Why Do I Feel Off When I'm Doing Everything Right?

Nikkiey: This is all what I'm experiencing in the last nine months. One of the biggest things, as I shared with you guys, was my hair. Dude, my hair, dramatically thinning. I'm waking up exhausted, even though I'm sleeping eight hours a night. Emotionally, dude, I feel like I'm a very emotional person, actually. It's just lately I've been on edge. Like I'm stuck. Tight in my chest, heart palpitations, just stuck. This is when I was like, dude, something is off. It's not that I'm lazy. It's not that I'm X, Y, and Z. It's like, dude, this is physically, psychologically, physiologically, my health. Something is up.

What's up, everybody? Hey, you guys. Welcome back to another episode of The WarriorBabe Show. On today's episode, this one's going to be a little bit different. It's going to feel a little bit different. I'm not going to go into the how-to strategies or the mindset or the macro breakdowns or all of those things. I've been on Instagram lately sharing with you guys some updates on what I'm going through with my health, and I just want to pull back the curtain on that and on what this past year of my life has really looked like. And honestly, the last eight years have led me up to the point that I'm at right now. I'm going to talk emotionally. I'm going to talk physically. I'm going to talk spiritually. All the things.

Because I want you guys to know, one, I'm a human on the other end of this microphone, and on the other side of the phone or the devices you watch me through. As a coach and as a leader and as a motivator, yeah, man, I felt completely off. If anything, in the last eight to nine months, I felt completely off. I've not felt like myself. And I know in my heart that I'm not the only one that feels that way. So I hope that with this episode today, me being a little bit more vulnerable with you guys, knowing that I'm a human too, knowing that I go through the same struggles that you guys go through on a daily basis, regardless of what you see on social media, I'm here to resonate with you all, so you know that you aren't alone if you feel like you're going through this too.

So I just want to get into it. For the past eight-plus years, man, I have just been on, on, on, on a daily basis. Building WarriorBabe, showing up on camera, coaching, leading, guiding, inspiring, holding space, creating impact, building an incredible team, building an incredible product, helping thousands of women. And I have absolutely loved every single aspect of it, every single ounce. I'm not here to say that I regret one thing. I'd do it all over again. But here's the thing, and where I see it's finally caught up to me: I never stopped. I never paused to breathe. Maybe a little bit dramatic there, but in all seriousness, you guys get the notion of what I mean when I say those words. I never stopped pushing.

And somewhere in that, I lost track of me. It felt like there was an emptiness. And you guys maybe have even seen it a little bit on social media, and these are the real and honest reasons why I haven't been showing up on social media as much lately, like on stories. I used to be on there all the time, man. You used to see ten stories of me just going on rants. I don't know if you guys are the same. While you're also dealing with being a human and dealing with your own life struggles, and feeling like you have to show up a certain way, I felt like there was a disconnect. More so lately, I couldn't keep showing up until I fixed that disconnect of finding me again, because I feel like I lost track of me.

A year ago, and I shared this with you guys in an episode a while back, a relationship ended. You guys knew that I was in a relationship for a really long time. That relationship ended and it triggered something deep. It ended for all of the right reasons. And now, a year later, I see the bigger picture of why I went through that test. God put me through that test. He put me through that life experience. But on the other side, he also showed mercy. And I'm being honest, the exhaustion didn't start a year ago. That breakup just exposed what I'd been pushing through for years on all fronts of my personal life.

I was functioning in pure masculine energy for most of my life. I think you guys remember an episode that I did with Caleb. I was just sitting there listening. If you guys didn't listen to that episode, I highly recommend that you do, because I felt like I was listening to me through him. I just couldn't articulate or put into words what I was feeling yet, at least not enough to open up and do a whole episode on it. But that episode was so good. He really talks about how he was driving in his masculine energy for a really long time.

And that's how I feel like I've been living most of my life. Pushing with force, controlling everything, trying to control everything. If I didn't feel like I had control of it, I felt like I was off course. Achievement after achievement after achievement. You guys know that I'm a three-time pro in the bodybuilding industry. I left undefeated. Even growing up, sports, achievement. I just chased achievement. Production, right? Building the business, building a team, building a product, production, showing up, holding it all, making it happen. Grit, grind, determination. I built the business with that energy. And that energy served a purpose for a really long time. It did its job. But at some point, that structure really started to cage me in.

