How to Stay on Track When Your Partner Isn't Supportive

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All your partners, or friends or family members, they want to support you. Deep down in them, that is the love of them, the connection of them. People want to support people. So when you say it like that, the outcome is going to be different for you. The key here is to keep it light and to keep it optional.

Hey, you guys. What's going on? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show, or if this is one of your first episodes, welcome to the show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident. I am your host, Nikkiey Stott, and welcome to today's episode, episode number 208.

Today I want to tackle a topic with you guys that can be tough to navigate, but it is also so important for anyone serious about their health and fitness goals. And that is what to do when your partner isn't fully supportive of your journey, and how to navigate that conversation with them. Because first off, making lifestyle changes is hard enough, right? But it can feel even harder if the person closest to you doesn't understand or support the changes that you're making.

So today I'm going to talk about why a partner might not feel supportive, how to approach that type of conversation with empathy instead of defense, understanding where they're coming from and what they may be experiencing, and ultimately, and most importantly, how you can stay true to yourself and to your goals.

So let's start by just chatting about seeing things from your partner's perspective. When we start making changes, whether it's the New Year's resolution that's coming around the corner, or you're committing to your workouts, you're dialing into your nutrition, or you're just setting bigger health goals, it's not just a shift in your own life, but it can also feel like a shift in the relationship dynamic. And that's where things can get really tricky.

So why might a partner struggle with this change? It often comes down to a fear of change. And maybe that person is even projecting some insecurities onto you. That's what I want to break down for you, because I think it's important for you to understand. Remove yourself from it for a second if you can. First, internally check in with yourself when this conversation is going on, and make sure that you recognize some of the emotions that may be surfacing, which could be that you're getting defensive, or you might get angry, or you might withdraw. So check in with yourself first, but then try to breathe, and then try and take on what your partner may be experiencing, and try to understand it from their perspective.

Number one, think about it this way: fear of change. When you start focusing on your own health, your partner might worry that your priorities are shifting. They may feel like they're losing the old version of you, or they might worry that these changes mean a change in the relationship dynamic. Maybe they're used to eating certain foods with you. Maybe they're used to spending evenings relaxing instead of working out with you. Or maybe they're used to bonding over specific routines that may be up for change, and that will be changing as you start to focus on these goals that you have for yourself. And that can bring up fears, even if they're not fully aware of them.

Your partner could be in their own defense mechanism. They could be in their own withdrawal energy. But what's really beyond that and deeper than that is that they have this fear. Sometimes men have a hard time communicating their feelings. So if you can understand that this is what they're feeling, you can help to question the type of energy that you are experiencing from them. I'm actually going to get into how to approach that conversation with them. But I think the most important thing is just understanding this could be going on. They have this fear that some things are going to be changing, that the priorities are not going to be the same, and so it's bringing these emotions up.

Another common reason for resistance is insecurity. When you start to improve yourself, it will bring up your partner's own insecurities. So if your partner has their own struggles with health or with self-image, your commitment to change might make them feel pressured, even if you've said nothing to that effect. Even if you are totally in your own bubble, in your own space, and you're so excited about the things for yourself, it doesn't matter. Even if you're not pressuring them, you're not saying anything about how they need to be doing it, they're taking on that emotion regardless. And sometimes these insecurities can show up as criticism towards you, or a lack of support, or they may not understand what you're doing. But deep down it's often more about them than it is about you.

To put some context to it, I saw this dynamic happen between my stepmom and my dad. When I saw a shift, I knew that they were communicating with each other and that they both got on board with it. But when I first started out on my journey, my friends had everything under the sun to say about what I was doing. And when I later understood these concepts I'm sharing with you, I understood that they were just projecting outwardly some emotions or fears or insecurities from their own perspective, and they were putting it onto me.

So if you can understand this, and you gain the concept of understanding these possible reasons, it will help you see that their lack of support isn't necessarily a reflection of you or your goals. It's often just their own fears or their own insecurities talking. And when you can recognize that, you can approach this conversation with empathy rather than being defensive and getting in an argument and fighting and getting loud and putting them down and being frustrated and withdrawing and going to bed angry at each other.

Next time you talk about this, if this is you and you're struggling with this, or you have this in some type of dynamic, it doesn't necessarily have to be your partner. It can be anybody. It can be your mom. It can be your dad. It can be your siblings. It could be your aunt. It could be anybody in your immediate circle. It could be your best friend. But if you can take a step back when you're sharing some things about what you're doing, you can stay in your own energy field. Then you can recognize the reactions or responses that the other person is having without diving in and being immersed in that person's energy and their responses. If you can stay grounded in your own self, you'll be able to recognize that this is what's happening, that their fears and their insecurities are talking.

So this next thing I want to talk with you guys about is approaching this conversation with empathy, rather than agreeing with them. Because if you're agreeing with them, you're agreeing with their insecurities and with their fears. You don't have them, but you will find yourself agreeing with them. And then later on, you will find yourself not doing the things that you know you need to do.

