What Is Somatic Therapy and How Can Breathwork Help You?

Britley: If I hadn't been so chronically disconnected in an eating disorder at the depths of a low, I would never be able to experience the high that I'm on right now.

Nikkiey: What's up, you guys? Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show. Or if you are a new listener, welcome to the show. You guys are all in for a special treat today. We have another inspiring guest here with us, Britley Williams. She is a breathwork facilitator and also a lifestyle coach. She helps her clients embark on a profound journey of self-discovery, transformation, embracing their inner strength, and stepping into a life of joy, purpose, and fulfillment through the therapy that she's going to talk about today. She is also the host of the Divine Your Life podcast. And overall, I'm just very, very excited to have her on the show to share her story, her insights, her teachings that can also relate to you guys on your fitness journey and so many other amazing things. I watch you, Britley, on social media, and you are just living what you are preaching. And I respect that so much. So welcome to the show, Britley.

Britley: Oh, thank you, babe. I feel like you just fanned my flame. I'm ready to go now. You speak better on me than I speak on me. I'm just going to have you do that for me. That's so good. I'm so happy to be here. So honored and excited for this conversation.

Nikkiey: Amazing. Yes, me too. Because like I said, you just live what you preach, and I respect that so much. So to help the listeners understand a little bit more about what you do, because, no joke, just being vulnerable and honest, I had to Google what somatic therapy was, just to be real, raw and honest.

Britley: I did at one point too.

Nikkiey: So let listeners know what this type of therapy is.

Britley: Absolutely. I'll give a little bit of context, if that's okay. I'm sure we'll dive more into my story. But somatic therapy, soma means of the body, right? So it goes beyond cognitive behavioral therapy, which is that traditional therapy, kind of cognitive ping pong back and forth, where we create this beautiful awareness of our past and our trauma and things that we've experienced and how they are tied to our reality today. And it takes it a step further into this integration piece where we're actually connecting and creating head-heart coherence, or that beautiful mind-body connection. You workout junkies, you can make a mind-muscle connection, right? You've had to learn that behavior and that communication. We're doing that, but with the somatic body, right? The intuition. We're creating a bridge, we're creating a connection. So it does take it a step further.

And the reason I wanted to give some context is because when I was in cognitive behavioral therapy, I had done so much work on reading, podcasts, research, that I kind of showed up to these sessions with a lot of awareness, which can turn to white noise, and we don't know what to do with it. And the somatic piece is turning down the white noise, dialing into the body, dialing into our unique frequency, regulating the nervous system, so we're operating and integrating from there so we can actually feel better rather than just think different. Does that make sense?

Nikkiey: Oh my God, totally, 100%. Thank you for breaking it down in that way. That's totally understandable. And I love that you said to the fitness junkies, the mind-to-muscle connection. I'm going to put a pin in that because I want to circle back to that analogy and have you elaborate on it a little bit more. But speaking to your story, what initially drew you to this type of therapy and self-discovery? Was there a specific pivotal moment in your life or experience that ignited this passion to go after learning more about this?

Britley: Yeah, absolutely. So I was 23. And who I was up until 23 was a really high achiever. I had a really high expectation for myself. And I wouldn't even say that my parents necessarily had high expectations of me or there was a condition in my household. It was more self-driven, self-put upon myself to really be the achiever. I made straight A's. I started real estate at 17 and did that for seven years, alongside pharmaceutical for three years. So two full-time jobs. I was making six figures at 25. I had a house, a dog, a boyfriend, and everything that appeared to really be the American dream, right? If you look from the outside in, I was living it. I was getting accolades. I had definitely reached America's definition of success.

I was also at the height of an eating disorder at that time. So I was chronically disconnected and stressed, as you can imagine, right? Two full-time careers, and come to find out, living in a life that was really inauthentic to me, but what I perceived to be good and successful and all of the things.

In that, I remember the moment, actually, and I hope it's okay to just be vulnerable here, and I don't want to trigger anybody. This is my human experience. But it was in the bathroom of my parents' home, my childhood home. We were going to my sister's high school graduation, and grandma had made cookies, and I had binged a little too much because grandma's cookies, you can't stop. And I had gone into the bathroom to purge, which was my eating disorder. And I remember one inch away, on the other side of the bathroom door, was my brother and sister laughing and giggling and having this fun time. Meanwhile, I'm one inch away on the other side of a wood doorframe, making myself throw up and just enveloped in shame and guilt and frustration and body dysmorphia.

And I stopped in that moment. I was like, oh my gosh, I've gotten so comfortable with this. One inch away, my family doesn't even know the internal toxicity and tension and pain and suffering going on in my body. Every time I speak on it, I can feel it. And it was in that moment when I looked at myself in the mirror like, we need help. This is not okay, right? We're dwindling away, and it's not healthy anymore. And so it was in that moment I came out, and I knew if I didn't take action on it right there, I wouldn't. So I kind of disrupted the fun, and I gathered my family, and I said, we can come back to this, but I have to admit something to you. And I did. And that was really my big catalyst, my wake-up moment, you could say.

I went on to do a lot of research on my end, a lot of podcasting, a lot of trying to figure out how to heal my own eating disorder. I finally took the steps to get that cognitive therapist. And when I showed up to the appointment, I said, hi, my name's Britley. I have an avoidant attachment. I have an eating disorder, likely because I'm chronically disconnected, and my dad's [unclear]. I just had all this awareness, right? And she kind of stopped in her tracks and was like, whoa. I was like, so now what? And she's like, well, I'll see you next week, because I don't know. It was just a lot. And I remember getting off that call thinking, what happened, right? She's supposed to fix me.

And I think in that moment, I was like, there's got to be something more, because I have the awareness. I have the mapping from the eating disorder to the need for validation outside of myself, but I just can't seem to get the body on board. That's when I started to do further research. I found somatic therapy. Breathwork specifically was the first modality that I used in my healing. And it was like everything happened at quantum speed. All of a sudden, this body that I was so disconnected from and didn't really love to sit with, right? It's really hard to sit with the body when you're really uncomfortable in the body. I just moved through it so quickly, and I really found that connection in breathwork. And so that was what brought me to the recovery that I am in today, and to want to spread this word as much as possible and step into the passion of leading women home to their body, to their power source, to that inner connection.

