How to Stop Tying Your Worth to the Scale After 50

Kristi: I can't do this on my own anymore. And so it was that support of having that one-on-one coach who's there. It was the community of all of the other babes that are in this same boat with me, that have their own unique, wonderful, horrific stories, I'm sure, but that are all ending up in this beautiful, beautiful place of freedom. It's a freedom that I have never... and I'm sorry, I told you I was scared I was going to cry... but a freedom that I have never felt and didn't even know could be a part of my story or my life.

Nikkiey: What's going on, everybody? Today I have another amazing WarriorBabe here. We just spent a couple of minutes chatting it up and getting to know her a little bit more. Her name is Kristi. Before WarriorBabe, she spent decades battling her body, battling self-worth, battling her past, from food deprivation and guilt to using the scale as a measure of her own personal value. She thought that she was doing everything right. But it wasn't until she found WarriorBabe that everything shifted. And even just hearing a little bit of her story while we were catching up here is just so cool, and I can't wait to dive into it. Now she's 54. She's stronger, more grounded, and finally free from the weight of the trauma with the scale and all of the thoughts that carried along with her. This is going to be, I feel like, a very powerful story of not just strength and healing, but also radical transformation. Kristi, welcome.

Kristi: Thank you. It's so good to be here. I'm so excited to share my story.

Nikkiey: All right. So let the listeners know where you're from, how old you are, even though I just said it, and what you do for work.

Kristi: Right now I live in Longmont, Colorado. I'm a native of Colorado and grew up in Canon City, a little tiny town. I was a teacher for 25 years, and I have since retired due to my MS. I was diagnosed with MS about 11 years ago and worked as long as I could, and then got sick with COVID, and that threw my body into a weird MS episode. I just wasn't able to fully recover to be able to give my little first graders that I was teaching... I mean, I taught so many different levels. I was a special ed teacher as well. But I just wasn't able to give the students what they needed from me, because I was sick and dizzy all the time and battling with my MS.

Nikkiey: Wow. Well, first graders got a lot of Kristi in their time with you. That's awesome.

Kristi: They did. And I'm still in touch with a lot of them, so that gives me great pleasure, to have those connections still. Because once you teach and then you don't teach... and I don't have children, so I miss children. I really do. I miss being around kids and working with them.

Nikkiey: And we know you're 54, since I said that already.

Kristi: 54. Yep. I can't believe it. Time flies.

Nikkiey: All right, Kristi. So let's take it back. You've been a WarriorBabe now for a little over a year.

Kristi: I think my first weigh-in check-in was March 14th. And so, yeah, it's been an amazing year. So many changes and so much learning. So, so much learning about things that, like you said, I thought I was doing everything right.

Nikkiey: Yeah. Well, what was it like before WarriorBabe? What was your health and fitness like beforehand?

Kristi: Well, I think to fully understand my story, I have to start just real briefly by letting everybody know that I was a sex abuse victim at age five. And after that, I just turned to food. Food was my comfort, food was my savior, food was my best friend. Food was there when nobody else was there. It comforted me, and it gave me a sense of control, which seems weird, because I felt like everything else was so out of control. And of course, I didn't really know any of this. I didn't realize that I had been sexually abused until I was 42. I knew that there was definitely something that had happened that changed me. You can see pictures from when I was about four years old, and I was a cute little blondie, a skinny little thing, and then things changed. I bloomed up. I gained like 80 pounds. When I started kindergarten, I was extremely overweight. The nurse at the school even came to the house and was like, hey, what's going on with Kristi's weight?

And ever since then, it's like I've been on the deprivation diet. Not really trying to learn how to eat, but just following programs that I thought were good for me and that would help me. My parents, of course, got on board, and my mom joined Weight Watchers right away, and we started trying to help me. And that's when I resisted it, and then I would sneak food. So I became a very sneaky eater. I thought if nobody sees me eating it, then it doesn't count. And the next thing I know, I'm 284 pounds and miserable. Absolutely. I have a picture of that. This was me when I was 34.

Nikkiey: Wow.

Kristi: And I was miserable. I've got a happy smile on my face. This was New Year's Eve.

