Why Changing Your Body Can Feel Like Grief

Nikkiey: When we talk about body transformation, the focus is usually on the before and the after. The weight loss, the muscle, the confidence. That's usually where the focus lies. And all of that is incredible. All of that is amazing and beautiful and it matters. But what no one prepares you for is the emotional weight of letting go of who you used to be.

Hey, you guys, what's up? Happy Monday. Happy post-Easter weekend. I hope that you all had a beautiful holiday with your friends and your family, and you ate some good food, had some good desserts, and now you're getting back to the grind. Welcome back to The WarriorBabe Show with Nikkiey Stott, co-founder of WarriorBabe. On this podcast, we talk about mindset, methodologies, and tactics that will help you lose body fat, build muscle, be strong, and feel insanely confident.

You guys, today on episode number 252, what I want to get into with y'all is something a little bit deeper again. I know we talked about my personal journey and the season I'm going through right now in the last episode. And today I really don't want to talk about training splits or macros or what to eat or how to lift. I want to get to the emotional side of the transformation. Something I feel like most people don't talk about. Something that I have personally experienced, and I know that many of you have as well. I've heard this in one way or another through the thousands of WarriorBabes that have been through our program, and even through our coaching team, our coaches talking about their babes experiencing this as well.

And today what I want to talk about is the grief that can come with changing your body. Yeah, I said the word grief, and I don't want you all to think this is going to be a depressing or sad episode. It's not going to be that way. I just want to talk real, raw and honest with you guys about this side of the journey that I don't feel a lot of people showcase.

Like I talked about in one of the recent episodes, we live in a highlight reel culture, and everyone sees the success and the accomplishments that people have with their transformations. Or they see, three years later, the aftermath of what their body looks like. But nobody really talks about the people that you lose along the way, or even your old identity and the old habits that you carried with you. There's a period in between there where you experience grief. It's empowering as anything to become stronger, to become leaner, to become healthier. But there's a very real emotional shift that happens when you let go of that old version of you.

So what I hope to do in this episode, you guys, is bring more self-awareness. If you are in this season, or however you want to call it, if you're going through this period of time where you're shedding the layers of your old self and you're building up that new you, there's a point where it feels heavy, or it feels like you're grieving, or you feel some type of guilt, or whatever may be coming up for you. And maybe you aren't realizing it. Maybe this episode will bring a little bit more self-awareness of, oh, wait, yeah, I'm experiencing that. I'm going through this right now.

I just want you all to feel heard, seen, validated in this episode, to know that it's okay that you're going through that, and that there's going to be an amazing change on the other side as you continue. Think about a butterfly. They go through the cocoon phase and then they emerge into a butterfly. But anyway, I think I'm about to get off topic. If you're in this, it can feel heavy, right? It's real. Even though you wanted the change.

So let's get into this episode. First, like I said earlier, when we talk about body transformation, the focus is usually on the before and the after, the weight loss, the muscle, the confidence. That's usually where the focus lies, and all of that is incredible. All of that is amazing and beautiful and it matters. But what no one prepares you for is the emotional weight of letting go of who you used to be.

I remember being in coaching calls. I've heard our coaches say this, and babes come to these one-on-one calls that we hold with them. And this doesn't get showcased. We're not sitting here with our phone recording the emotional baggage that comes with the journey of changing your body composition, changing your habits, changing your old ways, right? You might feel pride on one side, getting this confidence and gaining this muscle and experiencing the fat loss. And you may experience sadness at the same time. You're going to have excitement around seeing the results, and you may notice that you have a weird sense of loss.

That's because you're stepping into this new version of you. You're stepping into this new version that's stronger, that's more confident, but you're also leaving behind people and old patterns and maybe this sensitive identity that you clung onto for so many years. And that grief, that's not something to fix. It's more so something to recognize and honor and bring gratitude for. Okay?