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Whoa, man. Really, that is amazing. Selfishly, I didn't know all of this about you. That's why I love podcasting and bringing you on. We've talked numerous times, I was on your podcast, and I didn't know this story of yours. And to hear that, I'm just sitting here like, whoa. And it's so cool that you do have this experience. You have moments to speak to. You have all the pain, the things that you went through, that will be able to resonate with the women that are in the same boat that you were in. You know how to. You have the principles and the practice that you have done for yourself that have worked, that you can share with other women. And that is so freaking powerful.

So to those things that you just said, that was how you found this practice, your personal experience, your story. As you've personally evolved with this practice and with the principles you've put into your life, how have you done that? How have you continued from that point on with what you've learned and the research you've done? How have you evolved?

Britley: Ooh, how much time we got? Just kidding. We'll be here for a while. So I went from cognitive behavioral therapy and I found a somatic container, right? And it was actually a group container. So talk about just throwing yourself into the fire. Not only do I not know what the heck somatic even means, and I'm not sure if I'm an advocate for breathwork and tapping and all these things, but now I'm in a group atmosphere where we're all showing up, vulnerably sharing our story, right? So I was like, okay, here we go.

And I really went in with the intention to find fulfillment. I felt really guilty for not feeling fulfilled with the relationship and the house and the dog. I was like, what's wrong with me? Am I always going to have expectations that supersede my reality? Am I ever going to be comfortable and complacent? So I really went in to heal the relationship. But about halfway through, I had done so much work, again, in such a short amount of time. Because when you start to go past the analytical mind, which is where the limitations and stories live, and into the body, the wisdom, the intelligence within you moves quick.

So about three months into the six-month container, I'm like, oh my gosh, it has nothing to do with me. Well, it has something to do with me. But my frustration and angst has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the fact that I have created and built a life around a reality that is not mine. I have been climbing a ladder up against the wrong wall, right? So I'm like, oh my gosh, so what do I do? I'm in this relationship. I have all these things. And I never even stopped to ask if I wanted these things. I just took off in the direction that I thought I was supposed to run. I chased the money. I got the money. I wanted the relationship. Got the relationship. Dying for a golden retriever puppy. Got her. But why did I even? I never stopped to ask myself why, or if it was true, if it was mine. I just checked the boxes as I went.

And about three months in, I had this big awakening. I actually had a breathwork experience. And it doesn't always happen like this. I don't want to scare people, right? You don't always strip your life away. For me, I had to, because I had built it on false narratives. But I came to this conclusion of, this is not a reality that I want for myself. And I don't know what is. But in order to find it, I know that I have to discern what's not.

So I left the relationship, quit the six-figure job, bought a Subaru, packed it full, and headed to Denver, Colorado, of all places. I knew nobody. And everyone thought I was absolutely nuts. My mom was waiting for the U-turn. People were waiting for the shoe to drop. And in a way, I kind of was too. I was like, this could not go as good as I think it's going to go, right? What's going to happen? Sure enough, went to Denver. It was completely liberating. I was like, if this is my new reality and I get to create it how I want to, how do I want to create it? And I became a student of this work. I joke that I retired, because I really did. For two years, I just used savings to dive deep into healing.

And I learned so much. And the tools that you asked about, there's a plethora, right? But just breathing, taking a moment to pause in reflection of, what do I want and why? I started to get really curious about the narratives that I was telling myself. I was really curious about the money stories. It doesn't grow on trees. It's hard to get. You have to hustle. You have to work hard. You have to own a business that has to look like this. I just started to question and disrupt everything. I was like, everything's up for question right now. Nothing is true. And when you do this, you start to really discern, oh my gosh, I think I operate this way because mom operated this way and grandma operated this way and great-grandma operated this way. Is this even me? Talk about overwhelm.

And here we are, babe. And I say this in the most humble way, it's so funny. I moved back to Austin, which is where I'm from, right? Went off to Denver for two years, came back. Every single person I interacted with, every single one of them, the second that I came into their energy said, you are different. On a very, very different, cellular level. I don't recognize you. How did you do this? Is this real? Knock, knock, who's in there? And it was like, yeah, this is so real. Holy cow. It's crazy.

And I can attest just as much, going from scattered, disconnected, overcommitting, stressed on my body, maybe a six-pack, but super unhappy in how I got it. Not by any means healthy, right? So this life, in my eyes, this sense of peace and presence, and being able to show up on this podcast with you, baby girl, and be nowhere else but here with you and your listeners, not even thinking about anything else, is a muscle that I had to work over and over and over. And there's a lot of different modalities that came in, but really just giving myself the space to do so.

Nikkiey: That is so incredible, Britley. And there's so much to unpack there that I feel like the listener... I mean, seriously, hats off to you for doing this work. Because from what you just shared, being able to recognize that you were living a life that wasn't in alignment with you entirely, and then to do the work to make a life that you're more aligned with, a lot of people go throughout their whole lifespan not even being able to do that, or even become aware of that or recognize that they're doing that. So I really commend you. That's huge.

Britley: Thank you.

Nikkiey: And to unpack this a little bit more, you said to move from the head to the body, right? You moved from the analytical mind more into the body, and then you did the work from there. To tie it to the fitness world, we just had a conversation with our coaches today where there are women now taking action of leaving a relationship that they weren't happy with, or leaving a job that they didn't feel validated in, that they didn't feel was living in their true nature, because they got in shape, because they started showing up for themselves and eating right.

So to marry those two together, moving from the head to the body and then doing the work for yourself with getting stuff in alignment, what were the feelings? Because that's fucking hard to do. All the things you did are hard to do. But you experienced the liberation of doing it once you moved to Colorado. What did you feel in that moment, and how did you work through those feelings? And how did you feel comfortable and confident within yourself, knowing that you would experience it, but not yet? You didn't experience it until you got to Colorado. How did you trust yourself to take the action? I guess is what I'm really asking.