I'm trying to be different in these last few months, and I've wanted to come here. You guys know that I've always been an open book. But there was definitely a period of time where I had to go inward and focus on me to be able to then come forth and share this type of story with you. Because even still, I'm not perfect. I'm still trying to learn the balance of the masculine and feminine energy, after the years I've been pushing and grinding, and control and achievement and production and all the things.

I didn't know how to soften. I didn't know how to rest without guilt. You guys know that I went on that darkness retreat. I have a whole episode on that too, if you're new to tuning into these episodes. And if this is your first episode, love it, guys. You're here for a ride. You're here for a vulnerable one. There are tons of other episodes around fitness and everything, but this one's going to tie into hormones and where I'm at right now with trying to get some answers. When I was on that darkness retreat, I had a really hard time allowing myself to rest because I had so much guilt while I was there.

My nervous system was shot. I shared with you guys that the second I closed the door and shut the lights off, and I was exposed to darkness, I just started bawling. My nervous system went crazy and I wanted to leave. I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up. This was all the masculine. I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't know how to let someone else hold me, support me, how to stop solving and just be. I didn't know how to go in a soft, surrendering way.

This is also where, actually, I started going to a Christian church in January of this year. I really started leaning deeper into my relationship with God and with Jesus this past year, because I was tired of carrying this weight alone. Tired of trying to hold it all. There were points where I was defensive. There were points where I was angry, and I'm tired of being angry. Tired of trying to control everything in my life and everyone around me. And I just got to the point where I was like, okay, God, I can't do this without you anymore.

I want to learn scripture. I want to learn how to move. I want to learn your words, your wisdom, your knowledge, your education. As I've shared with you guys in previous episodes, I have always been in faith. I grew up in the Catholic church, but I've never outwardly had the obedience of saying, hey, this is what I believe in. And it's getting stronger and stronger on a daily basis, which is really cool. I have something to share with you guys. Actually, I've already shared it with you. This is going live on Monday, and I'm getting baptized on Sunday. So, speaking in future tense here, I got baptized yesterday, and I most likely shared that with you guys on social media. That's just an outward obedience of, hey, I'm here.

And you know what? It's weird, you guys, and you can probably resonate with this too, and I'm probably going off on a little rant here. When I start talking about God and these things, sometimes the reactions around me are weird. So I'm just trying to stay obedient in that. But not to get off topic, I know that I'm being tested, I'm growing my endurance. And I'm starting to see that the breakdowns I've experienced are actually setting me up for big, big breakthroughs. It doesn't feel that way when you're in the mess of it. Trust me, I've been in the mess of it this last year. Over the years of living in this type of energy, it all comes to a head at some point.

I kind of had a breaking point, and I just needed to turn my focus somewhere else, because I couldn't keep turning it on me. I wasn't doing a good job alone. So I'm seeing now, a year after, that this is all leading me to a bigger purpose and a bigger understanding that is far beyond even my own knowledge right now as I continue to learn. But in the midst of all of this, the forcing it, the controlling it, not having the ability to surrender, that's what I'm trying to learn how to do better.

And man, it's a daily effort for sure. What I've noticed really helps me is reading scripture in the morning, just learning it, knowing how to have discernment and how to move throughout the day. Not necessarily focusing on me anymore, but focusing on the bigger things, like the Lord, and focusing on other people and helping them. Taking it off of me and just trying to be more present in my day to day. But to the point: I didn't know how to do all those things, to be more in my feminine. I was scared of what would happen if I did let go.

I was scared of what I might feel. I was scared of who I would be without constantly being the doer, the goer, the grind, the push. So I kept doing that. And now my body has said enough. That's what I've been sharing with you guys recently on social media. Even though I've been doing everything right, even though I've been eating clean, even though I've been working out, even though I've been staying consistent, even though I've been checking the boxes on what I preach on a daily basis to you guys, to social media, to WarriorBabe, to our coaches, to our team, even though I was doing, quote unquote, everything right.