Because let's be real. Transformation doesn't just change your body. It changes your routines. It changes your habits. It changes your behaviors. It changes your priorities. It changes your values. If there's anything that I noticed was the heaviest in my entire transformation and my entire journey that I've been on for the last 10-plus years, it's my values and my priorities. All of those things I said, but more so the priorities and the values have changed so much along with changing my body.

And that old version of you, the one that maybe emotionally ate at the end of the day, or felt numbed with food, or was afraid to socially eat because of some triggers that you were experiencing, or skipped workouts because you had excuse after excuse after excuse, and you were putting different priorities before yourself or before your health. Or maybe you stayed small. Maybe you stayed quiet. Maybe you stayed overwhelmed, right? Maybe when you were out at social gatherings, people made you feel small because they didn't understand your goals, and you kind of succumbed to the pressure of, oh, whatever, F it, I'm just going to eat this meal or I'm going to have this drink, and I'm just going to get back to my game on Monday. I want you guys to know that old version of you, she was part of you for a very, very long time. Even if you're ready to let her go, it's okay to miss that aspect of you.

When I look back at my journey, I lost a lot of friends along the way. I lost friends that were supportive until they weren't supportive. And it became more glaringly obvious, and I became more like, dang. There's grief in losing the people that don't understand the journey, don't support you, or question you so many times. Why are you eating like this? I'm concerned about you. Why are you working out so much? And there's a point where you recognize that that negativity is only going to continue to burst the bubble around you.

And I've said so many times, in my earlier years of getting into fitness, I had to keep a positive bubble around me and almost keep all these positive thoughts about what I wanted to do and what I wanted to accomplish only to me. I couldn't let anybody pop that bubble. But there were so many people close to me, even some family members, that kind of had to be distanced so I felt grounded in the change myself.

And what I'm saying here is, even if you're ready to let go of that person, it's okay to miss those aspects of you. To feel emotional about releasing the parts of you that were comfortable, even if they weren't healthy. It's okay to miss those things.

I remember feeling that myself, looking in the mirror, not totally recognizing the person staring back at me. That was one of the most painful aspects of it at the beginning of my journey, where I was looking in the mirror and I'm like, who is this person? And not just physically, but also emotionally. Who am I now that I don't hide behind these excuses? Who am I now that I'm no longer the chronic dieter, or the girl who always starts and stops?

There was a point where I was looking in the mirror at the beginning of my journey and I didn't recognize that person, because there was a part of me that knew... it's almost hard to explain. My soul knew what I wanted to accomplish, and I wasn't seeing that in the mirror. And then once I started to make these changes and adopt these habits and change my behaviors and put priorities a little bit differently for myself in my day to day, I remember looking in the mirror and being like, oh, I don't recognize that person now. It's completely different from the person I was looking at maybe months ago or a year ago, right?

I'm not that person that's hiding behind "I can't go work out" or "I worked a seven-to-seven shift." If you've been here for a long time, you remember me being in nursing school, and I worked seven to seven or seven to three, or sometimes I did doubles. I was working in the ER at that time while I was going to nursing school. I remember looking in the mirror and being like, you're not making excuses anymore. Or, dang, you're starting to see all the changes that you've always wanted to see, but you're not eating the way you used to. You're eating twice the amount and having multiple cheat meals a week.

Because at the beginning of my journey, it was always start, stop, start, stop, start, stop. And it was also just massive confusion on what am I supposed to do. That's the reason why I started and stopped. And I remember looking at it and I'm like, dang, I'm not training as hard as I used to. I used to run all the time and I'm not doing that anymore. And I'm looking in the mirror, I'm like, this is so much different. And that shift, you guys, maybe you're experiencing that too. It's so powerful, but it's also so scary. This is the thing: you are shedding your skin, and that's supposed to feel uncomfortable.