Britley: Oh, babe. Such a good question. And you said confidence and comfort, right? But I think that we think that those things have to come before we can take a courageous act. It's backwards. You have to be courageous, and then you'll instill confidence and trust, right? You have to be courageous to sign up for the WarriorBabe program and know that you have 30 pounds to lose to reach your goal weight. That's a courageous step. You don't have the confidence that you can do that yet. And you definitely don't have the comfort of the post-30-pound loss, right? So you have to take courage, and then the confidence is built. The trust is instilled, and all of a sudden you're in your best shape.

And then what? You start to have this trust muscle with yourself. You start to show yourself what you're capable of. You see how badass you are. You see how good you can feel in your own skin. And then what? Everything looks a little bit different, because what you settled for at one point no longer fits and suits you, because this higher version of you, you've proven to yourself, right?

And the same goes for this work. If I asked you to meditate right now, you'd be like, oh, I can't do it, right? You don't know how many people are like, I can't meditate. No way. You don't know me. I have so much on my plate. I will make a grocery list. I will do everything but. And I'm like, of course you can't. You also can't run a mile if you've never run a day in your life. There's a muscle. There's a process. There's a training. There's time, energy. There's an energetic exchange that has to go into it. But when we do it and we start to build that muscle, just like anyone we would take to the gym, you start to grow this conviction and confidence and clarity. You start to discern that you do have complete control over your reality. And that is the most powerful place that you could ever be in.

And when we're operating from the neck up... a quick science lesson that's just fun. From the ages of zero to eight years old is where our subconscious is being built, right? If I tell you that this water bottle is a couch at six years old, you're like, a couch, but okay, okay, right? You're kind of susceptible. You're vulnerable. You're open. You're malleable. But if I tell you that that water bottle is a couch today, or even at 10 years old, you're like, dude, come on. That's a water bottle. Get out of here, right? So just to give a silly example, we are sponges. We're taking in everyone's reality. And so our authority figures, our parents and the figures that brought us up, their beliefs are becoming instilled in us.

And so if we're operating from our neck up in our day-to-day life, we're operating from the 95% subconscious that runs and rules it. And it becomes really automatic. And many of us have no idea what stories are being projected into our day-to-day reality. And until we make the unconscious conscious, it'll run our life and we'll call it fate. That's my favorite quote ever. And so when we're just moving from the neck up, we're in this analytical mind, in the same space where our limiting beliefs occur, our doubts occur, our negative cyclical thoughts occur. So if we don't bring it into the body and create new vulnerability and new space to integrate and implement new narratives, new stories, new beliefs, then we're just fighting up against our brains all the time. Does that make sense?

Nikkiey: You know what's crazy, Britley? I've read about this stuff. I think I understand this stuff. But then you explain it and I understand it at a completely different level. That's the most it's ever made sense to me, in this light, with what you're saying. So thank you.

Britley: I have to say this for my dad, because I said this once in a podcast, and now every time I walk into the kitchen, he goes, how's your horse going? So let me give some context. I said this in a random podcast. I don't know why this analogy came to me. But picture a white stallion, a white muscly stallion running on the beach, beautiful white horse, the mane flowing in the wind. That's your 5% conscious. And then there are 95 donkeys going the other way. That's your subconscious. And seriously, that's his reaction. He listened to the podcast and stopped it and called me. He's like, how's your horse? I'm like, I don't know. I thought it was good at the time. He's like, I'm curious to know what drugs you're on when you come up with these.

Nikkiey: I can see it. I can see the donkeys inhibiting my stallion. I'm dead. That's hilarious, because it's so true. You have that operating brain, and then you have the limiting beliefs, the false stories that are holding you back.

Okay. So we got women there, right? We got women there that have a lot of shit that they're still stuck on. How do you break somebody from that?

Britley: Yeah. How do we break those chains? You got time?

Nikkiey: Yeah.

Britley: Well, let's start on you. No, I'm just kidding. That's for another day. That's such a good question. So like I said, we have to make the unconscious conscious, right? And how do we do that? We have to create awareness. I like to think of our thoughts as fish in a fishbowl, and our consciousness as the water between, the space that holds, the space between the thoughts, right? If you add more fish to the fishbowl, what happens? The water starts to spill over. More fish equals less water, less consciousness. So we do have to start becoming aware of these cyclical thoughts that are repeating themselves in our mind. 95% of our thoughts are transferred from day to day. So they're the same repeated thoughts as yesterday.

Nikkiey: Wow. That's wild.

Britley: Just with a different tune. Isn't that insane? You're thinking the same freaking thing every day. So if we don't start to become aware of our thoughts and create the space to see what we're feeding our fishbowl, what we're feeding our mind, our thoughts, our body, which is directly creating our reality... and that's just truth, right? I'm not spewing stuff. Our thoughts create our perceived reality, and everyone has their own. So if that's true, we've got to start to get clear about the thoughts, right? So we do start in the brain. We have to. We have to start with, okay, let's debrief. Let's create a mind map of what's going on in this brain. What are the thoughts that I'm adopting as truth? What am I telling myself? And you would be amazed at what people are telling themselves that they don't even know they're telling themselves.

For a long time, my story was, I don't know. I'm unclear. I just don't know. What do you want to eat today? I don't know. What do you do for work? I don't really know right now. It was like, hi, my name's Britley, and I don't know. I was wearing it around, right? And what was happening, I was becoming more and more confused around everything. I didn't trust myself to make the simplest decisions. I would be paralyzed on a Sunday between the 9 a.m. or 11 a.m. church service, because I had told myself so many times that I was unclear. I was muddled. I was a mess. I was all these things. And I was creating this reality that reflected that.

And I had one friend say, the next time you say I don't know, you owe me 20 bucks. I was like, oh my God, I'd be broke in a day. That's a great point, but I'm not signing that contract, right? And I had to start thinking, oh my gosh, I say the words I don't know a lot. And the truth is that I do know. And you do know. In every decision, in every thought, there is a congruent yes or no. And if you took the time to get still and feel into it, you would also know, and you would build that intuitive muscle.