So how do you actually talk to your partner about your health goals, or anybody, again, it could be anybody in your circle that is projecting these things onto you? How can you talk about them in a way that's open and supportive rather than confrontational, or rather than shutting down, or rather than being defensive?

Number one, the timing of this conversation matters more than anything. Avoid bringing this up in the middle of a busy or stressful moment. And definitely don't start this conversation after an argument or when emotions are already high. You have to be aware of the time and the place. You want to choose a calm, relaxed moment, maybe on a walk or during a quiet evening, or when you're having date night. You want this conversation to feel like an open invitation, not an intervention. So making sure that you have the time and the place, choosing that right environment, is going to make all of the difference.

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All right, let's get back to the show. Don't bring this up after an argument. Don't bring this up when emotions are already high, because it's only going to add fuel to the fire.

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The second one is arguably just as important: using I statements to focus on your own journey. When you're sharing your goals, focus on how you feel rather than what you think they should be doing or how they should be supporting you. For example, you could say something like, "I've been feeling really motivated to focus on my health goals because it makes me feel strong and energized." You can say something like that to them. This keeps the focus on your personal journey and it reduces any sense of pressure that they may feel. You're saying, "I've been feeling really motivated."

Or if things are getting uncomfortable for you, where you don't feel you're being supported, you could put it in an I statement. "Hey, I just want to be really open with you right now about how I'm feeling." I'm trying to find the right word. I wouldn't say "not" or "don't," because those are some hard words. But I would say, "Hey, I just wanted to be open with you about how I'm feeling. There are some things recently where I feel I'm not being supported along my journey," and this is blah, blah, blah.

Why? Because if you put it in an I statement, instead of saying, "You're not supporting me on my journey, you're saying things that aren't helpful, your actions aren't making me feel good," you see how that's a different tonality? With the second one you're putting it on them rather than focusing on how you feel, and not on what you think they should be doing for you or how they should be supporting you. So it's really important, because this keeps the focus on your journey and it reduces any sense of pressure they might feel that they have to show up a certain way for you. Does that make sense?

I think that's really important to understand, because outside of just not feeling supported in a fitness journey, that could be in any argument that you have. First approach it from, "Hey, I feel this way," being vulnerable with how you're feeling, and then try to problem solve from there.

The last one for how to lead this conversation with empathy is to share your why behind your goals. Because sometimes your partners, the people in your circle, don't understand your goals simply because they haven't heard the full story. You just say, "Oh, I'm going to start working out. I'm going to start eating better," but they don't know why. So explain why this journey is so important to you. Maybe it's about feeling more confident. Maybe it's about setting an example for your family, or simply feeling better in your own skin. Or if it's your partner, feeling better in your own skin and wanting to have sex more comfortably with them.

When they understand the real reason behind your goal, it might resonate with them a little bit more and help them see that this is something you're doing for you, and not a judgment on their own lifestyle. Because you've got to understand, everyone's always asking, "What's in it for me? How does this relate to me?" So you've got to put yourself in their shoes and recognize that that's how that person's energy is sometimes going to come up initially, before you can break down some walls and have a really empathetic conversation with them.

Make sure you're putting it in terms of how you're feeling, and that this is how you want your journey to be perceived from the way you explain it. Let them understand why it's important to you, say it with an I statement, and choose the right place and time. I think that's really important.

Now, when you're having this conversation, it's really important to acknowledge any fears that they may have. Let them know that just because you're focusing on your health, it doesn't mean that you're judging them or that you're going to stop spending time together or enjoying shared activities. For example, you could say something like, "I understand that this is something new for me, and I don't expect you to change anything. I just want to make these changes for myself, and I'd love to know you support me in that." Let them know that your love and your connection with them is still important and that this journey doesn't have to change that.

When you say it from that frame, you're basically saying, "I understand your perspective. I hear your fears and your insecurities, but I also want you to know that I love you, and I love these aspects about you, and I don't expect you to change anything. I just want you to know that I'm changing these things for myself." When you let them know that your connection and your love with them is still so important, and this journey doesn't have to change that, that's huge. That's so important. And if they feel more secure in the relationship, they may be more open to supporting you without feeling threatened by your goals.

Sometimes a partner can feel left out if you're making changes. So invite them. It depends on the situation and how your dynamic is, but your partner probably always wants to do things with you, right? So invite them to join you without any pressure. You might say, "If you're interested, I'd love for you to come join me in some sort of workout, but there's no pressure at all. Just knowing that you're there to support me means a lot." You see, you're talking from you. You're not saying, "Hey, you should come work out with me tomorrow. I think it would be really good for the both of us." No, it's, "Hey, I'd love for you to join me in a workout sometime. No pressure at all. Just knowing that you're there will help support me even more."

