remember, messaged me one day and was like, I'm actually genuinely concerned about you. You're working out way too much and you're eating X, Y and Z. And she was like, I don't think that's enough food for you. And granted, it was twice the amount of food that she was eating.

But anyway, that person existed. And I'm sure you may have those people, and they will exist in your vicinity as you embark on your journey. I had a family member that was like, why do you want to go up on stage and look like that? And those little things, if you're not strong minded for yourself, if you aren't strong and firm in the decision of where you're going and what you want and who you want to become, those opinions can really weigh on you.

And those opinions can be things that deter you from taking the next action that is in alignment with the things that you have to do, right? So you will have those people, and maybe you have one right now in particular, or maybe you have multiple. The thing is, you have to keep a bubble around you. I've talked about this in previous podcasts. You have to keep your positive bubble around you, and you cannot let anybody in who has a negative comment to say about you and your journey. If you can just sit back and say...

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...the things that I am doing right now, are they going to help me for the better of my future? Eating right and working out? And if the answers are yes, then you need to know that firm and strong within you and not let any negative person with an opposing opinion pop your bubble. Okay?

You cannot let anybody enter in and allow you to have any doubts about what you're doing for yourself. Because especially when you're starting out something new, you have some natural doubts about things, about yourself, about whether you'll be able to accomplish those things. And it's totally okay to have that, even if you are a strong individual. I'm a very strong individual. Did I have those thoughts of whether I could actually do this along my journey? Absolutely. Did I have some doubts? Absolutely.

But I kept strong in myself, the support system to myself, because I wanted so badly to accomplish this and do something that was outside of me, right? Things I had to work towards and build and develop within and achieve. Things I've never done before. So of course you're going to have those doubts. But you can't allow multiple people to come at you with their own opinions or concerns about things that are actually the right thing for you to be doing.

You working out. You eating better. If you can answer yes to all of those things that are making your life better and helping you accomplish the goals you want to accomplish, and you can sit back and ask, am I doing the right thing, and intuitively you say yes, then you cannot let them in. It's easier said than done, but you have to have that. You have to be strong. You have to believe. And at the same time, you may also have to not share these things with those people.

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That is a big thing to recognize, you guys. If you have some naysayers or some haters or some friends that just don't get what you're doing, or support systems around you that don't get it, don't share every single detail with them. Because you know it's probably going to be some negative thing or some opinion or some conflicting advice that you don't need to hear, because you know all the things you're doing are the right things to be doing for yourself.

So if you have all of that coming your way, don't share those details with them. They don't need to know, because you already know that if you share something with them, it's just opening up more inlets to give you self-doubt. So if you want to accomplish these things for yourself, know that you have to be the number one supporter in your journey.

And know that not everyone around you is going to support you in the ways that you thought. So you have to be self-aware of those pockets of people, and of who you can share your journey with who is going to respond with enlightenment and empowerment and encouragement and words of affirmation. Share as much as you possibly can with those people, because they're only going to lift you up and help you go do the things you want to do.

They're going to be a support system to you, and that network of people is going to help you reach your goals, right? And you will notice that those people stay in your world, and you will then attract more people who are doing the things you're doing. I have a whole new pocket of friends right now that are all into fitness, all into health, all of that jazz, because that is their lifestyle. And I've attracted more of those people into my space because I am living all of those things.

That is my identity, right? So the more that I preach it, do it, act on it and work towards it every day, the more I attract those people into my world. It's just natural. It's the law of attraction. It's the way the world works. So you have that pocket of friends you need to be self-aware of, and you know you can share all the things you want with them because they're going to support you. They're going to lift you up. That's your network. And you're going to attract more people as long as you stay on the journey you are on for yourself.

But if you share this information with that other pocket of people, the ones that don't support you, that don't get what you're doing, that have a negative opinion about what you're doing, then, like I said, more inlets of self-doubt are going to come your way. And literally, whether you notice it or not, that is what's going to get in the way of you going after the goals you want to accomplish.