So that's just an example of how we have to start to become aware of what we're telling ourselves, what we're feeding our minds, and therefore our bodies, right? And then from there, we have to start to create the consciousness. So how do we create more water, more space between thoughts, so that we're not reactive to all these thoughts, but we can start to observe them? Because do you want to react on the thought that your partner sucks the life out of you, knee-jerk reaction, and go rip their head off, right? You want some space between the thoughts and your reaction to them. Because then you become the active operator of your system again. These thoughts don't run and rule you, and you're not just reacting all day. Now you're ruling and running your thoughts, which is a totally different life.

Nikkiey: Right. That's like Eckhart Tolle, who says, become an observer of your thoughts.

Britley: Yes. Yes.

Nikkiey: It's so true. Because if you can observe what the thoughts are saying, everything that you're saying right now, you can choose how to respond to it. And it's in the response that you're running your life, right? How you're making the decisions every single day. That's such a terrible way to explain it, but you can definitely explain it better.

Britley: Oh, you nailed it.

Nikkiey: Okay. You're a professional in this space, not me.

Britley: But trust me, I can't tell you how to get a six-pack. That's for you to tell me. So when we get off, we'll exchange services.

Nikkiey: Beautiful. Okay, done.

Britley: But another tool that I love to give... and this is practice, and people think this is funny, but this is probably the most amazing tool that I could give you on this podcast today. I start to separate my human self, my 3D flesh, right? Because I know that I am an extension of God and I'm one consciousness. I'm unconditional love. I'm infinite power. I'm abundance. I'm a daughter of a king. But my flesh forgets all the time. And she's this 3D, anxious little sprout running around from time to time.

So when I start to create this space, I call her my person. And when I feel sensations of anxiety or stress... it doesn't really happen too much anymore, but I do feel them come on. All of a sudden, I'm like, oh, my person's stressed. Okay. And I start to create space, and I witness her. And I'm like, what is she stressed about? Oh, she's worried about finances. Okay. Why is she worried about finances? Oh, because she feels safe and secure when she has money. And that's okay. So you're actually starting to treat her like a little kid, like the younger version of you. Oh, she's worried. She's stressed. Okay. What does she need? How can I meet her? How can I remind her we're safe? You're this higher authority, because it's true. And you are coddling and loving and serving the need of the inner part of you that is just living the human experience. And I know that can sound kind of deep, but that creates that separation, right? That's that consciousness.

Nikkiey: Yeah. You just gave me chills. And it's almost like when you're aware of that flesh, it's speaking to it and talking to it in a comforting, I see you, I got you manner, right? Not trying to beat it up.

Britley: Yeah. Hey, shake it out. We're so good. We're so critical on ourselves, right? We're like, gosh, why did you have that thought? Gosh, I knew you couldn't do it. And I say, would you speak to the younger version of you that way? That baby version of you that doesn't know better? She's just moving about life. She's trying her best. She's trying to show up. We've got to start loving ourselves. And when we can create that separation, I think it changes the narrative and the dynamic and the dialogue just enough to be like, okay, what does she need? How can I love on her?

Nikkiey: That's so powerful. And when it goes into the relation of when women are trying to get results, it's like, well, why didn't I lose pounds this week? And they're so connected to the number, and the number doesn't really mean anything, right? If you step back and look at it, there's so many other things that come into the scale weight. And why are we so concerned about that? And becoming aware of those thoughts and those patterns. And it's because mom grew up on a diet that wasn't supportive, and she was always concerned about her weight, and telling her husband that she would... perfect example, right? And then trying to unpack that and bringing it to consciousness.

And then creating more space, right? Creating more of the consciousness, the water with the fishies. I love the analogy, by the way. That's literally how my brain works. Anything in analogies, you got me. So how do you create more consciousness with breath? How do you create more water? How do you use breath in that respect with people?

Britley: Oh, such a good question. It's important to remember that when we go into meditation or when we go into breathwork, the aim is not to become thoughtless, right? We can't just fight off the thoughts, and we get so frustrated when we're thinking. Just as the heart inevitably pumps blood throughout the body, the brain inevitably thinks. So let's just free ourselves of that. Okay. Because it's a muscle and it's not meant to be perfect, right? And consciousness can't come until you create the space for it. So just create the space for it.

I had a client that literally came to me today, and she's like, Britley, I had the worst meditation ever. I just sat down and I couldn't stop thinking. I'm like, that sounds like a very productive meditation. That sounds amazing. So you just realized how noisy the brain is. That sounds like a big epiphany to me. That's badass, girl. Let's go.

And it's like the tale of two cookies, right? Let's use this metaphor, since my girl likes analogies. The tale of two cookies. We have a chocolate chip cookie. And we eat the chocolate chip cookie, but we eat it with guilt about it. And we're like, oh, it's so good, but I'm shameful that I'm doing this. This isn't my macro plan. I know that I'm not supposed to be doing this. This is so frustrating. Your body releases cortisol. Your digestive system shuts off because it literally thinks that it's getting eaten by a saber-tooth tiger. Your insulin rises and you can't digest anything. It's this whole experience. And then you go on an eight-mile run the next day for a 200-calorie cookie. And there's this whole story, right?

Versus the same cookie: you and I are having a girls' night. We eat the cookie. It's delicious. Serotonin releases in the body. The body digests it just as it should. It's a good experience. It's delicious. And it goes, right? And so when we're looking at this, what's the data? The data is we ate a cookie. The drama is, oh my God, now I've got to work it off. I suck. I hate who I am. I knew I couldn't do this. This is going to add five pounds to my body. And all this story that we've created around it, right?