Nikkiey: I know a lot of people can't see this if they're listening rather than watching the video, but you guys can go over to YouTube and watch it. Wow. You look drastically different.

Kristi: Thank you. And I started making a different journey on my own, without family involved. I joined Weight Watchers, and I was able to get off the 100 pounds. That was in '04. And for the last 20 years, I have spent my life jumping on the scale, feeling miserable about myself because of the slightest little weight gain, feeling great about myself if I lost weight. I tied my self-worth to that scale and to what size I was, not really realizing that my body was harboring and holding onto the trauma that had occurred when I was young, and the trauma that I had put it through as an adult trying to figure out what in the world had happened to me, what was wrong with me, and why I was so miserable emotionally and just physically sick.

It wasn't until I was 42 that I came to terms, with the help of my family and therapy, with what happened to me as a child. And then I started to heal really deep parts of me that just needed a lot of love and attention. And it wasn't until I found this way... I mean, I had joined Noom. I don't know if I'm allowed to say those names.

Nikkiey: Sure. Yeah, I was going to ask that. What kind of diets were you trying?

Kristi: I was doing Noom. I tried Weight Watchers. I tried the metabolic... I can't even remember what it was called... Metabolic Renewal. There were so many things. Every time, I would have a little taste of success, and then I would slip back into my old habits, because I didn't feel like these programs were teaching me how to eat. It was all about: only have this amount, and you can only have this food, and you can only do these things. It was deprivation, and I wasn't responding to that well. If you're going to tell me I can't have a cheeseburger, I'm going to go eat three of them, hide the packages, and say it didn't happen. And that's how you find yourself at 284 pounds.

Then I was diagnosed with MS in 2014. Through the therapy I had gone through healing from the trauma of my past, and then two years after that being diagnosed with MS, I felt that there was such a connection between what my body was holding on to and what I had been putting it through: these yo-yo diets, eating so badly, binging on such bad food and then beating myself up for it, and having this emotional roller coaster of self-hatred and self-loathing, putting all of my worth into how I looked and what was on that scale. Getting diagnosed with MS really changed me. I knew that I had to start doing something different with my body, but I didn't know what. I didn't know how to do it. So I started walking and doing some things, but my body wasn't quite ready for it, because I ended up walking with a cane and had horrible pains in my knees and my legs. And I thought, I can't continue on like this. There's got to be more for my life than this.

It was January of 2024 that I made a vision board. I have it sitting right in front of me right now. On that vision board, I glued up a piece of paper, and it said, "There are places you haven't been where you already belong." What the heck? I don't know why I'm putting that up there, but I'm going to put it up there, and maybe something really good will come from it. And then I found WarriorBabe through Instagram and made that call. I had never had a statement like that touch me so much, because I knew from the minute I had that intake call that I had found my place, that place where I had never been. I had never explored strength training and didn't know how to do it, but I knew in my soul that something was different from what I had been trying. It let me take a breath, I think for the first time in my life, knowing that I was going to get what I needed. I was going to be able to stop this loop of eating badly, trying to lose weight during the week, binging on the weekends. It just kept going: I would gain weight every weekend and feel bad about myself. And even when I lost a hundred pounds, there was the pressure of trying to keep it off, and how I felt about myself when I would gain weight and push back up to the 200 mark. I would be so distraught, crying all the time, just miserable.

I'm 54 years old, and I finally know what it's like to have a life without all of that: without the trauma from my past, without the yo-yoing, and without worrying about what I'm eating or what I'm supposed to eat or not supposed to eat. This program has set me free, has set me on the right path, and has given me the tools and the knowledge and the support that have helped me finally get where I've wanted to be and have tried to get my whole life.

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Thank you for sharing that story. What a story. You've come from a very sad space, growing up confused and uncertain about why you were experiencing what you were experiencing, to then jumping into the cycles of losing the weight and gaining it again, and defining your worth through the scale. Every day you measured yourself, you were emotionally feeling good or feeling bad depending on whether it went up or down, riding that roller coaster. And now it's so incredible, because you feel so calm and confident about where you are now, and I'm excited to dive into your accomplishments with the program. But the one thing that stuck out in my brain was January of 2024, when you made the vision board. Was that the moment you realized something needed to change, or was there a particular moment where you thought, I need to make a shift?