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And then another layer that nobody warns you about, and you will inevitably experience it within the first three to six months, if not sooner, is when your relationships change because you are changing. Nobody warns you about that. I've done so many speeches and talks to our community on blocking the haters, or stopping accepting the opinions of other people. At this stage, you're evolving. You're prioritizing your health. You're saying no to the things that you used to say yes to. And some people won't know how to handle that. And as I just shared with you personally, you might feel distant from old friends who bonded over your old habits.

I remember sharing with you guys in episode one of this whole podcast that the first week when I decided to make the shift, I was going to start changing how I was eating, I had to start working out, all the things, going in with my coach. I remember going out with a group of friends and I ended up being the DD. But this one friend was constantly nagging me for the next three months. I'm concerned about you. You're working out so much. You're not eating enough.

And you may have old friends, or friends now that you think are in your corner, saying this stuff. But you have your truth, and the person next to you is living from their own place. You start noticing jealousy and judgment and insecurities, or just straight-up disconnection, because this person is living from their own lens and they don't understand what you're doing, because really only you truly understand that. And you might feel tension with family who don't understand the new boundaries that you're setting for yourself. And this shit can hurt. This can hurt.

There's grief in realizing that not everyone will come with you on this journey. But you know what's worse? You shrinking yourself to stay relatable to these people. You're allowed to outgrow people, my friends. You're allowed to change the rules. You're allowed to protect your peace and your progress. And just remember that your evolution is going to challenge other people around you, but that's not your responsibility to carry.

I've heard of significant others not supporting women along the way, and that's a harder thing to learn to navigate. But if at the end of the day you are showing up for yourself and you're doing the things that are making you proud, it's not your responsibility to make everybody else around you happy. That may be hard to hear, but it's the truth. And I'm entering this chat through this podcast with you guys as a friend. If I was your friend sitting next to you, I'd be saying this to you if you were experiencing those things too.

So the friends, you're going to outgrow them. And that's okay, because guess what? You're going to meet people along the way on the journey that you're on, whether it's at the gym, or you run into people at the grocery store, or you meet people that are just like-minded. You may not meet them at first. You may not meet them in the first few months. But the more that you consistently keep showing up for yourself, you're going to start attracting those people into your life. I can say that 110 percent. Some of the best friends that I have to this day I met from being on my fitness journey.

So what do you guys do with all of this, right? How do you keep moving forward when pride and grief are sitting side by side? You have so much excitement about the results you're seeing. You're feeling so much better in your skin. You're feeling confident. But you're also experiencing this tension, or this misunderstanding, or this disconnection, or this jealousy, this judgment, these insecurities from people that are close to you, that are around you.

This is what I've learned, and what I remind our WarriorBabes and our coaches all the time. You can be proud of who you're becoming and still feel sad about who you're letting go of. You can still love every ounce of your progress and still feel a little lost in the process. That is okay. You can outgrow that old version of you, and at the same time, you can grieve her with compassion. You can grieve her with love. You can grieve her with empathy. You can grieve her with whatever is going to make this okay. But you're also able to honor it and accept it and surrender to it, so that it doesn't weigh on you as heavily as I know it can, because I've seen it really tear people apart.

So with these episodes of the podcast, I like to give you guys some tactical takeaways that you can implement into your day to day. This is something that I actually recently did. You guys have heard Candice on my podcast. She's my energy coach. We've been working together for a while. She's also an energy healer, therapist, all the things you want to think of, whatever name resonates the most, but I call her an energy coach. We've gone into the depths of traumas. We've had some really hard conversations, but then there are the tools and resources she gives: breathwork, tapping, a lot of cool strategies.

This is something that we did together, linked to one of my old traumas as a kid. But it can also resonate in this way, because essentially I had to do something with my old self and I had to do something with my new self, right? You guys can do the same practice as you're entering into this fitness journey, or you're a couple of months in, or maybe even a year in and you're still feeling these things.

I want you to write a goodbye letter to your old self. In that letter, I want you to thank her, to honor her, to acknowledge her and what she did to survive up until this point, and to let her go with love. And then, on the flip side, I want you to celebrate what's new without needing to forget what was old, right? You're not erasing her. You're simply choosing to evolve.