And the same is true when we're coming into this work. What is the data? The data is I skipped out on a meal and I went against what I had committed to. That's the data. All right, cool. The drama is that I am unworthy, that I need to drop out, that I couldn't do this. So we've got to start to clear the stories that we've created around the things. We've got to dissipate some of these charges that we've put on ourselves. And just like in this practice of breathwork and meditation, it is not supposed to be perfect. If you've never breathed a day in your life and I ask you to come in and do some breathwork, and you're like, damn, didn't nail it, not my calling... it's like, well, what is, then? We can't have that pressure on ourselves. The data is X, and then we add the drama. So we can start to differentiate between the two. What's the fact, and what is the story that I've created around the fact? We can kind of see the thoughts versus the stream of consciousness, right?

Nikkiey: Holy moly. I love it. Yes. That is so freaking good. You're coming into the community in what, two weeks, to do breathwork?

Britley: Yes. I'm so excited.

Nikkiey: I remember I'd done breathwork before, and is this normal? My lower legs went numb, and I obviously woke up bawling my eyes out. So why does that happen? What's going on there?

Britley: This is my favorite question. So let's go back to this analytical brain that we all live in, right? You could literally think of an alpha wave as a really high-intensity frequency wave that's going on. That's the state that we're living in when we're in that analytical brain. And don't get me wrong, this space is great for conversation, for work, for having connection with people. We need to be in this analytical brain from time to time. One step down is the beta brain. And this is like when you come out of yoga and you're really zen, or out of a massage and you have that sexy glow on your face. I don't know who I am. I don't even care. Life is delicious and sexy and I'm zen, right? Can't mess with me, peace signs all around.

And then a step further is theta. And that is a really beautiful, subtle wave. It's almost a hypnotic state. And in that state, we become slightly suggestible, right? To the subconscious. So we were suggestible at zero to eight years old, but we can actually take ourselves to be suggestible again. And this is why it's very important to have a really amazing and trained breathwork facilitator. Because if we're open and suggestible, we need to be really careful about the information that we are unloading and bringing up in that space, right?

But when we take ourselves there, to this beautiful theta state where we've turned off the analytical mind, we've turned off the emotional body, and we're completely open to the divinity and the intelligence and the power within, well, what happens? The body's like, finally, you've given me some space to process the emotions I've been trying to have you process, right? Every time I've wanted to cry, you shut me off because you said big girls don't cry, or this isn't the time or space, or pull it together. And I actually just wanted to process an emotion. Now it's my time, right? So it can be an emotional experience, and we can bring emotions to the surface.

Because think about it. A toddler in Target wants the toy, doesn't get the toy. What does he do? He throws a little bit of a tantrum. Mom's like, no, stop, you're embarrassing me. So then he shoves it all down and he pulls it together. And he's like, well, I don't want to embarrass mom, because I don't want to lose connection. And I just wanted this toy. And all I know to do is express an emotion that came into my body and process it. Had he just had the little tantrum, processed it, got it all out, he would have been good to go. But because mom came in and disrupted the process and added shame and guilt, now this little boy is like, I can't cry, right? I don't want to embarrass mom. I don't want to be an embarrassment.

Nikkiey: Holy shit.

Britley: And so as an adult, I go to cry, and I'm like, no, that's embarrassing. People don't like that. That makes others uncomfortable, right? So we have this narrative. Well, we put the narrative down for five seconds and we tune back into the innate human desire to process an emotion, and it could come up, right?

Nikkiey: Wow.

Britley: And that's beautiful, because then you process the emotion. It doesn't live in the body. It liberates. And I have people say, Britley, I don't want to do breathwork because I'm scared of what will come up. I'm like, baby girl, you're already holding it every single day. You're already the container for it. You might as well just experience it in 30 seconds and let it liberate, rather than carry it for the next 30 years, right? You are so much more powerful than you think, and you're already holding it in the body.

Nikkiey: Wow. That's huge. So that means I had a lot of emotions to process. My body went numb and I was bawling my eyes out when I woke up.

Britley: And with the body part, the emotions will first leave through the head or the limbs, right? The hands or the feet. There's science to this too; I won't get too far into it. But on a spiritual level, when these emotions are leaving the body, because they are built-up energies in the body, they do leave out the limbs. So your legs went numb to protect you, so that it could leave and move and liberate itself. Isn't that amazing?

Nikkiey: Yeah. I'm getting chills. I cannot wait for you to come into the community and do breathwork. If you are listening to this, because it will go out before this, VIPs, you have to be on the call on September 12th, because Britley is leading an entire breathwork session. And that's going to be amazing. I cannot wait for that call.

Britley: I'm so excited. I want to come in person too. I'm going to fly to you one day. We'll do a whole in-person session.

Nikkiey: Oh, baby girl. We might need a couple hours.

Britley: Don't tempt me with a good time.

Nikkiey: Oh, shit. Okay. So switching gears a little bit and pulling that pin that I put in at the beginning of the podcast, the mind-body connection that you subtly touched on in the opening. Many people in the fitness space emphasize the importance of mind to body, making sure your mind is connected to the muscle that you're working if you want to build it, all these things. Can you explain how somatic therapy reinforces this relationship? If somebody doesn't have the mind-to-body connection, how does this therapy reinforce that connection, that relationship, to where it can enhance somebody's journey?

Britley: A hundred percent. And it's so interesting, I just had this epiphany right now, because I was going to say, well, it took me like three years to really develop the mind-muscle connection, right? You can think you're doing kickbacks, kicking your butt back, and think you're working the booty. But then you can get so isolated on which part of the glute muscle you're working. And I thought, it's like everything else. It takes training. But I also have to look at the reflection of where I was in my life, right? To go from being chronically disconnected from my body to now being so in tune, down to the cellular experience I'm having, don't you think that amplifies the experience I'm having in my workouts, my mind-muscle connection? So you kind of just put that together for me.

But what I would say is, I overrode my intuition for, what, the first 25 years of my entire life. I had an intuitive pull not to do something, and I shut her down and did it anyway. So I built a lapse of trust between me and myself and my ability to make decisions and know. When we're doing that with our bodies, when we're like, I'm going to go to the gym because it's on the schedule, even though I'm exhausted, I got zero sleep, I haven't nourished my body, but I'm going to override that in the name of working out or consistency or whatever I want to justify it as, what do you think is happening? We're losing trust in ourselves, right? So as important as it is to have discipline, resiliency, consistency, it is equally important to know and understand our bodies and their needs, because otherwise we will just counteract them for the rest of our lives.