Kristi: It was kind of that moment, but in the two years prior, my MS had really... I had fallen several times over that couple of years and had hurt myself. That's why I was walking with a cane, was in a lot of pain, and couldn't get up off the floor without crawling to the couch or leaning on something to push myself up. And I thought, at 53, if this is the path I'm going down, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair or worse and not be able to take care of myself. I just knew that something had to change. I wasn't even sure what I was seeking, but that vision board helped me realize that yes, I'm worthy of this change, and that I needed to find something. Or I guess I was manifesting it, that something would come to me that would help set me on a path. And that line, "There are places you haven't been where you already belong," I just kept reading it. I had people on my vision board, older women lifting weights, nutrition, all kinds of things. And I thought, this is my year. It's going to happen.

Nikkiey: Wow. That gave me chills. Vision boards... I did my first one last year, and one thing on it happened two weeks after I made it. It's crazy. I love that you did that for yourself.

Kristi: I've been making them for several years, but I think I put my heart, my soul really, into that one. The rest of them were more about my arts and crafts and things I wanted to accomplish in that realm. But this one was really about healing parts of me that I didn't even know needed healing, which is another thing WarriorBabe has done for me. I went to therapy for four years, and you would think, oh man, she's great, she's good to go. But there were a lot of other things my coach has... she just shines a beautiful light, like a spotlight, on some areas and says, okay, let's work on this part. Have you noticed these things within yourself? And I'd be like, whoa, I really need to touch base on some of those things and get some help dealing with some aspects.

Nikkiey: How did carrying that trauma, that deprivation, that self-blame you were experiencing, impact other relationships in your life?

Kristi: Oh, man. It impacted them incredibly. The only people who really knew what I was going through were my mom, my sister and my close friends. I don't want to say that I didn't have relationships with men. I had very toxic relationships with men, because I was searching for something from them that I wasn't given as a child from the man who hurt me, which happened to be my father. So I was so broken. Right? I was so broken. It affected my job. It affected having any kind of intimate relationship. I didn't know how to do that correctly. I was very promiscuous and tried to seek out that attention in a very negative way.

Nikkiey: What are some of the beliefs you had about yourself that you've since released or reframed?

Kristi: Oh man. That my worth is tied to how I look and to the scale. And when I say how I look, I mean how I look in my clothes. I love fashion. It was sad, because when I was really into wanting to dress cute and look cute, they didn't make cute clothes in a size 24. I was a size 24. My pants were so big. It was bad. It really was. I had a horrible relationship with myself. The self-hatred and the self-loathing have completely gone away. I have reframed them through so many aspects of WarriorBabe: the Tuesday VIP calls, the huddles with my coach, listening to you and your podcast, The WarriorBabe Show. There are so many areas where that gets reframed, where that self-loathing, that self-hatred, that tying everything I am to what it says on the scale, is gone. It's completely gone. I can wake up in the morning and say it's going to be a great day because I'm awake, because I'm alive, because it's beautiful outside or because it's snowing or whatever. It's not, oh God, it's going to be a horrible day because I'm going to jump on that scale and it's going to give me a number I don't want to see.

Nikkiey: Wow. That's incredible.

Kristi: That was every day. I weighed myself every day, and every day I was disappointed and hated what I saw. I hated what I saw in the mirror, hated what I saw in my eyes when I looked in the mirror. I didn't know who I was. I really didn't know who I was.

Nikkiey: Wow. I'm so happy you found yourself through the program.

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When you signed up for WarriorBabe, was there something I was saying that resonated with you the most, that made you think, I need to book this call and talk to the team?

Kristi: I think the whole menopause thing really caught my eye. That women in menopause... I don't know if you said they're doing the wrong things, but that women in menopause need to be doing more of this. And I thought, well, maybe that's my answer, because I had been suffering from horrible hot flashes going through menopause myself and having a roller coaster of emotions with it. I thought, if there's something I can do to help balance all of that out, help get my sleep better, help get my hormones balanced and get some strength in my body, when I was walking with a cane and not able to get up off the floor... that's something new. That's something I haven't heard of before. That's something I haven't tried.