And I want you to write a letter to your future self, the one that you're evolving into in maybe a year or two: what her habits look like, what her priorities look like, what her behaviors look like, how she's showing up, the people that are around her. So one is write a goodbye letter. Two is celebrate what's new, and that can be in the same letter, transitioning into: you're not erasing her, you're simply choosing to continue to evolve. And then write one to your future self about what your behaviors are and who you are a year or two from now. Then I want you to burn that goodbye letter to your old self. Burn it. Let it go. Let it go with love.

And then the last thing that I want you guys to do is surround yourself with people who get it. And again, like I said, that may not happen at first. But as you keep showing up, or you keep seeking out communities, this is why that matters so much. Communities matter. So many of you love to go to fitness classes because of the community, and a lot of women love being a part of WarriorBabe. I actually hear this all the time: more than just the fact that they get a fitness program made for them, the community aspect matters so much, because they know they're not alone in the journey and they have others who are getting after it and are like-minded along their journey.

You need people who are growing so that you feel seen and you don't feel small. Because part of feeling small on your journey is because the people around you aren't growing. They're not challenging themselves. So when they see you growing, it's going to scare them too. And you're feeling scared because you want to continue to grow, but you don't want to lose those people. So you need to get around people who are growing so that you don't feel small, so that you feel seen by them, you feel challenged by them, and you feel like you can win with them.

If you felt heavy during your transformation, if you had moments of sadness, moments of confusion, moments of loneliness as you continue to evolve and change and grow, please know this. You are not broken. You are not weird. You are not alone. You are just becoming. And every phase of becoming involves shedding old layers or old skin, letting go, grieving and growing.

So give yourself permission to feel this. Because if you're anything like me, what I've learned is I love to suppress my emotions. And if you're anything like me and you've been on this journey, maybe you're somebody who isn't giving yourself permission to feel these things: to feel the sadness, to feel the weight, to feel the grief, to feel the shame, to feel the guilt. Honor it. Let it in. Feel it. Be with it. Acknowledge it. Because it just wants to be seen. Hold space for it all. Hold space for yourself to cry if you need to, to celebrate, to release.

I'm learning this more for myself too. I'm thinking about all of the aspects of my fitness journey where I may have suppressed emotions, so I can bring that to you guys right now to help you not do that and to help you acknowledge it. Because to cry, to celebrate, to release, man, it feels so good. Release is really the word. Once you see these patterns or acknowledge these things that are going on, if they are in your space... maybe they're not, and that's awesome. Maybe next week they will be, and then you can come back to this and be like, ah, I remember a way to get through this. The releasing aspect, I can't explain to you guys how good that feels and how much of a weight off your shoulders and your mind you're going to notice. And then you're going to keep rising. You're going to keep growing. You're going to feel so much more grounded in yourself.

Because this is the thing. Transformation isn't just about changing your body. It is so much more. Transformation is such a loaded word. It is truly about reclaiming your power. And that's why at WarriorBabe our mission is to help 100,000 women reclaim their personal power and feel confident in their skin. This is one aspect of it. And sometimes that means honoring this grief, and alongside it, you continue to grow and you continue to, as that new term out there says, glow up. Do the glow up for yourself.

All right, you guys, if this episode hit home, and I hope it did, it's definitely a different layer of conversation than I've had with you guys. Share it with someone who's in the middle of their own shift too. Maybe you're in the middle of the shift and you know a really good friend who is too, and you want to share it with her. Let them know that they're not crazy for feeling both extremely happy and tender at the same exact time.

And if you're walking through this right now and I'm talking to you, I see you. I hear you. Keep going. You are becoming the person that you are. You're becoming her. And she's worth it every single step of the way. All right, you guys, I love you all. Until next time, keep evolving, and I'll see you in the next episode.

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