And so when I came into this space, now, Nikkiey, I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart, the only decisions that I make are intuitive ones. If something feels off and weird and bad, I just say no. Feeling is the final answer. Done. Boom. I don't even need a justification. I don't need an explanation. I don't need to tell the other person why. I don't even need to tell myself why. I'm so congruent with how I feel about something, whether it's an expansive yes or a collapsing no, that I make that decision from there.

So think about it: when you build this muscle, all of a sudden you have so much discernment into how to train and fuel your body. Because you're like, am I reaching for this snack because I have a need that's not met, an emotional trigger that I don't know how to handle? Or am I hungry? We start to get curious about our actions towards everything. And think about how much stronger the vessel of your body becomes when you actually listen to it and connect to it and get in tune with it, and you're showing it that you love it and care, and that you're not going to override it and lapse that trust over and over.

Nikkiey: Dude, that's so powerful. I'm so happy you touched on that analogy with the food, because I've coached this to our women as well, and on recent podcasts I'm like, if you get yourself in the kitchen at night when you're Netflix and chilling, because you think that you're hungry but really you're just bored, take a second. Ask yourself those questions. Take a second to become aware of the next action that you could take. Is it really in alignment? Are you hungry, or are you just bored?

Britley: Yeah. 100%. And I want to say that I still don't get this perfect all the time, because I don't ever want to seem like I'm preaching, right? It's tricky. It's tricky to be like, where is this coming from? Is this just a habitual reach that I'm doing for the sake of doing? Or is this an intuitive need? And what do I actually need, right? Do I need the chocolate peanut butter, or do I just want to feel that pleasure and comfort at the end of the night that I think it will bring me? And could I find a way to give myself pleasure and comfort outside of that experience?

Nikkiey: I love that. That's so good. So you touched earlier on how you were running at full speed, you were an overachiever, doing all these things, and you accomplished all of these things. And I would say that you've built inner strength for yourself with the things that you've gone through, the practices you've used and what you've evolved to with this therapy. So how would you guide someone? I think about me, right? I think about my past. I think about not having an easy upbringing. I think about the things that I had to learn, like how I could beat authority at a young age, how to be an adult at a young age. And I've used that to channel energy. I've used that stress and that trauma, I guess I would say, from earlier life to build inner strength.

So with somatic therapy, I guess the question I'm asking is, how do you guide individuals to channel that energy, from that stress, from that trauma, to build inner strength, which could then translate to physical resilience? That's why I look at that for me, for my story. It's like, well, somewhere, somehow, I must have integrated this. So how do you guide individuals to use that, and not necessarily put it down, but recognize it and then be able to translate it into being strong, having resilience? Am I asking that question right?

Britley: No, that was so beautiful. I'm just listening like, dang, I think you almost just answered your own question, cutie. You're asking, how do I take trauma and transmute it, translate it into treasure, into testimony, into a story, into strength, right? And we all have that ability. If I hadn't been so chronically disconnected in an eating disorder at the depths of a low, I would never be able to experience the high that I'm on right now, right?

There's 3,600 different combinations of emotions that we can feel, and we all toggle between like 20% of them, right? I'm fine. It's okay. We're great. I'm a little sad. I'm frustrated. I'm mad. I'm happy. But there's a whole spectrum, and you cannot feel the depths of joy and bliss and serenity until you have allowed yourself to process the hurt, the pain, the sorrow. That's just how it works. So you start to allow yourself to go into the trauma just enough to experience it and see it and liberate it. Then you can come out with resiliency and strength and potency. And that's your story. That's your truth.

To give perspective, I found so much security in money, I didn't even know who I would be without it. And I sought validation in my external body, so I didn't know who I was without my body. Who would I be if I didn't have the body that I was getting the attention from, right? And now it's like, I think the biggest lesson that I've ever learned, and my mission and my mantra and my statement, is I want to empower people to such a degree that they realize that there is nothing outside of themselves that will bring fulfillment. And you could hear that and get really stressed out, or you could hear that and feel like a weight's just been dropped from your chest. There's nothing outside of yourself that's going to bring fulfillment. There's just not.

I work with CEOs that have brought in 7 million this year, and I work with women just like you and me who are in their own experience, all of them chasing something. The 7 million guy has a sports car and the house in Santa Monica and all the things, and he's like, I'm unfulfilled. What's going on? I thought I would for sure be happy at this point, right? Down to the woman who's paycheck to paycheck, who was like, I just want to find my soulmate. Then I found him, and now... So it's like, nothing's going to do it.

Nikkiey: Can I add something really quick there?

Britley: Yeah.

Nikkiey: I don't mean to interrupt you, but to add to that, the one thing that's just yelling in my brain is the woman that will lose 30 pounds and think she's going to feel happy, more happy in her body at that point.

Britley: Yep. And I can attest, I've been there. I had the six-pack, right? So all that is a belief that, A, love is conditional, so we have to do something in order to earn it, which is not true. Love is unconditional. It says that in the Bible. It says that everywhere. It's just the truth. Love in its purest form is completely unconditional. There's actually nothing you need to do to earn and receive it other than to feel it from within. So that's the first thing that we have to come to understand. And that's a process. I don't expect that to land in your body as truth right away, but just plant the seed.

And then from there, it's like, so what are we actually looking for? Is it connection? Is it confidence? What is it? Because I'll tell you this too. When I was in an empty space and I thought that my body was my everything, and it was what made me successful, which is what would bring connection, it looked great, and I was miserable. Now I'm in fulfillment. I am feeling God, and the Holy Spirit moves through me daily. I'm in purpose. I'm in alignment. I'm tapped in, turned on. And my body's never looked better, because it's this vessel that I don't hate and scorn anymore. I don't eat out of emotional triggers. I'm just in tune. I'm in flow. And the body is beautiful all of a sudden. It's great. And I want to serve it. I want to show up for it. I want to work it and strengthen it. It's that inner masculine within me that's like, ooh, I want the muscle and the tone. And I will make the investment happily to adore this vessel of the body. But that is from a fulfilled place.