For years I was always asking, what's new? What's the new thing out there that's going to be the magic? I would try things and they wouldn't work. So at first I thought, is this just going to be one more thing? One more notch on my belt of things I've tried that didn't work? But when I was talking to Bobby Joe and telling her my story... I can't remember her words exactly, but I remember that what she said touched my soul. I had never felt that I was going to be supported and shown, not just told, here's what you need to do, write it in this app, and therefore it's done and you understand why you're doing it. I knew this was different. So it was that promise, the hope that those things would change, and forever.

Nikkiey: What were your first couple of months like after you signed up? What were your first thoughts when you started WarriorBabe?

Kristi: Do I really have to eat this much?

Nikkiey: I had a feeling you were going to say that.

Kristi: I'm sure you hear that all the time, because women who have been struggling with their weight aren't told to eat, eat, eat, have this much protein and this much fat and this much carb. Being weight-conscious and trying to lose weight in the '80s, everything was fat-free. Fat-free everything. So I was like, wait, you want me to eat fat? It's okay to have avocados? It's okay to have olive oil? The healthy fats, of course, which I then learned were better for you. But I was so amazed at how much I could eat.

With anything new I start, I'm giving it 100%. I'm going in, and I'm going to give it 100%, because if I don't, what's the point? Then I'm failing myself, setting myself up for failure. So I was going to do exactly what my coach Kristen said to do. I started hitting my macros right away. It was difficult, figuring out all the foods and the healthy foods, getting rid of processed foods, and adding in healthy fruits, lean meats and healthy carbs. I was like, wait, I can eat carbs again? Really kind of amazing. So for the first three weeks, I was elated with the excitement of the new. And then the workout program. I thought, I don't care if I'm the fattest chick at the gym. My clothes are tight right now. I knew how to use the treadmill. I knew how to use the elliptical, but that was it. I didn't know anything else.

Nikkiey: Wow. You went in a full hundred percent, even though you'd never done it before.

Kristi: I did. And I wasn't going to let the fear of being embarrassed at the gym...

Nikkiey: Yes.

Kristi: I wasn't going to let that stop me, because I thought, I don't know these people, and they don't know my journey or what I'm trying to accomplish. So I'm going. And it became: 5:30, my alarm goes off, I get up, eat my pre-workout meal, get to the gym. It still takes my breath away to have that time for myself, to go and know that I'm doing everything I need to be doing to get my body into the best shape it can be. I'm not trying to be skinny. I'm 54. I was way heavy. I'm going to have wrinkles and saggy skin. I am not going to have a cute, perfect little body, but I don't care about that. What I cared about was being able to walk without a cane, being able to get my ass up off the floor without crawling to the couch to do it. I just went in and thought, okay, this is what I have to do. I didn't give myself an option.

Nikkiey: I love that. Because now you're here. What felt different about WarriorBabe, about us, compared to all the other things you'd tried before?

Kristi: Well, the support of having that one-on-one coach. The VIP program... I know you have another program, but I didn't even look into trying to do anything on my own, because I knew I had reached my max with that. I needed help. I needed somebody to say, here's how we're going to do this. Here's your meal plan, here's how much I want you to eat a day, and here are your workouts. And it was the greatest gift ever, because I can do this when somebody's telling me what to do. I can't do this on my own anymore. So it was that support of having a one-on-one coach who's there. It was the community of all of the other babes who are in this same boat with me, who have their own unique, wonderful, horrific stories, I'm sure, but who are all ending up in this beautiful, beautiful place of freedom. It's a freedom that I have never... I'm sorry, I told you I was scared I was going to cry.

Nikkiey: It's okay.

Kristi: But a freedom that I have never felt and didn't even know could be a part of my story or my life. When you worry only about food and how you look your whole life, and then you're given freedom from that, you see everything differently.

Nikkiey: How does that make you feel?