So you need to be self-aware and understand: okay, first of all, this is me. I am me. I want these things. I want to embark on these things. I am my number one supporter. And then by sharing what you want outwards with some people, you will notice the energy you give off to those people and how it's received. And it literally just comes down to this: are they uplifting you and making you feel better?

That is your people, man. Stay by them. That is your network. And by going and doing the things, you're going to attract more people into your world. If the response is disempowering, then you put up a bubble around those people. You don't share everything with them. You just wait for the results to happen. Okay?

And this is where, remember the friend I told you about that was like, I'm concerned. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? I don't like that you're doing this. All of that stuff, guys. That friend. The things I'm sharing with you now, I've recognized through years of experience, so you know how to handle it when you're embarking on your journey and can recognize these pockets of people.

I think I may have just had some intuition and energy recognition at the time. I put up a bubble around that person. I stopped hanging out with her. She was the person I would drink with on the weekends. She would hit me up, we would go out, we would have drinks every weekend and party. That was my lifestyle before, guys. And then I was the DD the first couple of weeks of my journey. I stopped drinking. I was drinking water at the bar. And dude, she absolutely hated it.

So I put up a bubble. I made distance with that person, you guys. And this is what I would recommend you do. I'm going to talk about what to do if the person is very close to you, if you're married to them or they're in your household. I'm going to help you understand what you can do there. But I made a bubble around this person. If it's your friends and these pockets of people that disempower you, I would create distance with them.

I would put up the bubble around you and still do the things. You hover around the other people that support you and empower you. You get around those people more and you keep doing what you want to do. Okay? But distance yourself from those other people. You don't have to push them out of your life entirely, but you want to distance yourself from them.

And then you start getting the results. I'm saying this all from experience, because remember that friend? I continued to do the things I wanted to do. I worked out, I ate right, I stopped drinking. I did all of this stuff. And I would say four or five months into my journey, I was getting results.

And she came to me asking me to help her with her workout and eating habits. Okay? And for that pause, you guys, I'm staring at the camera. This can be you. That happens. As long as you keep showing up for yourself and you get results, those disempowering people who wish they could be doing it but aren't, who have excuse after excuse and are always negative, will come to you and be like, what are you doing? Help me. I want help.

And at this point, because this is just who I am, giving is my love language. I love to give. So at this point, five months later, I had created distance. I was still friends with her, but I had created distance. She came to me and asked. I remember vividly, I was sitting on my parents' couch, and it was a text message. And I was like, yeah, girl, I got you.

I am so happy to help you. Because when you feel the energy and the awesomeness that you get within yourself from achieving these things, you just naturally, at least for me, want to help everybody. And that's why WarriorBabe was created and why we have an online fitness coaching company. I just wanted to help as many people as possible know and feel the way I felt after getting these results. So I was like, yeah, totally.

I'll help you. I'll help you put a workout plan together and at least start eating better. She definitely wasn't a good eater. We had to cut back on the alcohol, all that stuff. And that's what will happen. I guarantee it. I can say that because it's happened to me a couple of times. Whether it was from my awesome support system of friends or from people that didn't get what I was doing, it came from both sides. And I was like, guys, 100%, I will totally help you.

And on the other side, with all my friends that were empowering me: before WarriorBabe, I was doing one-on-one personal training inside a small studio where I live, and then it turned into a garage. And those friends then became my clients, right? So when you're trying to find your support system on your journey, there are going to be two pockets of people: empowering people and disempowering people. And you will have different friends in different phases of your life.

Just to wrap up this entire podcast: you are the centerfold of it all. As long as you know what you're going after, you are your number one support system, and you have self-awareness of people's responses to your journey, whether empowering or disempowering, then you will be able to go forth toward the goals you want, knowing who's supporting you and who isn't, knowing when you can lean on people, and knowing when you need to put space around people.

And there's one thing I promised I would talk through as well: what if the support systems in your house don't support you? Maybe it's your kids, maybe it's your husband, and you're close to them and live with them every single day. The one thing I have helped women inside WarriorBabe do when this is the circumstance they're dealing with is this: I have said, sit down and have a conversation with your loved ones. The ones you cannot create space from.