Nikkiey: Yeah. Wait, hold on, to unpack that a little bit, because you're saying you're living on purpose for yourself. So how can the principles you've learned be incorporated into a fitness routine? What you're explaining, how can that make it more meaningful for women to want to work out?

Britley: Ooh, this is a good question. Let's see what you're doing here. I'm like, now I have to think. Okay. What a good question. Let's just walk through this together, because this is kind of your area of expertise. My coaching is called Fan Into Flame, because, I believe it's Second Timothy 1:6, it says fan into flame the gift of God, right? We're all given this purpose. God instills in us this beautiful flame, and it's our job to tend to it and fan it into flame.

And so when we're thinking about igniting our purpose, living on purpose, living in our truth and our authenticity, life just becomes easy from there, because we're in congruence and it actually feels good. Work doesn't feel so hard. The relationship doesn't feel so difficult. We're acting from overflow rather than overwhelm, right? When we're in that state, think about it. You are at an all-time high. Your energy, your hormones, you're just operating from this beautiful state and space. So how does that translate into your workout routine? Well, all you want to do is adore and amplify and grow.

Right now, I'm technically homeless, which is so silly to say, but I don't have anywhere to go. And I'm going to Hawaii. My plan was to go to Maui. Maui had fires.

Nikkiey: Yes, you had a whole plan.

Britley: We were praying over them. And I'm going to Oahu. And for the first time in my life, I can confidently say I'm not chasing anything. I don't think Oahu is going to make me rediscover myself. I'm not on this search for anything. I'm fulfilled, and I'm going to go to places where it will be amplified.

Nikkiey: So if you're fulfilled, you're going to go to the gym to amplify that fulfillment.

Britley: Yes. You're going to treat your body like a vessel to amplify your fulfillment. All of a sudden, it becomes less about chasing and trying to find. It's walking around like bags of need looking for fulfillment, versus walking around like fulfillment looking for where the need is, and how can I serve and show up?

Nikkiey: Oh, snap. Holy moly. That was powerful as fuck.

Britley: I gave myself chills. Can I say that?

Nikkiey: Yes. Let's go. That's so good. Because I think about, why do I work out? Oh, man, it just makes me feel incredible. It makes me feel great. And to your point, what you just articulated so well, I'm just amplifying that feel-goodness. I'm living on purpose. I don't think of working out as a chore. I get to go do that, because of the one body I've been given. I get to keep it.

Britley: Yeah. Get to. That's it, babe.

Nikkiey: Yeah. I get to.

Britley: Of course I do. I'm abundant. I'm strong. I'm powerful. I'm a badass. I get to take my ass into that gym and kick it myself. That's the treasure. That's the health. That's the vitality. So then we go from scarcity into abundance, right? We're like, I'm abundant. I'm deserving of things. I'm deserving of good health. I'm deserving of vitality. Of course, of course, of course. And so that's the reality that we start to see. And the body starts to listen, because the body leans in and hears every thought that we have, because thoughts release chemicals, chemicals release hormones, right? So all of a sudden we're training this different muscle. We're leaning into this abundance. And we go from this voice of fear and scarcity and resistance to receptivity, growth, abundance and faith. And we're like, I get to have it all, including the sexy body, because a healthy, beautiful body is an amazing desire to have. There's nothing wrong with that. Let's be very crystal clear. It's just the space you're coming from to get it.

Nikkiey: Oh my God. The way you're articulating all of this is just so profound.

Britley: Thank you, girl.

Nikkiey: I can feel how passionate you are about this practice and about what you're doing. This is your purpose.

Britley: Thank you. I love to hear it, though. I'm like, I'll stop.

Nikkiey: Keep going. Come on. I'm putting my headphones in further. Let's feel it, man. I know everybody can feel it too on the podcast. So, a couple of questions to wrap up this podcast, which has just been so freaking good. And thank you so much for your time and coming on here and sharing this knowledge, this wisdom, this love, this passion, everything you have. Like I said, you can just feel it.

So can you walk us through a day-to-day with the personal routines that you do for yourself that make you grounded? Selfishly, I just want to know this too. And I also want people to take it, because it's probably so good to center you at the beginning of the day. People talk about morning routines and all that stuff. So I would love to know, what are your practices?

Britley: Oh, I love this question. So I have a slightly different approach. On another podcast we can talk about polarity, right? The yin and the yang. We all have a beautiful balance of masculine and feminine energy within us, regardless of our gender. That masculine is that stronghold, that security, that safety, that commitment, that boundary, that ability to show up to the gym, show up to our commitments. And then the feminine is the one that gets to flow and be in the receptivity of life and be honored and nurturing and sexy and sensual and all the things, right? We both have these parts of us, and they have these charges.

So the masculine container for me is in the morning, from 7 to 9. That's the container. Now, the feminine gets to play in what she wants to do within that. Sometimes I wake up and I stretch first. The first thing I do is hit my knees. I've been doing that for almost a year in a row, like 300 days in a row, and pray.

Nikkiey: Sorry. I'm like, do you literally hit your knees? Like, this is something I can get down with. Okay, so a little knee tap on each side.

Britley: I get excited and I skip over words, and then I just hope that everybody knows.

Nikkiey: That was hilarious. We hit the knees.

Britley: No, but really and truly, my practice is to roll out of bed and get on my knees. And I start speaking out loud to God. And I have a whole prayer rhythm that I get into. We can talk about that later. But then from there, I know what feels good for me, right? Usually it's morning pages. It's stream of consciousness, getting out the thoughts and allowing myself to be messy with it, not articulate it well. Just be with what is on the heart, on the chest, in the body. Because when we are journaling, our thoughts are moving through three channels, if you will. They go from the unconscious to the conscious, then from the conscious to the prefrontal cortex, and then out onto paper. So that's three filters to get our thoughts out of the way so we're not sitting with them all day. That's a really beautiful hack.