My friends, this is where I want you to know that if you are experiencing these things too, you're not alone. For the longest time, until I finally sought out answers, I thought that I was broken. I thought there was something wrong with me. I'm doing all the right things, so why am I feeling this way? One of the biggest things, as I shared with you guys, was my hair. Oh my goodness. I'm holding it up if you guys are watching this on video right now. If not, I'm also sharing the hair journey in the highlights on my Instagram page. But dude, my hair, dramatically thinning. I don't even know how to put it into words. It's falling out in clumps. When I look back at years previous, at how thin it's gotten to this day, that was really the breaking point of, dude, something is wrong.

Something is not right. We were meant to thrive. We're meant to feel like we're alive. When these things start happening, there's something going on internally. And what's crazy is we can't just go inward and be like, oh, this hormone's off, or, oh, my adrenals are feeling this way, that's why I'm stressed. We can't see inside. We start to become symptomatic externally. But we have to really honor those symptoms and say, this ain't right. Y'all, we're all meant to feel great. We're all meant to feel alive. Just because we're getting older doesn't mean that we have to accept these things that are happening to us. That's what I hope you hear in this, because you could be doing everything right too, and still be feeling these ways.

Ladies, are you feeling frustrated with body changes you're experiencing during menopause? It's time to take control. If you're between 45 and 65 years old and tired of struggling with body fat and muscle loss, WarriorBabe is here for you. At WarriorBabe, we've helped over 18,000 women just like you lose body fat, build toned muscle, and understand their bodies better with personalized plans based on hormone and thyroid testing and more. Imagine knowing exactly what your body needs to see real results, and results that last. Look, don't wait anymore. Take charge of your health and join our community of strong, empowered women. Visit warriorbabe.com/apply today to start your transformation. That's warriorbabe.com/apply. All right, let's get back to the show.

Another thing I was experiencing: I'm waking up exhausted, even though I'm sleeping eight hours a night. I'm waking up after eight, nine hours of sleep, and I'm like, dang, I'm exhausted. I could go back to sleep. I'm having really hard recoveries from my workouts. I can't recover from workouts like I used to. I'm crashing midday. I'm needing naps. Caffeine doesn't matter. I could have three cups of coffee, I could have an energy drink and two cups of coffee, and I'm still crashing midday. My brain is foggy. My focus is so scattered. Those two mainly, and this is all what I'm experiencing in the last nine months. Emotionally, dude, I feel like I'm a very emotional person, actually.

It's just lately I've been on edge. Like I'm stuck, tight in my chest, heart palpitations, just stuck. And this is when I was like, dude, something is off. It's not that I'm lazy. It's not that I'm X, Y, and Z. It's like, dude, this is physically, psychologically, physiologically, my health. Something is up. So that's when I was like, I've got to take matters into my own hands. I've got to get blood work done.

Okay, that's first and foremost, the first thing you guys should be doing on a routine basis, on a yearly basis. I had gotten it done last year. Nothing was too alarming, but there was actually a huge variable. I had done the second round of my egg freezing journey at the end of last year. And I thought that the hair thinning was just postpartum. Basically, I don't have a kid, but I went through the whole process of overstimulating my ovaries dramatically so I could produce eggs, so that I could take these eggs out and freeze them. So I thought my hair was just coming down from that and experiencing postpartum hair loss without the baby.

Again, there are parts of masculine energy that served me, and I want to make that known. Those aspects are good. But constantly being in that type of energy for a really, really long time is not good, because it will start to break you down. It will start to say, dude, this is enough. You've got to have the good ebbs and flows of the masculine and the feminine energy.

So, blood work, right? Things looked a little off last year, but I thought it was just the variable of the process I went through with the eggs, and I never got rechecked until a couple of weeks ago. But I wanted to take matters into my own hands here. I didn't want to go the traditional healthcare system way, and this is for personal reasons. I knew I wanted comprehensive blood work and hormone testing way beyond what an average doctor's office would check. That's what I sought after. I took it into my own hands. I found a company online, and I will share that name when I'm ready. But just know I was done waiting to figure this out, and I wanted to take these symptoms seriously. So that's where I started with this company.

They did the whole comprehensive blood work and hormone testing, and the cortisol and the insulin and X, Y, and Z. I started working with them maybe a month and a half or two months ago now and got the blood work done. Dude, I had 11 to 12 vials taken. It was crazy. And I had to do it fasted. So I did that. The results came back. Bro, I cried, because they validated everything that I've been feeling.