The ones you cannot put a bubble around because they're in your space all the time. The ones you see every single day, that you talk about things with all the time, and that you're going to share your journey with. Those ones. Sit down with those people, look them straight in the eye and tell them exactly what you want to do. Okay? What you want to accomplish and why it's so important to you.

You communicating that to them, whether you fall off or whether you hit a bump in the road and don't actually accomplish it, doesn't matter. You sitting down and having that conversation with that person will put up a boundary, so they know that you want this. And then say, hey, can I have your support in this? Communication is a game changer, especially in this circumstance, when your loved ones are in your house with you.

If you can just sit down with them, especially your husband, and have your kids there, and be like, guys, I want to do this so bad for myself. And you take ownership and responsibility for where you're at, like, dude, I've been eating like shit, we're eating pizza every weekend. And then say, I want to do this for me and for the family. I want us all to have a better future, health-wise, longevity, all of this stuff. And hey, can I have your support? If I fail, if I mess up, can I have your support there?

Can I have some words of affirmation, like, yo, one day, bump in the road, whatever, you got it, you can do it? Them saying that out loud creates a better energetic field between you and your loved ones. Do they have to accept it? They don't have to accept it, but they can support you in it. Okay? They're probably not accepting of it because they want it too. Deep down, they want it too. Okay? But you have to be the one who takes the action, does the things, shows up, shows them it's possible and gets the results, and then they're going to come on board.

But in order for that to happen, you have to have that open communication, especially if someone doesn't support you. If it's coming from a space of you wanting this, then, I don't know, maybe some people won't support it. That's a whole other thing. I'd be like, I'm out. But that's a whole other thing. It should be well received. I mean, humans are humans. If you're sharing your desires and your wants with a loved one, 90% of the time they should receive it. And when you say you want support, they should give you support. Okay? The other 10%, man, I don't know. Peace. I'm out.

So there's that, you guys. In the grand scheme of finding support in your fitness journey, know that not everyone is going to support you. You will be aware of the pockets of people, the ones that are empowering and disempowering. You will know that you're going to go through phases of life. You're going to have your girlfriends that probably aren't doing fitness-related things, and then you're going to develop new girlfriends.

I think about the WarriorBabe community. I think about those women. Some of those women, I know, have pockets of friends outside that don't do anything fitness-related. But then they have the pocket of women that do, and they're inside the WarriorBabe community. And holy shit, is that community so empowering, so uplifting, so motivating, so supportive, right? So they have that community to fall back on, to go in there and be like, yo, my WarriorBabe sister is crushing it today. She's awake. She's up at 5 a.m. She's getting her workout in. That makes me motivated to go do those things too.

And then you have a new group of friends. So you have different phases, and so do I. Everything I'm sharing with you guys is from full experience. I told you about the friend. I told you I have different pockets of friends. Now the majority of my friends are in this lifestyle. They do all of these things. And you'll have to have conversations with the people who don't support you who are very close to your space and who you need to support you, right? Because words of affirmation, man, go a long way.

The people in your close network, in your household, are going to help you reach your goals. So you have to make sure they're on board with you and supporting you too. So those are some things I hope help, especially if you're at the beginning of your journey. Super high level, like I said: be self-aware of the pockets of people you share your journey with. The people that empower you, keep them close. The people that disempower you, create space. And be okay with creating new friends throughout your journey.

That's the fun part about it. You'll create new like-minded people in your circle who are doing the things you want to do, and you're going to be able to click with them so much better. And then just watch how good you feel making this a part of your lifestyle. Your fitness journey will become your lifestyle, and you'll have support systems all over the place. At the beginning, though, it can be tough. And man, I totally resonate with that, with the story I told you, and it happened across a couple of people.

But just know, if you support yourself and you show up for yourself, that's all that matters. Everything else will fall into place. All right, guys, that's a little bit about finding support in your fitness journey. Hope you all loved it, and I'll see you in the next podcast.

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