One of my favorite, most profound practices is just to get up in the morning and write two quick pages. And let it be messy at first. Let it be like, I don't know, this girl on this podcast told me to do this. I'm freaking tired. I'm having coffee. This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen, right? That's all okay. I'm a huge advocate. Let's just call it what it is. It's not convenient by any means, right? But it's like the marathon runner that starts training, and he's like, I hate these miles. This hurts. My joints hurt. But then all of a sudden, as he gets closer to the marathon, he gets agitated when he can't get his miles in. It's the same for morning pages. It's a little resistant at first. But then you start to get agitated when you can't allow yourself the time and space to drop into the body and move through what you need to move through. These things become imperative, because you know how good they make you feel, and you're so much closer to the person you're becoming, right? So we have to meet this resistance and push past it. That's just where everyone drops out. You push past it and you'll start to see your body change on a cellular level.

So I pray, journal, and then I do breathwork every single morning, whatever that looks like, right? Some mornings it's a grounding breathwork. Sometimes it's energizing. So my routine is really to block out times that are intentional in my day, but allow the feminine within me to flow. So it doesn't feel like I have to wake up and do a 10-step process, because that just doesn't feel sexy to my system in the morning. I might want tea. I might want coffee. I know I'm going to get all these things done in some order. But who freaking cares? Who's watching anyway, right? I get to just take this day and take this space for me.

And then I'll give one last hack on my nighttime routine, because I think that's something that goes really under the radar. Our nighttime routine is just as important, and I would argue more important than our morning routine. And here's why. We're about to enter eight hours of subconscious programming. How many of us dream about the things we're worried about the most?

Nikkiey: Me, I do. I just had a dream my house burnt down. What's that about?

Britley: Subconscious mind.

Nikkiey: Yeah. I'll have to pick your brain on the dreams. I've had one continue all throughout my life that just picks up at times.

Britley: We can go into that. A hundred percent. Because it is our subconscious. It's working, right? So every night I ask myself a question that I want the answer to in the morning. If there's something that I want clarity on, I'll just say, hey, overnight, God, work through me and allow me to have clarity on this thing in the morning. Because then we don't have to think about it, right? We don't have to spend all night trying to figure it out ourselves. We just release it and surrender it.

And the second thing I do is called the do-over. Every night I ask myself, is there anywhere in my day where I just didn't operate as my highest and best self? And to start out, there will be more than not, right? There will be a couple of times throughout your day. And the trick is not only to bring those to conscious awareness and take that radical responsibility for them, but then I'll actually do them over, as if I did respond from my highest and best self. Why do we do that? Because we're bringing it to our conscious, we're admitting it to ourselves, and we're holding ourselves in compassion, but we're showing ourselves where we could have acted and operated better. Now when I go into my day and that event occurs again, I've already rehearsed it. I know how I want to handle it and move about it differently. So that's one of the biggest practices for me, because it's closing out the day, forgiving and permissioning myself, and then showing myself what's possible next time. And we end on that high note, and then our mind is just working while we sleep to integrate that.

Nikkiey: That's incredible. I love that. I'm going to have to steal that and put it into practice for sure.

Britley: Give it to all your girls too. That's a good one.

Nikkiey: Yeah, that's really good. Because you also think about the last things you watched. If you're watching something before you go to bed, you're probably dreaming about that, or seeing those faces in your dream. So getting your mind in the right place to enter your subconscious brain, that's super powerful. Thank you for sharing that.

Britley: Of course.

Nikkiey: So one more question. What would be the little piece of advice that you would tell yourself when you were going through all of those challenges, before you entered into this evolution for yourself? What would you tell that person?

Britley: Two came up, so I'll just go with what my intuition says. The first one is get curious. Without a shadow of a doubt, get curious. Get curious about the things in your life that don't feel good, but you keep trying to force and push and create justification for, and get curious about what does feel good. Get curious about where your energy goes and take inventory of what you're pouring into and what's pouring into you. Just start to get curious about your life, like this loving witness and observer of your life and your tendencies, and where they came from, and if they're yours, and if they're helpful or harmful. Get curious.

And the second thing is just let it be easy. We have this narrative that we've adopted that things are so hard and we have to work and hustle and force and move the needle, and we have to make it stressful, and we don't have time to drive the car from point A to point B with the windows down, enjoying the music. We feel like we don't deserve pleasure until we've reached something. We deserve pleasure in every moment, all the time. Let it be a little bit easier.

I started telling myself at 24 years old, I don't do stress. I don't do stress. And at first I didn't believe it, because trust me, I was basically a walking ball of stress. But I started to tell myself that, right? I don't do that. I don't do stress. And I still say it to this day. I can honestly say I don't do much stress. I don't know what it would take, but I don't get real wound up about things anymore. I just don't do it. This life's too short, and it's too easy. So let it be easy, and get curious.

Nikkiey: Wow. I love that. That was so good. Britley, thank you so much for your time today, your energy, your passion, your love for this work. It's so apparent. And like I said at the beginning, when you go follow her on social, you guys, and I'll put all of her links in the description, you will see that she walks the talk. That's something I respect so much when I follow you. You are sharing your experience. You're sharing the things that you have learned and gone through, and you're taking it and turning it into how you can help other people. So, so powerful.

Britley: Thank you. And same for you. I said that on my podcast. That's why we get along so well. I'm magnetized to people who are in their authentic expression and embody the work that they do, more than anything else in the world. And thank you, that's a huge compliment. I try to be the same in person and online and in friendships. Wherever you find me, you'll pretty much get this version.

Nikkiey: I can see that. I've talked to you multiple times now, and you're just an incredible human. So thank you for being you and for coming on this podcast. Everybody who wants to follow Britley, check out her work, check out her stuff in the description below. And I know we'll probably have you on another podcast too, especially on that masculine and feminine. There could be an entire episode.

Britley: That's a whole thing.

Nikkiey: So good, though. But thank you for being here, babe.

Britley: Appreciate you. Of course.

Nikkiey: Thanks, everybody.

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