Kristi: I feel like a new person. I really do. I feel like there's still so much of myself, in this new frame, with this new way of thinking, that I want to discover, because I spent so much time locked in a box of self-hatred, hating my body, hating everything the scale said, and emotional eating to find comfort. I don't know what it was giving me, to be honest. Extra pounds. It did not fulfill what I needed. This program emptied out that box of how I was living and started filling it with tools that made me know that every day is a choice. Every day I have a choice to hit my macros, to wake up and go work out and get that in. And then the endorphins kick in after the workout, the rest of my day is so good, I feel really good about myself, and I'm accomplishing a lot more. I'm not in that stuck, lazy, sitting-in-front-of-the-TV, feeling-sorry-for-myself mode anymore. That has been hard since I had to retire in 2020. For the first two and a half, three years, I didn't know what to do with myself without teaching. I had no idea what I was doing with my life. And this program saved me. It saved me on so many different levels. It has set me free from the food prison I had put myself in, and the scale prison, and the prison of how I look.

Nikkiey: Talk about some of those accomplishments. What are the top accomplishments you've achieved?

Kristi: I don't even know where to start. The weightlifting and the strength and the muscle I'm gaining... yes, that's the primary thing of the program, but it's the secondary thing that happened to me. The bigger thing is the freedom of knowing how to eat, knowing how to eat enough to give your body what it needs so it can be healthy. I had no concept of that, Nikkiey. I was so under-eating. I was probably an overweight, malnourished person. I don't even know if that's possible.

Nikkiey: Yeah.

Kristi: So it's given me back my health. I really feel it in my energy, my moods...

Nikkiey: How's your MS?

Kristi: My sleep. My MS is awesome. I hate to say MS can be awesome, but I don't have very many symptoms at all. None in my legs, where I had them. I'm not walking with a cane. I gave my cane away to my neighbor who needed it. I'm strong. I can get up off the floor by myself, just pop up.

Nikkiey: How does it feel to look in the mirror now and see this version of yourself, not just physically, but emotionally?

Kristi: Emotionally, I can look at my eyes and see that there's happiness behind them instead of dread and sorrow and trauma and sadness. There's hope. There's freedom and excitement about what I can do, about what's next, because I didn't know what was coming next for me, and it was dreadful. Now it's just excitement. It really is.

Nikkiey: How is your relationship now with your body and with food?

Kristi: My body, I think, is going to be slower. I'm getting there. When I look at myself in the mirror and see the saggy skin and the stretch marks and the wing under my arm, I'm starting to get to a point where I'm like, you know what? Those are my battle scars. That's probably going to be with me, and I'm okay with that, because what's underneath it is muscle and strength and power. I do love to look cute in clothes now, but it's not my main focus. I love that clothes are fitting. I love that my size is going down. That used to be all I wanted. Now I'm like, oh yeah, that's a great little side effect, but it's not the be-all and end-all, because in my heart, inside, I'm a different person. My thinking is different. I don't see food as bad anymore. Food used to be bad. There was really nothing I would eat that didn't have a feeling associated with it.

Nikkiey: Yeah.

Kristi: And now I see food as energy. I see hitting my macros as great, because I've given my body what it needs to function at its best for the day. And that has increased my activity level, just my normal throughout-the-day activity. I'm getting my 11,000 steps in a day.

Nikkiey: Let's go.

Kristi: I don't cheat. I don't drink alcohol anymore. Occasionally, if it's a special occasion, somebody's birthday or a gathering, I'll have a drink. But I don't view alcohol and food as these horrible things the way I used to, because now I know how to go out to eat at a restaurant and say, okay, I'm going to get the grilled chicken or the grilled chicken fajitas, because those are healthy. I know how to look at food in a way where I think, okay, that's not bad, but boy, I don't want it eating up all my macros. So I'm going to go with the choice I know will fit into my macros.

Nikkiey: This has been such a transformative story, Kristi, from where we started this conversation, with how your childhood went into your adulthood, to making this vision board. It seems like so much has changed since then, and it all came to life. And then being part of this program and hearing your confidence in yourself now, and even how your narrative has shifted in the way you talk now compared to before the program. If someone is listening to this right now, what advice would you give a woman who's still using the scale to measure her worth, or who is afraid to take up space in the gym?