I have low thyroid. I have low testosterone. I have low DHEA, and I have slightly elevated cortisol, and I have other things going on too. Once I got the results back, I also had the healthcare provider review the results with me. I sat down later that day and I just lost it, because I was like, oh my gosh, I finally have answers. Oh my gosh, I'm not broken. Oh my gosh, this is so validating. It's reassuring, because now I know what to do. Now I know how to act. Now I know the steps to fix these things.

It wasn't in my head. Like I said earlier, it wasn't a discipline issue. It wasn't a motivation issue. It wasn't a laziness issue. My body was screaming, yo, I've been holding too much for too long. And what's crazy, you guys, if that's not enough confirmation, I also did neurofeedback. This happened a couple of weeks ago. I was like, okay, I know this is going on with me, but I also know how good neurofeedback can be. I've seen so many people talk about it in the online space. So I signed up with a company and had a full brain mapping session.

Then I just got the results back the other day, and the results were insane. They were intense. And I was just like, God, this all makes so much sense. First of all, I can't wait to see the after of my brainwaves once I go through the six-month neurofeedback protocol, because the before was pretty crazy to see. There's a lot of good. The green was the good, but there's also a lot of red that needs focus. And when she was showing me my brain map review and talking through things, I'm like, yeah, that's me.

There's beta, there's alpha, there's theta, and there's delta with our brainwaves. I don't know a lot about all these things. This is not my wheelhouse. I want to first and foremost say that I'm just speaking personally to my journey and my experiences. I'm definitely going to be sharing more, but it's a personal matter for me, and I'm speaking only to my experience. I've been living in high beta, the fight or flight, constantly, probably for the majority of my life. And it makes sense why, when I went into the darkness retreat and closed my eyes, my nervous system was so scared. My nervous system is stuck in survival mode, and it just makes sense.

So ladies, are you feeling frustrated with body changes you're experiencing during menopause? It's time to take control. If you're between 45 and 65 years old and tired of struggling with body fat and muscle loss, WarriorBabe is here for you. At WarriorBabe, we've helped over 18,000 women just like you lose body fat, build toned muscle, and understand their bodies better with personalized plans based on hormone and thyroid testing and more. Imagine knowing exactly what your body needs to see real results, and results that last. Look, don't wait anymore. Take charge of your health and join our community of strong, empowered women. Visit warriorbabe.com/apply today to start your transformation. That's warriorbabe.com/apply. All right, let's get back to the show.

It showed something else too. She was like, yeah, on the emotional side, you probably ruminate on a lot of things. You replay things over and over and over in your mind. Guys, seriously, I will ruminate on something. I will get stuck emotionally in something, and it's really hard for me to let things go. I can't just be like, all right, it's done. Recently I've had trouble starting tasks, finishing things, focusing, being more present. I live in a loop, a high-functioning, high-achieving, slightly anxious loop. And what's really crazy is that it all connects to hormonal balance.

That's one thing she said when I was doing the brain mapping session review. If I'm dealing with some hormones being out of kilter, then I'm going to be experiencing this in my brain. I'm going to have this type of wave activity happening in my brain. My nervous system is on overload. I have mental fatigue. I'm emotionally rigid. It's crazy. And I may be being a little bit dramatic, but if you guys know me, sometimes I tend to be that way.

But it's crazy, and it's also, again, very validating, because I have answers. And more importantly, with the answers I have, I also have a course of action to take. So I'm here now, not fixed, but I'm doing the real work, and I'm just being vulnerable with you guys sharing this episode. Moving forward, I'm doing six months of neurofeedback, and I'll be sharing this all on my Instagram stories. So if you guys don't follow me, please go follow me at Nikkiey Stott. Because I want you to know, first of all, you're not alone in this journey.

If you're experiencing all these things, if you have low thyroid and you're experiencing these things, or if you feel like something's off and you want to talk about it, I'm here. You can DM me. I'm more than happy to have conversations with y'all. I'd love to do that. If you'd talked to Nikkiey maybe three years ago, I would barely be in my DMs, and I had a really hard time even texting people back. I lived so much in the masculine. I'm doing so much better trying to get out of that. And this is just a real-life episode of what's going on in my world. Just a life update.