All your partners, or friends or family members, they want to support you. Deep down in them, that is the love of them, the connection of them. People want to support people. So when you say it like that, the outcome is going to be different for you. The key here is to keep it light and to keep it optional. It's not about trying to make them follow the same plan as you. It's simply showing that you would love to have them be a part of your journey if they want to. Sometimes a gentle invitation is all it takes for them to start becoming curious or even interested in joining you, or understanding the protocols you're following, the workouts you're doing, the nutrition you're eating. I think that's really important.

But now, let's be real. Sometimes, even after all of this, your partner may still not fully get it. And that is okay. Support is amazing, but remember, your journey, what you want, is ultimately your commitment to yourself. So if you feel like you're not getting the support you need at home, I would highly recommend finding it elsewhere. This is why WarriorBabe is one of the leading fitness companies in the industry: we have a community of like-minded women on the back end who support each other, rally each other, inspire each other, and motivate each other. There have been so many WarriorBabes who have met each other in person and worked out together. If you know your WarriorBabe friend is going to the gym at 7 a.m., guess what you're going to do? You're going to show up and get your workout done that day too, because you know that person got it done.

Or if you're not going to be in a community, look for friends, look for family, or people online who may be on similar paths. You can follow people on Instagram who are on similar paths and be inspired by them. You'll find people who are going through the same ups and downs if you put yourself into a community like WarriorBabe, or on the internet. Having a support system can be incredibly motivating and remind you that you're not alone on this journey.

At the end of the day, regardless of whether you have a supportive partner or not, you have to stay true to your own goals. You have to stay grounded in yourself and what you want, and not be affected by somebody else's energy or insecurities. Because if you are, you're going to take them on. And a month later or two months later, you'll find yourself not being as motivated as you were before, because you're taking on the energies of the people around you who aren't motivated to make a change for themselves, and they're projecting it onto you. So you have to stay in your own energy along this journey, and just remember how important it is to stay true to you and to your goals.

Sometimes the best way to inspire others around you is to simply stay so consistent with what you're doing. Let your results, your energy and your happiness speak for themselves. Your partner might not fully understand right now, but as they see the positive impact on your life, they may start to come around on their own. I have seen that time and time again.

And let me tell you, in my own journey, I didn't have friends to support me. I was that person I just described. I took on the energies of my friends at the beginning of my journey. And then I finally removed myself from that bubble and that circle, and I found other like-minded individuals who were on a similar journey to me, and I made new friends. So know that sometimes it's okay to move on from circles that don't support you anymore, because there's a support group out there waiting for you to be involved with them.

Partners are a little bit different. You're married to them. So I think it's really important to have the conversation with them, leading with empathy rather than a destructive energy.

And your journey is yours. So remember why you started and hold on to that. You're the one making these changes because you know they're going to bring you closer to the healthiest, happiest version of yourself. That is such a powerful thing to remember. I see this time and time again in the WarriorBabe community: you are the only one who has this vision in your brain of what you want to accomplish and why you want to accomplish it. Sometimes when you articulate it, it doesn't make sense to others, but it makes sense in your brain. And you have to remember that, because you're the only one who can see and understand it. You can do your best explaining it to other people, but sometimes they are in their own space, with everything I talked about: insecurities and fear and doubt, and their self-worth being kind of in the pooper. I lost my train of thought there. But you get what I'm saying, right? You have that vision of yourself, and it doesn't make sense to anybody else but you. So don't let anybody else's lack of understanding hold you back from the goals that you want to accomplish.

So to sum it all up in this episode, which is pretty short but really to the point, you guys: talking to your partner about your health and fitness goals can be challenging, especially if they're not quite on board. But with the tactics, strategies and examples I shared, if you lead with a little bit of empathy, a little bit of understanding and open communication, you can often find a way to create mutual respect and mutual support.

It's all about the way you navigate those things, and being as much as you can in conscious reality, not stuck in your own mind worrying about what they're going to think or say or how you're showing up. You have to show up as your most authentic self when you're holding these conversations, and recognize that their responses or the way they react aren't going to be top tier or 100% or the way you would hope. But if you can recognize what's going on behind it and understand where their perspective is coming from, it's going to make a world of difference in the way you navigate that conversation with empathy. And hopefully you can come to mutual respect and understanding.

Just know that no matter what, you are not alone on this journey. There are thousands of women inside the WarriorBabe community who would have your back if you're interested in joining our community. And you have the power to reach your goals no matter what.

So until next time, you guys, I love you all. If you're one of those who's struggling right now with how to communicate with your partner around this aspect of your life, and you know you need to change it, give these strategies a try. Remember, we're doing this for you. Love you all. See you next time.

Hey, really quick before you go, I have one small favor to ask. If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you, take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all of the difference, helping more women discover the tools they need to transform their fitness and their confidence. It takes less than a minute, but it can change the path of someone else's journey. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much. Thank you.