Kristi: What I didn't know about the scale and about weight is that it can fluctuate five pounds in a day just depending on what you eat, the sodium, and it doesn't mean you've gained fat. I never knew that. I didn't know that my tie to the scale, which I thought was a healthy thing, jumping on the scale, was actually the most toxic thing I could be doing to myself, because of the negative self-talk that came along with what the scale told me. So the freedom you get from this program is more than just freedom from the scale. Yes, you have to get on the scale once a week, but you're also measuring. I have been diligent with my measurements and my progress photos and getting on that scale every week, and then telling my coach, hey, I gained five pounds this week, I'm freaking out. And she says, wait, no, no, no. Let's look at this a different way. Let me educate you on what that could really mean. So it takes away that emotional tie, that emotional self-loathing people attach to the scale. It just dissolves it.

And being afraid to go to the gym... I would do it all over again. I would do my day one, my worst, most embarrassing day at the gym, every single day rather than not go to the gym. Because that day showed me... I showed myself... that I showed up for myself for the first time in my life. And I thought, this is going to be it. This is going to be the last hardest day I'll have.

Nikkiey: The last hardest day. That's a very powerful perspective right there. Very powerful statement.

Kristi: Thank you. And every day it gets better. Every day I go in there. Now I'm at almost 250 workouts, and I'm in beast mode when I go in there. I know people, and we do the head nod. I've got some older ladies, the gray hair club, we call ourselves, and we've become friends, and it's really good to go and see those people. And it wasn't the women so much, the ones who are all beautiful and buff and working out with their makeup on. It wasn't them I was worried about. It was more how I was going to be judged by the men, because I have this whole complex, I guess, with men. But that has gone away. In fact, there's this one guy, and we're both there all the time. We've never spoken, but we have this unspoken eye contact where, if he's on a machine and I need it, he'll signal, I've got one more and then you can have it. And that feels so good to me, to be able to belong in that space. I belong there. I never knew that I could belong in a place. But you don't know if you belong somewhere if you don't go, if you don't take that first hard day and get it over with.

Nikkiey: And what's that saying again that's on your vision board?

Kristi: There are places you haven't been where you already belong.

Nikkiey: Exactly. So even in that context, the gym.

Kristi: Exactly. That's what I'm talking about. It was the gym.

Nikkiey: Wow, that's so powerful. As we wrap up, thank you so much for sharing this story, because I know it's going to really help somebody who's listening. This is about my 25th interview with you WarriorBabes, and each and every one of them is so unique and so different. This is a very unique story you've shared, and a unique transformation. Is there anything else you'd want listeners to know about WarriorBabe and the impact it can make on their lives before we close it down?

Kristi: I know some might feel hesitant because of the cost of this program, and I did at first too. But I've since joined for another year because of the value. You can't put a price on what this program does for you: the coaching, your support, and the support of all the babes going along this same journey, learning how to eat with their macros, how to get their workouts in, juggling life and prepping meals and all of that. It is worth every penny and then some. It really is. So take that leap. Change your life on levels and in ways you wouldn't even imagine you needed or that you could change. Because it happens, and it changes you, and it frees you, and it gives you a whole new perspective on life.

Nikkiey: Oh, I just love how vibrant you are, Kristi, seriously. Your story is a powerful reminder that transformation isn't just about what happens on the outside. It's not about your weight. It's not about the physical changes you'll have. It's also about reclaiming your worth, reclaiming your strength, reclaiming your voice, which is exactly what you've done. You're living proof that it's never too late to heal, to rise up, to make a change and to grow. You started this at 53, a year ago, which is incredible. So thank you so much for sharing this story. Most importantly, thank you for being so real and so brave in sharing it. It's not easy to do that. I see your bravery, and it's just so inspiring. Thank you for being here and for sharing that with us. I appreciate you.

Kristi: Well, thank you, Nikkiey, for this program and for knowing what women need and how to give it to them in the best way possible. You are truly a gift, and so is this program. Nobody should hesitate for one second.

Nikkiey: Oh, thank you. I receive that. You're going to make me cry. I appreciate you so much, Kristi.

Kristi: I appreciate you too, Nikkiey. Thank you.

Nikkiey: Real quick: if this episode resonated with you or gave you the push you needed, I'd love for you to pay it forward. Drop a quick rating and review, share the podcast with someone who might need it, and help me keep spreading the word. Your feedback not only helps the show grow, it might just be the nudge someone else needs to kickstart their transformation. Thank you so, so, so much for your support.