So I hope that you guys have enjoyed this life update, but also know that you aren't alone in this. And another thing: I'm doing six months of the neurofeedback, and I have a protocol to start now with healing the thyroid and the hormones. First of all, I'm also going to be incorporating a lot of things that I know will help nutritionally and on the workout side. My workout schedule looks completely different nowadays. You guys, I'm only doing two to three days of strength training.

I do yoga once a week and I do Pilates once a week. And I'm doing eight to 10K steps a day. Dramatically different. And this is why I want to let you guys know that you will go through seasons. I'm going through a season right now. My journey with fitness three years ago looked different than now, and it also looked different from when I was competing. You've got to accept, like I've said in and out of these episodes, and like we tell the WarriorBabes and our team, dude, this is a lifestyle.

If you can accept the lifestyle and know that you're going to go through these seasons, it's actually a little bit easier to accept when things like this come your way. But there's always a solution. There's always a way forward. It's about being your own best advocate in these situations when you know something's wrong, going and seeking some answers, getting help, and then being able to follow through on a protocol when you have it. And a protocol that feels good and in alignment with yourself, that's the most important thing.

I'm also taking DHEA to support testosterone, pregnenolone, and then some other vitamins that will help with this as well. And I'm just starting there. There are a lot of other things that I could have focused on, but I know that the thyroid is literally the gatekeeper to everything internally. Literally, if your thyroid is off, that should be your number one main focus. And then obviously hormones are hormones, so they need a little bit of support. So those are my two main focuses. With that, I'm hoping that the cortisol gets leveled out, and I'm hoping that some of the other factors that are a little off get treated too. So that's the protocol for that.

The neurofeedback, I said six months, but I'm doing it five times a week, 20-minute sessions, and then I have a weekly meeting with a coach. If you guys continue to follow me on social media, I'll definitely share the journey, as I said, and maybe even the companies I'm working with, if I feel called to. And I'm praying every day. I'm slowing down, letting go of the obsession to control, and I'm just trying to do my best to surrender. I'm trying to learn how to receive, how to be in my feminine, to be soft and be strong at the same time, because that is the ideal duo. But it's knowing how to be in balance with the two. And being held by God instead of trying to hold the world on my shoulders.

It's not easy, though. Not easy. I'll be the first one to tell you that, but it is everything. And I want you guys to know, you may see me as a leader. You see me showing up on social media. You see me being the coach, the motivator, the person that's going to encourage you and inspire you. And yeah, I am all of those things for sure, but I'm also human. What I hope this episode does is let you know that if you've been feeling off, physically, mentally, emotionally, you don't have to suffer in silence. Please. You do not have to suffer in silence. One, I'm here. I'm a DM away on social media. If I feel so compelled, I will even share my phone number.

We can continue to chat. I want to be there to serve. I want to be able to help. It's all about the people that come into my circle moving forward. But please, guys, get your blood work done. Turn to the things that feel in alignment for you. If you're in a season and you just need some help getting out of it, don't do it alone. Ask for help. With the weight that you're carrying, you don't need to break. I felt like I had to break in order to finally deserve support.

Okay? You don't have to earn rest. You don't have to earn being soft. You don't have to earn anything. You don't have to have it all together. What I'm doing is focusing on the healing aspect. Even a year ago, when I was sharing on social media that I was journaling all the time and focusing on my healing, dude, healing isn't just a three-month process. It's literally been a year this month since that breakup happened. It exposed a lot of things, and it also exposed the things I was continuing to push through over the eight years of building the company, which I would do all over again.

Like I said, I'd do it all again, but I would do it a little bit different, personally, in how I've shown up. Just know that you're allowed to feel what you feel. I feel like I'm starting all over again, but in a really good way. So if this spoke to your heart, please send me a DM, tag me, share it on your story. Let's not pretend we're okay when we're not. Let's not fake being strong when what we really need is support.

You guys, we're not alone. You're not alone. And we don't need to be superwoman to feel insanely powerful and to be powerful. Okay. So shoot me a DM if you need to. I love you guys, and I'll see you in the next episode.

Hey, really quick before you go, I have one small favor to ask. If this episode brought you value or sparked something in you, take just a moment to hit that review button. Your rating and review make all the difference in helping more women discover the tools they need to transform their fitness and their confidence. It takes less than a minute, but it can change the path of someone else's journey. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate you so much.